Kink & Bondage
- Thread starter Qarzan
- Start date
Look up Mollena on the net. Also known as the Perverted Negress. She has broached the subject of race play a bit. Not my thing, but if it was I'd talk to her, she is a wonderful woman and a great teacher.
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If somebody hasn't already mentioned it CSPC center for sex positive culture is the place in seattle
I'm not much into public stuff, I've tried just not my thing.
That said both the CSPC and Wild at Heart have regular classes
ive been to some great ones and some not great ones. Luckily they are cheap
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I wouldn't worry about labels too much, use them to clarify things if they help.
And no 30' of rope isn't enough! Try 4-6 30' pieces ;-).
Hemp, jute, cotton, linen, even silk all for different reasons. Hemp being sold the most, jute possibly being more traditional. Good rope that won't hurt someone is expensive but will last forever.
And just to clarify for those reading, if your bottom likes spanking, belts, switches, etc and you punish bad behavior with spanking, belts, switches etc you're in for a horrible time. I don't mean just playful "I'm being naughty" stuff, I mean for more serious D/s relationships were the subs REALLY like pain.
For those interested , read, read, read. I would also suggest fetlife and going to any and all kinky classes or even conferences you can before you do too much or decide who/what you are etc. there is no rush, don't do things you will regret with people you will regret. Just take your time and do not succumb to any pressures.
And no 30' of rope isn't enough! Try 4-6 30' pieces ;-).
Hemp, jute, cotton, linen, even silk all for different reasons. Hemp being sold the most, jute possibly being more traditional. Good rope that won't hurt someone is expensive but will last forever.
And just to clarify for those reading, if your bottom likes spanking, belts, switches, etc and you punish bad behavior with spanking, belts, switches etc you're in for a horrible time. I don't mean just playful "I'm being naughty" stuff, I mean for more serious D/s relationships were the subs REALLY like pain.
For those interested , read, read, read. I would also suggest fetlife and going to any and all kinky classes or even conferences you can before you do too much or decide who/what you are etc. there is no rush, don't do things you will regret with people you will regret. Just take your time and do not succumb to any pressures.
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Yes, she's told me that she wants the punishment to be the withholding of the spanking/pain. Spanking, scratching, pinching is what she wants as the reward. When she tests me, she wants me to punish her by not giving her what she wants, which means withholding the pain.
I'd go farther. The punishments should be things she really doesn't like. Corner time, crawling, floor scrubbing.
one of my subs love floor scrubbing and cleaning in general, which of course I don't get, but I can roll with it. Leaves my house nice and clean after she visits ;-)
one of my subs love floor scrubbing and cleaning in general, which of course I don't get, but I can roll with it. Leaves my house nice and clean after she visits ;-)
I'd go farther. The punishments should be things she really doesn't like. Corner time, crawling, floor scrubbing.
one of my subs love floor scrubbing and cleaning in general, which of course I don't get, but I can roll with it. Leaves my house nice and clean after she visits ;-)
Hmm, good suggestions. I'll have to talk to her to find out what she doesn't like to do. Thanks!
CaptainJohnson
Retired Moderator, Senior Member, PEGym Hero
Worth getting:
1) Leather straps, with chain link.
2) A feather.
3) A light whip.
4) A can of whipped cream.
5) Menthols.
Now go forth and play...
Personal thoughts: I've never found a leash during sex to be fun. If you are wearing it, it is limiting, if your partner wears it, it limits access to the neck. I much prefer a firm grip on the neck. Not choking, mind you, just enough force to feel the hand's presence. It is meant to create a feeling of dominance, while also gently reminding you you are completely safe with this person. Also, I hate gags. I don't get why people like them. There is nothing more enjoyable than screams, shouts, and gasps of pleasure, or the ocassional "God yes!" It also keeps you from kissing them.
Everyone has their preferences in bed. The key is to know how to balance your preferences so they don't inhibit one another. Find that happy medium that has everything you want, and then explore outwards. As you explore, you will learn new things to incorperate into your sexual life, and other things you might want to leave at the door.
Always try everything twice.
EDIT: All of this is meant to apply to both men and women, by the way. Many guys have trouble giving up the dominant role in bed. A dude who won't give up dominance is closing himself up sexually, and limiting his own ability to express dominance. If you can take the submissive role in bed, your dominant roles will stand out more in contrast.
1) Leather straps, with chain link.
2) A feather.
3) A light whip.
4) A can of whipped cream.
5) Menthols.
Now go forth and play...
Personal thoughts: I've never found a leash during sex to be fun. If you are wearing it, it is limiting, if your partner wears it, it limits access to the neck. I much prefer a firm grip on the neck. Not choking, mind you, just enough force to feel the hand's presence. It is meant to create a feeling of dominance, while also gently reminding you you are completely safe with this person. Also, I hate gags. I don't get why people like them. There is nothing more enjoyable than screams, shouts, and gasps of pleasure, or the ocassional "God yes!" It also keeps you from kissing them.
Everyone has their preferences in bed. The key is to know how to balance your preferences so they don't inhibit one another. Find that happy medium that has everything you want, and then explore outwards. As you explore, you will learn new things to incorperate into your sexual life, and other things you might want to leave at the door.
Always try everything twice.
EDIT: All of this is meant to apply to both men and women, by the way. Many guys have trouble giving up the dominant role in bed. A dude who won't give up dominance is closing himself up sexually, and limiting his own ability to express dominance. If you can take the submissive role in bed, your dominant roles will stand out more in contrast.
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Awesome ideas, CJ! Yes, so far I think I'm most likely a switch. That evening we first got to know each other, she was the first to pin me against the wall, which I kind of liked. Then I pinned her against the wall, which was also fun. She will bite, pinch, and scratch just as much as me, although she does it because I like it, which could also be part of her submissive behavior; figuring out what I like and doing that for me.
[OA] (previously called [A]), is really into the whole dom/sub thing. It's this entire mental game that I don't have much experience in.
She's really assertive about challenging me sometimes. She says she needs someone strong enough to put her back in her place, but not in a physical way. I've been struggling to figure out what works. So far no success. She still likes me, though, and my trials and failures don't make her like me less; she appreciates that I'm trying.
I'm definitely learning, but I'd like to read up on how to be a dom. Hopefully it'll help give me a "leg up" so-to-speak. I remember at the Wicked Grounds Cafe, (a BDSM-themed cafe), there was a book called "The Master's Handbook." I was thinking of getting it and reading through it.
Anyone have any further suggested readings on how to be a dom?
Thanks, and much appreciated!
She's really assertive about challenging me sometimes. She says she needs someone strong enough to put her back in her place, but not in a physical way. I've been struggling to figure out what works. So far no success. She still likes me, though, and my trials and failures don't make her like me less; she appreciates that I'm trying.
I'm definitely learning, but I'd like to read up on how to be a dom. Hopefully it'll help give me a "leg up" so-to-speak. I remember at the Wicked Grounds Cafe, (a BDSM-themed cafe), there was a book called "The Master's Handbook." I was thinking of getting it and reading through it.
Anyone have any further suggested readings on how to be a dom?
Thanks, and much appreciated!
I did a quick search on Amazon and ordered enough books to get free shipping. Ended up with 3 books, they'll get here in time for me to read them with [OA] when I see her after X-mas.
Then we can ring in the New Year...
with a bang!
(see what I did there?)
Here are the three books:
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction: Jay Wiseman: 9780963976383: Amazon.com: Books
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller, Molly Devon: 9780964596009: Amazon.com: Books
The Loving Dominant: John Warren, Libby Warren: 9781890159726: Amazon.com: Books
Of course, any further suggested readings are greatly appreciated.
Then we can ring in the New Year...
with a bang!
(see what I did there?)
Here are the three books:
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction: Jay Wiseman: 9780963976383: Amazon.com: Books
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller, Molly Devon: 9780964596009: Amazon.com: Books
The Loving Dominant: John Warren, Libby Warren: 9781890159726: Amazon.com: Books
Of course, any further suggested readings are greatly appreciated.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
All three of those book are great, my faves are the first two. I think is a goo idea for you to read up on it without telling your partner and then surprising them with your new knowledge and confidence as log as the things fall within the limits already set by you all. Have fun! Let me know which one you like best!
Umm, oops. I already told her I ordered them, and suggested we read them together. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Oh well, that works too but when I find a new scene to do with the Mr I never tell him until after the fact. Then I share the book, etc. I think he likes being surprised the few times I switch which is not very often, since I am not a domme at heart and since I know he just humors me, he is certainly not a sub. Darn Dom. LOL
[OA] and I have had some really good conversations about BDSM. We started out by reading the books that I bought together. She pretty much agrees with everything in those books.
However, two nights ago something odd happened. She was all over me, pinned me against the wall, and then left me there. Then we got ready for bed, and that was that.
I asked her about it the following day. She said she was in the mood to be dominated, and she was acting that way to see if she could make me more aggressive. But, she said, her acting dominant towards me didn't make me dominant towards her; because I'm a switch, her being dominant towards me made me be submissive to her.
Then I said something that clicked in her mind. I said, "You can tell me." She said that, in all her previous attempts at creating a Dom/Sub relationship, verbal communication was either non-existent, or inadequate. She was trying to figure out how to *make* me dominant, and it dawned on her after I told her, that in my case she can just tell me what she wants, and I would do it.
This morning was much better. We woke up, I flipped her over (she says she likes to be put where I want her), and pinned her down, making sure to twist her wrists just enough to hurt her, but not enough to actually injure her. This is where my kungfu training comes in handy. I also rested my full body weight on top of her, something she also told me she likes.
After a while of her struggling, she told me, "I'm ready for you to be more dominant now." So I grabbed her by her hips and pulled her towards the foot of the bed so that I could raise her arms above her head and pin them there. I put all of my weight on her wrists with my left hand. With my right, I clawed and scratched down her side. I also started biting.
Then I rolled over to her side and reached around her from behind. I had my right hand over her vulva and my left hand on her right breast. Well, ok now it's getting graphic, so I'll truncate it. Needless to say, I worked on her for a good half hour or so with my hands. During this time, she gave me instructions like, "use one finger," "use more fingers," "go deeper," and other commands.
I also read the way she was moving, her breath, and the sounds she was making. She was having a great time! After a while, she turned to her side, pushed my hands away, and then layed on top of me. She said she was done.
It was so great to be able to be completely dominant in exactly the way she wanted, at exactly the time she wanted it, and have her satisfied afterwards.
I think this is a great start to our Dom/Sub and SM relationship!
However, two nights ago something odd happened. She was all over me, pinned me against the wall, and then left me there. Then we got ready for bed, and that was that.
I asked her about it the following day. She said she was in the mood to be dominated, and she was acting that way to see if she could make me more aggressive. But, she said, her acting dominant towards me didn't make me dominant towards her; because I'm a switch, her being dominant towards me made me be submissive to her.
Then I said something that clicked in her mind. I said, "You can tell me." She said that, in all her previous attempts at creating a Dom/Sub relationship, verbal communication was either non-existent, or inadequate. She was trying to figure out how to *make* me dominant, and it dawned on her after I told her, that in my case she can just tell me what she wants, and I would do it.
This morning was much better. We woke up, I flipped her over (she says she likes to be put where I want her), and pinned her down, making sure to twist her wrists just enough to hurt her, but not enough to actually injure her. This is where my kungfu training comes in handy. I also rested my full body weight on top of her, something she also told me she likes.
After a while of her struggling, she told me, "I'm ready for you to be more dominant now." So I grabbed her by her hips and pulled her towards the foot of the bed so that I could raise her arms above her head and pin them there. I put all of my weight on her wrists with my left hand. With my right, I clawed and scratched down her side. I also started biting.
Then I rolled over to her side and reached around her from behind. I had my right hand over her vulva and my left hand on her right breast. Well, ok now it's getting graphic, so I'll truncate it. Needless to say, I worked on her for a good half hour or so with my hands. During this time, she gave me instructions like, "use one finger," "use more fingers," "go deeper," and other commands.
I also read the way she was moving, her breath, and the sounds she was making. She was having a great time! After a while, she turned to her side, pushed my hands away, and then layed on top of me. She said she was done.
It was so great to be able to be completely dominant in exactly the way she wanted, at exactly the time she wanted it, and have her satisfied afterwards.
I think this is a great start to our Dom/Sub and SM relationship!
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Glad to see that thing are moving right along on your relationship. I think is awesome that you had communication, communication is an essential part of any relationship and a must in BDSM.
May I suggest in the future in order to preserve the dynamics, that all negotiations as to her likes and limits be done before a scene starts, other wise she is just "topping from the bottom".
When you are switching and she is the Domme is fine if she wants to say what she wants but once the scene starts and you are the Dom, you control the scene and her only control should be her safeword and or slow down word.
I am also a switch, so I have to be very clear in my head when I am Top or when I am bottom. This is also for safety reasons, if you are the Top/Dom what you says goes as long as it is withing the parameters previously negotiated, you never want a sub to hesitate when given a command that might actually put them in danger; such as when you are playing with candles for wax play, ropes, whips. These might not be concern now but they might be later if you continue to develop the SM part of your BDSM relationship and by them bad habits will have developed if you don't set clear expectations and boundaries now. The boundaries have to be clear with respect to the role each person has, you do not want a bratty sub, it can be dangerous (I learned this the hard way).
I love seeing your updates here, is so cool to "see" you guys grow, it reminds me of us when we started out. So fun! Keep up the good work!
May I suggest in the future in order to preserve the dynamics, that all negotiations as to her likes and limits be done before a scene starts, other wise she is just "topping from the bottom".
When you are switching and she is the Domme is fine if she wants to say what she wants but once the scene starts and you are the Dom, you control the scene and her only control should be her safeword and or slow down word.
I am also a switch, so I have to be very clear in my head when I am Top or when I am bottom. This is also for safety reasons, if you are the Top/Dom what you says goes as long as it is withing the parameters previously negotiated, you never want a sub to hesitate when given a command that might actually put them in danger; such as when you are playing with candles for wax play, ropes, whips. These might not be concern now but they might be later if you continue to develop the SM part of your BDSM relationship and by them bad habits will have developed if you don't set clear expectations and boundaries now. The boundaries have to be clear with respect to the role each person has, you do not want a bratty sub, it can be dangerous (I learned this the hard way).
I love seeing your updates here, is so cool to "see" you guys grow, it reminds me of us when we started out. So fun! Keep up the good work!
Thanks, MrsL4M! That's some great advice.
I was also considering what you call a "bratty sub," and I agree that it seems like a dangerous situation. I was pushing for clarity in terms of expectations and boundaries, and expressed that I did not feel comfortable unless I know where her boundaries are. I repeated that I did not want to force her to do anything that she didn't want to do. I will continue to push for more communication and clarity.
On another semi-related note, I had a conversation with [VJ] last night. She wants to explore bondage and submission more. We had done a little before, but then suddenly it stopped. She said it was because it seemed I wasn't that into it. I clarifies for her that I was new, and was exploring, not necessarily that I wasn't into it. I told her that, what arouses me is seeing her aroused. So, if something turns her on, she should tell me so I can do it! When I get back home from being across the country visiting [OA], [VJ] and I are going to go to the sex store and look at toys together. She says she wants more bondage. I said I want more tools (whips, ropes, canes, and paddles). I also suggested he idea of harnesses and ball-gags, to which she was receptive.
I really think this whole BDSM thing is starting to take off for me!
I was also considering what you call a "bratty sub," and I agree that it seems like a dangerous situation. I was pushing for clarity in terms of expectations and boundaries, and expressed that I did not feel comfortable unless I know where her boundaries are. I repeated that I did not want to force her to do anything that she didn't want to do. I will continue to push for more communication and clarity.
On another semi-related note, I had a conversation with [VJ] last night. She wants to explore bondage and submission more. We had done a little before, but then suddenly it stopped. She said it was because it seemed I wasn't that into it. I clarifies for her that I was new, and was exploring, not necessarily that I wasn't into it. I told her that, what arouses me is seeing her aroused. So, if something turns her on, she should tell me so I can do it! When I get back home from being across the country visiting [OA], [VJ] and I are going to go to the sex store and look at toys together. She says she wants more bondage. I said I want more tools (whips, ropes, canes, and paddles). I also suggested he idea of harnesses and ball-gags, to which she was receptive.
I really think this whole BDSM thing is starting to take off for me!
Also, I think those books I originally bought for [OA] and I can actually be a starting point for [VJ] and I as well. Although I think [VJ] has a lot more experience and communicative ability than [OA].
I do think that my experiences with [VJ] will help augment my experiences with [OA], and vice-versa.
I do think that my experiences with [VJ] will help augment my experiences with [OA], and vice-versa.
Can anyone give a good book on maledom and ideas for reward/torture ? Ideas like orgasm denial for a sub etc I want to open my mind to be more lubricated and creative in ways of dominating sub.
Or post your ideas and experiences which someone can utilize.
Or post your ideas and experiences which someone can utilize.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Any of the book in this post of my BDSM literotica thread. All the situations can be applied to a sub male or female. I do not know your level of knowledge of the life style if you need more advanced information let me know and I will post some suggestions.
