I guess this is my sequel thread to being 20 and never being in a relationship

[ryansambas]

Well to start off here is the original thread:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relati...t-20-never-being-relationship.html?highlight=

and this is my last big thread on the subject:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/womans...ive-whether-girl-likes-me-not.html?highlight=

It didn't work out with the girl from work, I didn't need to ask her out a third time because I finally knew nothing was there and I didn't want to give her an ego boost at the expense of my ego and confidence so finally my brain has accepted that I have to move on and I am unlike other times where I said that to myself but I didn't actual do that, it's weird because it's almost as if I can't control it even though it's always me, it feels as if there is something else controlling me when it comes to getting over a girl...weird.

Anyway my perspective has changed somewhat. I don't think I was ever desperate but when I found a girl I really liked, I tried pretty hard and I didn't end up with anything. For me, I don't want to dive straight into something like that where I work hard and convince myself something should happen and come away with nothing to show for it. I just want to lay low for a little but at the same time I do want opportunities to come my way, it's not that I don't realise that I have to make them happen for the most part especially being a male but I don't want to have to do so much hard work from the get go.

I know that if I do find a girl I like, I will get it over with (asking her out) as soon as possible (at most a month after meeting her or if I already some what know her, 2 or 3 weeks). I don't want to let anything drag anymore, I want to know where I stand before I get myself into another cycle like I have in the past where I never let go.

In terms of this month I'm just focused on gym and seeing my friends, I want a better body for myself and I'm also looking to lose the glasses and get contact lenses especially for work and going out just to improve my appearance more. Hopefully with the increased confidence, I will have more opportunities.

In terms of current opportunities, I don't really have any major ones. There is this girl I used to go to high school with although we have never actually had a proper real life conversation, we banter and sometimes chat on facebook, and on statuses, wall posts etc about our football teams and she is good looking but I don't want to ask her out mainly because we have never talked before, I think it would be very awkward. The last thing I want to create is a situation where we feel like we are very comfortable with each other because of the internet and then find out it's the opposite, the internet can obviously be deceiving. We work fairly close to each other in a shopping centre and obviously live within 15-20 minutes of each other so I'm sure we'll have a proper conversation next time we see each other in a public setting, and from there I can see if I do have a real opportunity with this girl. I'm not waiting for her, if it happens, it happens.

Anyway, just wanted to state this. It's a good platform for writing down what's in my head

 

[blazinryanc]

I think that not being in a relationship, you are more likely prone to being clingy. Just check yourself on that often. Like you said "you dont want to dive head first". Just let everything play out and be cool man. Don't force anything, but if you see an oppurtunity than seize the moment. Just be careful man. Believe me when I say ONE BAD RELATIONSHIP can change your outlook on life. Just be careful man, and find someone who wants to be with you for YOU

 

[NP97]

Actually I find getting out of bad relationships has caused me to enjoy myself and life more.
But go for it... be yourself, if they like you... great! If not, fuck 'em.

 

[Koh]

I'm starting to see that relationships can wait for me, I'd rather work on, myself more anyhow.

Do you go to college, opportunities should be there for the taken. Also, just going to malls too is a good place to be social. Most guys don't approach chicks so you'd be one step ahead there.

As for glasses, I personally think I look better with glasses. But getting in shape is a good confidence builder/productive. Hanging out with your friends should do you good though.

As for getting with certain girls, I personally wouldn't go for girls who work at my job. I'd rather just work myself around the social circles of my girlfriends you friends and build up through them.

Find what you're passionate in life, be happy, and the girls will come.

Also you're 20 like me, I wasted the sh*t out of my teenage years, but don't be afraid to have fun.

Every now and then you just gotta say fuck it. Have an abundance mindset, something I need to remember, plenty of girls out there to be potential friends, girlfriends, fwbs/fbuddies.

Practice makes perfect, here's to 2012!

 

[Qarzan]

if they like you... great! If not, fuck 'em.

I think this should be reversed:

"If they like you... fuck 'em! If not, great!"

 

[ryansambas]

I forgot to mention some stuff here so I'll continue now:

I'm 20 obviously but I have never done anything, haven't kissed a girl or had sex. Obviously I've kissed a girl on the cheek, hugged as a friend etc but nothing at all romantically. Some people know I'm a virgin but no one knows I've never kissed a girl, absolutely no one in real life. Not even something I would tell a potential partner or girlfriend for a while, hell if I get a girlfriend I won't tell her I'm a virgin either until I know I can trust her.

Now I have went after pretty attractive girls physically in 2010-11 (well it was only two but they were), the girl at work was the #1 girl at work objectively in terms of looks (I even thought this long before I met her) but she had the personality to make me attracted to her once I met her. At the moment I only want to go after girls who look after their bodies, curves are one thing but being overweight to me is a no go, I know it's shallow but I admit I'm shallow. I know it'll probably take me longer to find a girl because of this but I want the best in everything and the day I don't want the best is the day I give up, and my 'best' is different to others obviously. There are some hot girls who are absolute bitches out there, sure as a guy I'd fuck them but I'm not stupid enough to enter a relationship which would drive me crazy obviously.

What's probably weird to people is I'm not exactly a 'hot' guy, I don't think girls view me as that at all but in a room of 10 guys, I probably see myself as third or fourth mostly due to great hygiene, good shape, nothing on my face such as boils, pimples etc and my face and hair can be good in my opinion yet I am looking for girls who some people (actually one person did) categorise as 'out of my league'. I used to think I deserved a hot girl because I've waited for so long but I don't think that anymore, I was naive a few years ago.

Currently, I'm working out a lot. It won't be a dramatic change to the naked eye because I'm always wearing clothes around people so they won't notice too much because I'm not fat or overweight but I'm cutting for a month and then bulking for a month so I know if I see a good body in the mirror, I should get more confidence.

So yeah I'm shallow but that's not to say I think way out of the realms of reality. There are a lot of girls I see/know that I would consider going out with if there personality was great, it can be hard to explain this at times but I'm not expecting to pick up a Kim Kardashian or Gina Carono in terms of looks but I would rather wait and find someone who matches my interests then jump into something quickly because it's 'there'.

And finally, what I have found funny in the past year I have discussed the girl at work with two friends who had similar problems (one mate had the same situation that he liked a girl from work and another mate liked two girls which I also had the problem end of 2010), anyway they ended up being in a relationship with the girls they wanted and I was stuck with nothing as usual haha. But I've never been jealous of anyone whatsoever for entering a relationship, always been happy for my friends and I hope supportive in their minds.

 

[KungFuJoe]

Ok...reading your posts...I've come to the conclusion that you simply THINK TOO MUCH! Seriously. Not that it's a bad thing to analyze the situation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. You're letting life pass you by, letting your buddies hook up with girls, while you're sitting there trying to figure out if the brand of hair gel you are wearing is going to make the light shine off your hair too much and onto a girl's face while you're talking to her making her too distracted to hold a conversation and causing her to miss a funny joke or comment you might happen across.

You over analyze to a fault. I'm serious. Just looking at your signature, I can tell this:

HEG: 4.5" (around corona) about 4.25" if middle of head.

WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE MIDDLE OF YOUR PENIS HEAD? DOES IT EVEN MATTER???

ok...sorry for that, but I'm just saying you focus on these insignificant details that no one will ever care about but yourself. You can't ask a girl out because you are worried about every single phrase you might utter. You try to play out conversations in your head before you even have them. I'd hate to see you play chess because you'd probably never be able to make an opening move because you'd be too busy trying to play out the entire game in your head before doing so.

Anyways...not trying to be mean. You sound like a very nice guy...but you need to ease up and just let your instinct take over from time to time. You will eventually learn that the most powerful assets a person has are instinct and intuition.

For the record, I didn't kiss a girl or anything until I had graduated high school at the age of 18 (so not too far from you). Like you, I over analyzed and was worried about saying something wrong or making a fool of myself or settling for someone. I eventually broke through and learned to just relax and just go with it and it made meeting and dating girls much easier.

 

[Qarzan]

He has been told this before. He just needs to realize it for himself somehow. Let nature run its course, he'll eventually come around.

 

[ryansambas]

I don't overanalyse exce

 

[ryansambas]

I don't overanalyse except for when it comes to asking the girl out, when there is no pressure im great talking to any girl I know

 

[Rockitman]

So you're bantering back & forth with a gal on FB-perfect! Facebook is the perfect 'date laboratory' to see how receptive she is. Does she post anything witty or interesting? If so, hit the like button, and make a comment. Post something on her page, a 'Good morning, hope you have a great day' is a nice start. Swap music, movie clips from youtube, links to things that you find interesting, and so on and so forth. See her reaction and take it from there. If you don't get an answer back, it's not like she laughed in your face, one of the benefits of cyberspace is that it dulls the sting of rejection. Have you two spoken on the phone? If not, ask her if you can call her on the phone, or if she has skype (incidentally, if you two hit it off and have skype, it will come in VERY handy later on....) Anyway, ask her out, or to lunch or to coffee at Starbucks. Take baby steps if you need to, but if you want to ask her out, just do it, doesn't mean you have to pick out a name for your first-born with her, its just a simple get-together.

As for the virgin and never-been-kissed part, that in itself is a selling point: it's working for Tebow... Seriously though, get out there and test the waters, gradually if you prefer. Build up your confidence level one day and one date at a time.

I've said this to a lot of guys 14 to 40: "When it comes to breaking the ice with a woman, smile, maintain eye contact and just be yourself."

 

[aussie78]

ask, ask and ask again. dating is a numbers game, lets say you score 30% of girls you ask out. if you ask 10 girls you score 3. ask 100 you score 30.
accept rejection, it happens and not every girl is going to get weak at the knees when you talk to her. be yourself and talk to as many women as you can, introduce yourself, give a compliment and just speak to her. ask her out to a social event, just as friends and see where it leads. don't waste too much time on one girl. it might lead nowhere and give a lot of heartache.
you might fail dismally the first few times but you will get better and you will succeed, practice makes perfect.
be yourself and be confident, you have a lot to offer, believe that and it does show.
good luck mate

 

[ryansambas]

I haven't spoken with the girl on the phone, I don't have her phone number. Again I wouldn't do well talking to her over the phone for the 1st time, I'd freak because I don't even know what she sounds like and I know I'd be uncomfortable. It isn't like it's someone new, it's someone I 'know' so it shouldn't even be awkward at all but like I said from the first proper meeting we have hopefully, I'll go from there. I'm not locked onto her like I was with the girl at work, don't want to fall into that trap again. I think it's going well so far but I really need that face to face conversation before I engage which I believe is understandable.

In terms of overall, I don't meet many new girls. I don't go out as often as I wish due to my friends not really going out. I have two groups of friends, one group which is a group of 4 (including me) and all three of them are in a couple (2 of them in the group are one couple, the other guy is in a relationship too) so they don't go out too often due to one of them working Sunday's and mostly they just spend time together and my other group of friends which are my best friends, we hang out usually once a week but we don't usually go out nightclubbing. I'm stuck in a bit of a rut because at high school I got along with pretty much everyone but I didn't form too many friendships which still extend out of high school besides the ones above which were from high school. It is frustrating at times but I'm not sure how to change that, I can't show up to a club by myself and I can't tag along with people who aren't my 'friends' either.

 

[ryansambas]

Still a rut, me and my mates were going to go out tonight but one of them couldn't be bothered as he wanted an early night, one has work tommorow morning and the other had family committments and it was only going to happen if all 4 of us were committed which obviously we weren't so still stuck in this rut and stuck in the house on a saturday night :-/

Not much else to add. On Friday afternoon walking to the gym, I saw the girl from this thread ( https://www.pegym.com/forums/relationship-forum/34242-what-did-ever-mean-girl.html ) running, I wasn't exactly dressed great since I was off to the gym obviously haha, especially my shorts they were like 3/4 length, didn't have anything else to wear and I always feel a bit feminine wearing them lol. Well she was running and she ran past me, she was looking down then looked up and made eye contact just like any person does, nothing more I just walked past. Don't really care anymore obviously and I wasn't going to interrupt her workout, god knows I hate it when I get interrupted in my workouts and if she recognised me and wanted to stop she would have, sure she knew who I was or recognised me but obviously she didn't care enough and not surprising we only met once and it was the end of 2010, big whoop.

That's about it really Oh and another friend is going on a date with someone from his work, I'm happy for him except when he says he is showing me how it's done because I know his method wouldn't have worked at all with me and she genuinely seems as interested in him as he is in her and that wasn't the case with me and the girl I liked.

 

[Qarzan]

Here, Ryan, this web site might help:
Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I found it while looking for this quote in particular:

"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done."
-Mike Seseed

 

[ryansambas]

I'm not going to be waiting for ever, I know being the guy I'll have to put in the work 95% of the time. If I see an opportunity, I'll take it but at the moment I don't have any opportunities and that's fine, I'll just focus on gym and improving my fitness and physique for the time being.

 

[Koh]

Seems like if you have no friends to go out with, start going out by yourself.

 

[amiok]

There we go Ryan! Fuck it man. Go for broke. Get ripped. Get a bigger dick, if pe works lol. And don't stress yourself out over girls.

I also am thinking of getting contact lenses because I think I am a pretty decent looking guy without glasses hahaha. Now I don't know if I can handle putting sh*t in my eyes every day.

Anyway, back to you. i say you are looking at it right with that girl, sorry if you posted since the original post, I didn't read the whole thread, but you probably have a little something there. See what happens when you see her in person.

Good luck brother

 

[ryansambas]

Seems like if you have no friends to go out with, start going out by yourself.

I'd never do that, at 20 years old. I'd look like a huge loser and if I did, I'd be tagging along with people I know but didn't actually invite me to go out with them, it wouldn't be a good idea.

In terms of the glasses, they get dirty as well too often just by wearing them hours and hours per day, contact lenses would be a welcome change. I think I'll look better with contact lenses and when I get my haircut, for the time being my appearance doesn't bother me in the short term, hair is growing a bit too much (not terrible but needs cut), I'm unshaven and I'm just focused on gym for January and particularly for the next 2 weeks (last 2 weeks of 'cutting, complete my first two weeks end of tonight)

 

[coffee3400]

I'd never do that, at 20 years old. I'd look like a huge loser and if I did, I'd be tagging along with people I know but didn't actually invite me to go out with them, it wouldn't be a good idea.

In terms of the glasses, they get dirty as well too often just by wearing them hours and hours per day, contact lenses would be a welcome change. I think I'll look better with contact lenses and when I get my haircut, for the time being my appearance doesn't bother me in the short term, hair is growing a bit too much (not terrible but needs cut), I'm unshaven and I'm just focused on gym for January and particularly for the next 2 weeks (last 2 weeks of 'cutting, complete my first two weeks end of tonight)

That's actually not true. I go out atleast twice a week with my friends but i went out couple of times by myself just to try it out. My success when it came to picking up girls was so much higher when i was by myself because there was nobody holding me back and i was free to roam around and talk to any girl without my friends interfering in any way.