Being gay makes me feel unmanly ... Should it ?

[steve69]

I am a 23 yr old guy who is only attracted to men . There are various varieties in men that turn me on (Don't give me an erection on the spot though !) , like for eg : Taller Men in formal office clothing , Taller guys , etc etc

Growing up , I was a skinny sissy kid TBH ! Some of my classmates already saw it (me being gay) coming ! I had my first crush when I was 13 , and it kept on happening . Today being 23 , I long for a partner and love of my life . I feel alone at times and the thought that I might have to spend rest of my life alone is very frightening ( I live in a country where there's no gay rights and being gay is a taboo and something humiliating/effeminate for a man )

One of my friend remarked me once "You can't satisfy a woman in bed " and it had cut me to the core of my heart .
Becoz gay or straight , I am still a guy and any guy would feel humiliated if he can't satisfy a girl in bed or if he is impotent with women !

But , as of now , I can't get turned on by women at all and hence I don't think I could ever get erect with a woman . Its very humiliating to my self-image and the fact that no gay guy is ever known to turn straight successfully is killing me !

Here , people call all sorts of denigrating name to a man who fails to show his 'maleness' in bed with a woman , terms like 'eunuch' , 'impotent' , 'non-man' are not uncommon and are very embarassing for any man !

I don't know what to do .. Becoz I was initally happy that I might pop in a viagra and get a hard-on enough for one night but then I read a viagra doesn't work automatically . You have to be sexually stimulated for it And the fact that a woman can't turn me on and my member HARD is killing my self-image .
Its making me feel a lesser of a man TBH ! Please help guys !

 

[NCGUY1972]

Have you ever been with a man or a woman? If not you may just be curious. Do females intimidate you at all? Do you find females attractive? What sex do you fantasize about?\
Sad you cannot live in a place where you can just be yourself. If the people you hang with talk to you like that find new people to hang with.

 

[islander]

OP: I am very sorry for what you are going through and having no support. Please know that in my opinion being gay is part of life. In no way it is wrong. Bottom line STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE GAY CHILDREN so there. End of story! As a matter of fact there is a new study just published that shows that they are close to being certain that a code found in the female eggs is found in gay men. Meaning it may have nothing to do with DNA or the father or his family at all. If indeed it is a code that means it has survived on its own TO SURVIVE. To continue the gay orientation with no chance of altering dna or correcting the mistake. Further proving at least to me that gay people are SUPPOSED to be born. The human race is making sure it happens!

If you are gay you dont need to be turned on by a woman. You dont need to be turned on by most men either. Straight people dont walk around getting turned on by all walks of life. The connection or chemistry is specific.

My advice is to stay away from porn as much as possible. You dont want to get confused anymore than you are. Just let your body and mind grow and be happy inside your own skin.

I am female so I cant speak from personal experience on ED but the men I have known with ED only one had physical ED. The rest had pychological ED meaning it was their stresses, worries, environment, mental state causing it. Once they found a loving relationship with trust and compassion BOOM the ED was gone.

You may be fighting your erection because of all the stresses and where you live and the fact no one wants you to be gay.

There is GREAT support online and maybe you can get online therapy if you dont have a place in your town.

I could go on and on and I just hope that you see fit to accept yourself, not beat yourself up, accept your God literally arranged for you to be made this way. You are NOT a mistake. You are here for a reason and have a purpose in life.

Work on being a good human being, your inner peace and you will find someone that is like you and is worthy of you.

I have a close person in my life who is gay. He didn't want to be but always knew he was. I always knew he was. He just recently came out to his parents and to his peers. Not all of the family or friends but the ones he could. He feels free. He feels safe. He knows he is loved and will go to heaven just as anyone else will if he is a good human being. Being gay DOES NOT ruin his chances.

Much love your way sir and I wish you peace of mind soon XO

 

[McDick]

Do you take care of your sh*t? Meaning do you pay bills, go to work and/or school, treat people with respect, mind your own business...basically do you act like an adult? If so, your masculinity is safe and sound.

 

[D.King]

I am a 23 yr old guy who is only attracted to men . There are various varieties in men that turn me on (Don't give me an erection on the spot though !) , like for eg : Taller Men in formal office clothing , Taller guys , etc etc

Growing up , I was a skinny sissy kid TBH ! Some of my classmates already saw it (me being gay) coming ! I had my first crush when I was 13 , and it kept on happening . Today being 23 , I long for a partner and love of my life . I feel alone at times and the thought that I might have to spend rest of my life alone is very frightening ( I live in a country where there's no gay rights and being gay is a taboo and something humiliating/effeminate for a man )

One of my friend remarked me once "You can't satisfy a woman in bed " and it had cut me to the core of my heart .
Becoz gay or straight , I am still a guy and any guy would feel humiliated if he can't satisfy a girl in bed or if he is impotent with women !

But , as of now , I can't get turned on by women at all and hence I don't think I could ever get erect with a woman . Its very humiliating to my self-image and the fact that no gay guy is ever known to turn straight successfully is killing me !

Here , people call all sorts of denigrating name to a man who fails to show his 'maleness' in bed with a woman , terms like 'eunuch' , 'impotent' , 'non-man' are not uncommon and are very embarassing for any man !

I don't know what to do .. Becoz I was initally happy that I might pop in a viagra and get a hard-on enough for one night but then I read a viagra doesn't work automatically . You have to be sexually stimulated for it And the fact that a woman can't turn me on and my member HARD is killing my self-image .
Its making me feel a lesser of a man TBH ! Please help guys !

Mate if you like men, you like men. Nobody should be able to take the piss out of you, I suggest you go to the gym and get some muscles and you will feel confident within yourself. Because you are skinny, you feel that makes you look even more gay. Remember you don't have to be your stereotypical gay, I have seen gay's and they look massive. Just remember to do butt hole kegels and keep that arse tight and stay safe. Make sure you tell the woman you are Bi because it's not fair on her if you don't.

 

[steve69]

OP: I am very sorry for what you are going through and having no support. Please know that in my opinion being gay is part of life. In no way it is wrong. Bottom line STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE GAY CHILDREN so there. End of story! As a matter of fact there is a new study just published that shows that they are close to being certain that a code found in the female eggs is found in gay men. Meaning it may have nothing to do with DNA or the father or his family at all. If indeed it is a code that means it has survived on its own TO SURVIVE. To continue the gay orientation with no chance of altering dna or correcting the mistake. Further proving at least to me that gay people are SUPPOSED to be born. The human race is making sure it happens!



If you are gay you dont need to be turned on by a woman. You dont need to be turned on by most men either. Straight people dont walk around getting turned on by all walks of life. The connection or chemistry is specific.

My advice is to stay away from porn as much as possible. You dont want to get confused anymore than you are. Just let your body and mind grow and be happy inside your own skin.

I am female so I cant speak from personal experience on ED but the men I have known with ED only one had physical ED. The rest had pychological ED meaning it was their stresses, worries, environment, mental state causing it. Once they found a loving relationship with trust and compassion BOOM the ED was gone.

You may be fighting your erection because of all the stresses and where you live and the fact no one wants you to be gay.

There is GREAT support online and maybe you can get online therapy if you dont have a place in your town.

I could go on and on and I just hope that you see fit to accept yourself, not beat yourself up, accept your God literally arranged for you to be made this way. You are NOT a mistake. You are here for a reason and have a purpose in life.

Work on being a good human being, your inner peace and you will find someone that is like you and is worthy of you.

I have a close person in my life who is gay. He didn't want to be but always knew he was. I always knew he was. He just recently came out to his parents and to his peers. Not all of the family or friends but the ones he could. He feels free. He feels safe. He knows he is loved and will go to heaven just as anyone else will if he is a good human being. Being gay DOES NOT ruin his chances.

Much love your way sir and I wish you peace of mind soon XO

thanks !
I NEVER HAD any religious reasons to hate me ! Infact , recent happenings in my life (like , observing how gays and transgenders get ill treated , wars , terrorism , diseases , etc ) has shattered my faith in god ! I am very much doubtful about god now , something I couldn't have been just 5 years back !

And yes , lots of people think BEING GAY IS A CHOICE ! but to me its not ! I never chose ..
Infact all the people who tell me being gay is a choice , I would just say "I wish it was ! Well then I would have chosen something more appropriate like for eg Heterosexuality , which would have made me and parents satisfied . I would have slept with 100 girls in a week and at the end of the day still boast in the middle of the street about my stamina and manhood . "

At 23 , my heterosexual peers are enjoying one night stands , making love , making relationships , enjoying life of youth and they know they will be supported by their family , they will have a wedding cake , and that rose-petal covered bed in which they will have their honeymoon IN THIS VERY COUNTRY.
But what am I doing at 23 ?? I am learning to hate myself :'( I am trying to convert myself . I am ANALYSING MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT LOVE , something which straight people will never have to do ! I get headaches because of the minority stress :\
I throw fits of anger and frustration and make my mom cry at times . She sees my rude behavior but she doesn't know whats making me cry so much or what makes me so angry , the secret that is struggling to come out , the secret that I am probably not straight !

And TBH , I don't have physical ED at all . I know becoz I almost always get morning wood ! Infact I like the tightness down there in the morning

 

[McDick]

thanks !

And yes , lots of people think BEING GAY IS A CHOICE ! but to me its not ! I never chose ..
Infact all the people who tell me being gay is a choice , I would just say "I wish it was ! Well then I would have chosen something more appropriate like for eg Heterosexuality , which would have made me and parents satisfied . I would have slept with 100 girls in a week and at the end of the day still boast in the middle of the street about my stamina and manhood . "

Next time someone tells you being gay is a choice just ask them "At what age did you choose to be straight?" Sarabjeet, what country are you in? Maybe the reason you are having such a hard time is because of where you live.

 

[steve69]

Have you ever been with a man or a woman? If not you may just be curious. Do females intimidate you at all? Do you find females attractive? What sex do you fantasize about?\
Sad you cannot live in a place where you can just be yourself. If the people you hang with talk to you like that find new people to hang with.

I have never been with a man/woman in relationship .
But , I am naturally not inclined to girls when it comes to relationships . I can make amazing friends with them at times (I anyways have very less friends ) .
Females don't intimidate me , except sexually ! I have not yet come to the point of my life where my pals would get me to sleep with a hooker (you know those kind of initiation rules among male friends ) but again thats becoz I have a hard time maintaining friendships with most males coz our interests are so effin dissimilar

They talk about cricket , football , sports cars and stuff like that . I always end up talking about Darwinism , Science and stuff like that . The same male friend remarked me once that my brain was wired like a girl . I don't know if its true but then again I was always atypical male !
Like most other little boys around me , I was not crazy about cricket or virile sports . Infact I WAS DRAWN INTO SPORTS when I was a kid ! I liked billiards , golf , archery . So , the more 'finer' sports enchanted me , rather than contact rough sports ! So I was always kinda isolated from guys .


I had this first 'liking' for a guy when I was 13 yr old (same age when I discovered masturbation ) . He was fat , short and dark skinned . Nothing attractive , heh !
But for some odd reason , I loved to spend time with him while traveling in school bus , would go home and keep thinking about him

My passion for males sort of never stopped ! I don't know what attracted me or continues to attract me towards guys ?? I just love to be flirted , dominated by the sexy ones ! (sorry if it sounds creepy to u ) but at times thats how I have felt ! Lately , I even crave touching , be touched , be hugged by men ! :\

And girls? , FUNNY THING IS I don't understand what guys find sexy in girls ! They say its the curves , the body and everything . But I sort of have this weird "empty" feeling when I look at generally considered 'attractive' ladies !
And I don't feel sexual /emotional/romantic for them at all ! I myself find it weird ..

Yes , the feeling of starting a family with a woman and having kids sort of validates my sense of being a man , but then again , I don't feel sexual for them . If gay marriage were legal , I would have loved to settle with a guy

 

[steve69]

Next time someone tells you being gay is a choice just ask them "At what age did you choose to be straight?" Sarabjeet, what country are you in? Maybe the reason you are having such a hard time is because of where you live.

I live in INDIA , People here don't go on a killing spree of gays !
We do have gay prides here in 4 major metropolitan cities , every year ! though I don't attend !
And pride participants are few in number .

People don't kill gays as it happens in iran or something , but YES , you are treated with contempt , sorry , disgust , empathy , or a mix of those feelings if you are gay !

'disgust' is most common feeling for gays ! They can't help wondering that if you are a gay guy , you must be putting your dk in another guy's rear ! See , they don't imagine gay guys hugging or in love , but they always imagine 'sex' !

Most residential societies don't want gays to live in there ! I know an openly gay couple in city and they live on rent !

I am having a hard time accepting me being gay , though when my city (mumbai) is one of most gay friendly ones in the country !

BECAUSE being 'gay' raises my red flag about my insecurities with masculinity , my future , my parents and stuff like that ..

My mom pop love me a lot , becoz I am the only son and child ! They love me dearly . They keep imaging my wedding . My mom longs for a daughter in law , It freaks me out even more to open out then ! its like shattering their dreams :\

 

[McDick]

Bro get the hell out of there, it sounds shitty. I have a very good Indian friend and he tells me that Indian guys walk around with their pinky fingers interlocked to show friendship or toughness or something like that. When he told me this I couldn't stop laughing.

 

[steve69]

Bro get the hell out of there, it sounds shitty. I have a very good Indian friend and he tells me that Indian guys walk around with their pinky fingers interlocked to show friendship or toughness or something like that. When he told me this I couldn't stop laughing.

Yeah it is !

Guys here go arm-in-arm . Its a highly homosocial society !
But they are not gay ! its more like 'bromance' if anything ..

You don't see stuff like that in west

 

[McDick]

You do see stuff like that in the west. I live in California and it's not a big deal, but it is definitely not bromance it is just plain old gay romance.

 

[aBone2pick]

I am a 23 yr old guy who is only attracted to men . There are various varieties in men that turn me on (Don't give me an erection on the spot though !) , like for eg : Taller Men in formal office clothing , Taller guys , etc etc

Growing up , I was a skinny sissy kid TBH ! Some of my classmates already saw it (me being gay) coming ! I had my first crush when I was 13 , and it kept on happening . Today being 23 , I long for a partner and love of my life . I feel alone at times and the thought that I might have to spend rest of my life alone is very frightening ( I live in a country where there's no gay rights and being gay is a taboo and something humiliating/effeminate for a man )

One of my friend remarked me once "You can't satisfy a woman in bed " and it had cut me to the core of my heart .
Becoz gay or straight , I am still a guy and any guy would feel humiliated if he can't satisfy a girl in bed or if he is impotent with women !

But , as of now , I can't get turned on by women at all and hence I don't think I could ever get erect with a woman . Its very humiliating to my self-image and the fact that no gay guy is ever known to turn straight successfully is killing me !

Here , people call all sorts of denigrating name to a man who fails to show his 'maleness' in bed with a woman , terms like 'eunuch' , 'impotent' , 'non-man' are not uncommon and are very embarassing for any man !

I don't know what to do .. Becoz I was initally happy that I might pop in a viagra and get a hard-on enough for one night but then I read a viagra doesn't work automatically . You have to be sexually stimulated for it And the fact that a woman can't turn me on and my member HARD is killing my self-image .
Its making me feel a lesser of a man TBH ! Please help guys !

Well it sounds like you are conflicted a little bit about whether or not you actually like the idea of being gay. If you really want to be gay, I highly suggest finding a way to leave your country, if possible. Living under opression is the most horrible feeling in the world. However, if you want to "defeat the gayness," you certainly can. The people who say that it is impossible to be with a woman if you are gay are all lying. There is someone very close to me who decided in his 30's that he wanted to be married to a woman and raise a family, despite being exclusively sexually interested in men. His reasoning was that he felt all children need a female mother and that he wanted his children to be his own biological children. He has been married now for like 16 or more years, and he is very happy.

I wish you the best, no matter what you decide to do. But really, the best advice I can give you, is this: no matter what you do, do it because it's what you really desire. Don't do something to avoid judgement or criticism, you will be so unhappy. Choose what you choose because it is the thing that you want for yourself.

 

[steve69]

I often ask myself :: "Would I still be gay if I played sports with guys and not tea-sets with the girls ?"

Would I still be gay if I were not sissy ? Am I at fault for being gay ?

 

[steve69]

Well it sounds like you are conflicted a little bit about whether or not you actually like the idea of being gay. If you really want to be gay, I highly suggest finding a way to leave your country, if possible. Living under opression is the most horrible feeling in the world. However, if you want to "defeat the gayness," you certainly can. The people who say that it is impossible to be with a woman if you are gay are all lying. There is someone very close to me who decided in his 30's that he wanted to be married to a woman and raise a family, despite being exclusively sexually interested in men. His reasoning was that he felt all children need a female mother and that he wanted his children to be his own biological children. He has been married now for like 16 or more years, and he is very happy.

I wish you the best, no matter what you decide to do. But really, the best advice I can give you, is this: no matter what you do, do it because it's what you really desire. Don't do something to avoid judgement or criticism, you will be so unhappy. Choose what you choose because it is the thing that you want for yourself.

How can an exclusively gay man marry a woman and be happy with her ??

must be a loveless life , is it ?

 

[Dangler]

Lets all be respectful of another members opinion. Avoid Name calling.

Please be civil.
Thank you.

 

[islander]

OP The person I mentioned earlier that just came out was 3 years old when he used to dress in his mothers clothes in her closet. He had plenty of team sports going on but as soon as he got home or around female friends anywhere near his age he would play with them. His entire life females were the preference. Did he look gay as a child? No. Was he cute? Yes. As a young adult does he attract women? Hell yes. Are they getting him? Nope. Bottom line, the boy is gay. He knows it. Did his parents know? Absolutely. Did they want it? Of course not. Did they tell him they thought he was gay? not really. But when he came out it was a shock to "hear" it but not to learn it. Now its over. The thoughts, the wondering. For him he is free.
There is NOTHING you can do to become ungay. There is no surgery, no counseling, no operation, no rehab no NOTHING. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. The problem is society yes. But just as we move from place to place for employment. You can move to another place for a better LIFE. I know its easier said than done but get what you need to make it happen. Skills, visa for travel, internship, change your major in school or go back to school. Prepare for YOUR future both professionally and personally.
Do not spend your hours and days thinking on how life sucks. Think about goals to improve your life.
You must stay positive. Know that you have worth and value.
Our parents and family are forced upon us. We did not choose them. Our friends we choose. Just because they are our family does not mean we have to include them in our adult life. Either they will come to accept you or they wont. It will be their loss. They will hopefully see their selfish ways (wanting grandchildren, etc...). Anyway who is to say you won't have children. My gosh same sex couples have children! Straight couples who can't conceive use IVF OR surrogates. Hello!

I implore you to take a stance right now today. To improve your mind and set goals on where you want to be, how you want to live and where. There is nothing to forgive. God, whichever one you believe in, does not cast aside ANY human that wants him. Period.

 

[McDick]

Thank you islander for wording such thoughts much better than I (hence my post being removed) by a mod)

 

[steve69]

OP The person I mentioned earlier that just came out was 3 years old when he used to dress in his mothers clothes in her closet. He had plenty of team sports going on but as soon as he got home or around female friends anywhere near his age he would play with them. His entire life females were the preference. Did he look gay as a child? No. Was he cute? Yes. As a young adult does he attract women? Hell yes. Are they getting him? Nope. Bottom line, the boy is gay. He knows it. Did his parents know? Absolutely. Did they want it? Of course not. Did they tell him they thought he was gay? not really. But when he came out it was a shock to "hear" it but not to learn it. Now its over. The thoughts, the wondering. For him he is free.
There is NOTHING you can do to become ungay. There is no surgery, no counseling, no operation, no rehab no NOTHING. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. The problem is society yes. But just as we move from place to place for employment. You can move to another place for a better LIFE. I know its easier said than done but get what you need to make it happen. Skills, visa for travel, internship, change your major in school or go back to school. Prepare for YOUR future both professionally and personally.
Do not spend your hours and days thinking on how life sucks. Think about goals to improve your life.
You must stay positive. Know that you have worth and value.
Our parents and family are forced upon us. We did not choose them. Our friends we choose. Just because they are our family does not mean we have to include them in our adult life. Either they will come to accept you or they wont. It will be their loss. They will hopefully see their selfish ways (wanting grandchildren, etc...). Anyway who is to say you won't have children. My gosh same sex couples have children! Straight couples who can't conceive use IVF OR surrogates. Hello!

I implore you to take a stance right now today. To improve your mind and set goals on where you want to be, how you want to live and where. There is nothing to forgive. God, whichever one you believe in, does not cast aside ANY human that wants him. Period.

Thank you for the courage , Islander ! But for reasons I mentioned above , I am still having a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality and accepting it !

Some of my 'liberal' straight friends are more appalled by my self-denial , but then again they are not walking in my shoes ..

One more thing ... I have grown in a very pampered atmosphere . Always dependent on my parents for everything , even now until I get my job .
Someone who's lived a comfortable and normative life is all of a sudden realizes he's 'gay' ( a third class citizen in his own country) . you can imagine the stress

 

[manlover]

You cannot change what you are, no matter what anyone might tell you, it's simply not possible. Living a life of pretence that you are not gay is a terrible fate and will only guarantee you unhappiness. If you live in a homophobic society then I hate to say it, but it's almost a no win situation for you. Even in the 21st century there are many places whose societies are way behind the times. In Western Europe, where I live, we are fortunate to be more enlightened when it comes to sexuality but this has only come about in relatively recent times so maybe attitudes will change in your country in the not too distant future, I hope so for your sake.