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why do women do this?
- Thread starter Learntolift
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I was just talking to a girl friend of mine and this was her advice, I don't know how I feel about it...
My friend's comment: I would say, "hey sorry if I have been bugging you, I'll let you do your own thing I know you are a busy person. If you ever want to talk just shoot me a text." If you never get one back then, she's done. If she can't make time just to say hey then its not worth it. But, at least let her know that the ball is now in her court and that you tried. Now it's her turn.
My friend's comment: I would say, "hey sorry if I have been bugging you, I'll let you do your own thing I know you are a busy person. If you ever want to talk just shoot me a text." If you never get one back then, she's done. If she can't make time just to say hey then its not worth it. But, at least let her know that the ball is now in her court and that you tried. Now it's her turn.
dude never get advice from a girl...trust me..and this is bad advice. "hey sorry if I have been bugging you"
that screems "I'm not confident"
yeah you are right. ok but another friend suggested this: if she replies to my text from earlier...which she STILL hasn't...4 1/2 hours....then dont reply. and THEN, if she starts a new convo up later/tomorrow/whenever, then say something how it bothers me how shes been acting. if she does care about me it won't look needy or whatever, because she will care that it is effecting me. What do you think?
Well if you want to play games since it seems like that is what is going on here. I suggest to stop texting her. Let her text you first.
Also, do you have her on facebook?
Write on one of your freinds wall that is a girl, make it sound flirty . Make sure it is a girl who will put something really flirty on your wall. Or if you have any really close friends that are chicks have them post something that will make her jealous. Make sure it;s not a girl that she is freinds with on FB.
Even if she hardly likes you she will start to wonder why you aren't texting her and replying back. Then she will see on facebook that you are chatting it up with another chick. Then subconsciously she will wonder "what is wrong with me", "what does this girl have that I don't".
It will drive her completely nuts. Then she is yours for the taking!
Also, do you have her on facebook?
Write on one of your freinds wall that is a girl, make it sound flirty . Make sure it is a girl who will put something really flirty on your wall. Or if you have any really close friends that are chicks have them post something that will make her jealous. Make sure it;s not a girl that she is freinds with on FB.
Even if she hardly likes you she will start to wonder why you aren't texting her and replying back. Then she will see on facebook that you are chatting it up with another chick. Then subconsciously she will wonder "what is wrong with me", "what does this girl have that I don't".
It will drive her completely nuts. Then she is yours for the taking!
yeah i have her on facebook
yeah i actually already did that with 2 friends a couple days ago. i think it did work because she did like text me 3 times in a couple minutes either later that day or the next day.
and i am gonna stop texting her until she texts me. but when she does, should i bring up how it bothers me?
yeah i actually already did that with 2 friends a couple days ago. i think it did work because she did like text me 3 times in a couple minutes either later that day or the next day.
and i am gonna stop texting her until she texts me. but when she does, should i bring up how it bothers me?
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Don't go down the game playing route... like suggested...Games and jealousy are not a healthy ways to build a relationship.
I would say don't worry about the what to do until it has to be done.. you are working yourself up on the what ifs.
I would say don't worry about the what to do until it has to be done.. you are working yourself up on the what ifs.
No way dude don't bring that up...How long have yall been together anyways? Are yall actually bf/gf or just dating/talking?
yeah you're right. i guess i am just trying to prepare for any situation so i know what to do when it comes. lol it's been 6 hours and nothing, gee she must REALLY like me
no we are just talking, were talking about making it official over christmas break when i am back there in Arizona
i am just so saddened by this. i can try to rationalize it any way i want but simple fact. you like someone, you aren't gonna wait over 6 hours to reply (probably not gonna even reply to me after this long). which means she has been lying to me, after she preached how honest she is
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wow she just texted me: "goodnight" so i called her back bc i am sick of it. I played it cool but long story short, she SAYS she never got the text i sent her back, and that she thought i was ignoring her or i was busy, so she just sent this goodnight text to say goodnight. idk it sounds believable but could also be a lie at the same time....
although i will say this: IF she has been lying to me, and just lied about that, then that would take one FUCKED up person to sit and lie to my face like that multiple times, especially knowing my past with the last girl. and i cannot believe she is like that. she is very caring and selfless, a good person. and i have witnessed that first hand. she spent over 100 dollars on me in 2 nights because i was the one who drove so she paid for everything else, you dont do that if ur just using a guy.
also i know she seems sketchy to you all because i only come here telling mainly the negatives and concerns i have. but we get along so damn well and everything just clicks. the only negatives are the things i come here with. I dunno...I can't handle being lied to again
although i will say this: IF she has been lying to me, and just lied about that, then that would take one FUCKED up person to sit and lie to my face like that multiple times, especially knowing my past with the last girl. and i cannot believe she is like that. she is very caring and selfless, a good person. and i have witnessed that first hand. she spent over 100 dollars on me in 2 nights because i was the one who drove so she paid for everything else, you dont do that if ur just using a guy.
also i know she seems sketchy to you all because i only come here telling mainly the negatives and concerns i have. but we get along so damn well and everything just clicks. the only negatives are the things i come here with. I dunno...I can't handle being lied to again
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ok so i caved in...we didn't talk all day and so I texted her and just asked. I said she has been distant and asked if something is up and 5 minute response: "no nothing, sorry I've been sleeping all day, I'm just stressed out about what I want to do, whether to stay here or move to oregon. Nothing about you Matt, promise <3" What do you think about that...
I think you asking all those questions about getting/not getting the texts and such have already exposed your insecurity. Relationships require trust, and somebody has to trust first. Why not let it be you?
If I were you, I'd believe what she says and take things easy (ie- don't stress about it). She might be bugging out as a reaction to how you're acting.
If I were you, I'd believe what she says and take things easy (ie- don't stress about it). She might be bugging out as a reaction to how you're acting.
well i am totally being insecure on here, but when i speak to her, i am totally cool and non intrusive and laid back. not needy/attached at all. EXCEPT when I just asked her earlier whats up, and now she has been texting back and forth with me like normal since then, saying how shes looking forward to seeing me at xmas time, etc...
Not everyone has life that revolves around text. I only check mine every few hours. I hate text. Some days I may not ever check it. 38 Special had a great song called hang on loosely. It's a very wise song
nono, except for that one little slip up because i couldnt stand it anymore, i am acting more distant and have taken a step back. acting like myself when i DO talk to her, but taking my time replying and not seeming over eager
LearntoLift, don't take this as a personal attack or anything.... Im a dude your age too and Im trying to look out. YOUR OBSESSING over this, just by skimming through this thread it's pretty evident. Im sure this girl is great but everything you said is pointing to you not being able to handle yourself, this has very little to do with her. I can't shed much light on her, but you have displayed your character and manufactured concerns time after time. Your not even serious with her now, if this is how your behaving how neurotic are you going to get if you do happen to get something substantial going with this chick? Take it easy my friend, your setting yourself up for a heartbreak. I can't tell you if this girl is keeping it real or she's a puppet master. But if she does have any manipulative tendencies or control issues, you've made yourself very vulnerable by behaving the way you do. Your 20, long distance relationships rarely ever work at our age... This woman (physically a lady, mentally she was in 8th grade, probably in 9th by now) I was with went on an extended trip to europe and proclaimed her love for me time and time again. Then used all kinds of tactics to make me green with envy (ie: facebook pics with all kinds of guys, trying to tell me what a wild night she had, etc.) What I found is that the whole cyber relationship thing = unnecessary stress. Put the stop watch down, stop timing how long she takes to respond, playing games on the internet...etc. People here know what's good... listen to your female friends, but don't practice what they preach... there operating on the same whacky chemistry as the one your dealing with, especially young chicks. I've found older women are much more likely to be straight shooters. If you have a connection with this girl in AZ, time will allow that to become stronger. Quality > Quantity, don't be fixed on speaking to her everyday about petit stuff like work, movies, etc. You'll find that if you call her maybe every 2 weeks you have a lot more to catch up on and can actually engage in a good conversation, gain insight oppose to BS Banter. Your connection will be more genuine to the both of you and she'll probably value having you as a friend oppose to the tactics you've been using. AKA, if your calling the same play and your QB keeps getting sacked, it's time to look in the playbook and switch it up my man.
yeah you're definitely right and in the past day i have learned a lot. been watching david deangelo's sh*t if you have heard of him. maybe i do just need to give up on trying to make it all happen so fast; it's because i am so damn impatient. i think once christmas break comes and i see her again, a lot will be cleared up and i will have a better direction of where to go in regards to her.
i guess my only concern with not communicating with her for so long is that she will forget about me think i am over her and move on to other guys
i guess my only concern with not communicating with her for so long is that she will forget about me think i am over her and move on to other guys
