weird story of how i met a girl..and am now in love with. and some questions

[Learntolift]

Seems to me like youre still making excuses as to why you want to keep this thing going, even though everyone here has told you to break it off. Do you think that by some form of magic everyone is going to see the light and tell you to try and make it work? How much more advice do you need, theres 100 lengthy posts here from people with probably more experience than you and you try to justify everything she does.

I agree with mr big, how do you love someone that you havent met in person? sh*t, they say you dont know someone until youve lived with them and you claim to know all about her, all of her problems and concerns, you dont know anything about this girl, trust me on that. People are different in person than they are over email or text or the phone, she has probably opened up to you so much because of that reason alone, she had no intentions of ever meeting you.

For the longest time, my girlfriend wouldnt even talk about her problems in person with me, only over text, because when we were in person we didnt want to waste time, obviously as things progress in a relationship it gets easier to do and we have more time on our hands now and can discuss things in person, but you might meet her and she might not want to say a word to you, or not know what to say to you because your relationship is only based over an electronic connection. sh*t there might not even be chemistry in person, she might get there and not want to even kiss you. I dont doubt she loves you and you love her, but you cant be in love with her, I love my girlfriend but not because I am in love with her, I love her for her qualities and how cute she is, and because she is everything that I love in person form. But I am not in love with her, our relationship isnt at that point yet, do you see where I am coming from with this?

i see what you are saying. and this is all the more reason i want her to come out, so we can see how things are in person, i know theyll be amazing, but just so we can both see, and then take things from there...you know? thats why im really pushing for this

 

[Flanker6]

i guess it just really sucks cause i feel like ive found 'the one' with her and she isnt putting any effort in. i always say actions speak louder than words, and she says everything but doesnt act...so i mean idk what to believe anymore from her. she sounds very convincing but im starting to have my doubts...i know she has her issues but if shes serious about what she says, shed come visit

The reality is: you've never met her. People are completely different in person. I am one of those people. I come across differently through texting, internet, etc. Go date around, have fun. If she gets mad, tell her to fuck off. You have your own life and its not going to be ruled by some broken bitch 2,000 miles away.

I'm sorry if that seemed harsh but come on man. Be realistic. You should have ended it when she wouldn't come visit you. "Hey come out and see me this summer!" "I'm sorry I can't." "Oh alright well have a nice life, I'm going to live mine!"

If anything, you two should agree that if you're paths should cross then maybe give it try but until then try to find the "one" locally. I promise you she's out there and in the most unlikely place!

Edit: I didn't read everything written but I probably reiterated what other people have said.

 

[MrBigDick]

i guess it just really sucks cause i feel like ive found 'the one' with her and she isnt putting any effort in. i always say actions speak louder than words, and she says everything but doesnt act...so i mean idk what to believe anymore from her. she sounds very convincing but im starting to have my doubts...i know she has her issues but if shes serious about what she says, shed come visit

It sounds here like you're repeating what I've been telling you all along. Again, I go back to one of my original statements of how can you feel like you've found "the one" when you haven't even met this girl yet?

I told you, you need to chill out on this and not focus on it. The more you focus on it, the more it's going to drive you bonkers.
If she were serious about the two of you, she'd have already come visit you to meet you in person by now. Sorry man, that's just how it is.

 

[MrBigDick]

The reality is: you've never met her. People are completely different in person. I am one of those people. I come across differently through texting, internet, etc. Go date around, have fun. If she gets mad, tell her to fuck off. You have your own life and its not going to be ruled by some broken bitch 2,000 miles away.

I'm sorry if that seemed harsh but come on man. Be realistic. You should have ended it when she wouldn't come visit you. "Hey come out and see me this summer!" "I'm sorry I can't." "Oh alright well have a nice life, I'm going to live mine!"

If anything, you two should agree that if you're paths should cross then maybe give it try but until then try to find the "one" locally. I promise you she's out there and in the most unlikely place!

Edit: I didn't read everything written but I probably reiterated what other people have said.

I totally agree here. People can and often are TOTALLY different in person than they are via email or text. My ex gf sure as hell was.

 

[MrBigDick]

i see what you are saying. and this is all the more reason i want her to come out, so we can see how things are in person, i know theyll be amazing, but just so we can both see, and then take things from there...you know? thats why im really pushing for this

Dude, how in the hell can you say things in person will be amazing? If she's anything in person like you've described her, she sounds like a miserable, unhappy, emotionally fucked up girl.

One minute I feel like I'm getting through to you and the next minute I feel like I've gone 10 huge paces back.

 

[Learntolift]

i mean she seems fun in person, she calls me when shes at parties sometimes, like sometimes if shes about to play flip cup or beer pong or something and it sounds like people in the background all like her, she seems like a really fun person, and idk its just what ive gathered over the past 2 years

but i definitely am cooling off with her, im taking a step back and just calming down with it all

 

[MrBigDick]

i mean she seems fun in person, she calls me when shes at parties sometimes, like sometimes if shes about to play flip cup or beer pong or something and it sounds like people in the background all like her, she seems like a really fun person, and idk its just what ive gathered over the past 2 years

but i definitely am cooling off with her, im taking a step back and just calming down with it all

Good.

 

[mistydawn]

If she's anything in person like you've described her, she sounds like a miserable, unhappy, emotionally fucked up girl.

People are completely different in person. I am one of those people. I come across differently through texting, internet, etc. Go date around, have fun. If she gets mad, tell her to fuck off. You have your own life and its not going to be ruled by some broken bitch 2,000 miles away..

I cannot say everything I am thinking, but I doubt everyone on this site is mentally and emotionally perfect. Who doesn't have baggage? We all collect it as we go through life. It is unfair to call someone you never met a broken bitch. Just being on this site means you have at least one issue .

 

[Wentworth]

@Misty This is a forum about peoples issues, most of the members on this site have not met I am sure and have still formulated some kind of opinion about each other. Have you even read this entire thread or by the looks of it just the last page? Btw thanks for that little off topic tidbit, but if youre feeling butthurt you should make your own thread to address the issue. Also, I love how you highlight the miserable, unhappy part of the post, and failed to notice where it says "if shes anything in person like..." and "she sounds like" which are only speculations and may not even be true, its just what he gathered through talking to the OP for the past 10 pages.

 

[MrBigDick]

@Misty This is a forum about peoples issues, most of the members on this site have not met I am sure and have still formulated some kind of opinion about each other. Have you even read this entire thread or by the looks of it just the last page? Btw thanks for that little off topic tidbit, but if youre feeling butthurt you should make your own thread to address the issue. Also, I love how you highlight the miserable, unhappy part of the post, and failed to notice where it says "if shes anything in person like..." and "she sounds like" which are only speculations and may not even be true, its just what he gathered through talking to the OP for the past 10 pages.

I stand beside what I said. Sorry if what I said didn't agree with you misty but in my dating, I've been with enough emotionally screwed up women to the point where I'm very sensitive to it.

Yes, everyone does have baggage, myself included. But, as Wentworth pointed out, I'm basing my statement on what the OP of this thread has said about this girl. She could be totally cool and sweet as applie pie, I don't know that, I only know what LearningtoList has said about her and based on my own experiences, formulated my opinion.

Perhaps calling her a "bitch" was a bit over the line and I can own that but I won't apologize for anything else that I've said. I stand beside my statements.

 

[mistydawn]

I stand beside what I said. Sorry if what I said didn't agree with you misty but in my dating, I've been with enough emotionally screwed up women to the point where I'm very sensitive to it.

Yes, everyone does have baggage, myself included. But, as Wentworth pointed out, I'm basing my statement on what the OP of this thread has said about this girl. She could be totally cool and sweet as applie pie, I don't know that, I only know what LearningtoList has said about her and based on my own experiences, formulated my opinion.

Perhaps calling her a "bitch" was a bit over the line and I can own that but I won't apologize for anything else that I've said. I stand beside my statements.

I do not expect any apologies. Everyone meant exactly what they said. You stand beside them. I am not going to try and change your mind.

@Wentworth I am the 6th poster on page 1 of this thread. I have read ALL of it. I have a post on just about every page. Yeah, I am following all being said. I do not think I went off topic. Both quotes came from this thread. It is peoples description of the girl being talked about.

 

[Learntolift]

i never mentioned this idk if it means anything, but she dreams about me ALL the time..pretty much all good dreams, of us together, as if we were dating, a decent amount of sex dreams, and a bunch of random ones. and she tells me about all of em. just thought i should add that in

 

[Livin Life]

I just can not believe what I have been reading here, very annoying and disturbing.
I am reading this thread and thinking what the heck is wrong with these (2) people yes BOTH involved in this
NON existent relationship ? REMEBER IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO, sounds like a couple of 5th graders !
If she will not put up a web cam she is NOT going to meet up with you EVER ? let her or I should say let yourself consume another 2 years of your life on just being long distant talk buddies instead of meeting a girl who you can actually see when you are talking to them,and be able to touch them, go places and have fun with and can get
married and have kids.
People giving good advise for 11 pages now trying to help BUT WAISTING THEIR TIME ! and then you the person who started this thread is saying no its not true, making excuses up for the person who needs lots of Professional help because from what I have read on here is NO DOUBT what she needs, is (professional help) as do many other people in this world but thats beside the point it is what it is and all the sugar coating in the world is not going to change that, her family I read are all on meds and seeking professional help ! what more do you need to know !

I have read plenty of these threads in the last couple of years on this site and the person starting threads like this seeking advise was open minded and could think and talk rational with other board members and took GOOD advise.

Learntolift Go back and reread how many times you are making excuses I am not sure but do you want to hear something like this keep perusing her do not give up it sounds like true love and all will be just great a true
MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

Please wake up !
This is not the only girl left in this world there are millions of them, is this the only girl that has told you things you want to hear ?
I am not sure why you have this problem is it a self confidence thing ? looks, sex, something else ? whatever it is
this site has been there to do its best to help EVERYONE.
Someone else might ask his back round on girlfriends and serious relationships.

BTW This seems like one hell of a fishing expedition and if it is you are a master
fisherman

 

[MrBigDick]

i never mentioned this idk if it means anything, but she dreams about me ALL the time..pretty much all good dreams, of us together, as if we were dating, a decent amount of sex dreams, and a bunch of random ones. and she tells me about all of em. just thought i should add that in

The only thing I read in this post Learntolift is another attempt at justifying why you should keep pursuing this.

Let me further add that you've been given excellent advice her, not only from myself but others as well. Ultimately, the decision in how far you take things with this girl lies in your hands. You can choose to keep chasing after her and keep this charade going or you can choose to stop dealing with her and move onto another girl who'd be truly interested in dating you. Either way, all arrows point to you bro. It's your call.

 

[irheretogrow]

The only thing I read in this post Learntolift is another attempt at justifying why you should keep pursuing this.

Let me further add that you've been given excellent advice her, not only from myself but others as well. Ultimately, the decision in how far you take things with this girl lies in your hands. You can choose to keep chasing after her and keep this charade going or you can choose to stop dealing with her and move onto another girl who'd be truly interested in dating you. Either way, all arrows point to you bro. It's your call.

I couldn't agree more ! and I'll say it again, stop before getting worse...

 

[Learntolift]

im sorry i dont mean to be making excuses for her, i just came to you guys with all the negatives, so im just trying to also show some of the more positive things we have to i guess give a more balanced viewpoint to you guys

but i by no means have put my life on hold for her, i still go out as much as always, and talk to people as much as before. shes an addition to what i have. and i did say yesterday i am cooling off, slowing it all down, and backing up from it all. i plan to keep talking to her normally, but i am done trying to get her to come out, etc. if she ever decides she is ready, she will let me know. but im done trying

 

[irheretogrow]

Those kind of negative things deny any positive things between you two....

 

[phil88]

You have never even met. if shes not a 40 yr old dude the fact is your not in love with her, shes not in love with you. at best if your both emotionally healthy and capable of love (this sounds much more obsessive then love, I mean 2 years online with no contact) then you two are in love with ideas of each other, which is extremely unhealthy.

 

[Learntolift]

i guess i just dont understand, if she isnt for real, why does she say all the things she says, why does she stick around through our arguments, try to work through them, why do we feel closer after arguments? why has she stuck around this long, even despite my loose cannon temper? why does she talk to me ALL the time, even ditch going out with her friends to stay home and talk to me (since its 3 hours later there, they go out when its late afternoon here), why has she told the 2 most important people in her life about me? (her sister and mom)?

 

[Learntolift]

can you explain? ideas of each other