Sexual past?

[somebodyelse]

Honestly... I've seen much worse. and hookers who are forced to have sex with 3-5 guys a night for 5 nights a week... think about that if they did that for 5 years being pimped out and abused, 5 nights a week, 5 guys a night... Think about that... six THOUSAND men.

I know women with more than 120 men in their stash... It's really all relative.

Nothing is EVER as bad as it can be.

I'd be more pissed off with the lying than the fact she had more men than I can count on all my fingers and toes.

It can be bullshit to you Ted because you've not seen what women are capable of... Yes, some women are angels... just like some men are angels... However human beings are going to do what it takes to preserve their best interests when it comes to their livelihood.

I can understand how it would damage someone who doesn't fully understand that a woman can have any number of men she chooses when she's younger. When you understand that fact and that a woman does not belong to you, she is your friend first, that means you have to accept everything that she's done in the past present and in the future. Sometimes you may not agree with what she's done, but if it was BEFORE you knew her, the fuck it...

Dude, I was on HER end of the stick. You claim it's not fun yadda yadda... Fuck that when you are JUDGED because you've had numerous partners, then you come and tell me how much your life sucks and how many therapists you have to see. Get over yourself. Yes, it sucks that she lied, and yes, if you don't know that women CAN be promiscuous it fucks up your world view. In the end, it's incredibly stupid to screw up a presumably Perfectly happy marriage of 10 years over some bullcrap about how many guys she's slept with.


Honestly, if a girl told me ten, before i married her, I wouldn't believe her. I would accept her answer, but I'd wait for the truth to come out later on down the road. When the truth came out, it was just something I didn't care about or didn't believe in the first place.

Actually... it's better to not even KNOW this information. Just let it be what it is. She has a PAST... EVERYBODY has a past. It's incredibly selfish to think you're the only one hurt by the information. She's probably been getting eaten inside by the truth that she's been hiding for so long... think how it made her feel to know that every time she wanted to be truthful with you, she knew you were going to flip out and get insecure. It's all one sided to you... Both parties are hurt for long periods of time... if the relationship is going well, let it continue to go well.

I don't blame you for changing your opinion of your wife. It would make you question all of her "skills" in bed. But in the end... she is STILL the person you MARRIED... regardless of her past, you married a person, not a persons past actions.

 

[super ted]

Small little word you must remember; wife! You loved her enough to marry her. So who cares what she did before. Maybe you were the one thing she needed to bring stability and love into her life and you're going to mess that up now. Shame on you!

What a really helpful post. You aren't his wife are you??

Who cares what she did before? Well, obviously he does, he may not know WHY he cares, but he knows it bothers him, and he's had the balls to come on to a public forum to seek help, so why chastise him for it?

'Shame on you!'..? Really? This guy should feel ashamed because his wife lied to him about something that was obviously significant to him?

There are reasons why his wife didn't tell him, there are reasons why he's upset, stop projecting your own sh*t, stop judging him, and you might even be able to help him and his relationship in some way.

 

[somebodyelse]

Dude...where do you get these numbers? And it is problems in their childhood that cause sex with only a few guys? What the fuck? What is this world coming to?

Dude... how many women have you had sex with???

Think about that for minute.

Now think about that girl... If she sexed you, how many other dudes did she sex before and after you?

Think about that... You are not the only man in the world and she is not the only woman in the world. Right now 350 million people are having sex.

http://galen.metapath.org/popclk.html

Look at that... you see that number rolling? Every time that number rolls (give or take 2-3%) a man, 9 months ago, orgasm'd into a woman... There's MANY more people having sex NOT flipping that clock over.

It makes no sense to HONESTLY think that women aren't promiscuous... it's like believing in the Tooth Fairy

How is it that guys can have 150+ women in their notch book and women can't? ridiculous double standard if you ask me.

 

[MrBigDick]

What a really helpful post. You aren't his wife are you??

Who cares what she did before? Well, obviously he does, he may not know WHY he cares, but he knows it bothers him, and he's had the balls to come on to a public forum to seek help, so why chastise him for it?

'Shame on you!'..? Really? This guy should feel ashamed because his wife lied to him about something that was obviously significant to him?

There are reasons why his wife didn't tell him, there are reasons why he's upset, stop projecting your own sh*t, stop judging him, and you might even be able to help him and his relationship in some way.

I don't think CUSP was projecting any of his own sh*t onto the OP.

Yes, he obviously does care but I'm sorry, isn't someone's past something you should find out about BEFORE you marry them?

Yes, I realize that people lie and she wasn't truthful with him. They've been married for 10 freakin' years and I'm quite certain over the course of that time, they've shared many awesome, wonderful memories. As CUSP said, maybe he was the one thing that took her out of a bad lifestyle and into a stable, loving environment. You don't know that that didn't happen.

CUSP isn't judging him bro, he's essentially telling him to focus on the fact that he married her and has been married to her for a decade, that's a long ass time. After 10 years, does someone's past REALLY matter anymore? That would be like my wife holding something against me that I did when I was 21 and I'm now 40. It's just nonsense to me.

 

[somebodyelse]

I don't think CUSP was projecting any of his own sh*t onto the OP.

Yes, he obviously does care but I'm sorry, isn't someone's past something you should find out about BEFORE you marry them?

Yes, I realize that people lie and she wasn't truthful with him. They've been married for 10 freakin' years and I'm quite certain over the course of that time, they've shared many awesome, wonderful memories. As CUSP said, maybe he was the one thing that took her out of a bad lifestyle and into a stable, loving environment. You don't know that that didn't happen.

CUSP isn't judging him bro, he's essentially telling him to focus on the fact that he married her and has been married to her for a decade, that's a long ass time. After 10 years, does someone's past REALLY matter anymore? That would be like my wife holding something against me that I did when I was 21 and I'm now 40. It's just nonsense to me.

Exactly, Rep

To Add:

I respect an honest woman more than anything in the world. Someone who I can ask for the truth and they give it to me. It sucks tremendously that he got lied to and I can understand why it would suck. It would piss me off seriously... However, it would not make me divorce my wife. I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense...


Now if she said she used to be a dude, that's another story all together....

 

[super ted]

Honestly... I've seen much worse. and hookers who are forced to have sex with 3-5 guys a night for 5 nights a week... think about that if they did that for 5 years being pimped out and abused, 5 nights a week, 5 guys a night... Think about that... six THOUSAND men.

- Yep.

I know women with more than 120 men in their stash... It's really all relative.

- Yep.

Nothing is EVER as bad as it can be.

- Yep.

I'd be more pissed off with the lying than the fact she had more men than I can count on all my fingers and toes.

- That's more the point.

It can be bullshit to you Ted because you've not seen what women are capable of... Yes, some women are angels... just like some men are angels... However human beings are going to do what it takes to preserve their best interests when it comes to their livelihood.

- Ah, thanks, I'm a 32 y/o male who has worked with people exploited by the sex trade etc, but anyway.. When did this conversation follow a tangent into prostitution and slavery? Not quite related to the issue at hand is it?

I can understand how it would damage someone who doesn't fully understand that a woman can have any number of men she chooses when she's younger. When you understand that fact and that a woman does not belong to you, she is your friend first, that means you have to accept everything that she's done in the past present and in the future. Sometimes you may not agree with what she's done, but if it was BEFORE you knew her, the fuck it...

- I think you are missing the point again. As he understood her, he did accept her. He did accept what he thought she'd done before their relationship. But the new information he found out changed this. I can relate to this guy because I've been in a similar situation. For me it made me worry, can I trust her? If she was that promiscuous does that mean she is more likely to cheat? Is sex really that special to her if she can just do it with anyone? Are our values the same? Are we compatible? These things might seem valid or might seem silly to you, but whatever his response is, it's real for him, he's not on here slagging his wife, he's just saying how he feels and looking for some help isn't he? For me, I worked through it and answered my concerns and also looked at myself to find out why I had these concerns. That's how you grow as a person. You don't grow by ignoring yourself.

Dude, I was on HER end of the stick. You claim it's not fun yadda yadda... Fuck that when you are JUDGED because you've had numerous partners, then you come and tell me how much your life sucks and how many therapists you have to see. Get over yourself. Yes, it sucks that she lied, and yes, if you don't know that women CAN be promiscuous it fucks up your world view. In the end, it's incredibly stupid to screw up a presumably Perfectly happy marriage of 10 years over some bullcrap about how many guys she's slept with.

- So are you saying that his feelings about this don't count and that he should ignore them because you felt judged yourself in a situation that had similarities you are relating to, and your feelings (or how you believe his wife's to be) are more valid than his? Interesting.

Honestly, if a girl told me ten, before i married her, I wouldn't believe her. I would accept her answer, but I'd wait for the truth to come out later on down the road. When the truth came out, it was just something I didn't care about or didn't believe in the first place.

- I know alot of girls who have been with less than 5 guys by the time they are mid 20's. There is nothing wrong with them, they varied greatly in personalities and had a tendancy towards long term relationships. I've also known lots of girls, also very varied, with many many many sexual partners. What is significant is what you are comfortable with. If a girl I was dating was not comfortable with the amount of girls I'd been with, the things I'd done, or the fact I cheated a few times when I was young, I'd be upset but understand that she had to look after herself first and foremost. My current partner was able to deal with my past, I'm lucky, but I would certainly not hold it against her if she was unable to (unless she was nasty about it).

Actually... it's better to not even KNOW this information. Just let it be what it is. She has a PAST... EVERYBODY has a past. It's incredibly selfish to think you're the only one hurt by the information. She's probably been getting eaten inside by the truth that she's been hiding for so long... think how it made her feel to know that every time she wanted to be truthful with you, she knew you were going to flip out and get insecure. It's all one sided to you... Both parties are hurt for long periods of time... if the relationship is going well, let it continue to go well.

- Yeah, it's better to not know anything about your partner at all, less chance of getting hurt that way. Why have a real and honest relationship when you can get a bubble suit? She quite possibly is getting eaten inside from holding that info in, but that is HERS to deal with now. Maybe they can work through it together? maybe it is eating her up for the same reason it's eating him up? Who knows? You are talking like this guy is a spiteful bastard and he doesn't come across to me that way at all.

I don't blame you for changing your opinion of your wife. It would make you question all of her "skills" in bed. But in the end... she is STILL the person you MARRIED... regardless of her past, you married a person, not a persons past actions.

- Lol question her skills in bed? I hadn't thought of that! When someone has lied to you - and this can be made much worse if it has happened previously - it erodes trust. Trust takes time to repair. Trust is built in part by understanding and feeling safe. The info this guy has discovered doesn't seem to make him feel safe, and has quite possibly changed his concept of his wife. So in that way she is NOT entirely the same person he married - she is - but the way he SEES her may not be, and that is what is significant. Here's a thought, if he wasn't someone who cared about his marriage, who loved his wife, who wanted to try and fix things, would he be on here showing his skin?

back to work

 

[somebodyelse]

- I know alot of girls who have been with less than 5 guys by the time they are mid 20's. There is nothing wrong with them, they varied greatly in personalities and had a tendancy towards long term relationships. I've also known lots of girls, also very varied, with many many many sexual partners. What is significant is what you are comfortable with. If a girl I was dating was not comfortable with the amount of girls I'd been with, the things I'd done, or the fact I cheated a few times when I was young, I'd be upset but understand that she had to look after herself first and foremost. My current partner was able to deal with my past, I'm lucky, but I would certainly not hold it against her if she was unable to (unless she was nasty about it).

That blew your credibility with me. Did I judge you? hell yea, you hold your wife accountable and you've done far more insidious things.

She accepted you for all your quirks...

I understand she lied to you. I understand the trust aspect as that's something, once lost, is never fully regained with me. Honestly though, there's some things that are just not important. how many dangles she fangled is definitely not one.

If she Fiddled a Diddle WHILE you all were married, that's a completely different story all together. However She just had a string of bad choices in her past and what matters is that she learned from her past.

 

[super ted]

I don't think CUSP was projecting any of his own sh*t onto the OP.

- Ok, only he knows that.

Yes, he obviously does care but I'm sorry, isn't someone's past something you should find out about BEFORE you marry them?

- Are you asking me that question or is that your opinion? Personally I think it is, but what is important is: what does the OP think?
And given that he implied in his posts that he had covered this topic wife his wife many years ago - before marrying her - what's your point?

Yes, I realize that people lie and she wasn't truthful with him. They've been married for 10 freakin' years and I'm quite certain over the course of that time, they've shared many awesome, wonderful memories. As CUSP said, maybe he was the one thing that took her out of a bad lifestyle and into a stable, loving environment. You don't know that that didn't happen.

- Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. That doesn't change the fact that this is a problem for the OP at the moment, do you think he would would be here sharing this if he could 'switch it off'? I was in a 10 year r'ship and was actually in his wife's position, I lied about something that happened 2 years in. I admitted it 8 years later. She left. Do I blame her? No. It was a problem for her, a problem of trust broken that was too big to handle.

CUSP isn't judging him bro, he's essentially telling him to focus on the fact that he married her and has been married to her for a decade, that's a long ass time. After 10 years, does someone's past REALLY matter anymore? That would be like my wife holding something against me that I did when I was 21 and I'm now 40. It's just nonsense to me.

- It may be nonsense to you but it's obviously a situation you've never been in, or can relate to. CUSP telling him to be ashamed is not judging him? Ok. 10 years is beside the point. The OP has not mentioned divorcing his wife has he? He's just said how he's feeling about finding this out. If I've missed something in his posts, I apologise.

really need to do some work.

 

[super ted]

That blew your credibility with me. Did I judge you? hell yea, you hold your wife accountable and you've done far more insidious things.

- Lmao, held my wife accountable? I'm not married mate. I cheated on a previous partner when I was in my early 20's (after she cheated on me), if you think I'm 'insidious' that's ok with me. I've dealt with my demons

She accepted you for all your quirks...

- Who did? My current partner who had also cheated on previous partners or the partner I cheated on who left me?

I understand she lied to you. I understand the trust aspect as that's something, once lost, is never fully regained with me. Honestly though, there's some things that are just not important. how many dangles she fangled is definitely not one.

- I'm confused is this to me or the OP? Again you are implying that the OP's (?) reaction is not valid because YOU would not be bothered by how many 'dangles' your partner had 'fangled'. That's excellent.

If she Fiddled a Diddle WHILE you all were married, that's a completely different story all together. However She just had a string of bad choices in her past and what matters is that she learned from her past.

- That's completely different TO YOU. She may have had a string, she may not, maybe she doesn't seem them that way? Maybe she does? Maybe she didn't mention them because she loved that life style? Maybe not? Do you know this stuff? Maybe she has learned from her past, do you know if she has? Maybe she hasn't? Who knows...

.....

 

[somebodyelse]

Clownfish, I can relate to your dilemma.

I've experienced something similar and it is f*cked up.

To those saying harden up etc, I say if you haven't been in that position, maybe shut up with your judgements and try and understand WHY it is a problem for this bloke, not criticise him for being honest, for f*ck's sake get off your high horses.

As I said, I've experienced something similar, for me it was a few years into a rslationship and yes it can profoundly change how you see your partner. I am very, very far from conservative, but women who fall within my definition of 'too easy' are, to me, something I stay clear of. Ex-boyfriends who loved and cared for my girl didn't bother me, but I hate the idea of girls getting totally pissed (drunk) and getting banged by some guy looking for a breathing masturbation device.
I have a younger sister and anyone who did that to her would disappear.

When I found out that I'd been misled and lied to I was furious. We aren't talking about a small lie either although it wasn't quite as substantial as this example.

Question is, where does this leave you. For me, I still loved my partner, but this new info changed how I saw her, in a huge way it felt like I didn't know who she was anymore, which was a horrible feeling after I'd made some enormous sacrifices to be with her and after a not-insignificant amount of time.

I decided not to end it, and instead took the hard road and started to talk - over a number of months - about her experiences, how they were for her, what they meant to her, to understand her again. It wasn't pleasant to hear this stuff but it helped me understand who my parnter was again. I also went a saw a therapist to talk it out a bit, to help deal with the anger and hurt I felt at being lied to, and other unresolved stuff that came up (from a previous relationship). This was very helpful. She also started seeing a therapist because her experiences were not particularly pleasant and she wanted some resolution around them.

I'm still with my girl and love her more than I ever have. BUT, my concept of her now is very different to how it was before - not good or bad, just different.

It's all well and good to tell someone to forgive them, throw numbers at them about how many men she should have f*cked by now (which is bullshit IMO anyway), or tell them to harden the f*ck up... But it is POINTLESS. Mate, you have a potentially difficult task ahead of you, but it's not hopeless by any means. It is all about YOU. You need to find out why it is bothering YOU, and it's not wrong or right, it just is the way it is. Find a therapist or someone you can talk to, write down your thoughts and how you are feeling to get it out there. You could well find yourself in a happier place than you were before, it's ok to be angry and sad etc, just be kind to yourself and to her while you figure it out.

Good luck.

You bled all over the keyboard with this response calling everyone out and now you're pulling back? Your girlfriend/wife/etc. lied to you about how many dicks she sucked and all of a sudden you're justified...However you're the one who cheated in the past? I think that's a bit more incendiary than just having some "fun" as they would call it. Al Pacino said "I only got two things in this world, my word and my balls, and I don't break them for nobody" You broke your word to be committed. your new girl could handle it because she's done the same thing... Did you honestly think someone can handle a cheater without having some extra skeletons in their closet?

Jeeze people are living in a dream world.

But whatever makes you feel like you've got the upper hand, go for it dude, I'm done with this conversation, lol.

 

[lockwork]

IMHO, the past is best left there. To bring it up invites nothing but trouble.

 

[lockwork]

For most anyway.

 

[MrBigDick]

really need to do some work.

No, what's going on here is the mere fact that you and I are going to agree to disagree and that's cool beans. Nothing says we have to see eye to eye.

I will say this though, and this is an itch in my craw, when I'm told by someone that based on my opinion I've obviously never experienced what they're going through, that's a pet peeve of mine. That's presuming, super ted, that you know me, my life story and exactly what roads I've travelled down and which I haven't......which of course you don't. Maybe I'm a far more forgiving person than the OP is, which I am. I may not have experienced what the OP is bringing to the boards here but I have experienced my fair share of crap from women.

See, super ted, in the world I live in, lies do hurt and when trust gets broken, it sucks, REALLY bad. BUT, if your love is strong enough, then you can work through anything. Sure, it might take some serious time but if you love someone enough and you place strong value on the life you've built together with that person, then I believe that most things can be overcome. Again, it depends on the people involved and whether or not they feel they can move on and whether that person they exchanged vows with years earlier, is worth staying around for.

But again, I stand beside my original sentiment. From what I read in the OP's original statement, what he's hurt over is stuff his wife did BEFORE they were married. And again, prior to marriage, what someone did in their life shouldn't matter once the vows have been exchanged. That's my opinion and I'm sticking with it.

 

[islander]

I am so sick over this.
I dont know any woman in my real life that has had more than 12 sex partners. Most of them have five or less.
I have had three. Maybe its been set up that way. Maybe I have not let in people like that.

I am so glad all my life I had great pleasure, great satisfaction from LIFE and did not need a quicky meaningless fuck with Tom Dick and Harry for the boost of dopamine or whatever the fuck a girl would need to get from a man she did not love 20+ times in a year for 10+ years.

Another thing, I do not know one man in my real life that would EVER consider a woman who had had more than 20 partners even at my age (43).

This is the type of thread that separates the ages, the lifestyles, the reality of one persons real life from another.

That said, my FWB has had hundreds of women. He has cheated. He is a total loser as a man/partner/boyrfriend type and yet he is my friend and after ten years hey I even fuck him. Sure I wont love him. I never will because his past disgusts me. He is reformed but whatever. He is open and honest about it. He is a better person than me. He tells me stuff I never even asked. I didn't even want to know. I dont tell him anything. If he asked me something I didn't want to answer I would say no I wont discuss that with you.
If I was pressured to answer him, and wanted to keep our sex, I would lie. If I didn't care about the sex, I just wouldn't answer him and walk away dumping the friendship.

So you see, as SBE and many others were saying, just because a person had 100+ sex partners doesn't make them a bad person. That was just their life. Someone with one or three partners could very well be the bad person. The liar. The one you can not trust and should not forgive.

Go with your gut.

 

[super ted]

You bled all over the keyboard with this response calling everyone out and now you're pulling back? Your girlfriend/wife/etc. lied to you about how many dicks she sucked and all of a sudden you're justified...However you're the one who cheated in the past? I think that's a bit more incendiary than just having some "fun" as they would call it. Al Pacino said "I only got two things in this world, my word and my balls, and I don't break them for nobody" You broke your word to be committed. your new girl could handle it because she's done the same thing... Did you honestly think someone can handle a cheater without having some extra skeletons in their closet?

Jeeze people are living in a dream world.

But whatever makes you feel like you've got the upper hand, go for it dude, I'm done with this conversation, lol.

Bled? I don't have a hard time being open, is that what you mean?
No, my partner lied about how many times she'd cheated before, there were circumstances around that which made it more difficult to deal with at the time.
Lol, when I was 22 my then gf cheated on me, I was ripped up and sadly cheated on her when I moved overseas for a while the following year because I was angry etc. And it ate at me for 8 years until we broke up finally. I am evil.
I'm simply saying give the OP the opportunity to figure out why this is an issue for him rather than judging and criticising him for feeling how he does. Which bit of that confuses you?
You have a lovely day mate, say hi to Pacino for me

 

[super ted]

No, what's going on here is the mere fact that you and I are going to agree to disagree and that's cool beans. Nothing says we have to see eye to eye.

- We agree to disagree. I can't remember what we're disagreeing about now, but cool beans.

I will say this though, and this is an itch in my craw, when I'm told by someone that based on my opinion I've obviously never experienced what they're going through, that's a pet peeve of mine. That's presuming, super ted, that you know me, my life story and exactly what roads I've travelled down and which I haven't......which of course you don't. Maybe I'm a far more forgiving person than the OP is, which I am. I may not have experienced what the OP is bringing to the boards here but I have experienced my fair share of crap from women.

- lol, I hope you got that itch in your craw MrBigDick.

See, super ted, in the world I live in, lies do hurt and when trust gets broken, it sucks, REALLY bad. BUT, if your love is strong enough, then you can work through anything. Sure, it might take some serious time but if you love someone enough and you place strong value on the life you've built together with that person, then I believe that most things can be overcome. Again, it depends on the people involved and whether or not they feel they can move on and whether that person they exchanged vows with years earlier, is worth staying around for.

- MrBigDick, yes, I agree. I am curious, do you have a problem with the OP, who presents as having just found this info out, coming onto this forum to try - as it seems to me - to work through and overcome this issue? In my experience, the best way to do so is to figure out WHY something is a problem, get to the cause of a problem in order to resolve it. Criticising, judging and ignoring problems doesn't usually help anyone in the long run IMO.

But again, I stand beside my original sentiment. From what I read in the OP's original statement, what he's hurt over is stuff his wife did BEFORE they were married. And again, prior to marriage, what someone did in their life shouldn't matter once the vows have been exchanged. That's my opinion and I'm sticking with it.

- Can you not acknowledge or understand that it is something significant for him, that he's obviously trying to work out. Put it this way, as I've already said, if he COULD just 'get over it' 'because he's exchanged vows', do you not think he already would have? Why risk public humiliation openly disclosing such raw material? That's my opinion and I'm open to new views.

.

 

[Clownfish]

Dude... how many women have you had sex with???

Think about that for minute.

Now think about that girl... If she sexed you, how many other dudes did she sex before and after you?

Think about that... You are not the only man in the world and she is not the only woman in the world. Right now 350 million people are having sex.

World Population Clock

Look at that... you see that number rolling? Every time that number rolls (give or take 2-3%) a man, 9 months ago, orgasm'd into a woman... There's MANY more people having sex NOT flipping that clock over.

It makes no sense to HONESTLY think that women aren't promiscuous... it's like believing in the Tooth Fairy

How is it that guys can have 150+ women in their notch book and women can't? ridiculous double standard if you ask me.

5 including my wife...

 

[CUSP82]

So if a person kills 5 people or 50 what's the difference? Both are murderers. Numbers don't mean a thing and I doubt if anyone asked me about my past as a precursor to a relationship if I would tell them.It's my past and no one else's. I would say it's would be rude to ask and even dumber to answer but that's just me.

 

[funflyer]

Hi my name is funflyer. I am 37 and have had sex with 5 women in my lifetime. That includes oral. I was not messed up as a kid. I led a very normal and very happy childhood. I find it interesting that someone says a women should have at least 4 partners a year. That would be a big red flag to me. This person is damaged goods and did not have a stable background. If you are averaging a new relationship every 3 months for years than you need to take a moment to stop and figure out why you are pushing everyone away. That is not normal. It's either the people you attract or it is something you are doing. Either way a thorough self examination and significant change is necessary. That is just my opinion of course.

In reality my wife has had numerous partners. Well over my 5. But she did have a terrible childhood. One that was abusive. She would have sex with guys just to feel loved for the moment. Many of her experiences were not even relationships. She did not average 4 relationships a year. But she did experience on average over 4 guys a year. UNTIL she decided this was not making her happy and she examined her life and made changes. That is when I entered the picture. She was brutally honest about her past. She was very clear about her turning point in life. That her past was NOT going to be her future. Thus far we have been friends for 11 years and together for 9. I am very happy and so is she. I have had many times where doubts were coming into the picture. But we can talk about it and work through it. That is my issue not hers. It is not her fault I have ever felt insecure. It was always my fault but together we worked through it.

The OP's feelings are reasonable and understandable. He just needs to talk to her and understand why she did it and accept that. He doesn't have to like it just accept what she did. If he cannot do that then the relationship will probably end. He does need to understand that. The relationship will change at the moment she told him. Hopefully it will change a little and continue on in a happy direction. His wife needs to understand how she has made him feel and work to regain that trust. Although for her to come clean at this point should be a sign that she wants him to know her and trust her and get past the lies.

 

[somebodyelse]

5 including my wife...

Sorry OP, i was talking to PEskeptic, but thanks for letting me know that. I figured you'd have a reasonably low amount since the fact that she's had so many guys bothers you. I've been with 15 women so far. I don't have a desire to have any more as I now know it's pretty much all the same if you're not into the girl.

My numbers are reasonable I think considering I'm not in the greatest aesthetic shape (makes it just a tad bit harder to get laid- you have to depend more on your confidence than your appearance). But on the flip side to that, you have to realize I've always been a guy who wanted to be with someone I loved.

I've had 2 significant. After the first, I kind of went into a dormant state. Had sex with maybe 2 girls over the course of 4-5 years. ended up in another relationship my junior year in college. Thought she was the one, she was just having fun... Broke my heart, I went crazy and slept with a new girl every week for about a month. then i peter'd out with the new pussy, but kept a log and had many repeat customers, so I always visited my old friends for sex... that ended up happening the wrong way. FWBs always end badly. One side catches feelings or the other side catches feelings makes it really icky.

I just stopped all togehter. I ended up in a relationship with a dunce of a woman, who one of the girls i slept with was her bestfriend (who was also my friend from highschool... she apparently had a crush on me in highschool and I didn't know). Tricky situation there too.

However, I hit my number, i hit it because of 3 months of heartbreak. And eventual "falling outs" with the buddies that I did have. It's silly easy to hit double digit numbers.