Getting your Ex back

[NeedGirthBad]

Here's another silly element.

I owe her $20 for gas for a road trip on the weekend that we got in a fight on.

I also had bought her a present for when she got a new job (which she got a few days ago). She knows about the present and is supposed to get it today.

It was suggested that I offer her the present as a replacement for the $20 owed and give her an option to choose one or the other. Is this just silly?

 

[islander]

Oh please dont do that. A gift is a gift.

 

[NP97]

You don't have to give her the gift (made that mistake). I wouldn't. And it's only 20 bucks so don't worry... my one friend is out over 200 bucks and he just never wants to see the girl again, so he doesn't even care.
Calling you is the only thing you should respond to. Believe me. I have been through this a few times.

 

[ManWithPlan]

Oh please dont do that. A gift is a gift.

Totally agree. Besides, granted I am not familiar with your financial position, but $20? Just let it go.

 

[Mc Dong]

First of all, pay her the $20 you owe. Then give her the gift. Remember that it's a congratulations gift for her new job, not because you want her back or are trying to woo her. If you are still buying her things, stop this immediately.

Then be direct with what you want and why you want it. Sounds easy, but really think about why she's important to you and why your important to her. Tell her and then let her respond. Say what you have to say and then shut up. Listen and then decide if you like what you hear. It might take a few days to absorb it all.

Lastly, I would strongly advise keeping your communication limited right now. Be a busy guy with things to do. Responding to every text and email and call immediately makes you convenient to her. Don't be that guy.

*** When a relationship starts getting rough because you are annoying each other, then this is a bad sign. You probably want your "old" relationship back that was fun and exciting. Well, the Honeymoon phase of your relationship is over. Now you are left with the real person. If you aren't compatible, then you have a decision to make****

Good luck

MD

 

[NeedGirthBad]

You don't have to give her the gift (made that mistake). I wouldn't. And it's only 20 bucks so don't worry... my one friend is out over 200 bucks and he just never wants to see the girl again, so he doesn't even care.
Calling you is the only thing you should respond to. Believe me. I have been through this a few times.

The gift is $100, just for clarity.

Also more updates:

She's getting increasingly irritated. She has something valuable of mine that she's threatening to leave outside ( we were supposed to meet up and make an exchange ). I asked her politely not to and when she could meet. she replies "oh now you want to talk to me". I asked again when we could meet and she replied "no time frame. look. you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to see you". I didn't say anything.

20 minutes later she calls me and says "I'll be done at 4:30" I told her okay I should be home by then. She was like can you just meet me at your school ( I said you can meet me in front of my house since they are close ) she just hung up. Then called back and said im leaving it outside of your house i'm too pissed to wait till 4:30 and hung up.

Now she says i'll be done at 4..... WTF?!?!?!? is going on

 

[Mc Dong]

I don't know what to tell you. I was giving adult advice, but she sounds like a little brat.

New plan: Get your stuff and move on. Give yourself space from her. It sounds like you could use it.

MD

 

[NeedGirthBad]

I don't know what to tell you. I was giving adult advice, but she sounds like a little brat.

New plan: Get your stuff and move on. Give yourself space from her. It sounds like you could use it.

MD

I feel you man. Thanks for trying to help me out. Things have gotten even worse.


She ended up throwing her gift in the middle of the street as she drove off. I guess in some sense my distance is getting her. She's been acting irrationally and is not really sure how to handle herself. She called me and asked "we're not talking anymore right?" I told her that we were. She then said "you know why i was pissed right?" and i paused then asked why were you pissed. she wouldn't say anything. I eventually said "so yea, we're still talking" again. She was like no we're not. I asked why but really didn't get an answer. She then blocked me on FB!! (she's not a teenager -.- but she sure is acting like one).

BLEH

 

[mistydawn]

She ended up throwing her gift in the middle of the street as she drove off. I guess in some sense my distance is getting her. She's been acting irrationally and is not really sure how to handle herself. She called me and asked "we're not talking anymore right?" I told her that we were. She then said "you know why i was pissed right?" and i paused then asked why were you pissed. she wouldn't say anything. I eventually said "so yea, we're still talking" again. She was like no we're not. I asked why but really didn't get an answer. She then blocked me on FB!! (she's not a teenager -.- but she sure is acting like one).

BLEH

Wow. What a case. She is not handling it very maturely. Are you still wanting her back?

 

[chris1]

Well just let it be and make her realize

 

[spanky]

This is a question I think all of us have asked. IF you are wanting to get back into a relationship. Just ask her to get back together. If you know you hurt her, and are genuine, tell her you are sorry for hurting her and is there anything you can do to make it right.

If you just want sex, go find someone else.

Can't really say fairer than this. Repped.

 

[Kdub]

Just thought I would put my 2 cents in. This is all based on you wanting her for her and not just sex.

First, for a relationship to work it is not about the blame game or who crawls back first. It is important that one of you swallows their pride and makes the first move back. From your description of your girl she is very strong headed or stubborn and doesn't want to admit defeat. No harm in that but if both of you are sitting waiting on the other to make a move then it will just burn the candle away to nothing. As for the tantrum she threw about you not knowing why she isn't talking you need to ask her what she meant and actually listen.

My advice.

Ask her out for a coffee or light lunch. Keep it to a busy area where you can talk but will encourage both of you to not make a scene in public. This is the hard part. Swallow your pride and lay the cards out on the table. Ask her nicely if you can talk for a few minutes with her just listening. Explain to her that you miss her and by that you mean the little things i.e. not having a friend there to talk to, cuddling up together at night, doing your favourite things together, the little things that she does to annoy you. If you can speak from the heart on those subjects and lay it out then your side wants it to work out.

Now if she responds positively chances are she wants the same as you. If she backs up into a corner she might be defensive through fear of committing or the fact she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Either way you need to accept that and either move on or suggest to take things slow for a while. Give each other some space and learn each other again.


If she doesn't respond to your calls or mail then take it it's over and move on. Get your stuff back from her, give all her sh*t back and leave it at that.

 

[spanky]

Oh man, just read this through.. Scrap all these games, just be honest with her. Not needy, not desperate, just call her up and say "can we talk." better face to face if you can get her to go for a coffee with you somewhere neutral.

I disagree with the others saying she's a brat. We all get pissed, and women are much more vocal about it than us guys are. She's probably acting up because she's hurting and you're screwing with her. Just be straight up. It's probably the hardest course of action, but she'll respect it, whether she tells you so or not.

Don't buy her any more gifts (though you should buy the coffee). Polite, not needy or tight.

Tell her you "want to work things out" and tell her you're sorry for hurting her, even if you're not. Don't come from the angle that "I want you to be my girlfriend again" as if that somehow would be all that needs to happen. She'll probably just hear "I want to fuck you again" and that won't work.

Work out exactly how you feel, and tell her. Look her in the eyes, be honest, however wussy it might sound. If she reciprocates, shut the fuck up and listen. Let her know that if you can't work it out you'll be ok, but you're not willing to let that happen without trying.

Or, to summarise in three overlooked little words... TALK TO HER

edit: I think Kdub might have said it better while was writing this..

 

[iwanttobebig]

thank you! me and my girl freind are going through the same, but we only broke up yesterday. Before she left i asked her for one last kiss and hug, we ended up hugging, we had a little kiss, then it turned in to full on snogging, I even ended up sucking her nipples lol?
I'm thinking of asking her around the weekend if she wants to go town or somthing on thos lines.

 

[ManWithPlan]

She BLOCKED you on FACEBOOK?!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!! End of the world!!!!!!!

@iwanttobebig

Lol! You are the man!

 

[NeedGirthBad]

She BLOCKED you on FACEBOOK?!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!! End of the world!!!!!!!

@iwanttobebig

Lol! You are the man!

My thoughts exactly! I'm done. She's just too much of a baby. I thought we grew out of this sh*t by 23?

 

[phallic1]

My thoughts on getting the ex's back.

A person naturally has a tendency to go back to what is comfortable...but there is a saying..."you can never go home", meaning that once you leave the nest things change forever.

If a relationship has come to it's end there is a reason. To try and go back is very difficult because much water has flowed under the bridge, hurtful things have been said and trust lost.

Relationships serve as helpful tools in growth and development. Sometimes it is best to fondly remember the good times...the love the laughter...and learn from the bad times and move on to being a better person in the next relationship.

 

[spanky]

So weird reading this, and my response again, after I broke up with my gf a couple of months later... man was I a mess. So much for good intentions, lol. Hope you got the best result for you in the end NeedGirthBad!