What do I do when my girl denies sex? Many guys might have this problem

[blazinryanc]

I'm kind of in a sticky situation. I recently met this wonderful girl about 5 months ago, and we connect on so many levels that I can't help but think she could be the one for me considering I'm 22 and have been through 2 shitty relationships already.

Now here's the problem guys! Sex with her has been excellent(on account she has been orgasming like crazy), but it seems like times when I want to have sex, she just turns me down and ignores the signals I give her like sucking on her neck, kissing her passionately, rubbing her everywhere etc. Being a faithful guy that I am, I feel like when she denies me sex that she gains control of the sex aspect of our relationship. Dont get me wrong sometimes when I initiate sex it happens, but I noticed that a couple of times she just completely ignores me when I try to make a move. But when she wants sex, it's like she better get it. I really want to nip the problem in the butt now so I wont have this problem later in our relationship. Any advice from guys who have been there or females would be really appreciated!

Can anyone relate?

 

[Stumpy]

I'm sure lots of guys will be able to relate ... especially old married guys like myself. But I don't know that there is ever an easy answer to mismatched libidos.

Communication with your girl has to be the starting point ... but let's see what the others come up with.

 

[Rando]

In my personal opinion, I think it's really BS when girls use sex as a trump card in the relationship so I would try and fix this ASAP before it gets too ingrained in the relationship. Maybe turn her down one time when she's initiating and you really aren't feeling it, kinda as a way to show her that you aren't a sex-crazed maniac who is always there for her to get her rocks off. If she pouts just point out that it's no different from when you initiate and she isn't receptive. This next part might be trickier to pull off, but can sometimes work effectively. If you have a stretch where you're trying to initiate and she isn't responsive, the next time you're out with her and public, show a slight bit more interest in random females, just enough so that she takes notice, but don't go overboard. If successful she might start thinking to herself "hmm, if I'm unable to fulfill my man's needs then he seems to start looking elsewhere"".

Not saying these are optimal strategies, but it's probably what I'd do, and I definitely wouldn't stand for a woman using sex to get her way. I want her to have sex with me b/c she wants to have sex with me not as a way to reward me for doing something for her. If she was unwilling to change on this point, then it'd probably be grounds for ending the relationship for me. You're still young, imagine how much worse it could get if you were eventually married and she knew you didn't have any other options.

 

[BigO]

Before anyone can answer this fairly I would have to ask how many times week or month would you say you have sex. Guys can want it three times a day and it wouldnt be fair to say shes with holding sex unless shes being a total prude. If your getting it 2 or 3 times a week your being impractical, once every other week is a different story

 

[blazinryanc]

Thanks for the replies Rando, Big O, and Stumpy! Just for the record we do have sex atleast 3 times a week, but I do feel like she has declined sex from me more for the past couple of weeks. I don't think I'm impractical I'm 22 YEARS OLD! But I truly care for this girl and want her to stick around. I just want to turn the tides, for a better lack of words. I feel like I'm slowly giving her power over when we can have sex. And I don't want to end up like that. I will end the relationship if it ever got to that point. Any advice guys

 

[MedicineMan]

Stop iniating it . seems like shes playin some game with you. shes pulling the use a mans hornyness as a weapon towards. She might as well say roll over boy heres a doggy treat. stop iniating it till she gets a clue. Dont have sex just cause she iniates it . be you are not Obligated to sex her. its a gift that should never be abused. she has issues. Stay faithful. your a keeper for any woman.

 

[BigO]

Women are not usually wired that way. You might not like it but the truth is that she has sex with you at least three times a week and your not content with that, you should be happy and if you make her feel like thats not enough then I think your inevidably going to ruin a good relationship. You are trying to be controlling whether you realize it or not.

 

[MedicineMan]

Im 22 i feel u 100%. Balance out being a asshole and mr Right and when i say asshole i mean assertive. Not the other incompasstionate one with no remoarse.

 

[MedicineMan]

BigO has a Valied point i didnt no you lovin up 3x aweek thats plenty. just be wise

 

[blazinryanc]

Maybe I am asking to much, but I think next time she initiates sex I will just tease her and not give her any dick I guess I wanted it because I knew I wouldnt see her for a week......is it really that bad?

 

[someone_like_u]

Maybe I am asking to much, but I think next time she initiates sex I will just tease her and not give her any dick I guess I wanted it because I knew I wouldnt see her for a week......is it really that bad?

So, you want her to feel like you do when you get turned down? I think the best thing for the two of you to do, is to tell her how it makes you feel when she turns down your advances. Instead of her giving you a simple NO, she should explain to you why she's not in the mood. She may not want to talk about it, but make her feel comfortable enough, tell her it's ok not to want to have sex all the time(3 times a wk is really good), but it would make you feel better if you knew the reason why not....

 

[Rockitman]

Usually, sex issues are not the cause of relationship issues, but rather a symptom of them. Has YOUR behavior changed in the past couple of weeks? Have other factors changed recently?

Also, sex is not a powerplay, nor is it "on demand," it should be mutually consentual. You say "I'm 22 years old!" Maybe that's the problem. A 22 year-old typically chugs beer, a more mature and sensuous man slowly savors quality liquor. If your girl were alcohol, what do you think she would consider herself? Drink accordingly, if you know what I mean.

How do you treat her when you are not having sex? If you are not already doing so, try this: On the day you plan on initiating sex, be a total gentleman to her right from the start: treat her as if it's her last day on Earth. Look into her eyes, smile at her, ROMANCE HER! Don't launch straight into foreplay-mode and don't make it seem as if you're trying too hard: it puts pressure on you and will turn her off. Don't lay it on too thick. Start slow-a simple holding hands, a soft kiss on the cheek, make it seamless so she doesn't think, "Oh God, he want's sex now."

If that doesn't work, TALK to her, without being confrontational, tell her how you feel and ask her what, if anything, bothers her.

It's worth a try, what have you got to lose? Just the effort alone makes you a better boyfriend, lover and a better man overall.

 

[BigO]

first its not enough, then you say three times a week, then you add its because your not going to see her for a week. You are thinking of reasons to get the answer you want as you go. Is this how you justify your resons with her for one more romp. If your pushy then it really is that bad. Maybe she said no because she was annoyed!

 

[MrBigDick]

Or you find a girl who's a nympho and has a thing for the sausage.......

 

[Pegasus]

I like the turn her down and see her reaction idea.
I would be watching for a sex slide ,she might reduce you sex down to nearly none over time.

 

[Mike Hock]

You seem to be trying to turn her on with physical advances, neck kisses etc. Most womens most erogenous zone is their brain, you need to use this more. Naughty texts, notes left in places, nothin over the top. Try bringing a bit more romance into it. All relationships go through a pattern where initially everythings boiling over and sex is a result of hormones working overtime. After a while you have to put more effort in, making it more interesting, exciting, and yes women like romance. It is a game, you need to research the plays, if you dont you will likely be off the team.

 

[Samurai]

You are in a relationship. In good relationships, adults talk to each other. Talk to her. When you get advice on forums like this, you will be getting answers that are guesses. We don't know the whole situation, we definitely know less of the situation than you. When you talk to her, don't whine, don't try make her feel bad. Just communicate. Definitely don't play games, I feel game retaliation can only lead to further issues. There might be some simple answers to her not wanting sex. If its got to do with her not feeling like it as much as you do(lower libido), then maybe you will have to adjust to this. I agree with the others, 3 times a week is pretty good but I also understand you wanted a little loving before you two were apart for a week.
Just talk and find out what's on her mind.

 

[LFG24]

Take what you can get. Im 33 have been married for 7 years. About yr. 3, I had a similar situation with my wife. The more i brought it up the less I got. I was putting pressure on her. For some reason it has to be a perfect storm for them. Pressure on her will make it ten times worse. We just need to release so we dont kill someone. Change the things you can, change the way you think about the ones you cant.

 

[Swan]

Married Man Sex Life

 

[blazinryanc]

Thanks to everyone that replied guys. I really appreciate it.

To go into futher detail of my situation:

1. On average we have sex 2 times a week (not 3 like I said previously, my mistake)
2. I'm feeling like she has more control or is slowly gaining more control over how much we have sex life because we used to have it a lot more
*3. My main reason for bringing this topic up is because I don't want to jeopardize our relationship,but I want to gain more power when it comes to sex, or atleast have sex more when I want to. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish, but imagine being horny as hell with your girl and she's ignoring your sexual needs at the time! mind more like