My Dick Is So Big....

[BigO]

I got a boner in my sleep, woke up with rings on my dick, went and turned on the TV and seen in the news that Saturn was missing.

 

[CaptainJohnson]

My dick is so big...

Rolling over in bed is like playing wack-a-mole with my neighbor's chimney.

Nearby firemen occasionally grab the wrong hose.

I have to pay property tax on it.

 

[Gspot]

My dick is so big they made a porn film about me not being able to have sex;

and then a sequel since they could not fit it all in the shots.

 

[CaptainJohnson]

My stick's so big, it's got more software than your hard drive. That's right, my FAT32's twice the size of your HDD.



Oh, computer penis humour...

 

[ino]

My dick is so big that when lying in the sand on nudist beaches, near-sighted people approach my glans when they want a chat. (And since I am often asleep in the sun I have no clue what gossip my dick has spread around.)

 

[Gspot]

My dick is so big SETI rejected my membership for fear that knowledge of its existence explains alien abduction probing stories. And that the wild yet symmetrical shapes of my ejaculate explains crop circles.

 

[chineseguy]

I don't need to PE.

 

[BoaConstrictor]

I wear pants in public. Don't want to get arrested for indecent exposure, due to it hanging out of my shorts. Ugh....burden.

 

[chineseguy]

When I hold my camera, I AM the tripod!

 

[Gspot]

My dick is so big it went to college for two semesters and all the courses were devoted to it, one semester abroad:

First Semester, Abroad:

sociology: My dick is so big I meet a girl online who invited me to fly from Europe to Oregon and I was already there.

independent study: My dick is so big I fell asleep outside on my back and a plane crashed.

religion: My dick is so big a phallus worshiping tribe started a civil war over it, and they all died (well, that last bit is just not funny, not funny at all).

study abroad: My dick is so big it studied abroad on its own.

Second Semester:

physics: My dick is so big I rolled over on the beach one day and discovered neutrino particles deep within the earth (read a book people!).

anatomy & physiology: My dick is so big I cannot cum on myself.

honors work: My dick is so big when the manned mission finally reaches Mars it will already be sticky.

US history: My dick is so big it shot Lincoln.

...

college life: My dick is so big I slept in a dorm one night and everyone got laid!

graduation: My dick is so big at graduation it gave the commencement speech and handed out diplomas all without graduating itself or even being invited to attend.

 

[Jay1983]

My dick is so big when I get an erection my legs go numb.

My dick is so big that when I get an erection, its skin tears. Youch!

My dick is so damn big that when I walk into a gas station the door alarm buzzes, twice!

 

[CLOSEDDennyA]

My dick is so big, that it started its own thread called "my human is so small."

 

[popol5169]

My dick is so damn big that when I walk into a gas station the door alarm buzzes, twice!

ound:

 

[stk2013]

My dick is so damn big that when I walk into a gas station the door alarm buzzes, twice!

I liked this one too

 

[Rasputine]

My dick is so big it has its own talk show, sans me.Ignore the person behind the curtain!

 

[BoaConstrictor]

My dick is so big, that it started its own thread called "my human is so small."

+1

Hahaha great one!!

 

[Southpaw]

My dick is so big I once entered a three legged race by myself....and WON!

 

[Rasputine]

My dick is so big ,it will be starring in the next anaconda movie- Anaconda 5- "Big,hard,and coming at you"

 

[aychecksee]

so big i usually make em bleed... if u really are then u know what i mean aha

 

[CleanestMeanestPenis]

My dick is so big people think I'm a mobile petrol pump.