why do women do this?

[TheSnitch]

something i am still trying to master when it comes to people.

You're a priority to me lil'lady.

As for the long responses when texting and what not, it's all the game. Just play the game back - remember love/interest/want, is not made when you're with someone, it's formed in the absence of the person. Even if you have just a smidgen of interest in someone, it can be exponentially intensified if the opportunity with that person seems to be shrinking - either because interest is waning from them or else someone else seems interested in them.

It's basic psychology, so just remember while you can do these things to someone they can do them back to you. I'm not promoting the "game" but there is a certain amount of psychological tricks that most people do need to play especially when getting attractive people interested in them - people who generally have a lot of options.

Best thing to do and what I'm currently working on myself, is cultivating many relationship options. That way if one goes away it's not so dramatic or disappointing.

 

[Learntolift]

Lol I mean I know she got my text I sent 40 minutes ago because I just saw she was online on facebook chat. And still no response I don't get it.

But anyway, so when she DOES reply back, should I just not reply to her? Or what exactly do you mean by take a step back for a while?

 

[TTBB]

I mean don't jump all over the text when she replies.
how ever long it takes her to reply double it ..so if she takes two hours to respond wait 4 hours to respond.. if she takes a day, take two... the change in your behavior might open her eyes.
You are losing grip(control over the chase)..Chase is fun but needy is not.

 

[TTBB]

you're a priority to me lil'lady.

charmer

 

[Learntolift]

I don't jump all over her texts as it is, I usually wait at least like 20 minutes, sometimes an hour.

and ok I will do that though. and when I do talk to her, what kind of mood/attitude should I have towards her?

edit: for example, if she texts me at some point and is like so when are we skyping? (since she just brought up that we should skype last night) what should i say, in theory?

 

[Learntolift]

Snitch, I cannot turn my mind off, at all. Like it just doesn't stop working. I mean I am watching football right now but she is in the back of my head, mainly because I am so confused/annoyed by how she is acting. What can I do in general to stop thinking about girls, for the future? Honestly I think one reason I like her so much is cause not only do I love her personality, but she is physically perfect. And I hate to sound shallow, but she is just gorgeous...absolutely beautiful, and maybe I feel like she's the best I can do, even though I am a pretty damn handsome guy myself .

 

[aussie78]

I agree with TINKERBELL, let her do the chasing for a while. if she makes contact, reply if you want, but don't bother sending her texts or calling her.

years ago I dated a girl who was similar, she would never make an effort to call or go out of her way to see me. I stopped calling her and didn't hear from her for over a month, I assumed it was done and moved on, then after about 2 months I saw her again, I was with someone else and she made a huge scene that she was busy and we didn't officially break up?? I did feel for her, she was really upset and apparently she did have feelings for me, I needed more effort from her and she didn't give it.

maybe you should find someone who treats you better.

 

[TTBB]

Talk to her like you normally do ( tone), its not about punishing her
if she wants to skype take her up on it.. just don't let her dangle that carrot in front of your face too long with out follow through.

You teach people how to treat you.. the standard of acceptable behavior...at the moment she is falling short of how you desire or wish to be treated..

 

[Learntolift]

so basically I need to stop pursuing. like when she said 'I don't have the privilege of calling you mine" I shouldn't have asked if she wants the privilege, I should've said something like...well maybe one day you'll earn it (that's my humor), or something like that?

While we are on the subject, I should ask now. Say this works and eventually she is like why have you been so distant? Or something along those lines, what should I do because I don't wanna tell the truth obviously, that I am cooling off and letting her chase...

Oh btw I think I did mention it but I live in CA, she lives in AZ (I have a vacation house there) and I will be back for Christmas, and she is actually moving to Oregon in a couple months, back with her parents. But when I was there we talked about a long distance relationship and are (so I thought) both down/interested in it.

 

[TheSnitch]

Snitch, I cannot turn my mind off, at all. Like it just doesn't stop working. I mean I am watching football right now but she is in the back of my head, mainly because I am so confused/annoyed by how she is acting. What can I do in general to stop thinking about girls, for the future? Honestly I think one reason I like her so much is cause not only do I love her personality, but she is physically perfect. And I hate to sound shallow, but she is just gorgeous...absolutely beautiful, and maybe I feel like she's the best I can do, even though I am a pretty damn handsome guy myself .

Trust me when I say, I understand what you mean.

These are threads of mine discussing what you're talking about, but by me - and they aren't old man.

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/30818-battle-between-head-heart.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/35373-its-worse-than-i-thought.html

When you were a child and someone took a toy away from you, I'm sure you either cried, got angry, pouted ect ect ect - the things that children do. But, you grew out of it, you were able to rationalize your actions and disappointments. Now that you're older, the lessons are the same just the contexts different.

It will go away, and it will take effort to do it and even more so, it will take the right KIND of effort to not become jaded while maturing. You are the most important person in the world; act like it without being an arrogant ass and you'll find people begin to respect you and stop playing games.

I'm telling you things that I'm thinking and learning from and sometimes I fail at doing the things I know I should - we all do.

Good luck man.

 

[Learntolift]

Trust me when I say, I understand what you mean.

These are threads of mine discussing what you're talking about, but by me - and they aren't old man.

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/30818-battle-between-head-heart.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/35373-its-worse-than-i-thought.html

When you were a child and someone took a toy away from you, I'm sure you either cried, got angry, pouted ect ect ect - the things that children do. But, you grew out of it, you were able to rationalize your actions and disappointments. Now that you're older, the lessons are the same just the contexts different.

It will go away, and it will take effort to do it and even more so, it will take the right KIND of effort to not become jaded while maturing. You are the most important person in the world; act like it without being an arrogant ass and you'll find people begin to respect you and stop playing games.

I'm telling you things that I'm thinking and learning from and sometimes I fail at doing the things I know I should - we all do.

Good luck man.

I'll read those threads right now. I feel like we think alike so I am interested in any advice/guidance you may have.

I really want her to text me back already, not cause I miss her now, but because I am excited to start turning the tables and running this my way, playing by my rules.

 

[TTBB]

I am not saying to deny or not admit to her how you feel.
your response to the privilege question was fine.. its her response or answer that was more interesting and telling.

 

[TheSnitch]

I feel like we think alike so I am interested in any advice/guidance you may have.

I'm sure we do; if that's the case then listen to Tink and if Somebodyelse posts - him too. They give great advice and more frequently than not are folks who I listen to.

 

[Learntolift]

I am not saying to deny or not admit to her how you feel.
your response to the privilege question was fine.. its her response or answer that was more interesting and telling.

So it wouldn't be too clingy/needy to say well I was getting mixed signals from you so I decided to just step back and take it easy

what did it tell? She said time will tell if she STILL wants the privilege' so that implies she does want it right now but is unsure what she wants in the long run?

I value your insight

 

[Learntolift]

I'm sure we do; if that's the case then listen to Tink and if Somebodyelse posts - him too. They give great advice and more frequently than not are folks who I listen to.

Yeah she, and maybe him as well, gave me great advice about 5months ago with this other girl. Advice I should have listened to and ended up getting burned because I was blinded. Actually now that I think about it everyone was telling me the same thing and I didn't listen and they all ended up being exactly correct.

I will NOT make the same mistake twice.

 

[TTBB]

It tells that you need to proceed with caution.

And i personally don't think "I was getting mixed signals from you so I decided to just step back and take it easy" I am a fairly straight up person, it is probably what my response would be... its direct, honest and shows you are in control of yourself...that you aren't really open to bullshit.

 

[Learntolift]

I suppose just asking her straight up what she wants would not be a good idea?


and I like the idea of taking twice as long to reply back to her. Definitely going to do that. If she ever replies...going on an hour and a half now

 

[TTBB]

My gut says no..not a good idea.
A)she doesn't know what she wants
B) she just wants a bit of fun and attention..nothing serious.
Getting all serious on her ass or pressuring her to be on the same page is pushy and needy (since its such a early stage of the relationship)

The distance at your age is such a huge stumbling block.. young people have trouble committing to close proximity relationships, let alone distance ones.

 

[Texas1989]

An hour is a long time. Don't you see girls look and do something with their phone 24/7?

She's probably playing games.

You can either find a girl who doesn't play games (yes there are some)

Or act like you don't give a sh*t when she texts you. Take twice as long to text her back.
But if she is really smart she will know you are waiting to text her because she takes an hour to text you (that is if she is playing games)

Or next time she texts you, don't text back until she texts you again.

 

[Learntolift]

My gut says no..not a good idea.
A)she doesn't know what she wants
B) she just wants a bit of fun and attention..nothing serious.
Getting all serious on her ass or pressuring her to be on the same page is pushy and needy (since its such a early stage of the relationship)

The distance at your age is such a huge stumbling block.. young people have trouble committing to close proximity relationships, let alone distance ones.

Yeah you are right. My mind just wants an answer so badly it's almost willing to throw it all away just to get that peace of mind.

It was interesting, when we were talking about it she said that a long distance relationship would be better for her (she is moving back home because she is trying to get her life together/save up money because right now she is just working and barely makes enough to live and wants to go back to school)