(Guys) Ever felt like this?
- Thread starter Hanma
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2010
- Messages
- 2,393
- Reaction score
- 92
- Points
- 68
I did mention before that if she were to go, a lare chunk of me would, too. I guess it's for the good, make's space for the new, improved me.
Gonna be one helluva ride, though.
Also I hope I'm not coming off as emo. I hate emoes.
Gonna be one helluva ride, though.
Also I hope I'm not coming off as emo. I hate emoes.
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2010
- Messages
- 2,393
- Reaction score
- 92
- Points
- 68
I am going to be honest..i have been in turmoil over this ..its basically a huge slap in my face
I have suffered from depression, anxiety/panic attacks, post traumatic anxiety disorder, physically, mental-emotional abuse relationships and I was sexual abuse as a child... I have worked my ass off for the last 10yrs to undo the damage and reduce the baggage that comes with all that ..
I was brain washed at a very young age by my sexual abuser that no one could or ever love me, that no could or ever will care about me, that everyone will abandon me.. he would tell me over and over that my parents didn't love me, that they would leave me,that everyone would leave me because i was worthless...he would threaten to kill my parents to drill fear into me..For 2 yrs he forced those thoughts onto me, when i was very impressionable.. So when i hear men say things like what you are saying above it .It upsets me and it triggers the little girl again. It's like confirmation to my fears..that i am too damaged to be viewed as worthy of being loved. that I am not worth investing in......but The woman in me says FUCK YOU!
Wow. That's some real trauma to overcome. I agree that you need to judge people by where they are in the present; rather than whether they have some baggage in the past. We all have baggage to some extent. The question is have they done the work that you've done the past ten years to overcome your baggage; or do they toss their baggage at their lovers, wives, etc.
Having taken about 15 years to work out my own drunken- teen- son of a long family of drunks baggage myself, a workout that included a failed marriage, I am in the proverbial glass house with regard to throwing stones about other's baggage. I think a good test is whether the person uses their baggage as a sword or a shield. It is understanding that many people with baggage are guarded and use certain protective devices to prevent re-injury. But people who use their own abuse to justify continued abuse against others, and use it as a sword, are poor relationship partners. In most cases, they are incapable of being in a loving caring relationship, if they insist upon using their past history as a sword to hack off pieces of their partners. It doesn't sound like MBD intends to exclude the shield bearers, but he does need to be mindful that it is difficult to have a healthy relationship if neither side lowers their shield enough to let the other person in. And fuck the sword wielders. They need to work their sh*t out in a way that does not involve hurting others.
Sounds like you have a lot of insight into your issues. Again, congrats for even bothering to get off the floor after that type of personal history. I feel like a pussy for complaining about being rejected by girls as a teen and having it aggravate preexisting alcoholic tendencies.
True. He needed to vent. And your right, at some point you have to assume responsibility for choosing dogs that bite you.
Again, great deeply personal post. I am such a girly man, it made me cry. You're going to kill my PE routine if you drain me of all my testosterone.
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2010
- Messages
- 7,795
- Reaction score
- 490
- Points
- 0
I was really torn about saying anything(and sorry Hanma for doing it on your thread).. but i knew if it continued as a topic on this thread or one of the other threads or turned into a topic where many were saying that females who have these sort of issues or trauma in there past, are not worth taking a chance on, then it would cause more damage to me and it would have led to me leaving the forum. Because i really don't need the thought that I am worthless reignited in my head again...I can't change my past and it still effects my today.. but I don't want it to dictate my future.. and I believe i deserve a good man and if good men write me off because of my past.. then i will be stuck either alone or stuck with someone who is like the men I am trying to get away from...
My past is not my personality or character, it was not something i brought on to myself, its not something i had control over, i also do not have control over how my body responds to everything...my past influences me but i have always been someone who tries to find the silver lining to bad situations, to turn a bad into a good.. so what i have been through makes me a better person not a bad person. And i can't relate to MBD ex's attitude,character or personality..so i don't like to be thrown into the same category as her.. I am damaged goods, I don't deny that.. but damage doesn't always decrease the value of something or someone.
My past is not my personality or character, it was not something i brought on to myself, its not something i had control over, i also do not have control over how my body responds to everything...my past influences me but i have always been someone who tries to find the silver lining to bad situations, to turn a bad into a good.. so what i have been through makes me a better person not a bad person. And i can't relate to MBD ex's attitude,character or personality..so i don't like to be thrown into the same category as her.. I am damaged goods, I don't deny that.. but damage doesn't always decrease the value of something or someone.
I find women who have had traumatic experiences in the past are much easier to trust and much less likely to cheat. I just woke up so I am not gonna bother with to much of an explanation as to why because it will probably come off as offensive to some woman out there. The ones that have never been through anything though seem to be oblivious to the world around them and have no understanding of things going on around them aside from satisfying their own personal needs which constantly change.
I never realized this but I have a close friend who's probably very similar to you. Her past is a huge cluster fuck of abuse. Its a shame because she's a very smart girl with looks to boot. But its inspiring to know that despite your past you made it through. In the same way I can see my friend start to come out of her shell. She's opening up about guys she finds attractive, she's trying to date, and she's shedding her emotionless front she had for so many years. She still has a ways to go (she's never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend) but I can tell she'll get there. Hell, I'd date her if she had feelings for me, but even if she did it wouldn't work out and I'd end up being the failed first relationship. In a way, I'm happier we ended up becoming such good friends.
To Hanma: Sorry you had to do that man. Its never easy breaking up with someone, especially when you still have feelings for them. And hey, if you come visit you could always hit me up and come party
Hey man i don't know if you are still reading these but you have to give yourself some credit. if you are sitting there scared that you arent good enough for her then that already tells you that deep down you are one of the best guys out there. It shows that you are willing to do anything to be with her, even if that means altering your own life for hers. that alone is proof in itself that you are a great guy. and if you aren't happy with something about yourself, then by all means, change it! If you want something you have to go out and get it man, it won't come to you out of the blue, with anything that you do, you have to put in the effort to get results. and the more effort your exert, the better your results will be. try setting a big goal and every day write a log of what you will do to start achieving your goal, make mini goals as well so you don't get discerned. You will be achieving goals left and right, and feeling absolutely great, it is an excellent life skill to pick up on, and will help you in all aspects of your life. I hope the best for you, and add me if you feel like you want to talk more about it.
yours truly,
Frosty
yours truly,
Frosty
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2010
- Messages
- 7,795
- Reaction score
- 490
- Points
- 0
If your friend is lucky she will find her footing at a young age and she will go on to be a strong woman.. if she has good friends around her that will make a huge difference... she is coming into herself now, i am guessing she is in her early 20's and that age is a stage in life where people start to figure out who they are and what they want.. what works for them and what doesn't.
i have made it through ..but it is still an on going battle to fix.
I'll do that, frosty. Thanks
I'm glad i could put my two cents in :]. i wish you luck, and shoot me a message if u need to talk. I'l be here
