What do I do when my girl denies sex? Many guys might have this problem
- Thread starter blazinryanc
- Start date
I agree with this post and think it basically comes down to the media reinforcing 2 ideas over and over again:
1) When a guy has sex it's commonly termed "getting lucky" basically meaning the girl "allowed" him to have sex
2) When a guy gets married, then he can kiss his sex life goodbye
A lot of the ideas around sex are so puritanical it drives me crazy.
That being said, some girls do use sex as a means to get their way, but guys have their ways too of manipulating the relationship. That is more an issue of one party or the other being immature rather than an issue with sex.
I've been in situations like this in my life. Most of the times you should not worry that sex is being used as a mean for control/manipulation. For sure there are some people with issues, where you can see using "sex for control". But this is not common! And when you see it, there are many other issues too in a relationship, every day.
I agree that key is communication. Talk about this. I know the frustration. Communicate this with words. Avoid passive aggressiveness. Avoid control games. Talk as a grown up. It is common people to want different frequency on sex.
One important aspect for me is to talk about how you feel when this happens. You might be surprised to know that she is not aware of this. She might want to do something about it. Talk polite, without fear or aggressiveness. Like "I feel I'm not desired".
I agree that key is communication. Talk about this. I know the frustration. Communicate this with words. Avoid passive aggressiveness. Avoid control games. Talk as a grown up. It is common people to want different frequency on sex.
One important aspect for me is to talk about how you feel when this happens. You might be surprised to know that she is not aware of this. She might want to do something about it. Talk polite, without fear or aggressiveness. Like "I feel I'm not desired".
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Start realising a relationship is'nt all about sex but that there is alot more to it... and anyway getting it at least three times a week is'nt really enough to complain about. If she wants it then let her come to you. Practice self control dude.
Good answers Hot Lips!!!! If your girl denies you sex when you really want her-back off. I agree with all who answered-communication is the key. Come right out and ask her-"what's up"? She may not know herself, or, she'll explain. Try not to take it as rejection-she'll feel guilty and you'll feel bad yourself.
If women only realize the power they have when it comes to sex. So you and your husband are screwing your brains out and in the middle of it you ask him for a new couch. What do you think he's going to say? I think that's how my wife furnished our house! Here's something you'll never hear a man say; "woman take your mouth off my dick or I'm calling the police!" I know some of you ladies may get upset with what I'm saying but if I was a woman I'd have everything I wanted. So my knees would have some callouses ; big deal!
very funny, but true. I don't think women know how much power they have with sex, the key is not letting them know they have that power at all
How many actual relationships including the "two shitty" relationships have you been through? I got married once when I was 19 to a woman who was 13 years my senior because I thought I was "in love". Reality hit me two years later when I realized it really was just my penis doing the thinking for me. I divorced her and do not regret it. Thankfully, there were no children involved.
STRONGLY disagree with this. The key is not about whether or not they know they have power. The key is understanding that this power should not be abused...kinda like that whole Spiderman quote, which I won't repeat.
My wife KNOWS I'm pussy whipped. She KNOWS that 99% of the time, if she wants sex, I'm ready and willing. She KNOWS she can turn me on at the drop of a dime. It's a turn on for her that I'm so attracted to her and she doesn't use it to her advantage. The words, "If you don't do [so and so] I won't have sex with you." has never even come close to leaving her lips. She doesn't work like that.
It's all about mutual understanding and respect, which any relationship should have at its base.
Never used sex in the past dishonestly(too naive) but-now I will-like being a prostitute. That'll keep him happy!!!
Ahahahaha.. your too funny!
No no. Above with CUSPs post is a good example of a woman using sex for control. If a girl wants something and you don't do it for her/buy it for her and she don't give you sex because of it then thats an issue. I read and skimmed a majority of these posts and you could be hasselling her too much for it and as Hotlips said you may just need to wack off but learning a little self-control would benefit you and the relationship.
If you have a high sex drive you can't ask/hassell her for it directly everytime because girls may end up feeling like a sex machine, you have to be more creative and the most important one is to make her happy. The saying "A happy wife is a happy life" is a good one to apply to your GF. Pay attention to her, spend time with her without asking for sex and make her feel special and she'll start coming to you for it and then in those times when you want it (as long as it ain't 3 times a day), she'll be happy to do it for you too.
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Conclusion/Results
Again I can't thank everyone enough for their input an
d thought out answers. I really appreciate everyone at the gym even if we don't see eye to eye all the time.
So last night I surprised her by taking her to eat last night when she thought she wasn't going to see me for a few days. It went pretty well. She was super ecstatic to see me and I could tell there was a lot on her mind. We ended up talking for a while and she revealed to me many problems and things that were bothering her in her personal life (not so much about me, which I originally thought). After talking about her problems to me and also talking about how I have been feeling lately, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I really took this as a learning experience. Maybe I should try to not pressure her for sex as much and just make her want it more. So when I actually do initiate sex, I don't seem like a hornball. COMMUNICATION worked guys. I'm so glad so many people helped me out. I owe everyone on this thread a rep point
Again I can't thank everyone enough for their input an
d thought out answers. I really appreciate everyone at the gym even if we don't see eye to eye all the time.
So last night I surprised her by taking her to eat last night when she thought she wasn't going to see me for a few days. It went pretty well. She was super ecstatic to see me and I could tell there was a lot on her mind. We ended up talking for a while and she revealed to me many problems and things that were bothering her in her personal life (not so much about me, which I originally thought). After talking about her problems to me and also talking about how I have been feeling lately, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I really took this as a learning experience. Maybe I should try to not pressure her for sex as much and just make her want it more. So when I actually do initiate sex, I don't seem like a hornball. COMMUNICATION worked guys. I'm so glad so many people helped me out. I owe everyone on this thread a rep point
Just go and have a nice happy relationship and enjoy being young. Forget the rep points but how are you at making cookies? If you're not good maybe she'll make some for us?
Conclusion/Results
Again I can't thank everyone enough for their input an
d thought out answers. I really appreciate everyone at the gym even if we don't see eye to eye all the time.
So last night I surprised her by taking her to eat last night when she thought she wasn't going to see me for a few days. It went pretty well. She was super ecstatic to see me and I could tell there was a lot on her mind. We ended up talking for a while and she revealed to me many problems and things that were bothering her in her personal life (not so much about me, which I originally thought). After talking about her problems to me and also talking about how I have been feeling lately, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I really took this as a learning experience. Maybe I should try to not pressure her for sex as much and just make her want it more. So when I actually do initiate sex, I don't seem like a hornball. COMMUNICATION worked guys. I'm so glad so many people helped me out. I owe everyone on this thread a rep point
Glad to hear you both talked it out. Wishing you a happy healthy relationship and sex life
I forget where I heard this, maybe it was a Woody Allen movie. But it goes something like this.
Scene: Husband and wife in therapists office trying to sort out their sex life.
Therapist: "So how often do you have sex."
Wife: "All the time, like three times a week."
Husband: "Hardly ever, like three times a week."
Scene: Husband and wife in therapists office trying to sort out their sex life.
Therapist: "So how often do you have sex."
Wife: "All the time, like three times a week."
Husband: "Hardly ever, like three times a week."
