Sexual past?

[Batwoman]

OK, I'm going to step in here and say that I don't think much of this thread or how anyone has behaved on it. We've somehow gotten into a mode of everyone picking on everyone else and making up stories about women, men, and marriages -- tons of generalizations. And a lot of personal jibes. None of this is good, on any side.

Members and moderators alike can lose their tempers and post unproductive and disruptive posts. Let's chalk all this up to a learning experience, and move on. If anyone wants to make more helpful comments to the OP -- focused on his particular problem -- feel free. Otherwise I am going to close this thread.

 

[CUSP82]

I would expect a moderator to be human, have a point of view, and be able to express it don't you?

 

[hsarge]

0ur sermon for today is ' Judge not lest Ye be judged'. The side bar is 'Why do we always wish to feel superior and condescending.'

 

[mistydawn]

WOW! This thread really has gone around. Some woman bashing with links, statistics, personal experiences...all over!

I am here for the OP. I understand your being upset. Were you on her case to give you answers? Under what circumstances did this information come out under?

You have been married 10 years and if she has been a good wife and has remained faithful sexually, this is just the past. The numbers you have for BJ's was high. I have never given that many in my life! Maybe she is like my girlfriend where she sees giving BJ's as better than having intercourse. I consider BJ's more intimate of an act, where my friend sees it not to be. So, she feels she is higher morally giving BJ's.

I am big on ignorance is bliss. I don't know if telling you was the healthy thing to do. But since it is now all out there, I'm sure you feel like you don't know her as well as you thought. You need to remember to give the 10 years you have together married as being the real meat of the relationship.

 

[spanky]

Yea she knew you'd judge her based on her past experience... that's why she hid it from you. She liked you enough to want to be with you and she knew you'd throw her away if she told you how many frogs she had to kiss to find her prince, you.

High five.

I still don't understand this obsession with a girl's past personally... but if you want to torture yourself worrying about things you can't change, then I guess that's up to you.

 

[hsarge]

And after all those supposed partners, she is with you, and for ten happy years. Your problem is you. You either feel you must be inferior to her partners and then can't match up, or you feel morally superior to her. Don't give us the crap that she lied. Not many of us relate our entire past, nor shoould we have to. Demanding that from a partner is childish and invasive.

 

[Closed039]

High five.

I still don't understand this obsession with a girl's past personally... but if you want to torture yourself worrying about things you can't change, then I guess that's up to you.

I think the OP just feels a bit betrayed...which is natural, right? But yeah he's gotta get over it and realize that there are far worse things...it could have been 100 BJs while they were married and not before.

 

[CUSP82]

Best post on here sarge;rep for you!

 

[Clownfish]

And after all those supposed partners, she is with you, and for ten happy years. Your problem is you. You either feel you must be inferior to her partners and then can't match up, or you feel morally superior to her. Don't give us the crap that she lied. Not many of us relate our entire past, nor shoould we have to. Demanding that from a partner is childish and invasive.

I found a list hidden in an old year book while cleaning up..... Dont judge me.... I just asked a question... AND I WOULD HAVE NEVER MARRIED HER IF SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN FORTH COMING ABOUT HER SEXUAL ESCAPADES WHEN WE SHARED THAT DETAIL ABOUT EACH OTHER EARLY ON IN THE REALTIONSHIP>>>> She knew that, if she had to hide that.... well she should have found someone who was understanding and didnt care if she was a penis cozy to more men than I can fathom a self respecting woman to relate to..

Shut it down..... this is bunk...

 

[CUSP82]

Number 1; you started it
Number 2; leave her! ( if i was her I would have left you by now) Then go and see if you can find a woman that meets up to your standards. You ruin a 10 year happy marrage ( as you called it) then you'll get what you deserve. Make sure your next prospective wife fill out the questionare form correctly and be sure to get a polygraph test for her as well. I said it before, shame on you!

 

[DemOne]

So, while you're going on and on about your wife and how she lied to you, how do you think she would feel and how it looks that you're out here on a public forum airing your dirty laundry about your wife and bitching and moaning about how you'd have never married her?

You best go tell her about this and let her read it all, or you're no different for keeping a secret from her.

 

[CUSP82]

Great point Dem! He came here for all of us to pat him on the back and say he was right. What he found out was that the majority of the people who responded didn't think he was. Now he's mad because we all didn't agree with him. Let see him bring his wife here; great idea but he won't.

 

[closeed258]

So, while you're going on and on about your wife and how she lied to you, how do you think she would feel and how it looks that you're out here on a public forum airing your dirty laundry about your wife and bitching and moaning about how you'd have never married her?

You best go tell her about this and let her read it all, or you're no different for keeping a secret from her.

I completely disagree, asking for advice anonymously from strangers on the internet is very different.

 

[closeed258]

Ooops!! My bad I cnfused this thread with the "should i end it? am i living a lie? :'(" thread

 

[TheSnitch]

I'm not the best at relationships; as some may have read about already lol.

But, I am aware of a couple of things that go through my own mind when a situation arises.

1. How I want to react
2. How I hope I react
3. How I end up reacting.

In a best case scenario, these three things are the same. But, more times than not they aren't and I find if I can reconcile 1 and 2 even a little bit, than 3 is normally a better outcome - even if it isn't how I hoped I would react.

So, I guess what I'm saying is to watch Chasing Amy.

 

[hsarge]

You proved my point. If you had known, you would have never married he. How sanctimonious. You are sooooo pure that you couldn't soiled by such a slut. what a superior individual you must be. In those 10 years she must have revealed some her slutty inferior soul; she couldn't hide it that long. Or maybe, you egotistical prick, she went through a phase while trying to find the person she is. And now she is the person she has become. Frankly, you don't warrant her. She and the children should leave you before they are told how inferior they are to you. You will only wind up belittling all of them so you can prove to yourself how superior you are. Christ should have picked up rocks and killed the harlot, rather than saying 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. the greatest 'sin' is moralistic hypocrisy. Enough. Shaw was so right 'youth is waste on the young'.

 

[sweetie52]

What is a lie? It is an untrue statement made on purpose. The purpose of the questions were that of needed opinion. The lie bothered the poster and he wanted some thought on the situation. Wow-I'm glad that the truth is still so important to people. I think that the regret is that if someone lies to another person, the other person has just had their choice taken away from them. Keeping something that is important to another person-especially a spouse- is a concern and certainly leads to mistrust in the relationship. Now the truth is out. Choice (a symbol of freedom) is now up to the poster. Again, Good Luck. Life can be very difficult sometimes.

 

[sweetie52]

OH------and never,never, never-post your dirty laundry on the internet where people that you KNOW can read. It's just not good manners.

 

[Samurai]

You proved my point. If you had known, you would have never married he. How sanctimonious. You are sooooo pure that you couldn't soiled by such a slut. what a superior individual you must be. In those 10 years she must have revealed some her slutty inferior soul; she couldn't hide it that long. Or maybe, you egotistical prick, she went through a phase while trying to find the person she is. And now she is the person she has become. Frankly, you don't warrant her. She and the children should leave you before they are told how inferior they are to you. You will only wind up belittling all of them so you can prove to yourself how superior you are. Christ should have picked up rocks and killed the harlot, rather than saying 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. the greatest 'sin' is moralistic hypocrisy. Enough. Shaw was so right 'youth is waste on the young'.

hsarge, this post is too much. I think you should edit it. The OP did not deserve to be called names, we don't do that here. With this post you are being judgmental and acting superior, yet call out the OP for similar behaviour.
I'm sure the OP is not taking his marriage lightly. He never said he was going to leave her. He has demons in his head which are messing with his emotions now. We try to be supportive to our members so that we can all ask for help here when needed, without being judged or ridiculed. A lot of times we have different opinions on here but posting character attacking posts will never help a person.

 

[Batwoman]

I have to agree with Samaurai. We should not be in the business here of skewering members who ask questions. It's fine to disagree with someone (clearly most of us disagree with the OP here) but let's keep this civil and productive.