Rejection

[islander]

Hi guys. I wondered if you would be willing to share with the forum how rejection feels.

Men deal with it at a much higher rate.

Does that mean it's easier?
Do you fear rejection even after a woman tells you she loves you?
If you wanted a relationship but you get friend zoned, then later she see saws with you flirting/sex but still you don't get a spot on the important list. Do you feel rejected but stay with it anyway?

Do you think about the potential rejection odds even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens? Cycle continues because of the expectation put on you to continue to take the lead to approach women?

Please share what it's like

Thank you

Ps. The more we know the better

 

[somebodyelse]

Most women know about rejection because they go about trying to get what they want and sometimes what they want doesn't want them.

if a girl is playing with a guy's emotions by first friend-zoning him then using him for sex, she's a horrible person. A guy doesn't stick around a woman because she's a great person... he cares about her and wants the panties. Unless she's gay and she's really cool, she's going to screw up the relationship/friendship by using the guy.

Rejection isn't in my head when I do anything. I know I can get anything I want as long as I make the right approach. Nothing I do is out of fear... You can't control someone else's reaction.

I don't think there's a "food chain" I think some women think they should be chased. Some women whom the mainstream wouldn't find "attractive" actually don't get chased... they have to go out and flirt and make the first move. Many times, they flirt and make moves on guys who are seriously shallow and they get rejected.

They have taken the role of being a male and taking the brunt of the rejection. it's all good.

rejection builds wisdom and character.

 

[somebodyelse]

Wait... I see what is happening, Editing first post

 

[Pegasus]

Being turned down is one thing friend zoneing is another ,i try to sever all contact cross the street if I see her comeing etc.

Would you like to clarify this it sounds pua.?
Quote

Rejection is in your head even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens. Cycle continues because of your position in the food chain. The politics of it all. The one that should approach etc
Unquote.

 

[somebodyelse]

As far as how rejection feels...

Hmmm, well, most males, and some females, experience rejection at a very young age. I was I think 9 or 10 when I was rejected by a girl... it scars and you become scared to feel that deep aching in your chest again. It feels like someone literally took a large gauge railroad spike and jabs it through the center of your chest when you're a kid.

As you get older it just feels like mild social embarrassment.

The reason guys are really scared to move a lot of times in their teens and early twenties is because they never truly got over that first rejection. The fear of the pain and the embarrassment is paralyzing...

The thing is, we gotta remember all someone can do is say yes or no. It's not a judgement on you as person, it's a judgment on them.

 

[John_Clark]

I still fear rejection even from someone who has told me they love me many times.

 

[islander]

What I meant was "being turned down by women"
Men keep going. Over and over it has to be hard.

I ask because I saw a movie and the lead character just couldn't make a move. He was so freaked out.

Of course there are a ton of variables.

Even if you know you are a FWB (mutually agreed upon) deep down does your competitive nature wish she would love you?

Truth is it's never a lock for either gender. You can be left at any moment. You can be turned down at every approach. Thats life.

You can't get what you want , who you want ,when you want. None of us can. We just have to try. The odd's improve somewhat when we go for someone that is more like us but never a guaranty.

This isn't about me or how I treat men who are not life partner material. I have never hidden how I feel about someone or made anything up.

I'm seriously interested in the feeling y'all have at the different stages and does it ever really go away no matter how safe you feel in the relationship.

 

[islander]

Peg
Men more than women still to this day make the moves. Whether at a bar or online. Men have experienced more turn downs than women. Men and women are assessed as the relationship continues; what are they bringing to the table, makes them special etc it's not just about looks, dick size etc... when one is considering a true life partner.

Each woman, culture, having a preset notion of what they will accept ( standards) and most of the time the men do not know if they meet the min requirements at first approach.

So knowing all this they STILL keep going thank God. Still try to meet someone new, send a wink online, deliver a corny/cute line.

This to me is impressive because from the start, middle and end they know the odds. They could get rejected.

Add: So many have said "its her not you" that is awesome and 100% correct. We all don't click. We all don't meet the needs of every person we meet. That is an awesome way to keep thinking of the rejection and I hope most men and women think this way.

 

[Pegasus]

Peg
Men more than women still to this day make the moves. Whether at a bar or online. Men have experienced more turn downs than women. Men will be rejected more often for their personal value; what are they bringing to the table, makes them special etc it's not about looks or dick size.

Each woman, culture, having a preset notion of what they will accept ( standards) and most of the time the men do not know if they meet the min requirements at first approach.

So knowing all this they STILL keep going thank God. Still try to meet someone new, send a wink online, deliver a corny line.

This to me is impressive because from the start, middle and end they know the odds.

So how many women know your personal value to make a judgement on it. Women(like men) usually make shallow judgements based on little data . Their judgement of your net worth is more important than your dick size . Is this what you mean by place on the food chain?

 

[Pegasus]

Oh god I think you may be a female pua.

 

[burtybasset]

Yeah, rejection is pretty sucky! But there are several ways guys deal with it.

1. Either they curl up in a ball, become bitter about the whole thing and never to venture to have there innards ripped from them again.

2. They go for women they like, but are not head over in heals dazzled by, so as to limit any emotional damage.

3. They transcend friend-zones by becoming such an asshole that women will not want to be his friend because he's a douche or they will think he's confident and daring/whatever he wins, either way he doesn't lose because he knows he's being an ass.

4. He takes rejection in his stride, he realises that that particular lady wasn't for him and moves on (probably takes the greatest man on this list)

5. Be so charming and come on so strong in the first place, that being friends after this would just be awkward (not bad, you know where you stand).

6. I'm sure there are others.

Sometimes the fear of being alone is greater than the fear of rejection and motivates guys to do something about it.

I'm sure there are ways to get the lady you want without risk of being the emotional trampoline of said lady (but where's the fun in that). It works in Vegas - the house always wins or I suppose battles are won before they are ever fought - choose your metaphor.

I have been rejected before a many times, but I think you can become conditioned to it, at one point when I first become interested in girls number 1. was the case for many years, but I bounced back eventually and getting rejected becomes a route to success, however I have never been a fan of game playing I like to know exactly where I stand.

At some point or another I have been all of the examples above, not saying any of them are right, but I have gotten some results.

 

[Toadstool]

Does experiencing rejection make it easier? Yes. It does. Well, maybe. If you force yourself to get rejected each time but still look at it in the same way - as this monumental thing that actually means something (which, it doesn't, by the way) - then I don't think it gets much easier.
If you can change the way you view rejection, then you can deal with it much easier. What if... you saw rejection as a good thing?


Rejection feels like this clenching in my solar plexus that extends to my shoulders and back. It feels like I've been psychically hurt. I used to think it meant it was something against me, as a person. Now, I don't care so much. I shrug it off and keep going.

You know, I've read that the feeling of rejection goes along the same neural network as physical pain does. I've read that getting rejected is the same as being physically hurt. That's why public speaking is quite often so difficult for people: it's physical pain times 100. You may as well cut your eyeball out.
That goes back to tribal days when we were in tightly nit groups and rejection meant certain death. If the group rejected you, then you were cast out of the tribe, left to wander around. For men, it's worse. It's not like some other tribe is going to pick up another man. Who needs more of those? He'd be left to wander until he died. So, some part of us equates rejection with something very, very bad.

But we're living in a much larger society, now. A man can get rejected 100 different times in a single day from various sources and not have it affect his life in any significant way, if at all. It's definitely something that can be overcome, but it takes pushing yourself to get there.

 

[MrB8]

There is probably not much for me to bring to this great discussion (I do like it and I think it is very beneficial as it brings up deep issues to the surface for all to benefit from).


Rejection is painful, whether it is from a female or from anything in life "figuratively", dealing with it is what matters though, in my opinion, the best route would be, tomorrow is another day, gather your strength and move on, it ought to happen someday that one will find his match in something.

Letting fear take control will only help demise one's personality and life.

 

[SirGainzalot]

as a long time studier of rejection the pua techniques such as the mystery method and loads of others.

rejection is your fault for not presenting yourself in a way that makes you the top dog for that woman you want. women dont see attraction in the same way as men do. as in big boobs nice ass and a nice face. women see it inherintly in personality. if you can overcome your not so good looks with an amazing personality it really wins women over. the confidence to pull that off will make you attractive to the ladies more than anything else will.

think about it. being on this dick forum and growing a bigger dick wont attract you another woman. having a bulge in your pants may attract you the wrong woman anyways.

im on this forum because i intend to marry someone. so its different.

as for rejection you should always blame yourself learn from the experience and evaluate what went wrong and try to modify it until you get a winning forumla that works for you. then when you get passed that intial phase of rapor and attraction you can drop the act and be yourself. thats the key thing pua guys forget to do. is be yourself after the magic tricks.

then you can get to know someone genuinley. unless all you want is a fuck. then continue magic tricks until shes sucking your wang.

bottom line is your only rejected because you didnt present yourself in the way that was appeasing to her.

for example MAn A approaches a woman freaks her out by asking too many personal questions too fast.

man B appraches not soon after and makes her laugh and enjoy there company enough to make her think about dinner later in the evening so they exchange numbers.

if your being rejected alot learn from man B.

simples.

 

[Toadstool]

Even if you know you are just a FWB deep down does your competitive nature wish she would love you.
Truth is it's never a lock for either gender. You can be left at any moment. You can be turned down at every approach.

No, my competitive nature does not come up and wish she would love me. When I go into a FWB, I've made the conscious choice - this is where this relationship is going. How silly would it be for me to say, midway through, oh you know what? I changed my mind! Nothing says wishy washy and flaky as that.

 

[Toadstool]

deliver a corny line.

One day I'd like to compile a list of all the corny pickup lines I've heard women say they've heard. Here's my current favourite:
"Islander, you MUST be a parking ticket ... Because you've got FINE written ALL over you!"

 

[Toadstool]

Being turned down by women. Thats what I mean. Men keep going. Over and over it has to be hard.

It is hard.

Imagine you're walking through the mall and you see a group of beautiful women you'd like to approach. Or, men in your case. There's one in particular that caught your eye.
What do you do? "go over and say hi." Kay. Then what? How do you deal with the heart pounding in your chest? How do you just pretend like your don't have sweat dripping down your back? Does her saying "i'm not interested" mean something about you? Then why did she start flirting with that one guy who obviously looks like such a jackass?

This is one reason why I've gotten so deep into the spirituality thing. To just let go of it all and not care if she likes me or wants me or is repulsed by me. The truth is, she could reject you for any number of reasons. You're not what she's looking for, she's gay, she just broke up with someone and wants to stay single, her cat died and you came at a bad time... who knows? It's none of my business.
As a man, I'm trying to get really familiar with what I stand for and where I'm going. To that extent, who cares if someone doesn't like me? There's another 3.5+ billion women out there. I'm sure ONE of them will like me.

 

[Toadstool]

Oh god I think you may be a female pua.

It must be nice being up there on your moral highground, never having needed to approach a woman before. I bet your sense of humour and conversation skills attract all the ladies and you just have to sit back and enjoy, right?

 

[somebodyelse]

as a long time studier of rejection the pua techniques such as the mystery method and loads of others.

rejection is your fault for not presenting yourself in a way that makes you the top dog for that woman you want. women dont see attraction in the same way as men do. as in big boobs nice ass and a nice face. women see it inherintly in personality. if you can overcome your not so good looks with an amazing personality it really wins women over. the confidence to pull that off will make you attractive to the ladies more than anything else will.

think about it. being on this dick forum and growing a bigger dick wont attract you another woman. having a bulge in your pants may attract you the wrong woman anyways.

im on this forum because i intend to marry someone. so its different.

as for rejection you should always blame yourself learn from the experience and evaluate what went wrong and try to modify it until you get a winning forumla that works for you. then when you get passed that intial phase of rapor and attraction you can drop the act and be yourself. thats the key thing pua guys forget to do. is be yourself after the magic tricks.

then you can get to know someone genuinley. unless all you want is a fuck. then continue magic tricks until shes sucking your wang.

bottom line is your only rejected because you didnt present yourself in the way that was appeasing to her.

for example MAn A approaches a woman freaks her out by asking too many personal questions too fast.

man B appraches not soon after and makes her laugh and enjoy there company enough to make her think about dinner later in the evening so they exchange numbers.

if your being rejected alot learn from man B.

simples.

I'd agree and disagree with this... I went about the whole "PUA" thing.. magic tricks as you called them. When you drop the magic tricks, the women sense it and don't want to be bothered... you're not the guy she fell for so she starts pushing buttons. Things she wasn't allowed to get away with when you were using your magic tricks she'll continue to try to do because that's what she was trained to do by you. women always push their boundaries and if you let them start getting away with stuff because you've softened up, you're not what she was trained to be with by YOU.


I agree that your approach is paramount. After finding out what approach works for me, I've walked up to some damned attractive women flirted, exchanged numbers and had dates with. It's all in WHERE you find them and how you approach them...

Sorry, islander, a man CAN get whatever girl he wants as long as he knows his strengths and plays to them.

The only place this ISN'T true is online where it's essentially a meat market. you become a meat product with a picture... Online is a woman's domain. Every guy may as well have a barcode. you're reduced to your ingredients and what your packaging looks like. This is one of the main reasons I hate online dating and prefer to move ahead in the real world.

Rejection is quite a bit less common in real life.

 

[islander]

Thanks for all the replies. I'll read in detail and fix all my type o's.

This came about from watching a movie. I felt the guys pain it was terrible. Then I realized that I really only know rejection I have felt. I don't know what it's like to be a man and have never had the discussion or seen it on here touching at how it affects a man at different stages

Peg: food chain was wrong word. I meant "expectation"? It's expected the man will approach in most cases and that takes a lot of guts to keep going for it.
PEG: I just looked up PUA and No I am not. LOL!!!!!!!

For example you meet a guy. He says a cute funny corny line. You will take it or leave it depending on how you handle it. This happens to women too. I know this. My thread is about how do MEN feel how they deal with it.

When starting to date and getting to know a person you are learning. Is this person for me. Who is this person. Sometimes you find out they are not for you. Sometimes you feel so far they are and keep going. Not everyone you meet will work out.