a friend that reads alot about it. i think if i talk to her, dropping hints, that she may be curious and horny enough to explore with me. thanks for the help.
Kink & Bondage
- Thread starter Qarzan
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Looking4more
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I would look into any local classes like Qarzan is taking today and just casually mention you are going and if she perks up, then ask if she would like to go with you.
Ok, so recap of tonight's whips class.
We got in, I was handed two pieces of paper. One was for my contact info, another had rules and protocols on it. Rules and protocols had things like, "If you fuck up, fess up. If you rocked it, own it." Another one was, "Treat others with the respect you'd like to be given." And a third was, "Say your name before you speak." There were a few others, but these were the big ones.
Then we went around the room, stating: name, how long you've been in the scene, what your experience level is, and if you have any pets. I said, "My name is [Q], this is my first exposure to the scene, so my experience level is zero. I don't have any pets right now."
Then the lecturer got up and introduced different types of whips: single whip, bull whip, double whip. She also went over the different parts of a whip, and specified that the cracker is to be replaced after each use, for sanitary purposes (sometimes blood gets on it, but sweat will also make it unsanitary). She passed around a few whips so we could get a feel for the weight, material, and how it felt in our hands. There were leather whips, nylon whips, loose whips (which snapped more), and rigid whips (which hit harder). She demonstrated certain whipping techniques and how different whip types and crackers would result in a different kind of experience.
She did this for an hour, always emphasizing respect, communication, never "showing off", and always checking in with your partner. She talked about how it can be a spiritual experience, that it can bring you to a place of emptiness and quiet. The way she described it reminded me of meditation and enlightenment; this was just another means to reach it.
That took up the first hour, then we had a 10-minute break. After the break, people got up and admitted when they had broken the rules or protocols, and got a spank with the wooden paddle, which actually sounded pretty hard. And then the lecturer got up and asked for volunteers.
The volunteers got up in front of the room, took off their shirts (and bras, if applicable), turned around and got whipped. It wasn't the harsh, bloodletting, loud cracking of the whip that you'd expect from a slavemaster to a slave. More like a light brushing that slowly got more intense, but never did I feel like skin was going to be broken. She always checked in with the subject, and before switching to a more intense whip, she always asked and then showed the whip to him/her.
I found it interesting, and it was more like just exploring certain sensations. It was playful, nice, polite, and respectful. Although, afterwards, I asked my friend, and she said that this lecturer was more playful, although other classes is much more about domination. I told her that I'd probably be more on the playful side. At least for now.
I turned in my info card, and I hope to learn more about what they do. It's interesting to me, and I'm curious. One thought that kept running through my head was, "Here is an instrument that has the possibility of causing such great pain. It must take so much trust to allow someone to wield it, knowing they aren't actually going to hurt you with it." And then the wielder must not abuse that trust.
I would write more in detail, but I'm pretty tired because I think I'm getting sick. Please ask questions if you have them, and I'll try to flesh out what the experience was like for me.
We got in, I was handed two pieces of paper. One was for my contact info, another had rules and protocols on it. Rules and protocols had things like, "If you fuck up, fess up. If you rocked it, own it." Another one was, "Treat others with the respect you'd like to be given." And a third was, "Say your name before you speak." There were a few others, but these were the big ones.
Then we went around the room, stating: name, how long you've been in the scene, what your experience level is, and if you have any pets. I said, "My name is [Q], this is my first exposure to the scene, so my experience level is zero. I don't have any pets right now."
Then the lecturer got up and introduced different types of whips: single whip, bull whip, double whip. She also went over the different parts of a whip, and specified that the cracker is to be replaced after each use, for sanitary purposes (sometimes blood gets on it, but sweat will also make it unsanitary). She passed around a few whips so we could get a feel for the weight, material, and how it felt in our hands. There were leather whips, nylon whips, loose whips (which snapped more), and rigid whips (which hit harder). She demonstrated certain whipping techniques and how different whip types and crackers would result in a different kind of experience.
She did this for an hour, always emphasizing respect, communication, never "showing off", and always checking in with your partner. She talked about how it can be a spiritual experience, that it can bring you to a place of emptiness and quiet. The way she described it reminded me of meditation and enlightenment; this was just another means to reach it.
That took up the first hour, then we had a 10-minute break. After the break, people got up and admitted when they had broken the rules or protocols, and got a spank with the wooden paddle, which actually sounded pretty hard. And then the lecturer got up and asked for volunteers.
The volunteers got up in front of the room, took off their shirts (and bras, if applicable), turned around and got whipped. It wasn't the harsh, bloodletting, loud cracking of the whip that you'd expect from a slavemaster to a slave. More like a light brushing that slowly got more intense, but never did I feel like skin was going to be broken. She always checked in with the subject, and before switching to a more intense whip, she always asked and then showed the whip to him/her.
I found it interesting, and it was more like just exploring certain sensations. It was playful, nice, polite, and respectful. Although, afterwards, I asked my friend, and she said that this lecturer was more playful, although other classes is much more about domination. I told her that I'd probably be more on the playful side. At least for now.
I turned in my info card, and I hope to learn more about what they do. It's interesting to me, and I'm curious. One thought that kept running through my head was, "Here is an instrument that has the possibility of causing such great pain. It must take so much trust to allow someone to wield it, knowing they aren't actually going to hurt you with it." And then the wielder must not abuse that trust.
I would write more in detail, but I'm pretty tired because I think I'm getting sick. Please ask questions if you have them, and I'll try to flesh out what the experience was like for me.
Looking4more
Retired Moderator, Member of the Month Feb 2013,
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That's awesome Qarzan! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
That is exactly what we have been trying to convey to people. That trust is what makes it all happen and makes it so enjoyable. It has certainly brought the Mrs and I closer together. It is amazing how an instrument capable of inflicting so much pain can bring so much pleasure but only when it is wielded by a responsible person. Never in my wildest dreams would I break the trust my lady has in me by doing something stupid. I have too much to lose.
Finding that someone to do this with is a daunting task to say the least. If you have a special someone, even that can be hard. Usually when this is being done, you will be strapped down as part of the scene. You are in a very vulnerable position at this point and the trust is so very important. I can only imagine how hard it is for single people. That's where the clubs come in if one really wants to try it. They have experienced people there and also have what they call DM's (dungeon monitors) to make sure you are protected. Of course a club setting is a lot different from home but is the safest for a single curious person.
The spiritual experience the teacher was referring to is called "sub space" or did she have another term for it?
Like you said, using the whips and floggers doesn't need to be harsh and super painful. My Mrs likes a little sting to make things interesting but not too extreme. We love it all, the sound of the flogger and/or hands on skin, the smell of the leather restaints, the moans, and all the other pleasures that goe along with it.
When is your next class and what is it on?
SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. That's what BDSM is all about.
That is exactly what we have been trying to convey to people. That trust is what makes it all happen and makes it so enjoyable. It has certainly brought the Mrs and I closer together. It is amazing how an instrument capable of inflicting so much pain can bring so much pleasure but only when it is wielded by a responsible person. Never in my wildest dreams would I break the trust my lady has in me by doing something stupid. I have too much to lose.
Finding that someone to do this with is a daunting task to say the least. If you have a special someone, even that can be hard. Usually when this is being done, you will be strapped down as part of the scene. You are in a very vulnerable position at this point and the trust is so very important. I can only imagine how hard it is for single people. That's where the clubs come in if one really wants to try it. They have experienced people there and also have what they call DM's (dungeon monitors) to make sure you are protected. Of course a club setting is a lot different from home but is the safest for a single curious person.
The spiritual experience the teacher was referring to is called "sub space" or did she have another term for it?
Like you said, using the whips and floggers doesn't need to be harsh and super painful. My Mrs likes a little sting to make things interesting but not too extreme. We love it all, the sound of the flogger and/or hands on skin, the smell of the leather restaints, the moans, and all the other pleasures that goe along with it.
When is your next class and what is it on?
SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. That's what BDSM is all about.
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Thanks for these updates. I never would have thought they had whipping classes. Me and the wife are into raceplay. Did you see any african american people in the whipping class? I am looking forward to the "bondage dance" lesson report LOL.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Qarzan, I am so glad your first class was awesome and that you learned the most important part. Respect!!! For me the biggest appeal of BDSM is the level of trust I have to have in my Dom when I am the submissive or given to me when I am the Domme. That in and of itself is a high! Now that you had that interaction you have begun to understand the art of it. With any those items you saw, horrible pain or abuse can be inflicted. It takes a lot of trust and love to produce pleasure. When you are the Top (Dom or Domme), you goal is to bring your Bottom (submissive) pleasure, in a safe, sane and consensual way. It is a lot of pressure to hold that trust and choose the instruments to bring the pleasure/pain. I love subspace, it is spiritual. The Mr. loves Topspace which is the hi the Top gets from bringing his sub to subspace. This is not a problem for us since I am a sub at heart and he is very much a Dom but we Switch once in a while.
Just got to warn you the stuff is pretty addictive.
Just got to warn you the stuff is pretty addictive.
Variety is the spice of life and broadens your horizon. And if it turns out that its not your cup of tea, please don't rubbish it because there are lots of people who love it.
My friend who took me to my first whips class is interested in going with me to a place called "The Citadel" soon. I've also found another play partner who wants to come, too (pun intended). Altogether there will be 4 of us, and there will be toys. The date has not yet been solidified, I'm just waiting for an answer from the other play partner.
I've also been invited to a "play party" by a guy who is known for... sexual escapades. He's told me to bring along at least one lady, to keep the numbers even so that the women don't feel outnumbered. We'll see what becomes of that.
I saw my whips friend at a dance venue last night. I went up to her, gave her a hug and smacked her ass. She said something really funny, "I'm not that kind of girl! Oh wait, I totally am." So cute!
I've also been invited to a "play party" by a guy who is known for... sexual escapades. He's told me to bring along at least one lady, to keep the numbers even so that the women don't feel outnumbered. We'll see what becomes of that.
I saw my whips friend at a dance venue last night. I went up to her, gave her a hug and smacked her ass. She said something really funny, "I'm not that kind of girl! Oh wait, I totally am." So cute!
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
I am so jealous. The Citadel is popular in the community, to the point that it is mentioned in some BDSM books. Cherise Sinclair and Chloe Cox are two of the authors that mention it. You have to keep us updated, please!!!!!!
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UPDATE:
I originally planned to go to the Citadel with my playmate in early August, but that fell through. This new woman I'm seeing is really into BDSM. She's a switch, and I have a feeling that I am, too. People say that switches have the most fun. She makes the sexiest noises when I spank, claw, bite, and pinch her. She also really likes it when I just very lightly caress her. I told her I haven't explored BDSM very much. Her response was, "This is going to be fun." I agree.
Now I have three women that want to take me to the Citadel. All we have to do is try and coordinate schedules. It's getting closer, guys.
I originally planned to go to the Citadel with my playmate in early August, but that fell through. This new woman I'm seeing is really into BDSM. She's a switch, and I have a feeling that I am, too. People say that switches have the most fun. She makes the sexiest noises when I spank, claw, bite, and pinch her. She also really likes it when I just very lightly caress her. I told her I haven't explored BDSM very much. Her response was, "This is going to be fun." I agree.
Now I have three women that want to take me to the Citadel. All we have to do is try and coordinate schedules. It's getting closer, guys.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Awesome! Yes, switches have more fun but we are not as accepted in the community, things are changing though. You will enjoy one more than the other but it is great to straddle the fence. Sounds like you are getting more interested. Yum!
Very cool topic and information thanks for sharing Qarzan. Me and my gf have talked about have more playful fun, look forward to your updates..
So, [VJ] wants to try some bondage. I've had 30 feet of bondage rope sitting in the packaging for a year and a half, along with a pair of wrist cuffs. I broke them out for the first time on Tuesday. We didn't use them, we just looked at them and practiced putting them on and taking them off. Then she told me to start researching how to tie knots.
From what she's experienced of me so far, she says I might be something called a "service top," which means that I'm the one tying her up and doing things to her, but that I'm doing it because I know she likes it. She said she's a "power bottom," which means she wants to be on the receiving end, but she wants to dictate and have a say in what happens to her. Seems like we'd really get along in that respect.
[MR] is also into bondage, not so much into whips and chains. [VJ] expressed interest in whips.
What's a bit more interesting is, [MR] says she is bisexual. [VJ] says she is pansexual, meaning she is attracted to men, women, transexual, transgendered, basically everyone. During the brunch on Sunday, I noticed [MR] asking [VJ] if she had time to get together to see if they could get to know each other better.
Don't know exactly what that means, but I'm getting images of both of them, blindfolded and tied up, on my bed at the same time. Or maybe both of us working on [VJ], since [MR] mentioned that she's a switch.
Interesting, indeed. <3
From what she's experienced of me so far, she says I might be something called a "service top," which means that I'm the one tying her up and doing things to her, but that I'm doing it because I know she likes it. She said she's a "power bottom," which means she wants to be on the receiving end, but she wants to dictate and have a say in what happens to her. Seems like we'd really get along in that respect.
[MR] is also into bondage, not so much into whips and chains. [VJ] expressed interest in whips.
What's a bit more interesting is, [MR] says she is bisexual. [VJ] says she is pansexual, meaning she is attracted to men, women, transexual, transgendered, basically everyone. During the brunch on Sunday, I noticed [MR] asking [VJ] if she had time to get together to see if they could get to know each other better.
Don't know exactly what that means, but I'm getting images of both of them, blindfolded and tied up, on my bed at the same time. Or maybe both of us working on [VJ], since [MR] mentioned that she's a switch.
Interesting, indeed. <3
So, looking over some videos on how to tie knots: knottyboys.com
I'm realizing that I may need to buy more rope. One length of 30 feet just isn't going to cut it. I mean, she's got two arms and two legs. Need at least 3 more lengths, right?
I'm going to talk to her tonight and see what kind of rope she prefers, colors, material, length, things like that.
Also, I've found out that I don't actually need wrist restraints. Or ankle restraints. All I need is rope, and knowledge and skill to tie the right knots in the right places.
I'm very, very excited about this, if you couldn't tell. <3
I'm realizing that I may need to buy more rope. One length of 30 feet just isn't going to cut it. I mean, she's got two arms and two legs. Need at least 3 more lengths, right?
I'm going to talk to her tonight and see what kind of rope she prefers, colors, material, length, things like that.
Also, I've found out that I don't actually need wrist restraints. Or ankle restraints. All I need is rope, and knowledge and skill to tie the right knots in the right places.
I'm very, very excited about this, if you couldn't tell. <3
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Hemp seems to be the preferred for Kinbaku/Shibari it keeps is shape better and he knots do not come undone or over tight as they do with silk, is a matter of safety. There are many really great videos online for Kinbaku/Shibari.
Today was the Folsom Street Fair. Lots of people wearing leather, asses and boobies showing. Lots of booths with bondage shows. [VJ] was looking at a kiosk selling those "cat o' nine tails" whips. We were watching some of the shows and talking about flogging, whipping, spanking. She was telling me what she liked, what she didn't like, etc.
We went to the "Donation Spanking Booth," donated $5 (that goes to support people's health insurance between jobs), and got my first flogging. There were various stations set up. He gave me the choice of being on a bench or on a cross. I chose the cross, which was more of an "X", and not like a Christian crucifix. Basically, I got to feel what it was like to be flogged. Mainly because, if I'm going to flog [VJ], I think I should know what it feels like first, so I understand what's happening to her as I do it. He used a leather "cat" first, then he used a wooden yard stick. After that, he went on to a small rubber mallet. I liked the mallet best, because it felt like a massage. I didn't like the yard stick very much, it stung too much. Also, I liked it when he used the "cat" lightly on my back, but I could stand a bit more force on my butt.
All in all, it was a good experience! After I was done, I left the area and [VJ] and I were walking away. She said she was jealous, so we turned around, I paid her $5 donation, and she got her own flogging.
We walked away, talking about trying out different cat whips and single whips, excited about trying new things.
We went to the "Donation Spanking Booth," donated $5 (that goes to support people's health insurance between jobs), and got my first flogging. There were various stations set up. He gave me the choice of being on a bench or on a cross. I chose the cross, which was more of an "X", and not like a Christian crucifix. Basically, I got to feel what it was like to be flogged. Mainly because, if I'm going to flog [VJ], I think I should know what it feels like first, so I understand what's happening to her as I do it. He used a leather "cat" first, then he used a wooden yard stick. After that, he went on to a small rubber mallet. I liked the mallet best, because it felt like a massage. I didn't like the yard stick very much, it stung too much. Also, I liked it when he used the "cat" lightly on my back, but I could stand a bit more force on my butt.
All in all, it was a good experience! After I was done, I left the area and [VJ] and I were walking away. She said she was jealous, so we turned around, I paid her $5 donation, and she got her own flogging.
We walked away, talking about trying out different cat whips and single whips, excited about trying new things.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Quarzan sounds like you guys had a great time and you experiencing what your sub will is IMHO the right way to train. The X shaped cross is called a Saint Andrews Cross and like you I prefer it to a bench, especially for any flogging, whipping or caning. I also do not like the yard stick, it reminds me too much of parochial school. I prefer the floggers and whips or my beloved hand.
Going to Mr. S Leather tomorrow! We're going to look at flails and whips, see if there's anything we want to bring home. <3
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
We got a flogger, made of cow skin. It had a good amount of thud, and also a bit of sting. Some nice weight without being too heavy.
On another note, [A], whom I met last weekend, we've been talking a lot. Just found out she's submissive and masochistic. Not to the point of actually bleeding or anything, just slightly. Anyways, I'm learning that [VJ]'s bondage and flogging exploration is very different than what's going to happen with [A]'s interest in submission and masochism.
[A] doesn't like to use instruments or ropes. No whips, no chains, no cuffs. She wants skin-on-skin contact, she likes to be pinned down and told what to do. She will test my boundaries, and I will have to punish her. She says it's more of a mental/emotional control than a physical coercion.
This is going to be fun! <3
On another note, [A], whom I met last weekend, we've been talking a lot. Just found out she's submissive and masochistic. Not to the point of actually bleeding or anything, just slightly. Anyways, I'm learning that [VJ]'s bondage and flogging exploration is very different than what's going to happen with [A]'s interest in submission and masochism.
[A] doesn't like to use instruments or ropes. No whips, no chains, no cuffs. She wants skin-on-skin contact, she likes to be pinned down and told what to do. She will test my boundaries, and I will have to punish her. She says it's more of a mental/emotional control than a physical coercion.
This is going to be fun! <3
