I have a unique position here at PEGym, as one of only a few women active on PEGym, and the only female staff member, I get quite a few direct messages from members, asking questions or asking for my opinion.

I love these!!

Do you have a question or a situation you’d like me to weigh in on? Send me a direct message at forum name – KMWylie . As always, if your question is chosen for a post, your identity will be completely anonymous. So, don’t be shy! There are no dumb questions!

Check out our other Ask Kimberly questions here —

Ask Kimberly

Q. Be honest. Have you ever lied about having an orgasm? 

This is a question I’ve received numerous times, over the last few years. So, don’t worry – you’re not alone in wondering about this!

I know for most men, giving your partner an orgasm is a sign of sexual success. You feel proud – “Ha! I did that!” 🙂  Men are naturally “fixers” – giving your partner an orgasm “fixes” a sexual “problem.” It’s totally natural to feel proud of yourself.

However, when orgasm doesn’t happen, it can make you have doubts. “What did I do wrong?” “Didn’t she enjoy herself?” “Does she want someone else?” even… “Is she cheating on me?”

That sexual “problem” wasn’t fixed. You feel like you failed.

Now, on the flipside of this sexual equation, where men are naturally “fixers,” women are naturally “nurturers.”  We have a biological urge to care for our loved ones. We want our partners to be happy… and we know that if we don’t orgasm, they often take it personally, and that will make them unhappy.

So, for that reason, some women have lied about their orgasm.

Oftentimes when a woman can’t orgasm, it has absolutely nothing to do with their partner and what their partner is doing. It can be something as common as stress or being tired, preventing her from reaching that Big O.

This is probably the most common, related to not wanting their partner to feel bad, reason women lie about their orgasm. There are other things going on in their life that simply make achieving orgasm really difficult. For this reason, they may simply be letting their partner “off the hook” by faking an orgasm, when they just know it’s really not going to happen.

Personally, I’ve never lied about having an orgasm. It’s not that I don’t care about my partner’s feelings, 😉 but rather I’ve always been a big fan of open and honest communication. During the few times where I haven’t been able to orgasm, I’ve always just been honest — explaining that it wasn’t my partner’s fault. I’d want him to be honest with me too, if he wasn’t able to orgasm for any reason.