Sex Drive Of Women(after children)

[Denny]

Hello Ladies,
I have a very important question to ask. And please, no BS... I tend to get a little long winded, so I'll try to be short: My wife(27yr old) and I(28 yr old) have been married for 6 years, we have had two children: 2 and 5yrs old, and while the sex used to be great and frequent, as of late (about the past year and a half) she has had almost NO interest in sex in any fashion, much less the kind of sex we used to have(The number one reason I'm PEing). Now, when we decided to have kids I knew that we wouldn't have as much sex, but I never thought it would be this bad. If we get it on 4 times a month that is a good month .... I know terrible. And very often it is a "quicky" just to peel me off the walls so to speak. Where my question comes in, and maybe some men have gone through this with their wives is: after having children (are there any mothers here?) was there an extended period of time that you (or your wife) had ABSOLUTELY no interest in the cock at all? I had her ask the question to her doctor and of course he says thats normal after kids... How the hell do people end up with 9 kids then? Please, any insight would be wonderful. And please don't tell me to help around the house more, and other touchy feely things like that. I already do A LOT of those things because I don't want her to feel like a slave. She does have a full time job just like me too..Just insight on how to get her in the mindset, get her thinking about it. "The mind is the most important sex organ" after all isn't it? Cheating is not something I'm built to do, but I have to admit it has come into my mind a time or two, and I don't like feeling this way, as I love her with all my heart! Help! PLEASE!
Signed,
Very frustrated husband

 

[doingit4her]

Hi Denny,

My wife and I basically went through the same experience while having children and went through some rough times because of it. Our youngest is now almost 3, and we feel like we are just starting to work on getting back on track. That's one of the reason I just started doing PE as well, to enhance the quality of our sex. She has agreed to kegel as well. The frequency of our sex wasn't any better than yours, and yes it was very frustrating for me. I too help around the house a lot so that is not the issue in our case either. We have been going to therapy for a while as well, which has helped improve our relationship tremendously. We're not yet back to where we were before we had kids in terms of sex, but at least we're commited to working on it together now. The key is to talk about it with each other and get professional advice if needed.

Signed,
A Slightly Less Frustrated Husband

 

[JonPop]

Denny, maybe shes just tired all the time. Kids will do that to you.

Hormones can change after child birth, also. Ask her Dr, if he would refer her to an Endocrinologist for a hormone work up. Women need testosterone, although in smaller amounts, to have libido, just like a man. Child birth can overpower the Endocrine system with estrogen. A hormone imbalance could very well be the cause of your problems.

 

[kingpole]

Well my cat Whoredog has had 4 liters of kittens before i had her spayed. The fith time she got prenant she got knocked up by a mountain lion or something. After 3 weeks of gestation i had to take her into the vet to get fixeed or the size of the kittns would of killed her. Show weighed 21 pounds at 3 weeks of gestation. Since then she has not had any interest in sex with the toms. However she will knock up a stuffed animal now and then due to some lesbian tensdencies.

 

[eompow]

Hello Ladies,
I have a very important question to ask. And please, no BS... I tend to get a little long winded, so I'll try to be short: My wife(27yr old) and I(28 yr old) have been married for 6 years, we have had two children: 2 and 5yrs old, and while the sex used to be great and frequent, as of late (about the past year and a half) she has had almost NO interest in sex in any fashion, much less the kind of sex we used to have(The number one reason I'm PEing). Now, when we decided to have kids I knew that we wouldn't have as much sex, but I never thought it would be this bad. If we get it on 4 times a month that is a good month .... I know terrible. And very often it is a "quicky" just to peel me off the walls so to speak. Where my question comes in, and maybe some men have gone through this with their wives is: after having children (are there any mothers here?) was there an extended period of time that you (or your wife) had ABSOLUTELY no interest in the cock at all? I had her ask the question to her doctor and of course he says thats normal after kids... How the hell do people end up with 9 kids then? Please, any insight would be wonderful. And please don't tell me to help around the house more, and other touchy feely things like that. I already do A LOT of those things because I don't want her to feel like a slave. She does have a full time job just like me too..Just insight on how to get her in the mindset, get her thinking about it. "The mind is the most important sex organ" after all isn't it? Cheating is not something I'm built to do, but I have to admit it has come into my mind a time or two, and I don't like feeling this way, as I love her with all my heart! Help! PLEASE!
Signed,
Very frustrated husband

Compassion I have for you, you are facing issues that has sunk many a good man. I'm with the other poster's. Many ideas and conditions can lead to these issues. Usually both persons love, need and desire each other but life and it's issues get in the way. Love her, strive to understand her, help her in all ways possible, re-frame from solving too many of her problems (oxymoron) and get some professional medical and counseling help.

Best to you, I'll keep you in my prayers.

Signed, understand your frustration.

 

[McB52]

Denny, it's all been said above. I think most of us men have gone through it too. It's something you both need to work on. Try a different approach, take her on a weekend away from it, send the kids to the grandparents for the weekend. Find a nice little hotel/motel that has a spa, pool, lounge..you get the idea. Then sit her down and talk to her about your little treat. Make mention it's for us(you & her) to re-kindle or re-spark what we use to do. Make her feel special. Briefly mention a sexual pleasure, she use to enjoy. This way, she will hopefully understand sex is part of the treat/weekend.

It's worth a try, then if it doesn't go according to plan, then you know its a chemical imbalance.

I wish you luck!! Na, I wish you both luck!!
McB

 

[Nikki]

I have never had children yet but I think a lot of what has been written is so true. Being tired from work, raising the children, hormones, chemical imbalances, etc. could easily account for her low sex drive. Also, women are so emotional, she perhaps has so much on her mind about the children, work, etc. that she is "mentally" exhausted for sex.

Definitely try to get her to go away for a weekend or at least one night, have a great dinner with some wine and see if that helps. If she is resistant to that, then counseling might be needed.

 

[Denny]

Many thanks...

Many thanks...

Thank you very much for the replies, advice, and words of encouragement to me on this, but please keep them coming. I am up for trying anything(sane) to help us out. I like to the weekend away, I think that is immediately on our schedule.
Thanks again!

 

[MrBigDick]

Denny:

Brother, you've been given some fantastic advice and words of encouragement. I was married for 7 very LONG years, had 2 kids and I was about your age when I did that and our sex life went from being ok to downright horrible. Like you, if I got laid 4 times in a month, or once per week, that was a blessing. It was horrible. We eventually divorced but it wasn't over the sex life, although, her lack of sexual interest and her inability to let herself go and fully get into sex didn't help me want to stay married to her.

I will also say that JP hit the nail on the head. Kids are ALOT of fuckin' work man. My two are now 11 yrs and 8 yrs so I'm passed that whole todler thing (thank God!!!!) but because kids gradually gravitate towards their mother in their first years on planet Earth, that will take it's toll on your wife's libido. She CONSTANTLY has kids naggin' at her every 30 seconds or a kid gets sick or a kid gets hurt and they both want mommy to make it better. What this means is that your sex life is going to suffer because she's fried by the end of the week. And it really doesn't matter how much help you offer, the kids still want HER. This will gradually change as they get older and they'll start going to you for more and less to her, especially if they're girls. I've got 2 girls and my older one is now going through a phase where she hates her mother and wants to spend more time with me. AND, I met a woman post marriage who has the libido of a sexed crazed nympho maniac...........I get laid 7 nights a week if I want it, no joke! BUT, I went through ALL the hell your going through now dude. I feel your pain, trust me.

Have you tried having some open, honest conversation about this issue to get her thoughts and views on it?

 

[growing4her]

Nobody hit on it so i'll add the worse case senerio. When a woman finds a new lover/mate. She can lose all desire to have sex with her old partner.

 

[Dreambig]

Hello Denny,
I know that this question was ment for the ladys, but I can't help but comment.

For starters I have been going through the same stuff, it seems like we have sex once a week if that.
I know women are attracted to confidence, but it is kinda hard to feel good about yourself when your mate keeps turning you down.
Have you tried getting her to take something to enhance her sex drive???

 

[baybabe]

You have been together for several years so it may be the combination of the newness wearing off and the little ones running around. Maybe she has always had a low sex drive but because she wanted to keep your interest in her in the beginning she made sex a priority or maybe she was trying to get pregnant...got have lotsa sex to make babies.

I have three kids. After all of the children were born the Dr tells you to wait six to eight weeks before having sex...I only waited 3 or 4. I was horny during pregnancy and after. People say that there is no time to have sex when you have kids...wrong...where theirs a will theirs a way! We send the kids outside to play or down to the store for candy, and if there is a baby/toddler then there is a NAP TIME. Not all women are like this I understand, so I guess I'm not the best one to give advice on a wife with low libido. The only time I didnt feel like having sex was when my husband and I were divorceing...but I was still horny and fucked'm anyway or had extra amounts of solo sex. Maybe she should masturbate more? I get hornier when I am having more solo sex, maybe she needs to get the blood flow moving down in the root chakra. lol idk.

 

[Green]

I think that you need to listen to kingpole's comment which is a very profound one!!

 

[Green]

Hello Denny,
I know that this question was ment for the ladys, but I can't help but comment.

For starters I have been going through the same stuff, it seems like we have sex once a week if that.
I know women are attracted to confidence, but it is kinda hard to feel good about yourself when your mate keeps turning you down.
Have you tried getting her to take something to enhance her sex drive???

Just buy some sexual enhancement tea and give it to her everyday and see haw her hormone will be,she will have time for the kids and for you and dude be creative ask about her fantasy.(do not forget to change the box)

 

[tanmaysnv]

I think emotional closeness is an essential prelude to sexual intimacy. So problems in your relationship can be a major factor in low sex drive. Decreased interest in sex is often a result of ongoing issues, such as:

• Lack of connection with your partner
• Unresolved conflicts or fights
• Poor communication of sexual needs and preferences

Thanks !

 

[majic]

Denny....

Welcome to the club....my wife is 32, we have 2 kids and has the sex drive of a 87yr old.

Any and I mean ANY time we have sex it would seem like I have to beg for it.....If I bring it up as a topic of concern it always ends up in a fight.

That is unacceptable for me; so I came up with an alternative......it works but I really dont think you want to hear it though.

 

[wordup]

Dude, your kids are 5 and 2. She's exhausted. I'd suggest taking on more of her chores, she'll appreciate it and be much less tired, and after she's done enjoying the lighter load she has on her shoulders, she'll be more open to sex.
And by the way, the reason people end up with nine kids is because they believe the sole purpose of their sex life is to make nine kids. They probably have less sex than you and your wife.

 

[MrBigDick]

When kids enter the picture, sh*t happens and stuff changes. When my kids were born, I was 27, she 31. Our sex life suffered also. And it didn't get better when our second kid came along. Kids add enormous amounts of stress to women and the relationship. Her maternal instincts kick in and her first concern is taking care of her kids........period. Plus, when the kids are sick, hungry, have a dirty diaper or whatever, their goto person is mom. That's just the way it is and unless the mother isn't in the picture, that's the way it's going to stay until the kids get older. Also, when kids come along, her body changes and her body image of herself might have plummeted and she may no longer see herself as sexy, hot or attractive.

Now, combine ALL of the above with her working full time and that stress and you have a recipe for a dead libido. Again, not all women fall victim to this BUT, it sounds like all of yours have and I sure know my ex did. Fortunately for me, I divorced mine (not for the lack of sex but for many other reasons) and my kids are now just about 12 & 9 so I have full freedom to find me a nympho maniac like my ex gf and fuck until the sun comes up. Have any of you guys considered seeking marriage and sex therapy?

 

[majic]

When kids enter the picture, sh*t happens and stuff changes. When my kids were born, I was 27, she 31. Our sex life suffered also. And it didn't get better when our second kid came along. Kids add enormous amounts of stress to women and the relationship. Her maternal instincts kick in and her first concern is taking care of her kids........period. Plus, when the kids are sick, hungry, have a dirty diaper or whatever, their goto person is mom. That's just the way it is and unless the mother isn't in the picture, that's the way it's going to stay until the kids get older. Also, when kids come along, her body changes and her body image of herself might have plummeted and she may no longer see herself as sexy, hot or attractive.

I hear where you are coming from but I still believe that the "tired" angle is not a sufficient enough excuse....its just sex....not asking her to run a marathon.....They can make time to do everything else (even the unimportant things like....shop) but they cant spare 30-40mins at the end of the day for you? I dunno man...I just dont buy it; Plus us guys are expected to check our male "instincts" everyday and the first sign of slippage and we are the asshole and we lose half of everything....why cant they do the same for a measly 30-40 minutes?

What if you were to say "honey, Im just too tired to take out the garbage"...

I really think the reasons they give is all just a bunch of malarke. Plain and simple, I think they just end up just taking the guy for granted (because they have acheived their quest as mandated by nature) thus shifting him to the eternal back burner......and then they wonder why he cheated

 

[MrBigDick]

I hear where you are coming from but I still believe that the "tired" angle is not a sufficient enough excuse....its just sex....not asking her to run a marathon.....They can make time to do everything else (even the unimportant things like....shop) but they cant spare 30-40mins at the end of the day for you? I dunno man...I just dont buy it; Plus us guys are expected to check our male "instincts" everyday and the first sign of slippage and we are the asshole and we lose half of everything....why cant they do the same for a measly 30-40 minutes?

What if you were to say "honey, Im just too tired to take out the garbage"...

I really think the reasons they give is all just a bunch of malarke. Plain and simple, I think they just end up just taking the guy for granted (because they have acheived their quest as mandated by nature) thus shifting him to the eternal back burner......and then they wonder why he cheated

Well, to you and I it's just sex. But after 8 hours at a job, having to come home, make dinner, take care of 1-2 hungry, tired, needy kids, by the time she has anytime even for herself it's pushing 7-8pm at night. Look, I'm not trying to defend the female position here, I'm merely trying to help you see the bigger picture. I was where you're at and I do know what I'm talking about and yeah bro, it's frustrating as hell. Think about it, your wife not only has your children who are young and demanding of her time, but then by the time she deals with them and gets them taken care of, she has you knockin' on her door for some nookie. So everytime she turns around, she's got someone who wants her attention or her time. Where does she get any time for herself? You might think the "tired" excuse is a huge pant load but I'm telling you man, it's not. I'm not saying it's right and it took me a LONG ass time to wrap my head around all of this. Let me ask you this, when you and she do hit the bedroom, are you taking care of her or just your own sexual needs?

If you feel as though you're taken for granted, then you need to tell her how you feel. I know how that feels also. I felt HUGELY taken for granted by my ex wife AND my ex gf.........the only difference here is that my ex wife didn't care about sex and my ex gf was a nympho. As for the comment about them wondering why he cheated, well, some guys want what they want when they want it and aren't willing to give time a chance or their partner a chance to take care of their needs and they go seek that somewhere else. If you respect your wife and marriage enough, that won't even be an option for you.