Exactly! Things will NEVER be "just right." But, that's the fun of it... take what you have and go with it. The more awkward the situation is, the better story you'll have to tell later, right?
Need a Woman's perspective on whether this girl likes me or not
- Thread starter ryansambas
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Exactly! Things will NEVER be "just right." But, that's the fun of it... take what you have and go with it. The more awkward the situation is, the better story you'll have to tell later, right?
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But you're NOT asking her out again.
Hi ryansambas,
I really do understand what you're describing in all of these posts on this thread over the last few weeks. I've had things like this go on for months with girls. I don't do this sort of thing anymore after learning from hard experience. I hope I can say something here that will be helpful, but I also know from experience that you'll have to see this thing play out for yourself.
You are tormenting yourself, my friend.
You will never ask this girl out. Pigs will fly before you do. There goes one now: :angel:
If we were sitting here over a beverage, I would put money on it. I know this pattern too well and have seen it play out with too many guys.
Here's how this goes:
You won't ask her out, and some day she'll come to work talking excitedly about some new guy in her world...or you'll learn something else about her that you wish you would have known before you started worrying about her. Or one of you might move on from that workplace and you'll never see her again, but whatever happens you won't ask her out.
But in an objective moment after all of this passes over, you can come back and read over your posts here, and you'll realize how everything you're saying is a rationalization for why you "can't" ask her out.
You're really giving us reasons why you WON'T ask this one out. You're actually refusing to ask her. It's really quite neurotic, and ideally you will give yourself a chance to get it out of your system sooner rather than later. Don't do any holiday shopping for her just yet.
I have two points of advice to offer.
a. Get it out of your system. I know you refuse to do this
, but you'd be best off just dropping this on her at any point:"Hey! Would you like to go out sometime? - Like, I mean go out as in a date, go out sometime?"
If she's amenable to the idea, it doesn't matter what or how or why or when you ask her or what words you use as long as you don't insult her. Secure a yes, and then worry about working it into your schedules. She might even know something about her schedule that you don't and may offer a time that works ideally for her.
What you'll probably learn is that her answer is no and that it has nothing to do with you. You'll learn something valuable from whatever happens.
b. Meet somebody you're more comfortable with and show up to work talking about your new girlfriend.
Please let us know how all this shakes out.
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The first time I asked her out it was a clear yes.
Its more or less that I want an unconditional answer, I know If I asked her out now and she said she was busy , my mind would say its legit and probably convince me that I should ask her out yet again where as if she rejects me when she has a free schedule by saying she is busy I know she wants nothing to do with me.*
Also this isn't how I will always be with women, I guarantee that. The fact is I have to see this girl for another year and I want to do it right whatever the hell that is lol. And if I didn't have to see her and talk to her again there would be no problems.
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There should be an Olympics competition for all these mental gymnastics guys put themselves through. You don't even really want to date this girl. You just want your "strategy" to play out the way you want it to. If she did give you an unconditional yes, what then? Do you think it would go well, or do you think you'd continue to mess with your own head?
You will be this way with women as long as you continue to play things the way you are with this one. It's a pattern and it's not limited to this one situation or this one girl.
What you are doing is not good practice. Just know that. Nothing you are doing right now is going to help you with this girl or with any future woman. Worse is the way that it's effecting you. We get better at the things we do, not at the things we don't do.
Good grief. Quit your job.
Let us know how this shakes out.
The more practice you get, the better you will be at it. So far you're stuck on the first try. Get it over with so you can move on to the second, then the third, and the fourth...
And as well as that a few of my mates on fb (long story, short we met from another forum. I only have actually met one of the guys once as we live in the same city) think I am stupid and should go for another girl who I've talked to on facebook chats about football and saying this girl at work is not the right one and she is playing me along. Whilst it may be true, they're my mistakes to make if it is a mistake and I feel it's right.
I guess everyone here was right BUT before you start getting all aggressive with the 'I told you so' and 'I knew you wouldn't do it', just remember you shouldn't judge me based on the very little you know about me. It's my decision and I know what I said in here but that's how it goes sometimes, no need for people to get an ego trip because they were 100% right and saw it before I did.
Anyway onto the actual topic. I suppose I'll start from the beginning of this month, I've seen/worked with her every Friday/Saturday from the 3rd to the 24th and also Monday and Wednesday on the 19th and 21st.
So on the first Saturday, I worked with her and it was all good, one thing that she said made me think later on. One of our managers walked past and her and the other girl I was working with smiled and him and he smiled back and she said to the other girl 'If he didn't have the accent (he has a really strong Indian accent, you can't really understand him at times.) I'd go out with him'. The other girl agreed and I just pulled a face like :-/ and then the girl I like said 'You would as well Ryan wouldn't you' whilst elbowing my arm jokily. We were also sorting out DVD's next to each other and she said out aloud 'This guy is so hot' (Captain America). All these things just go with the territory, I didn't look too much into the second one but the first one obviously shows she has no problem dating a guy at work (but I knew that as well, I'm not weak minded enough to use that as an excuse for her). Thinking it wasn't going to happen, I cried a little that night (3rd time I've cried about her this year and keep in my mind these are the first times I've cried in 7 years, hate to admit it. I hate crying, I feel unmanly but whatever).
On Friday Nights she works in a separate section and I have to do her breaks (yes I have to, it's not me 'wanting' to by the way) and sometimes I stay with her and help her out but whilst she may think it's to be with her, I really want to be in there because it's easy and more enjoyable then rushing to my section where it's busy and dealing with a lot of customers.
Now, on one of the Friday Nights she said 'Have you noticed anything different about me?' and I went 'Noooo' and she said 'I dyed my hair red' and I said 'I'm a guy, do you expect me to notice that?' (laughing, her hair is normally brown whereas then it was dark red) and I felt it for some reason, don't ask me why. Maybe she's trying to impress some other guy because that sends alarm bells ringing in my head, if she wasn't trying to impress me, she wouldn't ask me. Friendzone to the max.
We get along and we can still laugh and everything but that's at work, as soon as it comes to break time or home time. She's out the door and sometimes doesn't talk to me and walks off. We'll be in the break room and not talk at all and it isn't a good vibe.
It's hard to type everything I mean and put it into words but I bascially woke up (not literally) and realised I'm friend zoned (and that might be putting it nicely). It's just not there, she isn't interested at all. I really used Christmas Eve as the last day if it was going to happen and there was nothing, no flirting, no signs. Whereas a year ago, it was quite a lot different. Maybe I had a chance a year ago, but that's the past.
I've already asked her out twice and nothing happened, it was stupid of me to think even if I changed my mind, that she would do the same especially considering I haven't acted like I'm very interested in her, I've acted the same. Hell, this girl didn't even save my number in her phone, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe she's too used to me now, I don't know. But I don't want to give her the ego boost of a lifetime, that after all of this I'm still interested enough in her to ask her a third time when I know I'm going to get shot down. I don't care how hot she is, I'll find someone as hot or hotter to date who respects me enough and who I am. I know I'm good looking enough to date her and I plan on getting even better looking (gaining 5kg of muscle in the next 2 months is my goal plus other things).
I won't see her any time soon and that's fine because unlike all the other times where I've gone from this to the 'oh what if, she never said no', she doesn't need to say no. I'm not an idiot, I'll try and get someone else. I'm done with this girl at work, now if anything happens outside of work at a club or anything, I won't rule it out if she's down but in terms of work nothing will happen.
I don't care if I've disappointed anyone here by not asking her out, I know this is the right call to make. I just hope everyone else realises that too. It's not as if I haven't tried before, I've asked her out twice before, time to move on.
Anyway onto the actual topic. I suppose I'll start from the beginning of this month, I've seen/worked with her every Friday/Saturday from the 3rd to the 24th and also Monday and Wednesday on the 19th and 21st.
So on the first Saturday, I worked with her and it was all good, one thing that she said made me think later on. One of our managers walked past and her and the other girl I was working with smiled and him and he smiled back and she said to the other girl 'If he didn't have the accent (he has a really strong Indian accent, you can't really understand him at times.) I'd go out with him'. The other girl agreed and I just pulled a face like :-/ and then the girl I like said 'You would as well Ryan wouldn't you' whilst elbowing my arm jokily. We were also sorting out DVD's next to each other and she said out aloud 'This guy is so hot' (Captain America). All these things just go with the territory, I didn't look too much into the second one but the first one obviously shows she has no problem dating a guy at work (but I knew that as well, I'm not weak minded enough to use that as an excuse for her). Thinking it wasn't going to happen, I cried a little that night (3rd time I've cried about her this year and keep in my mind these are the first times I've cried in 7 years, hate to admit it. I hate crying, I feel unmanly but whatever).
On Friday Nights she works in a separate section and I have to do her breaks (yes I have to, it's not me 'wanting' to by the way) and sometimes I stay with her and help her out but whilst she may think it's to be with her, I really want to be in there because it's easy and more enjoyable then rushing to my section where it's busy and dealing with a lot of customers.
Now, on one of the Friday Nights she said 'Have you noticed anything different about me?' and I went 'Noooo' and she said 'I dyed my hair red' and I said 'I'm a guy, do you expect me to notice that?' (laughing, her hair is normally brown whereas then it was dark red) and I felt it for some reason, don't ask me why. Maybe she's trying to impress some other guy because that sends alarm bells ringing in my head, if she wasn't trying to impress me, she wouldn't ask me. Friendzone to the max.
We get along and we can still laugh and everything but that's at work, as soon as it comes to break time or home time. She's out the door and sometimes doesn't talk to me and walks off. We'll be in the break room and not talk at all and it isn't a good vibe.
It's hard to type everything I mean and put it into words but I bascially woke up (not literally) and realised I'm friend zoned (and that might be putting it nicely). It's just not there, she isn't interested at all. I really used Christmas Eve as the last day if it was going to happen and there was nothing, no flirting, no signs. Whereas a year ago, it was quite a lot different. Maybe I had a chance a year ago, but that's the past.
I've already asked her out twice and nothing happened, it was stupid of me to think even if I changed my mind, that she would do the same especially considering I haven't acted like I'm very interested in her, I've acted the same. Hell, this girl didn't even save my number in her phone, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe she's too used to me now, I don't know. But I don't want to give her the ego boost of a lifetime, that after all of this I'm still interested enough in her to ask her a third time when I know I'm going to get shot down. I don't care how hot she is, I'll find someone as hot or hotter to date who respects me enough and who I am. I know I'm good looking enough to date her and I plan on getting even better looking (gaining 5kg of muscle in the next 2 months is my goal plus other things).
I won't see her any time soon and that's fine because unlike all the other times where I've gone from this to the 'oh what if, she never said no', she doesn't need to say no. I'm not an idiot, I'll try and get someone else. I'm done with this girl at work, now if anything happens outside of work at a club or anything, I won't rule it out if she's down but in terms of work nothing will happen.
I don't care if I've disappointed anyone here by not asking her out, I know this is the right call to make. I just hope everyone else realises that too. It's not as if I haven't tried before, I've asked her out twice before, time to move on.
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Oh and what I forgot to put in the last past, I do think I've learned a few lessons and it hasn't been a complete waste of time (although considering it's been almost 14 months, I really should have learned my lessons a lot quicker lol) but it is what it is, sh*t happens.
