Sexual Stamina: 10 Tips to Last Longer

Kristopher Bunting, MD

Updated on October 17, 2022

This article is a repost which originally appeared on healthnews.

Edited for content. The opinions expressed in this article may not reflect the opinions of this site’s editors, staff or members.

Whether you have problems with premature ejaculation or you simply want sex to last longer, there are many ways to last longer in bed. Making sex last longer can involve maintaining an erection for longer, delaying ejaculation, and reducing the time to achieve another erection after ejaculating. There are a variety of ways to improve your sexual stamina and make sex more satisfying for both you and your partner.

Key takeaways:

‧ There are many ways to improve male sexual stamina, including medications and sexual techniques. Increased foreplay and emotional intimacy may also improve sexual performance.

‧ Medications for erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation can improve stamina and sexual performance.

‧ Controlling sexual stimulation by using numbing sprays or gels, certain sexual positions, and other techniques can help men control when they orgasm.

How long should sex last?

Ideally, sex should last for as long as you want it to. Many people think of sex as penetration, but it can (and should) involve much more. Research shows that the average time until ejaculation during penetrative sex is between 5 and 6 minutes. For most people, achieving orgasm is the goal of sex. While 5 minutes of penetration (or less) will get many men where they want to get to, it takes longer for women to climax from penetration alone. So, how can you make sex last longer?

Foreplay

There is more to sex than just penetration and orgasm. Foreplay is important for mutual arousal; it gives you and your partner time to stimulate yourselves and each other. Take time to use all of your senses to get excited and prepare for the main event.

Kegel exercises

Kegel exercises can help both men and women strengthen pelvic floor muscles, improving continence and sexual function. A strong pelvic floor can help you control when you ejaculate.

Work on your relationship

Sex is both physical and mental. Both the body and the mind need to be stimulated and aroused to enjoy sex. Emotional intimacy plays a role in sexual arousal, especially in long-term relationships. Research has shown that emotional intimacy is linked to sexual desire. Furthermore, good communication in a relationship is linked to improved sexual satisfaction and decreased sexual dysfunction. Communicating sexual needs with your partner can improve sex and may help you last longer.

Medication

Medications used to treat erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE) can also improve sexual stamina. Commonly used antidepressants such as Prozac (fluoxetine), Paxil (paroxetine), Celexa (citalopram), and other drugs that raise serotonin levels in the brain can help delay ejaculation. While this can be an unwanted side effect for some, it can help people with PE have more control over when they orgasm.

ED medications can help some men recover more quickly after ejaculating and may improve sexual performance in men without erectile dysfunction. Viagra (sildenafil), Cialis (tadalafil), and other erectile dysfunction medications improve blood flow to the penis. This allows men with mild to moderate ED to have firmer, longer-lasting erections. Remember, these are prescription medications; you should not take them without first being evaluated by a doctor. They can have extremely dangerous interactions with other medications, including nitrates taken for chest pain or amyl nitrate and amyl nitrite (poppers) taken recreationally.

Reduce stimulation

Topical anesthetics are used to treat PE and can help men delay orgasms. A variety of topical numbing creams, sprays, and personal lubricants are available that reduce stimulation of the penis, including condoms with numbing lubricant. However, these can cause skin irritation and discomfort in some people, so check with your partner before using a topical anesthetic.

Other ways to reduce penile stimulation and delay orgasm include wearing a condom and using more lubrication. Wearing a condom not only helps prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy, but it can also decrease stimulation of the penis, especially thicker condoms. Using lubrication during sex can reduce friction and stimulation.

Techniques to delay orgasm

There are a variety of techniques that can be employed to help delay orgasm and ejaculation. Techniques recommended for people with PE include the squeeze technique (gently squeezing the head of the penis for several seconds) and the start and stop technique (stop penile stimulation for 30 seconds). Other techniques include pausing and taking a deep breath or shifting your focus away from sexual sensations during sex. In other words, slow down and take a moment to rest before you reach orgasm.

Masturbating before sex can help delay ejaculation, but timing is important. Practicing edging, bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm while masturbating, can help you learn how to recognize when you are about to orgasm and allow you to practice techniques to delay orgasm.

Try something different

There are many Tantric and Taoist sexual practices that can help control ejaculation and improve sexual pleasure for men and their partners. The “sets of nines” technique is an easy way to control mutual stimulation. It involves performing 9 sets of 9 controlled thrusts, beginning with 9 shallow thrusts, followed by 8 shallow thrusts and 1 deep thrust, then 7 shallow thrusts and 2 deep thrusts, and so on, ending with 9 deep thrusts. It is a simple technique, but it is very effective for controlling ejaculation and building up sexual excitement.

Certain sexual positions can help control ejaculation, especially positions that allow for grinding, as opposed to thrusting. Partner on top positions, the lotus position, and the Coital Alignment Technique can maintain constant stimulation for your partner while limiting stimulation to the penis from thrusting. Explore the Kama Sutra and other books for tips on which positions can help you control when you orgasm.

Get healthy

Overall health affects sexual function; eating a proper diet and getting enough exercise can improve your sexual health. Obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease—all of these conditions can affect sexual function and they can all be improved or prevented through diet and exercise.

You can improve your sexual stamina

There are many ways for men to improve their sexual stamina. Foreplay, communication, and emotional intimacy can improve sex. Medications, condoms, and lubricants can delay orgasm and reduce stimulation. A variety of techniques can help men control when they orgasm, including techniques used for premature ejaculation and certain sexual positions. Give some of these a try and find out what works best for you.

Resources:

1. Urology Care Foundation. Premature Ejaculation.

2. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Original Research—Ejaculation Disorders: A Multinational Population Survey of Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time.

3. International Society for Sexual Medicine. Women’s Orgasm Takes Longer During Partnered Sex.

4. Mayo Clinic. Kegel Exercises for Men: Understand the Benefits.

5. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. The Associations of Intimacy and Sexuality in Daily Life.

6. The Journal of Sex Research. Couples’ Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis.

7. Cleveland Clinic. Premature Ejaculation.

8. International Journal of Impotence Research. Sildenafil Does Not Improve Sexual Function in Men Without Erectile Dysfunction but Does Reduce the Postorgasmic Refractory Time.

9. Nature Reviews Urology. Sildenafil Improves Sexual Function in Men Without Erectile Dysfunction.

10. Mayo Clinic. Erectile Dysfunction: Viagra and Other Oral Medications.

11. Circulation. Drug Interactions With Phosphodiesterase-5 Inhibitors Used for the Treatment of Erectile Dysfunction or Pulmonary Hypertension.

12. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. The Coital Alignment Technique (CAT): An Overview of Studies.

 

A Sex Educator Explains What To Do If Your Partner’s Penis Doesn’t Fit

A Sex Educator Explains What To Do If Your Partner’s Penis Doesn’t Fit

Ah, the ancient problem of the mare and the horse.

By Emma McGowan
Aug. 17, 2020

This article is a repost which originally appeared on Bustle

Edited for content

In this week’s Sex IDK column, Emma McGowan, certified sex educator and writer, answers your questions about a mismatch between penis and vagina size.

Q: Is it normal if my partner’s penis doesn’t fit all the way inside of me?

Penis size is something that so many people — of all genders — have questions about. Is it too big? Is it too small? Is there such thing as the right size? But this question, Reader, is especially interesting because it’s not the standard penis-size question: It takes your body into account as well. So, let’s dive in.

First off: There’s no such thing as “normal” when we’re talking about sex, genitalia, sexual preferences, or really anything to do with human sexuality. There is such thing as average when it comes to size — and the average penis size is about five to seven inches when erect — but “normal” doesn’t exist. (Even average is a debatable concept because it’s very likely that no one human actually fits the true definition of average. But that’s a topic for another story.)

There’s also an average depth for the vaginal canal, which stretches when a person is turned on, just like a penis grows during arousal. According to sex researchers Master and Johnson, the average depth for an unaroused vagina of someone who has never given birth is 2.8 to 3.1 inches and 3.7 to 4.1 inches when aroused. And according to Planned Parenthood, unaroused vaginas can range from two to four inches and be aroused from four to eight inches.

I know there’s a range there, but those numbers can help us see that, yes, it’s very likely that there are many couples out there who are mismatched in size. For example, if one person has a vagina that is four inches when aroused and their partner has a penis that is seven inches when aroused, only about half of that penis will fit into that vagina. And that’s when both people are both within the “average” size ranges, right? So, if we pushed this thought experiment even further, then there are likely couples where the penis is ten inches, and the vagina is, say, two!

The mismatch between penis and vagina size is even referenced in the Kama Sutra, an ancient Sanskrit on love, sex, and marriage, which specifies animals for different genitalia sizes. For penises, it’s hare (small), bull (medium), and horse (large). And for vaginas, it’s deer (small), mare (medium), and elephant (large). According to the ancient Sanskrit text, a horse and a mare are an “unequal” union — aka not a great idea because that penis isn’t going to fit well in that vagina. Likewise, a hare and an elephant won’t be a great fit either, because the penis will be too small for the vagina.

But if you’re more of a deer and your partner is horse, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed! There are plenty of sex acts that don’t involve a penis going into a vagina. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that a size mismatch could be a blessing in disguise because it encourages you and your partner to get creative. Why not spend hours going down on each other? Practice your hand job skills? Invest in a great cock ring for penetrative sex? Explore some kinks that don’t involve penis-in-vagina sex? There are a lot of options out there for a hot, interesting, and varied sex life if you’re willing to do some exploration.

You should also consider your menstrual cycle. The cervix (which is the end of your vaginal canal and the beginning of your uterus) changes in both texture and its position in your body, depending on where you are in your cycle. Your cervix will be lower and harder near your period, but near ovulation (which is halfway through your cycle), your cervix will be higher and softer. That means that you might be able to fit more of your partner’s penis inside your body when you’re closer to ovulation than when you’re closer to your period.

Of course, suppose you’re trying not to get pregnant. In that case, you also need to be extra careful about using a condom or another contraceptive method if you’re having sex near ovulation. But this change in depth due to your cycle isn’t relevant if you’re on hormonal birth control, like the Pill, because you’re very likely not ovulating.

When it comes to anal sex, the rectum doesn’t change in shape the way the vagina does. But the average size of the rectum ranges from around six to eight inches. That means it will more easily fit an average-sized penis than the average-sized vagina will. Does that mean it that every penis will fit in every butt? Nope! But it does mean that it’s more likely to fit.

If you’re experiencing a mismatch with your partner, Reader, and it’s bumming you out or interfering with your sex life, there are some things you can do to make penis-in-vagina sex feel better. First, make sure you’re really turned on before your partner enters you. That ensures that your cervix is as far up in your body as possible, making it harder for him to hit it. (Trust me: You don’t want him to hit it.) You can ease entry with a high-quality lube, which will help everything slide around nicely. And, finally, I recommend checking out Ohnut. It’s a customizable stack of rings that your partner can wear on their penis in order to control depth of penetration — a very 2020 solution to the ancient problem of the mare and the horse.