Rejection

[burtybasset]

Wow Toad, I've never seen you respond so many times to one thread in such a short space of time, you must love rejection,

just kidding
:heh: :bolt:

 

[somebodyelse]

It is hard.

Imagine you're walking through the mall and you see a group of beautiful women you'd like to approach. Or, men in your case. There's one in particular that caught your eye.
What do you do? "go over and say hi." Kay. Then what? How do you deal with the heart pounding in your chest? How do you just pretend like your don't have sweat dripping down your back? Does her saying "i'm not interested" mean something about you? Then why did she start flirting with that one guy who obviously looks like such a jackass?

This is one reason why I've gotten so deep into the spirituality thing. To just let go of it all and not care if she likes me or wants me or is repulsed by me. The truth is, she could reject you for any number of reasons. You're not what she's looking for, she's gay, she just broke up with someone and wants to stay single, her cat died and you came at a bad time... who knows? It's none of my business.
As a man, I'm trying to get really familiar with what I stand for and where I'm going. To that extent, who cares if someone doesn't like me? There's another 3.5+ billion women out there. I'm sure ONE of them will like me.

I can see there's truth to this too...

I've had my fair share of rejections, but most of the time, I'm not rejected simply because I've decided to make light conversation. if she really blows me off, then I'm like "something was wrong with her."

If your approach is strong, and she doesn't bite, there's nothing you did wrong and it was HER problem. rejection is something that you deal with on a day to day basis.

As far as your scenario, walking up to a group of ladies, I know that I don't operate well in that scenario so I pass, unless I look at a girl and she smiles back to me. If I get the cue to approach I'm going in and talking with the polite "I don't mean to interrupt." But if there's no body language "go ahead run" I pass by.

in my setting is a quiet place, on the street when she's alone, or in a bookstore or coffee place. Make a joke about a situation in the room and light conversation, make a comment about what she's doing, and if it goes well, exchange numbers.

I know where my success rate is through the roof. and where it falters. You mitigate chances of rejection by actually approaching in a place where a woman is approachable... Goes back to "you not making the right approach"

 

[burtybasset]

I can see there's truth to this too...

I've had my fair share of rejections, but most of the time, I'm not rejected simply because I've decided to make light conversation. if she really blows me off, then I'm like "something was wrong with her."

If your approach is strong, and she doesn't bite, there's nothing you did wrong and it was HER problem. rejection is something that you deal with on a day to day basis.

As far as your scenario, walking up to a group of ladies, I know that I don't operate well in that scenario so I pass, unless I look at a girl and she smiles back to me. If I get the cue to approach I'm going in and talking with the polite "I don't mean to interrupt." But if there's no body language "go ahead run" I pass by.

in my setting is a quiet place, on the street when she's alone, or in a bookstore or coffee place. Make a joke about a situation in the room and light conversation, make a comment about what she's doing, and if it goes well, exchange numbers.

I know where my success rate is through the roof. and where it falters. You mitigate chances of rejection by actually approaching in a place where a woman is approachable... Goes back to "you not making the right approach"

Yeah, I'm with you on that, it does pay sometimes to test the water before leaping in, reading body language is not something that always comes naturally to guys, but it is an invaluable tool for gauging someone's reactions to you, before your told to do one.

Toads right there could be a million different things in a woman's life that causes her to reject a guy without it being reflection on him as a person.

 

[SirGainzalot]

I can see there's truth to this too...

I've had my fair share of rejections, but most of the time, I'm not rejected simply because I've decided to make light conversation. if she really blows me off, then I'm like "something was wrong with her."

If your approach is strong, and she doesn't bite, there's nothing you did wrong and it was HER problem. rejection is something that you deal with on a day to day basis.

As far as your scenario, walking up to a group of ladies, I know that I don't operate well in that scenario so I pass, unless I look at a girl and she smiles back to me. If I get the cue to approach I'm going in and talking with the polite "I don't mean to interrupt." But if there's no body language "go ahead run" I pass by.

in my setting is a quiet place, on the street when she's alone, or in a bookstore or coffee place. Make a joke about a situation in the room and light conversation, make a comment about what she's doing, and if it goes well, exchange numbers.

I know where my success rate is through the roof. and where it falters. You mitigate chances of rejection by actually approaching in a place where a woman is approachable... Goes back to "you not making the right approach"

a good pua will always tell you its always your fault for not directing the outcome the way you wanted. it just means you dont have enough tools at your disposal to make things go the way you want.

as mentioned in my example Man B just has better tools. you shouldnt blame a woman for not wanting you. thats a bit sadistic. its her choice to want you or not just like its your choice to deny other women. but what makes it less apprent is if you approach a woman with your A game and you know how to turn her on not by just looking nice but by qualifying her to make you look like you have some value. the bigger you qualify someone the more value you have. then you build rappor. then you seduce then you get a number and arrange to meet in the right envrionment.

if your approach is date me date date me. and you blame the woman for not wanting you then you may have to re assess your values towards women.

dont blame the tools blame the user.

 

[Dissily]

I always find these scenarios intriguing. Having mistakenly gone through a stage when I thought I might be heterosexual I experienced the often very nasty put-downs women can dish out at even the most polite approach. It's very different with male/male attempts to get to first base. You can approach another gay male with a simple 'Wanna fuck" or just lock eye contact in an unambiguous manner and they'll follow you. Hardly ever to male/ male pick-up situations end up with the nastiness women often hand out. To give women the benefit of the doubt I have to say the way a lot of men approach them is extremely awkward. This could however be because from experience men expect a nasty rejection. So it's a chicken and the egg question really.

 

[SirGainzalot]

I always find these scenarios intriguing. Having mistakenly gone through a stage when I thought I might be heterosexual I experienced the often very nasty put-downs women can dish out at even the most polite approach. It's very different with male/male attempts to get to first base. You can approach another gay male with a simple 'Wanna fuck" or just lock eye contact in an unambiguous manner and they'll follow you. Hardly ever to male/ male pick-up situations end up with the nastiness women often hand out. To give women the benefit of the doubt I have to say the way a lot of men approach them is extremely awkward. This could however be because from experience men expect a nasty rejection. So it's a chicken and the egg question really.

its why negging works also scientists have worked out that the chicken came first.

 

[CanIgrowPlease]

As far as how rejection feels...

Hmmm, well, most males, and some females, experience rejection at a very young age. I was I think 9 or 10 when I was rejected by a girl... it scars and you become scared to feel that deep aching in your chest again. It feels like someone literally took a large gauge railroad spike and jabs it through the center of your chest when you're a kid.

As you get older it just feels like mild social embarrassment.

The reason guys are really scared to move a lot of times in their teens and early twenties is because they never truly got over that first rejection. The fear of the pain and the embarrassment is paralyzing...

The thing is, we gotta remember all someone can do is say yes or no. It's not a judgement on you as person, it's a judgment on them.

Hmm this is interesting I think fear of rejection results in years of inexperience and insecurity like me for example. Its easy for because they really don't have to do anything. And guys on the other hand on a guys have multiple things on their mind when it comes to an cold approach. Apperance and inexperience are the main things that appiles to fearing rejection. And I think in a guys mind if he feels rejected then he will think every woman will reject him.

 

[somebodyelse]

a good pua will always tell you its always your fault for not directing the outcome the way you wanted. it just means you dont have enough tools at your disposal to make things go the way you want.

as mentioned in my example Man B just has better tools. you shouldnt blame a woman for not wanting you. thats a bit sadistic. its her choice to want you or not just like its your choice to deny other women. but what makes it less apprent is if you approach a woman with your A game and you know how to turn her on not by just looking nice but by qualifying her to make you look like you have some value. the bigger you qualify someone the more value you have. then you build rappor. then you seduce then you get a number and arrange to meet in the right envrionment.

if your approach is date me date date me. and you blame the woman for not wanting you then you may have to re assess your values towards women.

dont blame the tools blame the user.

You do realize you said "magic Trick" and "tools at your disposal" then you say "a situation doesn't go your way."

Well, honestly, you're still playing games in every situation. If you want a girl that you have to play games with, THAT'S what the pick up artist crap is. I did it... I was very successful at it 5 years ago. I read a few "how to be a mack" books, mentored with my master mack cousin and got women to follow me around with game.

You appeal to a woman's sensibilities and manipulate a situation to make it go your way with using the correct language.

If you become a master manipulator, you're not "being yourself" you're being a manipulator... hence why i said, if you switch off and start being yourself, you've already trained the girl to believe you're one way, but you're not... You're really another way. This is damaging because you now have to play a game to keep a girl around you... Who wants to live like that? I did it... Every relationship I developed with that type of crap always fell apart because you're not who you portray yourself to be when you're using manipulation.

I don't know about you, but waking up having to chose my words carefully to make my position always on top is tiring.

 

[CanIgrowPlease]

as a long time studier of rejection the pua techniques such as the mystery method and loads of others.

rejection is your fault for not presenting yourself in a way that makes you the top dog for that woman you want. women dont see attraction in the same way as men do. as in big boobs nice ass and a nice face. women see it inherintly in personality. if you can overcome your not so good looks with an amazing personality it really wins women over. the confidence to pull that off will make you attractive to the ladies more than anything else will.

think about it. being on this dick forum and growing a bigger dick wont attract you another woman. having a bulge in your pants may attract you the wrong woman anyways.

im on this forum because i intend to marry someone. so its different.

as for rejection you should always blame yourself learn from the experience and evaluate what went wrong and try to modify it until you get a winning forumla that works for you. then when you get passed that intial phase of rapor and attraction you can drop the act and be yourself. thats the key thing pua guys forget to do. is be yourself after the magic tricks.

then you can get to know someone genuinley. unless all you want is a fuck. then continue magic tricks until shes sucking your wang.

bottom line is your only rejected because you didnt present yourself in the way that was appeasing to her.

for example MAn A approaches a woman freaks her out by asking too many personal questions too fast.

man B appraches not soon after and makes her laugh and enjoy there company enough to make her think about dinner later in the evening so they exchange numbers.

if your being rejected alot learn from man B.

simples.

Honestly I think personality doesn't appeal a girl. I would have had a girlfriend. And what if you don't have good looks and a great personality ? Can you develop a great personality ? I think women don't know what they want nowadays and it shows. Women are becoming more and more shallow these days.

 

[Toadstool]

I can see there's truth to this too...

I've had my fair share of rejections, but most of the time, I'm not rejected simply because I've decided to make light conversation. if she really blows me off, then I'm like "something was wrong with her."

If your approach is strong, and she doesn't bite, there's nothing you did wrong and it was HER problem. rejection is something that you deal with on a day to day basis.

As far as your scenario, walking up to a group of ladies, I know that I don't operate well in that scenario so I pass, unless I look at a girl and she smiles back to me. If I get the cue to approach I'm going in and talking with the polite "I don't mean to interrupt." But if there's no body language "go ahead run" I pass by.

in my setting is a quiet place, on the street when she's alone, or in a bookstore or coffee place. Make a joke about a situation in the room and light conversation, make a comment about what she's doing, and if it goes well, exchange numbers.

I know where my success rate is through the roof. and where it falters. You mitigate chances of rejection by actually approaching in a place where a woman is approachable... Goes back to "you not making the right approach"

Yea. In the past, I used to make it complicated. I'd learn some lines, go out and throw them at her and hope for the best.
Now, I would take a much simpler approach. Whether it's one girl standing alone, a group of them giggling together, or a cute girl at a cash, I'd say something along the lines of "Hey, I noticed you in the crowd. You have (such and such) about you that really caught my eye. I'd be interested in getting to know you."

Sometimes women don't want to be approached and that's okay. But also, sometimes life takes you in a whirlwind and you can't plan for what's going to happen. All I try to do is recognize opportunities and jump on them as they come. If I'm at a starbucks and I see this girl walking outside, do I drop everything and call out? Or do I think, damn, if only the circumstances were right?
You never know where she's going to be. I don't know about you, but I don't want every woman out there. I'm picky, and I'm looking to get pickier. But that means I gotta up MY game.

 

[Toadstool]

I always find these scenarios intriguing. Having mistakenly gone through a stage when I thought I might be heterosexual I experienced the often very nasty put-downs women can dish out at even the most polite approach. It's very different with male/male attempts to get to first base. You can approach another gay male with a simple 'Wanna fuck" or just lock eye contact in an unambiguous manner and they'll follow you. Hardly ever to male/ male pick-up situations end up with the nastiness women often hand out. To give women the benefit of the doubt I have to say the way a lot of men approach them is extremely awkward. This could however be because from experience men expect a nasty rejection. So it's a chicken and the egg question really.

Yea, this is where the PUA theory of "testing" and "bad boy" comes to my mind.

A particularly attractive woman will likely be approached several times a day. She has to sort through all of those approaches in a very quick and timely manner. Sometimes, rudeness comes out.
But don't let that rudeness fool you. She's actually a sweetheart underneath, potentially. She's just testing your sh*t, to see if you have the balls, and the "stuff" needed to handle her. Sometimes she can be a forceful, opinionated, emotional bitch. Can you handle that?
If I, as a guy, can let a total stranger make me feel bad about myself, what does that IMMEDIATELY say about me, my character, and how I could handle her throughout the relationship?

This is probably one reason why the bad boy can get away with so much. He just don't give a fuck. She might slam him down HARD but he'll think it's funny and tease her about it. He'll penetrate through those defences and get her to open up.
He doesn't even PERCEIVE rejection.

 

[somebodyelse]

Yea. In the past, I used to make it complicated. I'd learn some lines, go out and throw them at her and hope for the best.
Now, I would take a much simpler approach. Whether it's one girl standing alone, a group of them giggling together, or a cute girl at a cash, I'd say something along the lines of "Hey, I noticed you in the crowd. You have (such and such) about you that really caught my eye. I'd be interested in getting to know you."

Sometimes women don't want to be approached and that's okay. But also, sometimes life takes you in a whirlwind and you can't plan for what's going to happen. All I try to do is recognize opportunities and jump on them as they come. If I'm at a starbucks and I see this girl walking outside, do I drop everything and call out? Or do I think, damn, if only the circumstances were right?
You never know where she's going to be. I don't know about you, but I don't want every woman out there. I'm picky, and I'm looking to get pickier. But that means I gotta up MY game.

Absolutely man. honestly, I'm actually really picky about my women now. SUPER picky. I'm not picky as far as looks, but there's a growing compatibility log that I need to have from experience.

I'm not that guy that campaigns until i get elected anymore. I'm past throwing lines at every woman.

BTW, a woman walking outside while you're in starbucks? that's a complicated maneuver that I wouldn't bother wasting time with. if she was IN starbucks, you could say she has the same "taste" you do (granted that's reaching) but then the circumstances are right for you to talk to her.

Like a friend of mine. I helped him with his approaches. He was at an icecream place. Chick in front of him was cute. He noticed her, she noticed him. She ordered her stuff to go. He didn't she heard it, i figure, but instead of leaving after getting her order, she found a table and sat down. In his mind, he said "if she leaves, then oh well, but if she sits down, I'm holl'in"

When she sat down, he knew that was his cue and he took it. They dated for 6 months, but he eventually got tired of her. he's SUPER picky.

If circumstances are right, you can make stuff happen.

 

[somebodyelse]

Another thing...Me and the same dude were about to go see a movie. We were walking to a... damn it was another icecream spot... LMAO didn't even notice that right away.

Outside was this goddess creature. beautiful face, great skin, excellent smile in business attire. omg... She was gorgeous. I looked at her she looked up... I was laughing with my boy, and so I looked at her mid chuckle (smile) and she smiled back then looked back at her news paper. We walked in, I looked out the window of the spot at her... she was into her paper with a coffee on the table, so I went back out.

Sat down with her, we talked. Things went smoothly. Since we were headed to do something recreational I asked if she was free to join me. She said she was about to head to work. I said great. I got her phone number and talked a little more...

Here comes the bad part... She looked older than she was. She was 17 years old, senior in highschool. FUCK! so I thanked her for her time and rolled out.

This woman was HOT, dude. I got the digits got her smiling laughing... (She asked me to call her) but I decided that was NOT what I wanted (for obvious reasons)... if I was younger and pulled the same sh*t it would have worked even then. I'm not the hottest dude on the planet, but I know which approaches work for me.

 

[Toadstool]

Ah I HATE when that happens

 

[somebodyelse]

Yea, this is where the PUA theory of "testing" and "bad boy" comes to my mind.

A particularly attractive woman will likely be approached several times a day. She has to sort through all of those approaches in a very quick and timely manner. Sometimes, rudeness comes out.
But don't let that rudeness fool you. She's actually a sweetheart underneath, potentially. She's just testing your sh*t, to see if you have the balls, and the "stuff" needed to handle her. Sometimes she can be a forceful, opinionated, emotional bitch. Can you handle that?
If I, as a guy, can let a total stranger make me feel bad about myself, what does that IMMEDIATELY say about me, my character, and how I could handle her throughout the relationship?

This is probably one reason why the bad boy can get away with so much. He just don't give a fuck. She might slam him down HARD but he'll think it's funny and tease her about it. He'll penetrate through those defences and get her to open up.
He doesn't even PERCEIVE rejection.

See, I think that kind of approach is what's going to lead a lot of women to be unhappy and single. I'm a very powerful person when I want to be. I'm head strong, stubborn, and sometimes, i'm always right (LOL!!!). So if a woman pushes up against me with attitude, and I approached with clear warm voice and smile, I'm immediately turned off because I'm not a person that likes having to confront people all the time.

First impressions mean everything and if she turns me off by being stupid, then I really have no desire to bother with her. She may be the greatest person on the planet, but my first impression is "She's got issues she's got to work on." Or she's not hit a maturity level that doesn't require her "testing" or barking at people. Only dogs bark.

Ladies use their words.

 

[kickinthemebs]

Yes, rejection hurts, obviously! You would have to be one cold-hearted person or a semi-sociopath not to dislike when you put your cards on the table, like someone, and get turned down.

Does it make it easier? That because you get turned down and rejected repeatedly, it become easier? Totally depends on the guy, some guys become more hermetic, isolated, self-conscious and despondent towards people because the toll it take on their ego. Others, like PUA guys, just try to roll with it.

I personally, being neither of these categories, would say for me it has gotten easier with time rather than quantity of rejection. You grow wiser and more self-confident with age, you care less and less about it I find. When I was younger, I would have taken rejection a lot worse. Plenty more women around if you get rejected.

Depends, right now, no I don't fear rejection. I know my girl loves me to bits and she would be stupid to reject me, because I am great haha. You have to be confident in yourself or how can anyone else appreciate you. If you think you are worth rejecting, then generally others will treat you this way. I have a good relationship and have no fears of rejection at all. She fears rejection from me far more as she has said it numerous times.

No, screw that, if she didn't like me the first time around, not a chance! Girls like this, who change their mind, generally are of the "head-fuck" ilk and avoidable like the ebola virus. Guys who keep pursuing these girls have no self-respect, and will not receive any respect from that girl or anyone else for that matter. A LOT of guys are totally shameless when it comes to getting laid...

Not really big about the rejection odds, you go with your gut and brain. I have a certain type that I am attracted to and is attracted to me. There are other girls that I would find attractive but there is no way we would work so I would never pursue them. Clashes of personalities etc. Nice to look at but not to pursue. You go for girls within your range, both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In general, rejection happens, but it is mostly the TYPE of rejection which dents one's ego the worst. I have had girls look at me like I was less than a piece of dirt on their shoes before and worse, which hits you quite hard at the time. You just have to put things in perspective, in the broad scheme of things, to use an old cliche - life is short. The girl that rejected you at the disco when you were 19 won't matter a damn in your life when you are 50, and so on. Just keep looking forward and never dwell on the past, just roll with the flow. If all else fails, you will always have PE

Hi guys. I wondered if you would be willing to share with the forum how rejection feels.

Men deal with it at a much higher rate.

Does that mean it's easier?
Do you fear rejection even after a woman tells you she loves you?
If you wanted a relationship but you get friend zoned, then later she see saws with you flirting/sex but still you don't get a spot on the important list. Do you feel rejected but stay with it anyway?

Do you think about the potential rejection odds even before it could happen, when it could happen and after it happens? Cycle continues because of the expectation put on you to continue to take the lead to approach women?

Please share what it's like

Thank you

Ps. The more we know the better

 

[camaro]

I think you have to create a situation where more than a few words have to be exchanged.Observe/ask about something that is significant enough for them to give you a few minutes of their time.

If you come off as nice and likeable, you can always say " I would like to talk more/get to know you " and immediately direct her to a cafe or get her number with a fair chance of success.

I repeat - Notice/ask about something significant enough to merit her time.Use that time to make an impression.

 

[islander]

Bullshit sbe. You know damn well if you like or love a girl and you are still in the testing stage you will continue to go thru it because you want her. Just as women do the same.
Lets no hijack my thread to about pua. After learning about it it's just sad and has nothing to do with anything long term. You will fail when using pua IF you actually want to keep the girl ( as y'all said)

Rejection:
Let's say you are rejected. From the start, after dating, after 6-12 months. If the girl wants to try again but on her terms (slower and strip down your bullshit) do you try again even if it means possible rejection again?

 

[burtybasset]

Bullshit sbe. You know damn well if you like or love a girl and you are still in the testing stage you will continue to go thru it because you want her. Just as women do the same.
Lets no hijack my thread to about pua. After learning about it it's just sad and has nothing to do with anything long term. You will fail when using pua IF you actually want to keep the girl ( as y'all said)

Rejection:
Let's say you are rejected. From the start, after dating, after 6-12 months. If the girl wants to try again but on her terms (slower and strip down your bullshit) do you try again even if it means possible rejection again?

I have done before, when I was a teenager, not sure if I would now I'm older and more stubborn. I don't know if I would give someone that power over me a second time, if I wasn't good enough the first?

 

[islander]

I hear ya. I couldn't do it!