Tips on Impressing the Family

[NP97]

Well, I'm trying to visit my girlfriend ASAP. I mean, it's summer, she lives in California (near LA), and I haven't been to the beach in like two years.

Anyway... There is one issue: Her family. She is still in school and lives with them ($$$)
From what she tells me they did not like her last boyfriend.
She dated another guy from a distance (not as far as us, but still). That guy kinda beat her up. So they really aren't cool with the whole situation to begin with.
They are also Mexican and I speak almost no Spanish. I'm close to fluent in French... but that doesn't help at all.
Oh yeah, they have other people they actually want her to be with.

I'm just trying to figure out ways to get them to like me. I know about being respectful and all the normal stuff. Generally I'm quite good at getting their family to like me... I'm just not use to so many things being stacked against me. Her family is VERY important to her as well.

Any ideas?

 

[CaptainUnderpants]

Be Nice to the Mom

Be Nice to the Mom

If you visit them, and you bring anything for your girlfriend, maybe bring flowers for the mother. Nothing like a dozen roses, just some nice flowers to make a table arrangement.

 

[Captain Dallas]

learn a little Spanish-they are always impressed with a caucasian that speaks some Spanish-even if only a few phrases.

This will be enough:

When you meet each of them, say "Mucho Gusto". This means "I'm pleased to meet you".

Mix it in as you speak with them, instead of please, say "por favor" and "Muchas Gracias" thank you

And if you make a mistake, say you're sorry "lo siento"

If they say thank you to you, say "de nada" you're welcome.

At some point they will ask you if you speak Spanish, you can reply "no... poquito"


Also-they tend to be more family oriented, which means you should really not try to guide her away from them at all while you're there. Just go with the flow and smile a lot and be friendly. Also perhaps emulate however the husband/father acts.

And past that-be yourself, you'll do fine. If you treat her good and really care for her-they'll see it. Good luck!

 

[NP97]

See, that's what my Spanish is limited to. I know that and a few colors... Hehehe.

 

[Captain Dallas]

That's enough to impress, believe me. It's LA, so they are more used to Spanish speakers than most, but it's also a respect issue-that you are trying to embrace THEIR culture-so make sure you do it, even if your pronunciation sucks and you are uncertain. The effort will mean a lot to them. And remember why you are there. My best advice would be to ask the girlfriend how best to impress. Also-you could bring a gift as was suggested-but ask what the mother likes, and perhaps go shop for her. A gift is a very good first foot forward. If you can't do that, the flowers suggestion is very good, just like he said-a nice arrangement with a pretty vase. But talk to the girl-she knows what they like and don't, just prepare and you'll do great.

 

[Hanma]

This sounds like a theme for a movie or a sitcom, you know?

 

[ThinJohnny]

I think the suggestions so far are great, but to me, at first pass, a gift or flowers for the mother sounds a little bit like you're trying too hard to impress them. But that's just my gut reaction, and I think I'm a little conservative when it comes to those things.

It's probably a great suggestion, though. It would be good to get some input from Mexican or other Hispanic guys on that. And some input from some of the women.

As much as it seems kind of kiss-assy, I bet there aren't many mothers who wouldn't appreciate it. I bet my mother would have appreciated that sort of thing. Her brothers and father might want to kick your gringo ass for being a kiss ass though. Actually, I really don't think so. It also might be a more common thing in the Hispanic community to bring a gift rather than booze or food. If you do go for flowers, I agree with CaptainUnderpants that an arrangement would be better than something like roses.

I also agree with Captain Dallas about the family-oriented thing. Mexican families are usually very tight. I would try to do things that involve the whole family, to the extent that you feel that's what they would like.

I think the most important thing is to be respectful. Make sure you give them a chance to get to know you if they don't know you well already. They want to know what kind of guy their daughter is involved with. I would answer any questions they ask you in detail. As a father, I know I would not like it if a guy were giving me one word answers to my questions.

I think the biggest thing is to be yourself, and not act like you're trying to impress them.

And one last thing - don't give her Dad any reason to think you're not going to keep your snake in it's cage

 

[LoveMyWife]

Just walk in...pull out your junk and say "what do ya think of THAT!?"

That ought to impress em!

 

[vulcan]

You're obviously very serious about this girl NP97- so I think that they will see this (and that's really all they need/want to know).

Just be your best self, you could start Spanish lessons now - as it is the intent rather than being fluent which will matter to them.

 

[islander]

What captain Dallas said 100%
Also dont flirt or be fresh. Be respectful to her and any other woman there.
Real respectful as in don't lean back in a chair with your legs spread open like you belong there.
Don't eat with your hands when no one else is doing that.
Smile a lot but mean it.

I think you have the one up on this already because you cared enough to ask.

Good luck you should be fine!

 

[somebodyelse]

a good firm handshake to the father gains a bit of respect too. Smile, but not disingenuous.

Captain Dallas put in a lot of good info. Follow those and you should be great!

Honestly, the best way to impress the family is to be genuine. Not so much a smart ass, but you have to know how to be humble and genuine. Any haughty behavior automatically makes you unworthy, lol!

 

[BigO]

Well thi is going to sound dumb but if you can watch Dora the explorer, my kids know so many spanish words it makes me feel stupid and they learned it all from that damn show. Men are men and if the dad drinks a nice bottle of what he likes is good, I know its alcohol but it will make him like you and men respect man gifts. Thats only if he drinks. The flowers for mom are great as well and I would work one lunch in with mom and your lucky lady as well. get mom on your team and its smoothe sailing, generally any dad wants to kill any guy for thier daughter and its usually the mom that keeps the guy alive. I think you will be fine. Good luck and have a great time while your there.

 

[MrBigDick]

You know what, you'll be fine man. Yeah, her parents might have other guys they want their daughter to be with BUT, I can tell you as a father of two daughters, I'd simply want both of my girls to be with guys who respected them, treated them well and cared for and loved them. Period. That's all any parent can ask for. Yeah, I know I'm not hispanic but still.............just go and be yourself with the above listed suggestions and I think you'll do just fine.

I do speak plenty of spanish also and the women are typically VERY impressed when a white boy can speak the spanish tongue....

 

[Batwoman]

I agree with all the suggestions above -- especially the parts about being respectful and friendly. I would add one more: don't be in a hurry to get away from them. You may really want to spend a ton of time alone with your girl, and feel awkward with her parents and family -- but the more time you spend with them, the more you make it clear that you are not trying to pull her away from them, them better. There is nothing worse than a new boyfriend who comes and tries to spend the minimal possible time with the parents, always edging toward the door. THAT is a sign of disrespect. Even if your girl tries to pull you away and get you both out of the house, resist -- make up reasons to actually spend time together with her family. Her folks will really appreciate that, no matter what their race or ethnicity or culture!

 

[sweetie52]

If you speak french,while they are speaking spanish-that will seal the deal. No one will know what the other is saying. Not one insult will be understood by anyone. A perfect set up. Just smile all the time, and be yourself. Remember, you can always think "it" but never say it.

 

[sekeris]

They live in the USA and national language is english, so you shouldn't worry about not knowing spanish. If they don't like it, it's their fault.

 

[pterodactyl]

See, that's what my Spanish is limited to. I know that and a few colors... Hehehe.

"Google Translate"...

On a side note the only ways I gained respect from all the mexican dudes at work were to 1.work my ass off right next to them and, 2. Treat them like I would any other person. Now granted #2 is in the restaurant business and there is some wicked discrimination going on there but if you are truly "color blind" that should go a long way.

 

[Pirate]

What captain Dallas said 100%
Also dont flirt or be fresh. Be respectful to her and any other woman there.
Real respectful as in don't lean back in a chair with your legs spread open like you belong there.
Don't eat with your hands when no one else is doing that.
Smile a lot but mean it.

I think you have the one up on this already because you cared enough to ask.

Good luck you should be fine!

Aye!
You are a nice guy and you care about her. That counts for a lot.
Offer to help with the dishes. If the response is "No thank you" don't push it.

 

[GTO]

a good firm handshake to the father gains a bit of respect too. Smile, but not disingenuous.

Captain Dallas put in a lot of good info. Follow those and you should be great!

Honestly, the best way to impress the family is to be genuine. Not so much a smart ass, but you have to know how to be humble and genuine. Any haughty behavior automatically makes you unworthy, lol!

Bingo. Good manners are a universal language.
And as long as your girl shows them she's comfortable around you (genuinely lovable and comfortable), they'll see that.

 

[CUSP82]

You've been given a lot of good ideas. I would forget them all. Just go an be yourself. You're a likeable guy ( at times) so just be you!