I understand what you're saying Cusp, I really do. But I dont think the answer is as cut and dry as you suggest.
Ready to give up altogether!!
- Thread starter almightycrunch
- Start date
I understand what you're saying Cusp, I really do. But I dont think the answer is as cut and dry as you suggest.
If it was me, I would go to my wife and talk. I would let her know that her lack of intimacy, her lack of any desire to do anything other than screw her put more pressure on me, pressure that makes my pe even worse. If you would allow me to make love to you in a way I feel comfortable with, and yes dear you may have to allow me to do things that you might not like ( but I bet she would enjoy) then the pressure will be off me and I will get better with time. If you're not willing to help, well then living like this is making me miserable so where do we go from here?
I like this response from you much better than the last couple!!! especially about me coming here and whining about it. lol
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 15,397
- Reaction score
- 478
- Points
- 0
Hey almightycrunch,
I may have a suggestion but first I need to know something; I know that she has stated that she doesn't much care for or even want foreplay for herself but has she indicated a disinterest in providing YOU with extra foreplay?
Also, your prem-e aside, are you absolutely sure she is still interested in sexual play?
I may have a suggestion but first I need to know something; I know that she has stated that she doesn't much care for or even want foreplay for herself but has she indicated a disinterest in providing YOU with extra foreplay?
Also, your prem-e aside, are you absolutely sure she is still interested in sexual play?
You seem to be a nice guy, a giving guy. Sometimes those guys give and give and give until they have nothing left to give and then they get discarded. How much more can you give, and she'll take, without her giving a bit. If you want to live that way then it's your choice but be wary of the day you'll get discarded because it will happen. Trust me I know.
Well, she has never shied away from giving me oral sex, even though she professes she does not like to receive it. But, like penetrative sex in general, neither one occurs at a frequency anywhere near what I would like or need in order to assist me with trying to acclimate my body and brain back to "normal" sexual response.
As far as me being sure she is still interested in sexual play??? well, judging by her willingness to let 1-2 months pass between sexual activities, I guess it would be questionable. It is really hard to say I guess, I TOTALLY understand a reduction in sex based on my PremE, I totally get that it is probably not satisfying for her, especially due to the fact that all she wants is straight up penetrative sex, so its over soon after it starts. BUT, being that is has been explained that one of the ways to work on the problem is to INCREASE the amount and frequency of sex to help acclimate me to levels of stimulation, is what makes it so difficult for me to understand.
WHOOPS, sorry TPW, this was supposed to be a quoted response for you!!!
As far as me being sure she is still interested in sexual play??? well, judging by her willingness to let 1-2 months pass between sexual activities, I guess it would be questionable. It is really hard to say I guess, I TOTALLY understand a reduction in sex based on my PremE, I totally get that it is probably not satisfying for her, especially due to the fact that all she wants is straight up penetrative sex, so its over soon after it starts. BUT, being that is has been explained that one of the ways to work on the problem is to INCREASE the amount and frequency of sex to help acclimate me to levels of stimulation, is what makes it so difficult for me to understand.
WHOOPS, sorry TPW, this was supposed to be a quoted response for you!!!
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 15,397
- Reaction score
- 478
- Points
- 0
burtybasset
Retired Moderator, Member of the Month May 2014,
I think CUSP is just a little grumpy this time of day, he is yet to have his rum and cookies, Or is it milk and cat biscuits? He's a sweetheart really and very wise!
What he is saying though I think is fair, you are doing everything in your power, it's completely understandable that you feel at your wits end!
I think sometimes we don't always get the answer we want to hear, but it may be the necessary one for us to take action!
No disrespect to your wife, you obviously love her a great deal, but for you guys to work she needs to pull her weight too.
If it were me, I would consider counselling, if you are struggling to communicate. I think your problem may begin to reach it's resolution way before the bedroom.
Hey, could we have a little more context regarding her uncalled for utterance? Like did you literally cum, roll off her, and as she is getting up she disgustingly says "I'm sick of the 90 seconds?" Or is this something that had been touched on, even jokingly, before hand? or what?
At first I was going to suggest eating her pussy, but if she wants to be pounded then you have to pound her. This might sound unusual but have you considered buying a dildo or something else to stuff up her needy clam hole? I know you said she doesn't like foreplay but maybe a big dildo that can hammer away at her is something she would like. Don't ask her either - just do it.
At first I was going to suggest eating her pussy, but if she wants to be pounded then you have to pound her. This might sound unusual but have you considered buying a dildo or something else to stuff up her needy clam hole? I know you said she doesn't like foreplay but maybe a big dildo that can hammer away at her is something she would like. Don't ask her either - just do it.
look for certain drugs to help if all else fails i heard of some but forget the names, one I tried recently that has nothing to do with PE or anything sex related its actually a research chemical (completely legal) that's a psychedelic that when I took a low 15mg dose that caused very little hallucinations and huge pupils but I took such a low dose just to feel nice since it has an mdma like feel (a high dose is 40mg-100mg for strong hallucinogenic effects, its like mushrooms but no body load) anyway I masturbated full force to many porn videos and I had the problem of not being able to cum and that's rare for me I literally kept saying to myself why the fuck can't I cum lol point is it made me last well over an hour maybe 2 could of been a lot longer but I got mad and went as fast as humanly possible just to get it over with lol it felt great because of the mdma like feel but it got boring and both arms were tired as hell, anyway I'm sure there's drugs that aren't also a psychedelic but man did it feel great its also cheap and legal 100mg for 24$ so 6 doses (you could take less for same affects) its called 4-aco dmt I ordered it from biochemdistribution. If you do try it dissolve in orange juice and research volumetric measuring or buy a mg scale (start with 10mg and adjust to your liking even 5mg could probably work for your purpose)
Last edited:
Dont wanna go there either, ive tried ssri's, tramadol(even up to 150mg with little effect, antihistamines, literally nothing works
Tried masturbating before sex(emptying the chamber) did nothing, tried testicular restraint to keep em away from body, didnt work, tried going deep near PONR to keep stim low and at base of penis, didnt work, tried sex in morning, or at night, no difference, missionary versus doggy??? No difference , her on top??? No difference!! Reverse kegel brings on PONR, regular kegel brings on PONR, relaxing pelvic floor so there is no movement doesnt help, cock ring, nope. I just dont know
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 15,397
- Reaction score
- 478
- Points
- 0
Hey almightycrunch,
Sorry for the delay, I was busy typing this out. :typing:
Now along with continuing with your solo program (should you need additional suggestions for this let me know), I would suggest you ask your wife to consider doing the following:
As you know, great sex is much more than just penetration and the sensual arousal that generates great sex involves more than just your penis. Yes, your package loves to feel aroused and come erect but when all your sexual attention is focused on your manhood; it simply cannot take the pressure and so ejaculates too quickly. Part of learning to last longer will involve expanding your genital sexuality to include whole-body sensuality. This is where your wife can help. Ask her to provide massage-like caresses over every square inch of your skin. And while this can include your member it is more important that it include the rest of your body.
It would also be beneficial that you include whole-body arousal during your masturbation sessions as well. Take breaks from stroking your penis and sensually massage other parts of your body. Then return to masturbating. Pay attention to how it feels to arouse your entire body and not just your penis. Notice how it helps you to focus on what you're feeling genitally, how it helps you to approach and back away from your PONR.
Now on to Part 2…
Let your wife know that this is a process that will require a few sessions. Explain that is about incorporating great sensuality into your sexual play that will beneficial and pleasurable for you both.
Start by creating a relaxing, sensual environment (low lighting, music, etc.).
For each of the following steps, allow 3-4 sessions. Don't simply rush from one step to the next.
1. Have her stroke your penis without lubrication until you can last 10-15 minutes. Ask her to vary her strokes. Be sure to tell her when you’re approaching PONR, and when you do, ask for less intense stroking until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Remember to breathe deeply.
2. Your wife does the same as in step 1, only with a lubricated hand until you can last 10-15 minutes.
3. She proceeds as in step 1, only she performs oral sex until you can last 10-15 minutes. She should begin by simply holding your manhood in her mouth without much movement. When you feel you have things under control, ask her to increase her lips and tongue ministrations. Eventually ask her to stroke your shaft by hand as she sucks.
4. You lie on your back and breathe deeply. She caresses your penis manually or orally and then straddles you (woman-on-top sex position) and slides your member into her well-lubricated vagina. She remains still, however, simply holding your penis inside her. You move just enough to maintain your erection for 10-15 minutes.
5. Begin as in step 4, only now you remain still and she moves just enough to maintain your erection for 10-15 minutes.
6. Begin as in step 4, only now she remains still and your move more vigorously until you can last 10-15 minutes.
7. Begin as in step 4. This time you stay still and she does all the vigorous moving until you can last 10-15 minutes.
8. Begin as in step 4, and now both of you move energetically until you can last 10-15 minutes.
As you do these sessions, remember to incorporate playful, whole-body sensuality. And of course, remember your wife’s needs as well. In fact, these sessions can provide you with an opportunity to discover what kinds of sensual touches she enjoys. The point is to make this as much about sensuality as it is about overcoming your prem-e.
Many relationship/sex therapists have recommended the above "program" with great success for couples dealing with premature ejaculation. I hope you and your wife are one of them.
source
Sorry for the delay, I was busy typing this out. :typing:
Now along with continuing with your solo program (should you need additional suggestions for this let me know), I would suggest you ask your wife to consider doing the following:
As you know, great sex is much more than just penetration and the sensual arousal that generates great sex involves more than just your penis. Yes, your package loves to feel aroused and come erect but when all your sexual attention is focused on your manhood; it simply cannot take the pressure and so ejaculates too quickly. Part of learning to last longer will involve expanding your genital sexuality to include whole-body sensuality. This is where your wife can help. Ask her to provide massage-like caresses over every square inch of your skin. And while this can include your member it is more important that it include the rest of your body.
It would also be beneficial that you include whole-body arousal during your masturbation sessions as well. Take breaks from stroking your penis and sensually massage other parts of your body. Then return to masturbating. Pay attention to how it feels to arouse your entire body and not just your penis. Notice how it helps you to focus on what you're feeling genitally, how it helps you to approach and back away from your PONR.
Now on to Part 2…
Let your wife know that this is a process that will require a few sessions. Explain that is about incorporating great sensuality into your sexual play that will beneficial and pleasurable for you both.
Start by creating a relaxing, sensual environment (low lighting, music, etc.).
For each of the following steps, allow 3-4 sessions. Don't simply rush from one step to the next.
1. Have her stroke your penis without lubrication until you can last 10-15 minutes. Ask her to vary her strokes. Be sure to tell her when you’re approaching PONR, and when you do, ask for less intense stroking until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Remember to breathe deeply.
2. Your wife does the same as in step 1, only with a lubricated hand until you can last 10-15 minutes.
3. She proceeds as in step 1, only she performs oral sex until you can last 10-15 minutes. She should begin by simply holding your manhood in her mouth without much movement. When you feel you have things under control, ask her to increase her lips and tongue ministrations. Eventually ask her to stroke your shaft by hand as she sucks.
4. You lie on your back and breathe deeply. She caresses your penis manually or orally and then straddles you (woman-on-top sex position) and slides your member into her well-lubricated vagina. She remains still, however, simply holding your penis inside her. You move just enough to maintain your erection for 10-15 minutes.
5. Begin as in step 4, only now you remain still and she moves just enough to maintain your erection for 10-15 minutes.
6. Begin as in step 4, only now she remains still and your move more vigorously until you can last 10-15 minutes.
7. Begin as in step 4. This time you stay still and she does all the vigorous moving until you can last 10-15 minutes.
8. Begin as in step 4, and now both of you move energetically until you can last 10-15 minutes.
As you do these sessions, remember to incorporate playful, whole-body sensuality. And of course, remember your wife’s needs as well. In fact, these sessions can provide you with an opportunity to discover what kinds of sensual touches she enjoys. The point is to make this as much about sensuality as it is about overcoming your prem-e.
Many relationship/sex therapists have recommended the above "program" with great success for couples dealing with premature ejaculation. I hope you and your wife are one of them.
source
I can already last 10-15 minutes with either oral sex or manual stimulation!!!! No problem, i normally had to kegel and tighten up, point and curl my toes to force ejac during either one of those. Just quick on the trigger during penetration
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2013
- Messages
- 14,099
- Reaction score
- 325
- Points
- 0
Sounds like a tricky situation. After going a month without sex it would only be natural to prem-ejaculate in my opinion (well it would be for me anyway). You should probably get to the root of the problem, i.e. why your wife only wants sex once a month. I was in a relationship like this before, and it was a sign of deeper problems in the relationship, that and my ex had a very low sex-drive anyway. Also, the fact that she only wants penetrative sex might indicate other red lights in the relationship that need to be examined more.
In relation to your issue itself, have you practised edging/ballooning etc? Perhaps do these techniques instead of masturbating. There have been some good advice given so far by TPW and Burty, so I cannot really add too much on top of this. However, having premature ejaculation is not a nice thing to have for a guy's confidence, and whenever I had it in the past it was always due to having lack of sex and being over-excited when I got it. If your wife is depriving you of sex but making comments about your prem-ejac, then that is not fair at all. Talk to your wife about this contradiction in her behaviour and try to get to the bottom of these issues, as there is more than likely something underneath all of this more complicated than simply a disinterest in sex.
In relation to your issue itself, have you practised edging/ballooning etc? Perhaps do these techniques instead of masturbating. There have been some good advice given so far by TPW and Burty, so I cannot really add too much on top of this. However, having premature ejaculation is not a nice thing to have for a guy's confidence, and whenever I had it in the past it was always due to having lack of sex and being over-excited when I got it. If your wife is depriving you of sex but making comments about your prem-ejac, then that is not fair at all. Talk to your wife about this contradiction in her behaviour and try to get to the bottom of these issues, as there is more than likely something underneath all of this more complicated than simply a disinterest in sex.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 15,397
- Reaction score
- 478
- Points
- 0
Hey almightycrunch,
I really hope you will consider introducing the above "program" to your wife. Because it is recommended that you schedule it in regularly (and as often as you can) not only will it aid in curbing your over-excitement, but the regular intervals required will increase the sexual intimacy you crave with your wife and hopefully encourage her to be more sensual and sympathetic.
I have one other recommendation. Although your wife may be opposed to seeking therapy, that doesn't mean you cannot go yourself. Because you have developed a strong negative anchor (the look of disappointment on her face) that is now creating anxiety and a self-fulfilling prophecy, I would consider going to see someone who specializes in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or NLP. The good news is that it is often brief therapy and shouldn't require more than a few sessions.
I really hope you will consider introducing the above "program" to your wife. Because it is recommended that you schedule it in regularly (and as often as you can) not only will it aid in curbing your over-excitement, but the regular intervals required will increase the sexual intimacy you crave with your wife and hopefully encourage her to be more sensual and sympathetic.
I have one other recommendation. Although your wife may be opposed to seeking therapy, that doesn't mean you cannot go yourself. Because you have developed a strong negative anchor (the look of disappointment on her face) that is now creating anxiety and a self-fulfilling prophecy, I would consider going to see someone who specializes in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or NLP. The good news is that it is often brief therapy and shouldn't require more than a few sessions.
I've been following this story ( drama ) all day. The majority of what's being discussed is Almighty's premature ejaculation issue, but it appears to me that his wife is using it as a control issue for something else that's going on between the two of them. People use money, power, intimidation and yes, even sex for control and feelings of superiority in relationships all the time. There is a reason why Almighty's wife keeps putting off discussing things and refuses to go to counciling. There's more to this story that we're not being told.
