ByggD's Guide to Controlling Your Ejaculation Response

[thenewdude]

Nice post. I found the best way is to think about pleasing your woman and not thinking of yourself. If that means to need to release some semen before hand, then do so. But concentrating on making your woman squirm will take your mind of you getting an orgasm, etc...

 

[ByggD]

Awesome awesome post

The only comment I would really like to add is that I think the scale is too coarse. For me, self-awareness has been a critical part of my journey (which I am still on) and I have gained a hell of a lot from paying very close attention to the sensations of my arousal, both physically and psychologically. The whole "level 7" thing is right on the money for sure, but for me the levels 1-5 seem somehow inconsequential. I would prefer to think of level 5 as erect. That gives you space to understand and really feel yourself between "Ready" and BOOM. The alternative is you slowly become familar with level 9.5, then 9.25 and 9.75, smaller gradations all the time. Sure that's all good, and I do suspect those gradations are pretty much all physical, but I just think on a scale of 1-10, I consider 5 a working part of the scale, far more than just a little nudge in my pants.

Phenomenal post and fascinating conversation though. Repped - or at least it will be by the time you notice this reply

Thanks for the comment and the Rep.

The main point I was trying to get across with my self-created scale, which has absolutely no scientific foundation, is that we need to better understand our body (which does have scientific foundations). Thus, if anyone has their own scale they already use then I would continue using it only under the premise that one actually understands the scale (it sounds like you have a firm grasp of your arousal). Also, if a large number of people assert that the scale I implement is significantly flawed then anyone can request changes. I am very uninterested in telling anyone that this thread should be followed like the Torah was in 100 BCE in the Fertile Crescent. Quite the contrary, I am more interested in people saying "This part here works great. Incredibly beneficial." Or, "This part doesn't work at all, I think we should makes some changes." Science is about hypothesizing, testing, then replication and convergence of results. If the model needs some changing then by golly we are going to make changes.

It is worth saying again, my thread is simply a guideline. There is absolutely nothing in terms of scientific articles that I can point to to back up my claims. It is completely anecdotal mixed with relatively unrelated scientific articles that I have read.

 

[ByggD]

Nice post. I found the best way is to think about pleasing your woman and not thinking of yourself. If that means to need to release some semen before hand, then do so. But concentrating on making your woman squirm will take your mind of you getting an orgasm, etc...

That is awesome that works for you! Sometimes that gets me too excited. I mean, I love when a women curls her toes and her body shakes ever so slightly. It is even better when she cannot control herself . When that happens, I generally have to focus on myself. If I focus on her, seeing her have such pleasure, then it plays games with my mind and I find myself finishing quicker than I would have liked.

 

[Bobbyj]

Ever since I read this thread and saw that u do leg raises and work on your abs I started doing the same and notice less involuntary kegels this is the most inspirational post I've seen on here

 

[ByggD]

Ever since I read this thread and saw that u do leg raises and work on your abs I started doing the same and notice less involuntary kegels this is the most inspirational post I've seen on here

That is great news! After you get your abs in better shape you could lay on a bench and lower your legs further. I mean, if you perform leg raises on the ground you can only go as far as the ground; with the bench, you can lower your legs a good 12" further. It is pretty tough to do but it is sure worth it. Furthermore, when we all get some washboard abs the ladies won't be able to keep their hands off us

Again, I am glad to hear the leg raises are helping.

 

[Pegasus]

Any other feedback on ab work?

 

[naturesucks]

How to master arousal:
This is the scale I use:
1: Not excited
3: Damn! That chick on the treadmill is hot (no erection though)
5: Noticeable erection (50-70%)
7: 90-100% perceived erection, but arousal is still controllable (you can have sex/masturbate and not ejaculate).
9: Intense feeling of pleasure and just about to…
10: Orgasm.

Understand this scale; learn it; become as familiar with it as possible because it is key.

Funny thing for me is, i can cum with a 50-70% erection.
As for all you wrote, i tried it before and never got any improvement.

Im pending on getting my frenulum surgery done, will update my thread after I get it done and it heals, will report again and hopefully I can last longer (it's a bit too tense).

 

[spanky]

Funny thing for me is, i can cum with a 50-70% erection. ... Im pending on getting my frenulum surgery done ...

I have to ask, do you really find your frenulum is too tight at a 50% erection level?

 

[ByggD]

Funny thing for me is, i can cum with a 50-70% erection.
As for all you wrote, i tried it before and never got any improvement.

Im pending on getting my frenulum surgery done, will update my thread after I get it done and it heals, will report again and hopefully I can last longer (it's a bit too tense).

I have done the same (came with 50-70% erection). When I would do that I would put a tremendous amount of tension on my PC muscle and I would not be breathing correctly, if at all, and I would "crunch" my abs and lean over slightly (or I would be sitting in a chair, leaning back quite a bit). All of that combined caused me to ejaculate extremely quick. Embarrassingly quick.

As for the surgery. It is your body. You can do whatever you want to it. When it comes to surgery, I think that should be an absolute last step.

Back when I was not too great at controlling my excitement I was completely unaware of the behaviors I was performing which caused me to ejaculate so soon. In no particular order, here they are:

1) Involuntary kegels (basically telling my body I need to ejaculate)
2) Holding breath (this traps tension in your body)
3) "Curling" pelvis forward (traps tension in PC muscle and groin/lower glutes)
4) "Flexing" lower abs (traps tension in PC muscle)
5) Thinking about ejaculating too soon (your brain cannot think in opposites; this was stated in the OP)
6) Tightening legs, locking my knees (traps tension in PC/groin/glutes)
7) Eating too many simple carbs (sugary foods/drinks increase the likelihood of PreE)
8) Being nervous/negative (I was harsh on myself, put myself down, thought no woman would want to be with me, etc)

There are probably more I have discovered, but I just can't remember them right now. I had to practice controlling the above behaviors before I could last long during sex. It was tough, frustrating even. However, after I figure it out and I was willing to dedicate myself, I saw significant improvements in two weeks; even better improvements after four weeks.

If you truly know you have done everything in your power to understand your body and you still cannot control your ejaculatory response, then your next step is completely up to you. I am not going to tell you what you can and cannot do. I will tell you that I thought I tried everything then I sat down, evaluated my dedication and my understanding, and I discovered that I really had not tried all that much and I was just feeling sorry for myself and my premature ejaculation. After I got over it, I saw progress.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[Pegasus]

Like your list, of course the tension doesn't have to be constant,a rythmic contraction is often more powerfull.
Wonder if these would have any use in the treatment of delayed ejaculation?

 

[FLsalt]

Gotta question. When you are telling yourself to "drop it back down to a 7" should you stop stroking or should you lightly stroke? I sometimes have to stop completely to get control of it.



Great post by the way!!

 

[ByggD]

Gotta question. When you are telling yourself to "drop it back down to a 7" should you stop stroking or should you lightly stroke? I sometimes have to stop completely to get control of it.



Great post by the way!!

I strongly encourage everyone to completely stop if you are new to this kind of exercise. Over time, you will discover that you only need to slow down and you will gain control rather quickly.

Think of this approach. We are taking baby steps here. There is no fast track to cure anything...unless you choose surgery for something and the faster the "cure" the more likely you will experience unwanted negative side effects. So, we are taking a "baby step" approach. When you feel too excited it is crucial that you completely stop performing whatever the behavior is. Why: You are training your brain to 1) understand what level of excitement you do not want to reach and 2) teaching your brain to prolong the "level 7" excitement.

Essentially, you are telling your brain physiology the same as you would tell a dog which is, "No, bad brain. Stay!" Over time, your body will register this stimuli and you can ultimately last however long you want. The point is controlling your brain physiology. Most people do not know how to do it effectively. Over time, you will at least see improvement, whether you understand the "how" and "why" is a different story just as much as a dog does not understand the "how" and "why" you do not want them to jump up in the chair at the kitchen table--the dog only knows that the behavior they are performing is not desired and the dog will eventually stop performing that behavior (so long as you are around of course; should you not be present, I hope you took the food off the table).

 

[Pegasus]

Good post.

 

[FLsalt]

Thanks for the answer ByggD!! Another great post!!

 

[Thrill Drill]

Great post ByggD! Just a couple things I'd like to ask: Firstly, I PE 3-4 times a week. This is something I will probably be doing during my off days. So my question is that do you think if I only follow your program on 3-4 days a week (my off days depending on how many on days I have that week), that it will be enough? Or do I have to do this everyday? So for example, if next week I'll be PEing on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, I'll only be able to do this on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. The following week, I'll take Saturday off from PE and I can do it on Saturday too seeing as I won't be PEing on that day. Is that enough time or do you think it needs to be done everyday? And secondly, I'm 18 and have never had sex. I'm going to college next fall so I got a bit over a year before I leave. I don't want to have sex during High School, but seeing as I plan on moving out for college, I want to have A LOT of fun. I don't have ED or any of those other problems. I'm good at kegeling and doing reverse kegels to keep my arousal in check. If I don't have a lot of time, I can be done in 5-10 minutes. If I have A LOT of time, I can edge and last a good 30-60 minutes. BUT, that's because I know how to stop when I'm getting too close to climax, slowing down and kegeling/reverse kegeling while I'm stroking to alleviate the urge to cum etc... I want to be like your friend; "that one guy" who can fuck a woman's brains out, whether it be in 10 minutes or 3 hours. Judging by the info I've given you, if you were to make an educated guess, how long do you think it would take someone like me to literally be able to last hours in bed (or become someone like your friend)? Thanks a lot and your post has inspired me to work on improving my ejaculatory control. I never felt like I had a problem in the first place, but I can't seem to ignore how great it would be to improve and become even better.

 

[ByggD]

Thanks for the answer ByggD!! Another great post!!

You are very welcome and thank you for the comment. Good luck!

 

[ByggD]

Great post ByggD! Just a couple things I'd like to ask: Firstly, I PE 3-4 times a week. This is something I will probably be doing during my off days. So my question is that do you think if I only follow your program on 3-4 days a week (my off days depending on how many on days I have that week), that it will be enough? Or do I have to do this everyday? So for example, if next week I'll be PEing on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, I'll only be able to do this on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. The following week, I'll take Saturday off from PE and I can do it on Saturday too seeing as I won't be PEing on that day. Is that enough time or do you think it needs to be done everyday? And secondly, I'm 18 and have never had sex. I'm going to college next fall so I got a bit over a year before I leave. I don't want to have sex during High School, but seeing as I plan on moving out for college, I want to have A LOT of fun. I don't have ED or any of those other problems. I'm good at kegeling and doing reverse kegels to keep my arousal in check. If I don't have a lot of time, I can be done in 5-10 minutes. If I have A LOT of time, I can edge and last a good 30-60 minutes. BUT, that's because I know how to stop when I'm getting too close to climax, slowing down and kegeling/reverse kegeling while I'm stroking to alleviate the urge to cum etc... I want to be like your friend; "that one guy" who can fuck a woman's brains out, whether it be in 10 minutes or 3 hours. Judging by the info I've given you, if you were to make an educated guess, how long do you think it would take someone like me to literally be able to last hours in bed (or become someone like your friend)? Thanks a lot and your post has inspired me to work on improving my ejaculatory control. I never felt like I had a problem in the first place, but I can't seem to ignore how great it would be to improve and become even better.

There is no problem performing the behaviors in this guideline three days a week or up to seven (heck you could do 14 sessions each week so long as you can handle it). The main point is about the association your brain is making. EVERY TIME you masturbate you must, at the very least, not come faster than the previous "workout" day. It would be optimal if you would do this routine every day, but the main point is, whenever you do masturbate you must, it is absolutely crucial, this element is paramount (is my point clear?) that you do not give into temptation and come too quickly. That even means if you wake up and have a huge morning wood and you hop in the shower and decided that soap is your friend, you must still avoid the temptation to come. It is my belief that PRE-E is exactly that, training your brain to give into temptation. In other words, it is not having the ability to control your temptation.

As for a prognosis concerning the point in time in which you can last up to three hours...it is impossible to know. There are so many factors involved that I can't even begin to think of a certain time frame. I can say that if you are a relatively normal individual, if you learn the "excitement scale," if you are honest with yourself, with our progress, and if you evaluate yourself without beating yourself up, I think I can almost guarantee that you will last significantly longer within four weeks (that is 28 days of actual "workout days").

For my friend, it only took him about three weeks, but he worked on this every day. He was lasting about 1-2 minutes then in three weeks he was lasting 30-45 minutes. Two years later he is having sex for up to three hours. I honestly can't even imagine three hours of sex.

As for me, it took closer to six-eight weeks. Why did it take so long for me? Well, I was relatively pessimistic and I didn't evaluate myself honestly. I was also pretty stressed and my diet was not too great--I have a high metabolism and I took advantage of that by eating crappy foods. Also, I spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. Basically, I am completely different now than I was even four months ago. My outlook on the future and my own personal experiences and conversations are dramatically different. I perceive the world more positively and my locus of control is more internal. Life has much more substance to me now. So, if you are not like me, rather like I was, then you are likely to see results quicker. Also note, I didn't take it seriously in the beginning either so I gave up a couple of times.

Don't give up though. That is the easy route; it is very easy to do nothing, but life is more boring when you are doing nothing.

 

[Thrill Drill]

Thanks for the encouragement, I'm definitely not going to quit once I start, which will probably be next week. I was re-reading your original post and sort of paused on this:


"Stroke your glans to you midshaft 3-5 times then go all the way to your base 1-2 times. Each stroke, regardless of distance, should take at the very least 2 seconds (don’t go pumping away at five strokes per second—this is the mistake I made when I first started because, damn it, it feels good). I know it feels good, but you are not here to *just make yourself feel good. You are here to increase your lasting power and to feel good and that will make you feel like a freaking champ in the sack. Wouldn’t you rather have a woman begging you to cum, and you being able to, rather than cumming too soon? You should do the 3-5 mid strokes and 1-2 full strokes for about three minutes. Then, if you feel like you are ready (YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST WITH YOURSELF HERE. You are not competing with anyone, not even yourself. You are simply improving yourself not competing. I am a competitive person it was tough for me to understand this, but you must force into your mind that you are improving, not competing), again, if you feel like you are ready you can increase the reps to 5-8 mid strokes, but keep 1-2 full strokes consistent. Why the full strokes: it gives your glans a bit of a break. 5-8 mid strokes should last about three minutes as well (we are up to six minutes here)".

Do you mean to say that we are supposed to grab our dick right under our glans and stroke down to mid-shaft, or grab our glans (the actual head) and stroke down to mid-shaft? And then the 1-2 strokes all the way down to our base. I don't understand how that's giving our glans a bit of a break. Are we supposed to stroke from our glans down to the base or mid-shaft down to base? So yeah basically I'm not completely sure what you mean by mid stroke and full stroke and where each starts/ends. Thanks for clarifying

 

[ByggD]

Thanks for the encouragement, I'm definitely not going to quit once I start, which will probably be next week. I was re-reading your original post and sort of paused on this:


"Stroke your glans to you midshaft 3-5 times then go all the way to your base 1-2 times. Each stroke, regardless of distance, should take at the very least 2 seconds (don’t go pumping away at five strokes per second—this is the mistake I made when I first started because, damn it, it feels good). I know it feels good, but you are not here to *just make yourself feel good. You are here to increase your lasting power and to feel good and that will make you feel like a freaking champ in the sack. Wouldn’t you rather have a woman begging you to cum, and you being able to, rather than cumming too soon? You should do the 3-5 mid strokes and 1-2 full strokes for about three minutes. Then, if you feel like you are ready (YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST WITH YOURSELF HERE. You are not competing with anyone, not even yourself. You are simply improving yourself not competing. I am a competitive person it was tough for me to understand this, but you must force into your mind that you are improving, not competing), again, if you feel like you are ready you can increase the reps to 5-8 mid strokes, but keep 1-2 full strokes consistent. Why the full strokes: it gives your glans a bit of a break. 5-8 mid strokes should last about three minutes as well (we are up to six minutes here)".

Do you mean to say that we are supposed to grab our dick right under our glans and stroke down to mid-shaft, or grab our glans (the actual head) and stroke down to mid-shaft? And then the 1-2 strokes all the way down to our base. I don't understand how that's giving our glans a bit of a break. Are we supposed to stroke from our glans down to the base or mid-shaft down to base? So yeah basically I'm not completely sure what you mean by mid stroke and full stroke and where each starts/ends. Thanks for clarifying

When you do start masturbating place your hand wherever you wish. I start on my glans and stroke slowly to mid-shaft about 10 times now, then I bring my hand all the way to the base, which exposes the top half of my penis (there is no stimulation on my glans), then bring my hand all the way up to my glans, then back down to the base, and I repeat starting with 10 mid-shaft strokes. Keep in mind, the 10 mid-shaft strokes are advanced and you will have to build up to that number.

Mid-shaft strokes will have stimulation on your glans almost the entire time (just like if you were getting a blowjob or having intercourse). The full-shaft strokes will expose your glans when you bring your hand all the way to the base, thus giving it a break.

I have to note, that these lengths and descriptions are based upon my own penis size which you can see in my signature. So, if someone's penis size is smaller than mine they will have to take note and just find a way to "give the glans a break" during the full-shaft strokes. I hope that answers your question. Let me know if you need further clarification.

 

[Thrill Drill]

No I get it now thank you. So do you only start doing this once you have a 100% erection, or is this what you use to get the 100% erection? For some reason, I'm starting to find it a little difficult to get a rock hard boner, especially without porn. I think this could develop into a problem if I don't do something about it. Will this program address that problem and sort of re-teach me how to get aroused w/o the need of pornography? Keep in mind this is recent. A month ago I could probably get a hard on whenever I wanted.