Rejection

[somebodyelse]

Bullshit sbe. You know damn well if you like or love a girl and you are still in the testing stage you will continue to go thru it because you want her. Just as women do the same.
Lets no hijack my thread to about pua. After learning about it it's just sad and has nothing to do with anything long term. You will fail when using pua IF you actually want to keep the girl ( as y'all said)

Rejection:
Let's say you are rejected. From the start, after dating, after 6-12 months. If the girl wants to try again but on her terms (slower and strip down your bullshit) do you try again even if it means possible rejection again?

BS. If I approached a woman and she met me with hostility, she's written off. It may have been different a few years ago, but at this stage in my life, I know I'm actually the sh*t. I have 0 tolerance for shenanigans. I've had a woman who would jump over the f*cking moon for me, never would cheat on me and she's still trying to get back in now. Hell I've got two ex girlfriends both trying to get back with me (granted one is the crazy stalker chick, she's still trying even 4 years later).

I know what it's like to be treated well and to not have to deal with BS games. If I pissed her off and she barks at me, fine. We'll talk about what happened (if we're already dating) However, if I'm on my initial approach and she's on some bullshit with an attitude, there will be issues. In a situation where I'm dating her and she has an attitude, that's different. something happened to her and I need to know what it was.

Why "test" someone? That's stupid... Cross bridges as the come. Why try to rock a boat with someone just to see how they react? That's kind of childish... actually no, that's full blown childish and immature. I dated a girl that had to "fight" just to know someone cared about her. I don't need that drama and I won't put up with it.


Rejection:

At this point in my life, I'm not sure.

Initial break up after a few dates and no more call backs. Pass.. On to the next one. 6months is essentially a breakup point in a relationship. Sometimes the relationships are worth re-exploring. sometimes they aren't. The guy may end up being the one to reject the female because she's not what he wants... Would you as a female be afraid to re-explore a relationship if you're afraid to find out that you're not what the guy wants after he's had time to think?

At the point where a "Rejection" is actually a break up, a lot of other moving pieces come into play like length of time you all spent together exclusively, how good was the "intimacy", how well did you integrate into each other's lives, what is the projected future for your relationship, was the other partner really that perfect for you. etc.

 

[islander]

I agree about initial meet. Any bs then pass. But once you are in it serious and love her you will wait until she is in the comfort zone and feels she knows and trusts you enough.that's what I mean by testing. Making sure you are not doing the bait n switch. If you don't then you are a dick and I know you are not.
Lol

I'm very into "potential". I see it immediately. In the beginning there is so much going on. Lots of nerves and learning about each other. And in my case pissing contest. They take a little time to get over a few things and realize I'm just a lady who wants to love. If I see what my gut tells me is there and it's great I can't give up. I wait for the rest of the man I know is there. I can't change that. It's my gut.

add: SBE the hardest thing to REMEMBER is putting the shoe on the other foot. I am trying very hard to always do this when it comes to relationships. Especially with my lack of communication skills lol And no, I doubt I would give an ex another shot if I felt everything was the same why bother. However if I loved the guy I am certain I would. I have, I am a repeat offender of that lol.

 

[Toadstool]

See, I think that kind of approach is what's going to lead a lot of women to be unhappy and single. I'm a very powerful person when I want to be. I'm head strong, stubborn, and sometimes, i'm always right (LOL!!!). So if a woman pushes up against me with attitude, and I approached with clear warm voice and smile, I'm immediately turned off because I'm not a person that likes having to confront people all the time.

First impressions mean everything and if she turns me off by being stupid, then I really have no desire to bother with her. She may be the greatest person on the planet, but my first impression is "She's got issues she's got to work on." Or she's not hit a maturity level that doesn't require her "testing" or barking at people. Only dogs bark.

Ladies use their words.

I can relate to this perspective. If I'm going to be the best I can be, that means having to cut the loose cannons out of my life. That will invariably mean not giving time or attention to the people who act like snooty princesses just because they can.

At the same time, I can't imagine ANY person responding with something so rude and so harsh that it would really hurt me to the core. I mean, what's the worst that she could say? I'm a big boy - I can handle it like a man.
I haven't approached hundreds, or thousands of women, but the worst I've ever encountered is a nonverbal brush-off. Like, turning 180 degrees so I can see the back of her head. I've never experienced a woman saying something REALLY mean and hurtful.

If I did, I'd probably say, "I feel bad for you. You must have a really low self esteem to treat people who show interest in getting to know you with so much rudeness. Nice talking with you." and walk away.

 

[Toadstool]

Why "test" someone? That's stupid

You know, I used to think this, too. I'm trying to open my mind to new perspectives and understand things from other peoples' point of view in the hopes of strengthening relationships with them.

I've read and heard that testing from women is to be expected. Why test? Well, here's what i've come across:

Women have a lot to lose in a relationship. They can get pregnant (which could result in her dying, would result in a total life change, her friends would look at her differently, new job, new responsibilities - everything changes) she could be seen as a slut, the guy might be abusive. Who knows?
Women have a lot on the line when it comes to sex. They test to make sure you have what it takes. It's what ethologists call "honest signals." You can't fake confidence. You can't fake poise for long. If she comes at you with a ball-busting comment and you're visibly shaken, that says something. If you are able to laugh it off and make a joke about it that makes HER laugh... that says something.

David Deida is a man who writes books and holds seminars about relationships from a spiritual perspective. He says that women will test men because they HAVE to. They need to trust you. They do it to be able to trust you.
You know, some guys aren't going anywhere with their lives. Some guys become docile and effeminate. Women will constantly test a man to make sure that he is still on course with his life and with his masculinity. You know how some guys get overly committed to a woman and basically give up their manhood for her affection? Apparently, women HATE that. So they test their partner to make sure he's still the man she first fell for.
Deida explains it much better than I can.

I know this is off topic. I'm just trying to share a different perspective. It's easy to brush off people as "stupid" but when we understand where they're coming from, it can change OUR perspective. For the better, hopefully.

 

[Bigdaddy55]

Would you care to share some more details as to what happened Islander? Sounds like someone rejected you or broke up with you. it's a part of life. It's just a part of the growing up process. In spanish there is a saying that when translated says "tell me who hasn't suffered pain in love?"
I didn't worry too much about it when I was single. If I got turned down, I did and it was time to move on. Sometimes it might hurt some because I liked her, but it wasn't worth dwelling over. I was one tough that liked the game and the chase. I was always said "don't hate the player, hate the game."

 

[Toadstool]

Bigdaddy, she saw a movie where this happened.

 

[Bigdaddy55]

Bigdaddy, she saw a movie where this happened.

What movie is this? I have a 3 year old, unless it's on Disney Junior, I don't watch it. "Hot Dog!"

 

[islander]

What sparked this whole thing was seeing the movie Walter Mitty. They guy is a mess and was so tormented he could not even press the "wink" button on his online dating site. The movie never spoke of his past rejection but it caused me to think about it. WOW how many times has a man tried and got shot down. How many times do they invest weeks months or a year only to be left/broken up with because after the true getting to know you phase (in my opinion it takes 6-12 months) they are just not what the woman wants.

I suppose women go through this too. I have not because I was married for decades and never had that problem in childhood. So I am new to the dating world and I am sure it will happen, I guess lol But this isn't about me. Its was a hope that men would simply share their experiences, fears of it, how they got over it. Frankly Im very impressed by men for many reasons and more so since thinking of this particular issue.

I've read some online information on it and of course the many guys here that took the time to explain their experience. I hope to always be a considerate woman but I know for sure now I will treat the approaches or discussions when/if explaining you are not the man for me. Hopefully this won't happen but I feel I will be a better deliverer of the information having thought of this and having read the replies here. Thank you

 

[somebodyelse]

I feel you Toad... I have opened my mind to perspectives, but what I always find is that it's always a self-centered, self-gratifying experiment for the agitator... You're doing an experiment on a human being. If I wanted to be experimented on, I'd sign up for a scientific study.

I'm an ass, but it's in a way that makes you laugh. being an ass to a sensitive person will only cause more drama. If I'm still not sure what you take as offensive, because I'm still getting to know you, I'm not going to ramp up my ass-ness. So, in essence, a staged "test" may end up with a "Results May Vary" disclaimer and she may find me getting more caustic as time goes by.

Which is why I say let stuff come out naturally and why I think "testing" is stupid... You don't get the same result if you force a situation.

 

[somebodyelse]

What sparked this whole thing was seeing the movie Walter Mitty. They guy is a mess and was so tormented he could not even press the "wink" button on his online dating site. The movie never spoke of his past rejection but it caused me to think about it. WOW how many times has a man tried and got shot down. How many times do they invest weeks months or a year only to be left/broken up with because after the true getting to know you phase (in my opinion it takes 6-12 months) they are just not what the woman wants.

I suppose women go through this too. I have not because I was married for decades and never had that problem in childhood. So I am new to the dating world and I am sure it will happen, I guess lol But this isn't about me. Its was a hope that men would simply share their experiences, fears of it, how they got over it. Frankly Im very impressed by men for many reasons and more so since thinking of this particular issue.

I've read some online information on it and of course the many guys here that took the time to explain their experience. I hope to always be a considerate woman but I know for sure now I will treat the approaches or discussions when/if explaining you are not the man for me. Hopefully this won't happen but I feel I will be a better deliverer of the information having thought of this and having read the replies here. Thank you

I love story telling because it's a form of allowing people to be in someone else's shoes just for a moment. You understand that person better when you listen to their story. I don't see how people make it their whole lives without wanting to view things from a different perspective than just their own.

Glad you are starting to see things from multiple angles.

 

[Pegasus]

It must be nice being up there on your moral highground, never having needed to approach a woman before. I bet your sense of humour and conversation skills attract all the ladies and you just have to sit back and enjoy, right?

Women can take or leave the real me ,I leave the games , lines , tricks ,deciiet etc to others.

 

[Toadstool]

Women can take or leave the real me ,I leave the games , lines , tricks ,deciiet etc to others.

Is that experience talking, or self-righteousness? You never struck me as a person who has a lot of experience in the dating world. You have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[Thick_Unit]

Hi guys. I wondered if you would be willing to share with the forum how rejection feels.

Men deal with it at a much higher rate.

Does that mean it's easier?
Do you fear rejection even after a woman tells you she loves you?
If you wanted a relationship but you get friend zoned, then later she see saws with you flirting/sex but still you don't get a spot on the important list. Do you feel rejected but stay with it anyway?

Do you think about the potential rejection odds even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens? Cycle continues because of the expectation put on you to continue to take the lead to approach women?

Please share what it's like

Thank you

Ps. The more we know the better

rejection from your own family is way worse then getting rejected by someone you don't know.


but I don't even waste my time asking anyone out.

I even I have been asked out but turned it down

 

[Pegasus]

Is that experience talking, or self-righteousness? You never struck me as a person who has a lot of experience in the dating world. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Phah.

 

[SirGainzalot]

What sparked this whole thing was seeing the movie Walter Mitty. They guy is a mess and was so tormented he could not even press the "wink" button on his online dating site. The movie never spoke of his past rejection but it caused me to think about it. WOW how many times has a man tried and got shot down. How many times do they invest weeks months or a year only to be left/broken up with because after the true getting to know you phase (in my opinion it takes 6-12 months) they are just not what the woman wants.

I suppose women go through this too. I have not because I was married for decades and never had that problem in childhood. So I am new to the dating world and I am sure it will happen, I guess lol But this isn't about me. Its was a hope that men would simply share their experiences, fears of it, how they got over it. Frankly Im very impressed by men for many reasons and more so since thinking of this particular issue.

I've read some online information on it and of course the many guys here that took the time to explain their experience. I hope to always be a considerate woman but I know for sure now I will treat the approaches or discussions when/if explaining you are not the man for me. Hopefully this won't happen but I feel I will be a better deliverer of the information having thought of this and having read the replies here. Thank you

this is what every man has to go through its part of growing up doing pua teaches you that you need to go through it. 90% of the time you will be rejected. this is something most fathers dont teach there son so get used to it. being rejected is just part of life and the people who cant deal with it dont succeed unfortunatley this is the truth.

the best way to deal with rejection is strategy and perseverance. and constant refinement of making your effort valid.

 

[islander]

Good point G thank you. We all need to teach this to our children that it's ok and give them the tools to try try again!!

Dont only go after the sure things to avoid rejection.

We never stop learning in life. By choice or not.

As you all age, I'm older than the majority here, you'll find it's not that you avoid potential rejection. It's more you know what you don't want. You know what you are capable of. You know what you are willing to go for. I myself don't quit and I don't see things as failures. If I tried with all I've got that's good enough for me.

Thanks again for sharing the male experience! Xo

 

[Toadstool]

that island girl is pretty cool, isn't she?

 

[SirGainzalot]

Hi guys. I wondered if you would be willing to share with the forum how rejection feels.

Men deal with it at a much higher rate.

Does that mean it's easier?
Do you fear rejection even after a woman tells you she loves you?
If you wanted a relationship but you get friend zoned, then later she see saws with you flirting/sex but still you don't get a spot on the important list. Do you feel rejected but stay with it anyway?

Do you think about the potential rejection odds even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens? Cycle continues because of the expectation put on you to continue to take the lead to approach women?

Please share what it's like

Thank you

Ps. The more we know the better

Let me answer your original questions and queries.


Does that mean it's easier?

you would have thought so but no unfortunatley not. especially for a sensitive guy such as myself rejection can be the worst form of physcological punishment. but its only punishment if you dont understand why your being rejected. the act of being rejected obviously means your missing something. tools to asses the situation and the right information to approach the situation properly.


Do you fear rejection even after a woman tells you she loves you?

of course this is one of the leading reasons why men marry other women. so they dont have anyone else interfearing with there affairs. everyday can be a struggle to keep the woman you love/who loves you still interested in you. it maybe a given that she loves you but you still need to keep that interest and spark going or it will fan out.

If you wanted a relationship but you get friend zoned, then later she see saws with you flirting/sex but still you don't get a spot on the important list. Do you feel rejected but stay with it anyway?

well you see pua teaches that you can get out of freindzoning pretty easily by being with that friend taking them to a bar and actively displaying affection infront of her face to other women making you more desireable. this works nearly 100% of the time. its also good to have freinds coz they can get you laid too. being freindzoned isnt as bad as everyone thinks. if you know how to turn it into an opportunity. most people i guess would be bummed out and not try anymore. i wouldnt bother trying with that girl unless you really wanted to use that trick i just mentioned. keep her as a freind and get her to bring her freinds out and then choose your pick.

Do you think about the potential rejection odds even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens? Cycle continues because of the expectation put on you to continue to take the lead to approach women?

All the time it keeps you on your toes and makes it feel like a genuine approach, by that i mean even if your not in the mood and you do find someone whos damn attractive and looks interested in you by indicators of interest. such as curling the hair scratching arms scratching there head there nose there shoulder etc etc. you can feel the build up of will she reject me or will she take me. as long as your not a complete creep you will be succesful if you know a few routines and keep things light hearted.

and yes the expectation to lead is a massive downer if girls constantly complain that there being treated unfair (stupid feminists) then why dont they ask us men out or instigate. purely because in nature women are more of a receiver than a giver. even our bodies are shaped that way. mentally this can be different on an individual level but biologically this is true. so men have to go through this fight or flight non sense which comes back to our primative ape days;

meaning that when we were in tribes we had to go to other tribes to ask for food and maybe take there women. naturally if we screwed up our missions the whole tribe would come down on you and tear you apart and kill you. so the fear is naturally instilled in us to make us wary of rejection. because our ape genes say rejection equals death. so we have to deal with that all the time.

its so redundant now and we need to rationalise this fear we have. the more we practice being rejected the more we can understand that its not so bad.

 

[somebodyelse]

Good point G thank you. We all need to teach this to our children that it's ok and give them the tools to try try again!!

Dont only go after the sure things to avoid rejection.

We never stop learning in life. By choice or not.

As you all age, I'm older than the majority here, you'll find it's not that you avoid potential rejection. It's more you know what you don't want. You know what you are capable of. You know what you are willing to go for. I myself don't quit and I don't see things as failures. If I tried with all I've got that's good enough for me.

Thanks again for sharing the male experience! Xo

That's where we agree

I think the biggest difference in our sights is that You don't believe anything is a "failure." I think failure is exactly what it is... a learning experience and something to use as a learning experience. Just a bit of a verbiage incongruity.




This Honda video changed my life several years ago:

the last couple of lines really sum it up

 

[CUSP82]

I like to reject rejection. So someone doesn't like me; hell I'm used to that. I can be nothing other than what I am and if the whole world didn't like me well than I still like myself. Does it hurt? Well maybe a little but enjoying life is just so much better.