is marriage a dying practise?

[Steve23]

Pheromones?

 

[Cdn]

I don't believe marriage is dying but it is changing.

Fifty years ago marriage was bout mom and pop + 2, love had little to do with the equation.

Now people don't need stability to raise children (as much as in the past) and thus the former idea of marriage is done.

However considering should've started sooner's post regarding pair bonding he neglected one detail.
He is perfectly right about pair bonding being done where resources need to be shared, and the alpha males getting laid when they don't.
I disagree that the human population will ever go to this extreme, we are not perfectly monogamous now, we won't be perfectly polygamous either even with the new conditions of the human life cycle. It just is not logical.

To become polygamous we need to assume that females retain the ability to care for children individually. No economy or lifestyle lasts forever in one single place, eventually the 3rd world will be devolped and we will be 3rd world.
At this point monogamous females will again prevail and marriage will return to what it used to be.

As for what marriage is about now, love and that is all.
With economic prosperity need no longer drives marriage but love and mutual affection.
Some human beings are monogamous by nature, others are full polygamists others are in between (consider a spectrum).
Marriage will remain for true monogamists or those who can make themeselves behave as one, which is considerably smaller percentage than those who needed to be in the past.

Marriage may take on the idea of "open marriage" for others who don't feel the need to be monogamous. As for as I am concerned this constitutes a normal marriage.

Last, we need to consider one aspect of human nature that everyone so far has neglected. The need to feel accepted, to have companionship etc. whatever you want to call it.
In a fast growing technologically advanced civilization relationships are more "shallow" then they were in the past. You go on your computer an skype then going out with your friends type idea.
Technology will likely keep advancing and the "shallowness" of relationships will continue to increase. This may drive some people to marriage in a need for serious long term companionship.

Notes:

I use the term shallow not to be rude or belittling but because I lack a better way to express it.
My entire point on technology and shallowness and the need for companionship is pure speculation, I have no background in psychology.

Last, I consider marriage to be equal to pair bonding with or without children, this inclues people simply living together having a relationship. Not a certificate signed by some guy who talks to some guy I can't see.

 

[BigO]

Which Super Powers are you comparing the US to?

When has the population of any empire, ever, grown as the US population (and the world population) in the 20th century?

Basically; what can you compare the 20th century demography to?

You are correct that the world is populting at a rate never seen before but Skeptic is also correct in saying that the muslim population is reproducing at a much more significant rate then us, in matter of fact they are reproducing at a rate far above the United States ever has at any point in history.
The Muslim nations are reproducing at an over 300% rate of the united states currently. At the rate they are reproducing in the country of France there will be a Muslim majority in less than 20 years in there and in several other European countries.
The Muslim population is averaging over three times the children of the current US family right here in America. If it does not change it will be less then 50 years and your kids and grand kids well be learning other languages in school, not English.
Kind of scary when you think of it. I am not going to post a graph or a chart, if you search you will find anything you want on the net and it may be time for Americans to start living the dream again and marry and have families.
I am not intending to offend any religion or nationality, just stating a fact.

 

[Going411x7]

I agree with many of you. When a country goes from 3rd world status to 1st world status, that countries population steadily starts to decline. I believe here in the U.S birth rate now is 1.7 or 1.8 per couple, while in 3rd world countries its something like 3 or 4 per couple. We should all strive to help our fellow human beings, I'm not a fucking lovely dovely type of guy ( just as ask my lady), but that does not mean I'm blind to all the corruption and great disparities around the world.

As infant and child mortality drop, so does the birth rate. Once they know they'll survive, these peoples have fewer children. However, if I'm not mistaken ours (the U.S.'s) rate is up a little, sad to say.

My advice is to marry your best friend. If she is not, don't marry her. I married my best friend; we've been together for 46 years now.

 

[shredder]

Marriage is an economic partnership to raise a child.

This was what it was for millennial time spans.

It was not about "love," which is why ARRANGED marriages are the historical norm.


We live in an era and place (OECD, late 20th century, early 21st) of tremendous material abundance.

And this has shifted marriage into something more amorphous.

Something like a "BFF" wring or something.


There are two trends in men I notice regarding marriage.

1. The type of 'stable' careers that marriages were built on during previous eras are no longer widely available. Men who do not feel secure in their income tend not to get married. Even college educated are finding their careers are often on a short term contract.

2. Men are doing less marrying and more long term co-habitation/long term bf/gf types.


I think the problem comes when the women "wants" to have a child.

Women are often are 'okay' (not ideal, but okay) if there is no father at the point.

And the father generally does not have the type of income stability to really support a child anyway.


So they go into single parenthood.

Supporting each other informally and often.

But not getting the marriage that they may have even 10 years ago.

I think that in most cases people just lose interest and the attraction they have for their partners. Simply boredom. There's plenty of fish in the sea that you could possibly call the one you love. You might love someone today and dislike them tomorrow.

The fact that women are becomming more self sufficient is definately a reason why marriages could become unpopular. Although, women today think they can run the world, but the truth is males have been and will always be dominent. That's why males are males and females are females. women today think they don't need a man in their life, but in all honesty I think they need the emotional connection more than us men do.

 

[stilltoosmall]

Cultural Context

Cultural Context

I think that in most cases people just lose interest and the attraction they have for their partners. Simply boredom. There's plenty of fish in the sea that you could possibly call the one you love. You might love someone today and dislike them tomorrow.

The fact that women are becomming more self sufficient is definately a reason why marriages could become unpopular. Although, women today think they can run the world, but the truth is males have been and will always be dominent. That's why males are males and females are females. women today think they don't need a man in their life, but in all honesty I think they need the emotional connection more than us men do.

Terence McKenna said that "Culture is our Operating System."

Terence Mckenna - Culture is your operating system - YouTube

And it's very true.


We think in cultural metaphors and analogies implanted into us since childhood.

The idea that there's huge cohort of independence minded women is a myth.

I dont see too much overtly "Feminazi" types in the single parenthood category.


It's more people who are kind of poor, kind of working class, likely no college degree, etc.

We have to remember that a very large fraction (37.2%) of child births in this country are financed by Medicaid.

http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hea_as_per_of_sta_bir-births-financed-medicaid-percent-state


People are POOR.

By in large, they are not rich enough (wealthy enough) to want to be independently raising a child.

It is a less than comfortable compromise for which we yet have no formal social recognition.

 

[funflyer]

Well seems in some/most? places the divorce rate is higher and higher each year

I have to say the rate is misleading. Here is why. In year 1 say 100 couples were married. None get divorced. In year 2 100 couples get married. 40 couples get divorced. The divorce rate in year 2 is 40%. But there were 200 couples married. In year 3 100 couples get married. 40 couples get divorced. The divorce rate is still 40%. However there were 100 couples still married from year 1 and 60 couples still married from year 2 and another 60 couples married from year 3. So in year 3 there were actually 260 couples married before 40 of them became divorced leaving 220 couples still married but a divorce rate of 40% for the year.

Marriages are on the way out due to selfishness and inability of people to follow thru on their commitments. It is much easier at times to walk away for an easier life than to work thru problems and difficulties. In the last 10 years I haven't always been happy. I have worked thru our differences and resumed a happy life with my spouse. I am sure I have done things she has had to work thru as well. Marriage is learning to be polite, respectful and friendly to each other on a daily basis regardless of how you feel about a particular subject. Communicate in a civil manner and be willing to compromise and a marriage can survive. However that just isn't taught in today's society where we want everything now and if it doesn't work right don't repair it just throw it away and move on to another one.

 

[millerdrr]

I wouldn't say marriage is dying, I would say too many people are getting married, that barely know each other. It seems with the people around me, there was a mad dash after high school to be married by age thirty. I don't have one single friend or acquaintance who declined a proposal, even where the relationship was terrible (even abusive) from the beginning.

My two cents: The concept of marriage isn't flawed; the implementation of the practice is why the divorce rate is so high.

 

[islander]

If I was young like you yes the draw of marriage is real and wonderful when you go in with eyes wide open. Really know your partner. Have discussed your opinions on finances, child rearing, expectations etc

At my age now I would not marry. I would committ to a man I loved and respected and who was my equal etc

I have a house full of young men all the time and they all talk about their future and wanting to grow WITH someone, love and be loved etc so I think it's alive and well.

At least with the young men here. They are all educated and seek smart secure girls. Which is very cool.

It's important not to expect more from someone with less morals, standards, values and education than you. Just as you can not expect to upgrade to a woman with higher MSVE's than you. You need to SEE who they are now. Growth happens but catching up? I don't know.

It will not sustain you thru old age.

 

[Total_Honesty]

I think marriage is on the decline because it is such a hassle to end it. The paperwork is a nightmare and can take forever. I think millerdrr is correct. People seem to want to get married only after knowing the other for a short amount of time.

Also, people tend to change over the course of their lives. A woman can be sexy and voluptuous and within a few years can be fat and naggy. A man can be successful and loving and within a few years can be dull and lazy.

Marriages can dissolve when two people don't turn out the way they want. If a man marries a woman, he may think that he should do the things his mother did for him, like cook, clean, do the dishes, etc. If she doesn't, it can lead to problems. If a woman marries a man, she'll expect the man to act like her father, like take care of the car, bills, be the money-maker, etc. If he doesn't, then it can lead to problems.

 

[BigO]

I think marriage is on the decline because it is such a hassle to end it. The paperwork is a nightmare and can take forever. I think millerdrr is correct. People seem to want to get married only after knowing the other for a short amount of time.

Also, people tend to change over the course of their lives. A woman can be sexy and voluptuous and within a few years can be fat and naggy. A man can be successful and loving and within a few years can be dull and lazy.

Marriages can dissolve when two people don't turn out the way they want. If a man marries a woman, he may think that he should do the things his mother did for him, like cook, clean, do the dishes, etc. If she doesn't, it can lead to problems. If a woman marries a man, she'll expect the man to act like her father, like take care of the car, bills, be the money-maker, etc. If he doesn't, then it can lead to problems.

good points, many think about what their spouses will be, not what they are. I can change her or him means I really should bewith someone else!

 

[TheSnitch]

I have no idea.

I've tried to write like 4 different perspectives on this topic and keep erasing them. I honestly have no clue how I feel about marriage. A part of me wants to get married to my best friend, to have someone who comes to me before anyone else and vica versa - I think we are all looking for ultimate trust and acceptance.

However, another part of me doesn't want to deal with the emotional strain and disappointment I hear so many people talk about in marriage.

I suppose many of us younger people are so eager to get married since we come from divorced families, and to "do it right", we buy into an idea instead of put stock into a decision.

Maybe it's simply all about finding the right person.

 

[funflyer]

I have no idea.

I've tried to write like 4 different perspectives on this topic and keep erasing them. I honestly have no clue how I feel about marriage. A part of me wants to get married to my best friend, to have someone who comes to me before anyone else and vica versa - I think we are all looking for ultimate trust and acceptance.

Actually you do have the idea. This is exactly what you should be looking for. It's a friendship and just like any other relationship you have to work at making it grow. If you disagree with your friend and both of you are respectful to each other you can move on and continue the relationship. If you get out of hand screaming, yelling, name calling you are more likely than not to just end the relationship. This is where I see the problem in marriage. You can't just end it because you aren't being treated with respect anymore you are stuck.

 

[shredder]

I have no idea.

I've tried to write like 4 different perspectives on this topic and keep erasing them. I honestly have no clue how I feel about marriage. A part of me wants to get married to my best friend, to have someone who comes to me before anyone else and vica versa - I think we are all looking for ultimate trust and acceptance.

However, another part of me doesn't want to deal with the emotional strain and disappointment I hear so many people talk about in marriage.

I suppose many of us younger people are so eager to get married since we come from divorced families, and to "do it right", we buy into an idea instead of put stock into a decision.

Maybe it's simply all about finding the right person.

I think that the idea of marrying your best friend is definately the way to look at it.
If you've known someone for ages by being good friends, both of the two people know exactly how each other acts according to good and bad situations. And most importantly, this is from a friends perspective rather than having any emotional attatchments. We all know that a person acts differently when in the company of friends as to partners/loved one.

Marriage is like a hobby. When you first get into it its the greatest thing in the world, but when is gets dull, uninteresting
and acustomed to doing the same thing everyday , you find a new hobby

 

[Closed039]

Which Super Powers are you comparing the US to?

When has the population of any empire, ever, grown as the US population (and the world population) in the 20th century?

Basically; what can you compare the 20th century demography to?

% growth of natural born citizens. It is simply too low, and it is one of the preceding factors before the decline of a civilization.