ByggD's Guide to Controlling Your Ejaculation Response

[dimdimsnake]

if go through exercises and on days when i have to hold not to ejaculate (3-5days) want I get blue balls?

 

[ByggD]

if go through exercises and on days when i have to hold not to ejaculate (3-5days) want I get blue balls?

I have never had blue balls. It is a very real concern, and if you suffer from that, then you might have to make adjustments as necessary.

 

[ByggD]

So, with the looking at photos and making my way up to videos, i find i cant get hard by looking at photos, i get a lil chub when listening to audio, but only get fully hard with porn or with my girl. Interesting thing is i need the audio in the porn or it does nothing for me, but audio aloje doesnt do it. I need all pieces of the puzzle to get hard. And when i do get hard i blow my load in less than 2 mins, involuntary kegeling the whole time

So having said that, should i quit porn for a few months and THEN try this stuff? Cause if i do the gradual arousal thing, im just gonna be floppy until i get to porn.

My favorite thing about your post is that this premature ejaculation syndrome is entirely curable for you! I say that because when you look at the photos...nothing. When you listen to porn...yeah, a little bit. But once you get the sights, the sounds, the expectations ("I am going to cum"), that is when you blow your load in a couple mins.

What I would do in your unique situation is watch the porn, audio and video and all. However, take heed in your stroke speed. Do NOT lose track of the goal here. Your goal is to increase the amount of time it takes to blow your load, not to feel the most pleasure asap. Think of this as a marathon. If you were going to train for a marathon, you would begin your training by sprinting, would you? Of course not.

When you even feel yourself get the slightest inkling that you want to stroke faster, fight that temptation and stop immediately. Take control over your arousal right then. Once you do that, celebrate! Congratulate yourself! Then do it again. When you feel your at another point that you want to keep going, the stop! IMMEDIATELY. Don't do it; do no matter how good it feels, don't cum right then. Again, your goal isn't to feel pleasure, your goal it to last longer in the bed so the next girl you bang will brag to her friends about this guy that gave her one hell of a screw!

 

[jnetten]

My favorite thing about your post is that this premature ejaculation syndrome is entirely curable for you! I say that because when you look at the photos...nothing. When you listen to porn...yeah, a little bit. But once you get the sights, the sounds, the expectations ("I am going to cum"), that is when you blow your load in a couple mins.

What I would do in your unique situation is watch the porn, audio and video and all. However, take heed in your stroke speed. Do NOT lose track of the goal here. Your goal is to increase the amount of time it takes to blow your load, not to feel the most pleasure asap. Think of this as a marathon. If you were going to train for a marathon, you would begin your training by sprinting, would you? Of course not.

When you even feel yourself get the slightest inkling that you want to stroke faster, fight that temptation and stop immediately. Take control over your arousal right then. Once you do that, celebrate! Congratulate yourself! Then do it again. When you feel your at another point that you want to keep going, the stop! IMMEDIATELY. Don't do it; do no matter how good it feels, don't cum right then. Again, your goal isn't to feel pleasure, your goal it to last longer in the bed so the next girl you bang will brag to her friends about this guy that gave her one hell of a screw!

i've gone almost 2 months without porn, i'd hate to go back on all that now and watch it. i know i skipped a few steps, but i can say now after a bit, i am back to my regular sexuality, porn free and getting hard ons sometimes just with pictures

do you really advise viewing porn once again? you know more than me so having learned i've been porn free for almost 2 months, should i go back?

 

[Berba]

The porn thing is interesting... As someone who doesn't really watch it, I'm left thinking that it would be a good training tool at higher arousal levels. I can edge pretty comfortably for 20 plus minutes with a clear mind and no external stimuli... As soon as i allow my thoughts to become more explicit or we add porn or a girl, i find myself typically getting closer to the PONR quick quickly.

To me, that suggests arousal control is important in fighting PreEj. I'm documenting it in my thread so I'm curious about using porn as a training tool...

 

[Pegasus]

Porn is like a drug if you are an addict you should stay away from it. Some can have a few beers with no problem others have an issue.

 

[Berba]

well, given that I'm not an addict, and easily abstained from it for the best part of 4 years purely on conscious/ethical grounds (it's largely degrading and exploitative of woman... And men i might add), I'm just curious on the consensus here for using it for training higher arousal level control.

Obviously if people are addicted or had ED or something, it should be avoided but neither apply to me... So looking for some thoughts with regards my specific case... Cheers.

 

[ItsPossible]

ByggD, I want to thank you a lot for this post! It got me a lot of insights! Thanks a lot for investing your time. It got me to the idea, that rating yourself on the scale is key.
I have written an adaptation about it in my Journey and I would like to share it here:
https://www.pegym.com/forums/premat...-up-frustration-take-action-4.html#post810552

Thanks a lot for the time you invested! I wish you all the best! ItsPossible!

 

[2fast2race]

ByggD your thread is what made me sign up for the site, Thanks alot for the precious info!

I have severe pe, with my girlfriend I use to last at max 30 seconds, now that she left i decided to fix my problem.
I just started 3 days ago and already doing 30 minutes a session, I think I got the arousal scale down pretty good and I'm planning to ejaculate once a week.

I try to stay at 7 but 4-5 times a session i get into 8-8.5 and i slow down or stop to avoid getting to PONR, am I doing it right or should i need to get closer to it? You know I wouldn't want to get to close and blew it!

I notice that if I do many deep breaths I get aroused more, so now im trying to keep a calm but shallowish breathing and do a deep one with some reverse kegel when i feel creeping into an 8. does it sound correct?

Thanks to all for the help and support!

 

[ByggD]

Porn is like a drug if you are an addict you should stay away from it. Some can have a few beers with no problem others have an issue.

Pegasus is spot on. Many people who do not think they are addicted are at least borderline addicted to something. For me, it is still control. I am addicted to being in control. Things once had to be planned out, with excruciating detail. If something happened that prevented the plan from reaching it's end point. I would get frustrated. It is very different now, as I have trained myself to be relatively care-free. Will I ever be completely care-free? Hell no. There is a genetic set-point that won't allow it; but I can make strides in improving my life, one step at a time.

I also used to be addicted to sugar; caffeinated beverages in particular. I haven't had a caffeine drink (aside from pre-workout mixes) for over 8 months. And I will never go back. No soda, ever again. I have lots of reasons for that, and it is beyond the scope of this message.

Some people get addicted to porn, some people don't. Some people get addicted to alcohol; some people don't. Addiction is interesting to study, because so many people don't want to accept that they are addicted. Hell, I used to say that I wasn't addicted to sodas and energy drinks...until I stopped, I got headaches, cravings, all that. Yeah, I was addicted. But like many things in our lives, we can choose to be different, to be better, to improve.

We may not always have the right answer at a given moment, and when I wrote the guideline, it was never meant to be concrete and all-encompassing. Some facets of life are just different for some people. As much as we may not want to accept it, porn is like a drug. Aside from drugs, there is nothing that we can do to our body that releases more endorphins than having an orgasm. It's that very reason why some of us "pop" too soon. Our bodies want that rush of serotonin, that rush of dopamine. Much like a junkie with his lighter to the spoon, we can get addicted to the sensation of ejaculation, especially when we have a partner present.

Best part about it is that we have the power, the courage, and the wherewithal to prolong that rush of happy chemicals. It takes practices, but I can tell you my new "drug" is seeing how many times I can get a girl to orgasm before she starts begging me to. For the record, most girls let me get three orgasms out of them before they start begging me. Best feeling ever; and I know that each and every one of you here, now, has the capacity to do the same. Make those women proud, men

 

[ByggD]

well, given that I'm not an addict, and easily abstained from it for the best part of 4 years purely on conscious/ethical grounds (it's largely degrading and exploitative of woman... And men i might add), I'm just curious on the consensus here for using it for training higher arousal level control.

Obviously if people are addicted or had ED or something, it should be avoided but neither apply to me... So looking for some thoughts with regards my specific case... Cheers.

Keep in mind, that my guide is purely a guide. It is not substantiated, although it makes sense and people see progress. So, at the very least all the case studies seem to indicate that it does improve lasting time.

Okay, to the meat and potatoes. If you have your own ethical reasons to avoid porn, then there is no reason to use it. I am comfortable with people who wish to bang for an income. However, just because I view the world a certain way does not me that you have to do so.

The reason why you lose control after you allow your thoughts to become more explicit is because your focus has shifted from lasting longer, to fixated on other things (like your partner). As difficult as it may be, always keep your focus on last longer. Well, "always" as in until you are ready to focus on her. One of my ex-girlfriends was super tight. I mean like, wow, it was amazing. I literally thought, "Oh my god, she is tight, this feels amazing." So, my brain started to get over-reactive. I had to pull out really quick. As in, within seconds. Then I started focusing on control, rhythm, technique, and her pleasure. Then I would start to think, "holy sh*t, this girl is tight." And I would have to pull out again or change positions. Seriously, I changed positions a lot with her. After about a month or so of sex with her, it was no problem to start to focus on her without the need to pull out or stop.

Even with a new girl, a new stimuli, you will likely have to practice. Furthermore, I have never had a girl get upset that I wanted to last longer to make her feel better for longer. Said differently, being a man sometimes means admitting when you can't handle something, and some girls get turned on when you mention that they get you excited...fast. And let me tell you, as a heterosexual male, sometimes, under the right circumstances, a woman's vagina just feels like the best damn thing ever, and I just have to tell myself that I have been here before, and I can last as long as I want. Go get 'em, tiger!

 

[ByggD]

Well shucks, you are making me blush. In all seriousness, thank you for the kind words.

Also, you are doing it exactly right. You don't want to get to close because when you do, pop goes the weasel. As for the breathing, you will have to play it by ear and figure out what works for you. Don't for a minute think that all of us have the same experiences during sex or masturbation. What works for me may not work for you. Thus, if different breathing techniques benefit you, then definitely use them to your advantage.

I also want to mention that there were instances that I would stop masturbating completely, then walk away because I was so aroused. Basically, I was walking away because I knew that I would have lost control right then. It's a matter of choosing not to do something (not continue masturbating) as much as it choosing to do something (slowing down to lower arousal level). So, I would say you are doing a good job of accurately assessing your own thoughts. Keep up the good work, my friend.

 

[Berba]

Thanks for your response. i have been using it and if you read my log thread then you'll see i've made good and very visible progress from my bad recent form.

 

[husfil]

Hi Pegym family,
I am 21 years old male, suffering from PE. Long story short - found out about my problem 3-4 years ago when being with a girl for real for a first time. I decided to cure it in October by ByggD´s guide (truly appreciate what you did for this community dude). I did your guide 3 times. First in Oct (whole program, day by day and saw some inprovement when masturbating - 30 min sessions) second time in Dec ( whole program, however not every day, maybe stroking 4 times per week, again I could see an improvement, however it was not ideal - 30 min sessions) and the last time was 3 weeks ago (10 days program, 5 days with sound stimuli 5 day porn - 30 min sessions) since I found a girlfriend and I didnt wanted to mess up with her. After this third time I could masturbate for 30min without coming to PONR even once. Also with a lube and changing positions. This was unreal for when I was doing this guide first or second time (always came to PONR within 5min when watching porn).I was also comfortable with lube and stroking in the different positions (in the beginning I found out that when lying on my belly while stroking I come to PONR super fast). So I felt super confident when my gf came to visit me. I thought I know my arousal level and can cotrol it. But in 4 days she was with me I didnt reach pantties even once. Either I always came extremely fast (blowjob or handjob), before I reached there or when I was focusing a lot and paying attention not to come too soon I had hard times to keep it hard. Especially, always when I was putting the condom on I always lost an erection. I really dont know what to do now and I am really disappointed. God bless that she is so tolerant. I think I am loosing the game in my head. Anybody can help out with my desperate situation. Some other guides or tactics when having sex? Gonna see her in one week so I better hurry up. Thanks.

 

[sometardwithnumbers]

I found the jump from Week 2 to Week 3 to be a bit extreme for me. What I've found that is helping me is edging to porn with no sound during Week 3. See below for clarification if anyone's in the same boat as me.

Week 2 - ByggD's Week 2
Week 3 - Video (no sound) for 7 days
Week 4 - Video with sound for 7 days
Week 5 - ByggD's Week 4

Edging to no sound this week, will post again after I turn the speakers back on!

Apologies if this has already been suggested, as I haven't read all 194 posts in this thread.

 

[frank21]

Hey ByggD,
I want to try your routine, but I have a girlfriend and we are very sexually active. Will doing your routine say early in the day and then having sex with my girlfriend at night affect results or should I abstain from sex (this is the hard part for me and her).

 

[ByggD]

Hey ByggD,
I want to try your routine, but I have a girlfriend and we are very sexually active. Will doing your routine say early in the day and then having sex with my girlfriend at night affect results or should I abstain from sex (this is the hard part for me and her).

No, no i do not, will not ever, discourage you from having sex with your girlfriend. Instead, have a candid conversation with her.

I have done something like this in the past:

{Name} You are amazing, you know that? (kisses forehead). But hey, listen. I have some big goals, and we both know that sex is important to our relationship. Here is what I was thinking. I want to be able to last as long as I want to in bed. Not just because it feels so good, but because I want to please you for a long time. So, I am practicing techniques that will help me last longer; will you help?

I am supremely confident that if a woman heard that she would say, "Where in the f*ck do I sign up?" Haha <-- unashamed that I laughed at my own joke.

Seriously though, don't abstain from sex. When I haven't had sex for a long time, I generally do this:

Have her start with a blowjob. If it gets to sensitive, I move and get on top of her, then just tease, lick, and finger. Then, maybe 5-10 minutes later, I turn to 69 or something. If I still can't last I say, "okay, I want you bad!"

Then I move to a position where I will have control. Doggy, missionary, lazy doggy, whatever. I start with slow strokes and I really focus on her facial expressions and kissing her. In my mind, I will literally think, "I am in complete control." As my confidence builds, I change positions and let her be in control. At that point, I have no problem lasting as long as I want.

Hopefully that is helpful!

The biggest thing to take out of that is to get your girl in on the fun; I mean, seriously, that would be fun!

 

[mr.arambach]

U said star with 3 mins on first.but this 3 mins should it be edging without stopping for 3 mins.cuz i reached the ponr so quick.and i had to stop in second minute.plus when i do mid strokes i have iks i try to stop them by holding rk but i feel like i cant breath.any advice plz

 

[wagwan123]

So after having sex with my girl, I came within say 5 minutes. Started off doing missionary where I seemed to have control although not sure if I'm doing my reverse kegels correct as it seemingly pushed me closer to ponr, is it better keeping the whole region relaxed in this case? She got on top reverse cowgirl and damn I blew my load although carried on. Gunna carry on practicing controlling my arousal/ distracting myself/ kegels...anymore advise? to potentially be doing rks wrong or rest the whole region is the question. Cheers x

 

[MrB8]

So after having sex with my girl, I came within say 5 minutes. Started off doing missionary where I seemed to have control although not sure if I'm doing my reverse kegels correct as it seemingly pushed me closer to ponr, is it better keeping the whole region relaxed in this case? She got on top reverse cowgirl and damn I blew my load although carried on. Gunna carry on practicing controlling my arousal/ distracting myself/ kegels...anymore advise? to potentially be doing rks wrong or rest the whole region is the question. Cheers x

Keep practicing!

And yes, you should relax your pelvic floor!