Sarabjeet,
I sometimes wonder what the whole world would be like if no one gave a flying sh*t what anyone else thought. What if we all just gravitated towards what made us happiest? If only it were that easy...
Hey if you like dudes, power to you. You're lucky that you're in one of the gay-friendliest places in your country. Some places out there will stone you to death for what you do behind closed doors.
Some people in this thread say you should leave your country. yea, that's an option. Come visit Canada, we accept all kinds of people.
Or, you can stay, and find someone more like you in your own country. Do you guys have a gay village or gay bars you can go chill? If not, hey, maybe you can open your own and start making lots of money ! Then maybe that will promote social change. Who knows, maybe you can be the catalyst for a better future for your people.
Sarabjeet, it sounds like your biggest problem is that you feel an overwhelming pressure from society to fit into some certain kind of mold of what THEY think you should be. When you boil it down, you're afraid of what people will think of you. This leads you to have all this weird anxiety about it. You're questioning your childhood sports interests, you're blaming your own personal likes and interests, you're lashing out at God, trying to find some reason for the cards you've been dealt in life...
What if God made you gay to test you? What if you were supposed to be gay for a reason? Maybe it's your responsibility to be the biggest, gayest dude India has ever seen. Who knows, maybe you should start wearing pink suits with feathers and sip red wine. The funny thing is, we have straight guys over here in the western world doing just that. They're called PUAs.
I don't know what you truly want. But you do. You can figure it out. All I've read from you is "I like something but I'm too afraid to pursue it." Maybe it's time to man up and face your fears
Being interested in darwinism does NOT make you gay. I'm interested in science and I'm not gay. Where the hell did that come from? That's like saying, I enjoy ballet and gymnastics, therefore I am gay, or a sissy.
Um, no. Maybe I'm just deeply touched by the expression of interpretive dance, and impressed by the mastery of one's own body. How does that imply I take it up the rump? It doesn't. Go tell a ballet dancer he's a sissy for doing ballet and he'll stomp you to the ground and do a pirouette on your head. Those guys go through a lot to do what they do.
"I don't like girls but my friends think I should like girls. So, I tried to have sex with one but since I'm not attracted to them, I couldn't get hard. Therefore, I am less manly." Does that sound as dumb to you as it does to me?
Of course you're not going to enjoy sex with a girl. You don't like them. That's akin to me wondering why i don't like kissing dudes. I don't like it! Case closed. Go home, scooby doo! You're wired to want a man. So go out and enjoy it. How you made the leap from that to being less manly is a cultural stigma that circulates around because homophobes are afraid of the unknown. They don't know what it's like to be you. Only you do. don't let them tell you how to think or how to feel.
