This isn't a success story, maybe is a frustation story. I just want to write my thoughts. I'm aware of my pre-m since years.
I have to be honest, I've never put 100% or at least, not for so many time continusly but I'm without forces and motivation.
I'm 23, I see how my life is passing thru my eyes and I got so many posible lovers in my past wich I let them pass.
I'm depressed.
I feel frustrated.
Why I can't have hard sex like porn or like my friends explain? Do I wont never earn it? I'm sick of this sh*t.
Sorry, I needed to tell someone
Your reaction to it all is natural and it is a phase that will go away as you progress, what is important is not to allow this state to devour you. In the end motivation must come from within in other for it to be sustainable, and even though now it seems hopeless in the end you will wonder just how wrong that was.
I wanted to write about this in my log but this is as good place as any.
One of the most vicious enemies that a premature ejaculationist faces is not his bad performance but his own mind, his reaction to so-called "failure" and sometimes even an over-dramatization of it all and am not foreign to that at all.
Lets use an example that most of us know:
You just had a bad session (be it edging or sex) and you just feel terrible, your thoughts are just flashing like crazy pointing and wondering just where did this all go wrong and why does my body does that. The frustration is so enormous that you are not even feeling any pleasure from an orgasm, even though it is here it is eclipsed by your own mind. The frustration is excaliting you did not feel it as much in the beginning as you feel it as the time passes.
If you are with a partner that just intensifies and makes your partner anxious. Ask most women, it is not the premature ejaculation occurring that is making women dislike a man's performance as much as is his reaction to it all in fact showing that you are in the control of the situation by not giving it much thought is a trait that is much well accepted. The problem with men is that they think it is all about them (funny me saying that as a man, but it is true). While there are women that will show their disappointment with your performance it is most likely they are not even aware how hurtful that is, or they are simply like that and knowing that might be a good pointer that pursuing a relationship with that partner will not work in the future, because even if she goes over it, another thing will pop out sooner or later.
The hardest thing for you to do right that moment is to stop thinking about it, since the more you pointlessly dwell (and in 90% of the time it is indeed pointless) the more stressed out and tensed out will you be the next time, in a way your mind will start to take a form of perverse pleasure from your failures and it will all twist (notice the over-dramatization) your perception of things to a point where you will be so far from your body and lose what ever little control you had in the first place.
What you need to do at that moment when your session has failed is to asses the situation find
ONE thing that you might improve and say to your self "I will improve upon that next time." and
that is it. When I say one thing don't think about "Next time i will fix my premature ejaculation", but something along the lines "Next time I will slow down at that point", "Next time I will reverse kegel at that point" and so on.
Once you accomplish the goal you have set just let it go and let it and as it ends, reward yourself with a good feeling. Because the reward system is a better option than the current mind-punish system, the body simply responds better to rewards. It might seem silly but it works on many levels, chain several good sessions with the goals in mind an you will notice the difference. In a way illusion of control is control itself in then same way your thinking that you lack control is making you lack control even more.
The other thing one should practice is making your mind still an focusing on your body if your head is full of negative thoughts, since after you have ejaculated you will feel pleasure but you have to focus on it in the same way one focuses on the breathing while meditating, immerse yourself in the positive.
Once you start lasting longer you will understand that that is not that hard to attain.
The good thing is that you are
only 23 when you have this painful realization, some people have it way later, other never and end up blaming other people (mostly women) and the world and end you living a shadow of life just because they ejaculate faster than other.
Remember this, you should not ever allow premature ejaculation, or any other such state (stress anxiety) to control you. You have to accept it and move on in the fashion: "Ok I have premature ejaculation. Fine, let see what I can do about it." Each time you stress about it, each time you are non-productively thinking about it, it is controlling you.
Do not try to control it, just go trough it, just stop caring. It might be counter intuitive but it ends up being the right answer. It is like meditation, you don't try to change the subject of your thoughts, just acknowledge them and let them pass. It is hard, but it is the way to do it.
Only after you have honestly and truly accepted that you have premature ejaculation and that you will have to live with it, only then will you start healing and fixing your problem. The "Hi, I'm bob and I am an alcoholic. " isn't a stereotype for nothing, it really helps.
Because you will see, there will be a session where you last as much as you want, it might not come right now, but it will come, a session where you have control much better than before and in that moment all your worries and all your doubts will seem laughable.
While I might not have the necessary experience to reflect this on a intercourse level, when it comes to the games that mind can and does play with you via the fear, frustration, anxiety and general negativeness I have a pretty good understanding and experience, and even now days I sometimes fall to that trap.
Problem is that most people with premature ejaculation think too much and think all the time, for some it is a professional deformation (due to the work), for others it is simply this age where there is so much information and stress, and the problem is that an alarming part of that thinking is downright pointless, we sometimes think so much that we forget about our bodies.
I apologize for turning this into my typical post, but I hope you will find it somewhat motivational and educational. Sometimes I think that the depth of my premature ejaculation problem (that tends to comeback from time to time) is proportional to the average length of my posts.
