"All things, if ignored long enough, will resolve themselves without your intervention."
"In 100 years, you're not going to care about any of this."
"When you think you've got it all figured out, and everything's about to go your way, brace yourself!"
"The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It's simply a glass with liquid in it. Please stop asking me stupid questions that I don't care about."
"You're gonna get shingles!"
"Money can't buy happiness. Unless you count the feelings that come from supporting your family, helping the needy, or being able to pay for your loved-one's life saving operation."
"Lack of money can buy you infinite misery though."
"Most romantic relationships are a balance between two people; one of them is giving love, the other is receiving."
"Ultimately, everything comes down to a matter of luck."
"Don't get cocky. There's a reason they call it that. You're being a dick."
"Even though they are mostly annoying, irrational, terrible drivers, respect other people. Punishing and damning others is not your job! Of course, "It's not my job" is never a good excuse for ignoring what needs to be done. Hm. Never mind. Beat those fools!"