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Barbara Keesling's "How to Make Love All Night" in a nutshell (notes on MMO)
After seeing the book How to Make Love All Night by Barbara Keesling recommended on this site, I went out and picked it up from my library. I took detailed notes on the book. Below are my notes. For anyone who doesn't read the book, they'll still get all the "meat" out of it with the following summary. Most of it is comprised of exercises with intermittent comments. The book is aimed at teaching men how to become multiorgasmic, the elusive and legendary MMO. That said, I feel like it has a lot of beneficial info for us premature ejaculators. Most of this information will be nothing new to the veterans. I do feel like it does a decent job of collecting different things into one place: arousal levels, kegel exercises, breathing, deconditioning our bodies natural response to high arousal levels, etc...
Enjoy!
Note: she never explicitly mentions reverse kegels.
(All of the following is paraphrased from her book. I changed the title of the exercises to better reflect the intention of the exercises.)
Performance pressure interferes with sexual functioning.
Having an enthusiastic partner is the key factor in learning MMO, not necessarily because of their participation but because of their moral support, patience, and cooperation. Half of the exercises are done with a partner, while the other half are done solo. The exercises will be labeled accordingly.
Note for the ladies: if at any time during the following exercises the man stops moving, you most also stop moving completely and immediately!
Exercise 1: Finding the muscle
By "the muscle" she is referring to the PC. All you should know which muscle this is--it's the one that stops the flow of urine.
Exercise 2: Strengthening the Muscle
She recommends doing the following kegel routine: 20 rapid fire squeezes three times a day, everyday for 3 weeks.
Exercise 3: Further strengthening
Continuing the routine from ex 3, add 10 slow squeezes to your daily routine. 5 seconds to reach full clench; 5 seconds holding the clench; and 5 seconds releasing it for a total of a 15sec rep.
Orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily or absolutely joined. They are two separate processes that usually occur in harmony but they can actually be separated. This is the ultimate goal of MMO.
Introducing sensate focus: 1. Keep your attention on the physical sensations themselves; 2. Keep your attention present; 3. Keep your actions "pressure free," ie do not try to achieve orgasm but don't avoid it either.
Exercise 4: Genital Caress-with a partner
One person is the active explorer, while the other is passive receiver. The goal is to enjoy touching the other person; the goal is NOT to turn the other person on. Release all tension and merely absorb the sensual experience. Touch the the man's genitals with hands or mouth without the intention of trying to turn them on. Just explore. If the man ejaculates, simply wipe it off and continue. After 20 minutes, switch roles. The man now touches the female.
(Sidenote: this sounds very familiar to some of the arousal stuff I've seen on this site.)
Exercise 5: Genital Caress-solo
When touching yourself, ALWAYS use lots of lube. Merely experience the richness of the sensations of touching yourself. Become aware of your own phenomenological experience. Familiarize yourself with your arousal. Orgasm is not the goal: self-awareness and familiarization is.
At this point in the book, she introduces the arousal scale. If you're reading this thread, you should already know all about the arousal scale. You should also know that arousal level (AL) is different than erection quality (EQ). On the AL, 9.9 is the point of no return (PONR).
Defining a few words: "peak," to reach a point on the arousal scale and to drop back down. "Plateau" to maintain a certain level of arousal.
Exercise 6: Peaking- solo
Start with a genital caress and go until you reach arousal level 4 (AL 4). Then drop back down to 2. When reaching the desired AL, stop stimulation, take a deep breath, check all the muscles in your body (abs, ass, legs) to make sure they're relaxed. Then peak a little higher, at 6 and drop back to 4. Then peak for 7 and drop to 5. Then peak to 8 and drop to 6. Feel free to go as high as you want with the peaking but do so gradually. Do not spike your ALs--do it slowly and deliberately in controlled waves.
Exercise 7: Peaking--with a partner
Partner begins by performing a genital caress on you. Once you reach 4, let your partner know, whereupon they will stop all stimulation. Once you drop down and are relaxed, start over and aim for 6. Your partner should go nice and slow, real deliberate, and stop all stimulation immediately upon your signal. Go as high as you want to go with the peaking. Ejaculate if you want. Orgasm is not the goal, just an option.
Exercise 8: Peaking with PC (kegel)--solo
Start with a genital caress. Once you hit AL 4, keep stroking, but pull one or two strong PC muscle squeezes--in our language, engage a kegel or two. Thenstop stimulation, take a deep breath, and relax your body. Now try aiming for AL 6, repeating the kegel squeeze. Try going all the way up to 9, if possible. The higher the AL--the deeper the breath will be and the harder the kegel required.
Exercise 9: Peaking with PC (kegel)--with a partner
Start with a genital caress. She can do a manual or oral caress--whichever she prefers. When you reach AL 4, take a deep breath, squeeze a kegel, and then signal to your partner to stop stimulation. Drop to AL 4. Then shoot for AL 6. Repeat this loop, going as high as you can go.
Introducing the ideal position for intercourse: Woman is on her back with a pillow under her lower back and ass, in order to raise it a bit. The man is on his knees keeping most of his weight on his knees, never shifting the center of gravity from his hips to his shoulders.
Exercise 10: Intercourse--with a partner (if you couldn't figure that out, =P )
Using the position just described, have sex after you reach AL 6 by a genital caress. Peak at 7, engage a kegel, take a deep breath (which is your partner's cue to stop ALL movement). Repeat this process up to AL 9 if ready. Orgasm is optional. Keep the exercise "pressure free," ie, there are no expectations or demands to be met. Just explore and practice.
Four Ways to Stretch a Peak into a Plateau: change in breathing, change in motion, change in focus, and kegeling.
Exercise 11: Plateauing--solo
(Breathing)Start with a genital caress. Once you reach AL 5, keep stroking, and only change your breathing by slowing it down. If you dip below AL 5, you can bring yourself back up by increasing your breathing rate, as if you were panting.
(kegeling) Then drop a couple levels and get back up to AL 6. Consciously think of your plateau. Once you reach AL 6.5, give a couple of short kegel squeezes while maintaining your previous speed of breathing and stroking. Ride the 6 for 10-15 seconds.
(Change in motion) Drop a couple levels then go back up to 7. Try to hover around 7 by slowing down or speeding up your rate of stroking. If you get to 7.5, slow your stroking down. And vice versa.
(Change in focus) Drop a couple levels, then go back up to 8. Once there, change the area of stimulation. If you've been touching the penis head a lot, switch to your shaft or balls. If you dip below 8, go back to the penis head.
Exercise 12: Plateauing--with a partner
(Breathing) Start with a genital caress. As you get to Al 4, slow your breathing down. If you drop below 3.5, start panting.
(Kegeling) Have intercourse using the position mentioned above. Then plateau at 6, using the PC squeeze to control your arousal level. Engage a kegel if you hit 6.5
(Motion) Then plateau at 7. If you reach 7.5, change the motion and angle of your hips and pelvis.
(Focus) Then plateau at 8. Once you get to 8.5, shift your mental focus to a different area: your balls, shaft, your legs that are touching, etc.
The goal is to eventually learn how to use all 4 techniques--breathing, motion, focus, and kegeling--concomitantly to learn how to plateau.
Exercise 13: MMO--the shortcut--with a partner
Start with a genital caress. Peak and drop at 4, 5, and 6. Once you reach full erection, have sex using the position prescribed earlier. Peak and drop at levels 7, 8, and 9. Then aim for 9.9, PONR. Right when you hit 9.9, engage a strong kegel hold while keeping your eyes open! At this point, you may experience your first orgasm without ejaculation.
Exercise 14: MMO--the shortcut--solo
Genital caress: peaking and dropping until you reach 9. Then go for PONR. Once you reach it, at the exact moment you reach it, slam on the PC muscle for 10 seconds while keeping your eyes open and continuing your previous rate of stroking.
For those who cannot successfully take the shortcut--which will be the vast majority of us--the next steps involve learning a little bit about the ejaculation process. Basically it boils down to this: there is an emissions phase where your body "loads the canon" and there is an expulsion phase where the body "fires the canon."
Exercise 15: Identifying Emission--with a partnerStart with a genital caress and a few peaks. Then have intercourse; get to the PONR, stop all stimulation and movement, and consciously focus on the internal experiences you are having. You should feel your balls tightening and your canon "loading" with semen. If you ejaculate, you'll also feel the firing of the canon.
Exercise 16: Identifying Emission--solo
Genital caress, peaking and dropping until AL 9. As you push your AL down, breath deeper and deeper. Reach the PONR and then consciously focus on the internal experience of emission and expulsion. Feel your body preparing to ejaculate. Understand exactly what it feels like. Breathe deeply and regularly while keeping your eyes open as you ejaculate.
Exercise 17: MMO Sprinting--with a partner
Start with genital caress and move to intercourse once your EQ is high enough. Try to reach AL 8 as fast as possible, stopping all motion and squeezing the PC at 8. Keep your eyes open and your breathing deep and regular. Then thrust again until 8.5, dropping again with a kegel and a breathing. Then peak at 9. Then go for 9.5; then 9.75; then 9.9 (PONR). Each time you peak, try adjusting the angle of entry into your partner, increasing the angle each time until your penis is almost at a 90 degree angle. Reach PONR, stop all motion, slam on the PC, breathe deeply, keep your eyes open. At this point, you should experience orgasm without ejaculation. Rest a moment, then slowly continuing your thrusting. Then thrust away until orgasm and ejaculation. let yourself go this time.
Exercise 18: MMO Sprinting--solo
Start with a genital caress: peaking and dropping at 4, 5, 6. Do not jump right into the deep end of arousal. Now, instead of building up slowly, stroke yourself fast and get to AL 8 as fast as possible. Slam on the PC brake. Then shoot for 8.5; then 9; then 9.5; and finally shoot for 9.9. At 9.9 slam on the PC for 10 seconds, breathing deeply with open eyes. You should experience orgasm without ejaculation. Rest briefly. Then stroke yourself all the way to ejaculation.
Exercise 19: Incremental Inching--partner
Start with a genital caress: peaking and dropping. Switch to intercourse when ready. Peak at level 8. Once there, slow your motion and give yourself a medium kegel squeeze. Then shoot for 8.5, repeating the medium kegel squeeze. Hit 9 and then try aiming for 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, etc all the way to 9.9. This may sounds difficult but the reality is that the difference between a 9.4 and 9.5 may only be a thrust or two. Use your PC to bring yourself back down between peaks. Try to orgasm without ejaculating. It's basically like a high level plateau with kegel squeezes peppered in there every few seconds. Those should give you a better understanding of exactly when to slam on the kegel brakes after emissions but before expulsion.
Exercise 20: Incremental Inching--solo
Peak and drop at 4, 5, and 6, breathing deeply at each peak and using the PC to ward off unwanted arousal. Use medium kegel squeezes. Peak at 8 and drop. Peak and 9, then start you incremental inching from 9.1, to 9.2, to 9.3, etc, all the way to 9.9. Once you reach 9.9, give a firm and hard kegel squeeze to hold back ejaculation. You should orgasm without ejaculation. Drop a few levels, then go all the way to ejaculation.
Welp.... that's the whole book in a nutshell--minus all the "inspirational" stories and examples, minus the mainstream writing style and futile attempts at humor. This is the meat of the book. Hope it helps.
After seeing the book How to Make Love All Night by Barbara Keesling recommended on this site, I went out and picked it up from my library. I took detailed notes on the book. Below are my notes. For anyone who doesn't read the book, they'll still get all the "meat" out of it with the following summary. Most of it is comprised of exercises with intermittent comments. The book is aimed at teaching men how to become multiorgasmic, the elusive and legendary MMO. That said, I feel like it has a lot of beneficial info for us premature ejaculators. Most of this information will be nothing new to the veterans. I do feel like it does a decent job of collecting different things into one place: arousal levels, kegel exercises, breathing, deconditioning our bodies natural response to high arousal levels, etc...
Enjoy!
Note: she never explicitly mentions reverse kegels.
(All of the following is paraphrased from her book. I changed the title of the exercises to better reflect the intention of the exercises.)
Performance pressure interferes with sexual functioning.
Having an enthusiastic partner is the key factor in learning MMO, not necessarily because of their participation but because of their moral support, patience, and cooperation. Half of the exercises are done with a partner, while the other half are done solo. The exercises will be labeled accordingly.
Note for the ladies: if at any time during the following exercises the man stops moving, you most also stop moving completely and immediately!
Exercise 1: Finding the muscle
By "the muscle" she is referring to the PC. All you should know which muscle this is--it's the one that stops the flow of urine.
Exercise 2: Strengthening the Muscle
She recommends doing the following kegel routine: 20 rapid fire squeezes three times a day, everyday for 3 weeks.
Exercise 3: Further strengthening
Continuing the routine from ex 3, add 10 slow squeezes to your daily routine. 5 seconds to reach full clench; 5 seconds holding the clench; and 5 seconds releasing it for a total of a 15sec rep.
Orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily or absolutely joined. They are two separate processes that usually occur in harmony but they can actually be separated. This is the ultimate goal of MMO.
Introducing sensate focus: 1. Keep your attention on the physical sensations themselves; 2. Keep your attention present; 3. Keep your actions "pressure free," ie do not try to achieve orgasm but don't avoid it either.
Exercise 4: Genital Caress-with a partner
One person is the active explorer, while the other is passive receiver. The goal is to enjoy touching the other person; the goal is NOT to turn the other person on. Release all tension and merely absorb the sensual experience. Touch the the man's genitals with hands or mouth without the intention of trying to turn them on. Just explore. If the man ejaculates, simply wipe it off and continue. After 20 minutes, switch roles. The man now touches the female.
(Sidenote: this sounds very familiar to some of the arousal stuff I've seen on this site.)
Exercise 5: Genital Caress-solo
When touching yourself, ALWAYS use lots of lube. Merely experience the richness of the sensations of touching yourself. Become aware of your own phenomenological experience. Familiarize yourself with your arousal. Orgasm is not the goal: self-awareness and familiarization is.
At this point in the book, she introduces the arousal scale. If you're reading this thread, you should already know all about the arousal scale. You should also know that arousal level (AL) is different than erection quality (EQ). On the AL, 9.9 is the point of no return (PONR).
Defining a few words: "peak," to reach a point on the arousal scale and to drop back down. "Plateau" to maintain a certain level of arousal.
Exercise 6: Peaking- solo
Start with a genital caress and go until you reach arousal level 4 (AL 4). Then drop back down to 2. When reaching the desired AL, stop stimulation, take a deep breath, check all the muscles in your body (abs, ass, legs) to make sure they're relaxed. Then peak a little higher, at 6 and drop back to 4. Then peak for 7 and drop to 5. Then peak to 8 and drop to 6. Feel free to go as high as you want with the peaking but do so gradually. Do not spike your ALs--do it slowly and deliberately in controlled waves.
Exercise 7: Peaking--with a partner
Partner begins by performing a genital caress on you. Once you reach 4, let your partner know, whereupon they will stop all stimulation. Once you drop down and are relaxed, start over and aim for 6. Your partner should go nice and slow, real deliberate, and stop all stimulation immediately upon your signal. Go as high as you want to go with the peaking. Ejaculate if you want. Orgasm is not the goal, just an option.
Exercise 8: Peaking with PC (kegel)--solo
Start with a genital caress. Once you hit AL 4, keep stroking, but pull one or two strong PC muscle squeezes--in our language, engage a kegel or two. Thenstop stimulation, take a deep breath, and relax your body. Now try aiming for AL 6, repeating the kegel squeeze. Try going all the way up to 9, if possible. The higher the AL--the deeper the breath will be and the harder the kegel required.
Exercise 9: Peaking with PC (kegel)--with a partner
Start with a genital caress. She can do a manual or oral caress--whichever she prefers. When you reach AL 4, take a deep breath, squeeze a kegel, and then signal to your partner to stop stimulation. Drop to AL 4. Then shoot for AL 6. Repeat this loop, going as high as you can go.
Introducing the ideal position for intercourse: Woman is on her back with a pillow under her lower back and ass, in order to raise it a bit. The man is on his knees keeping most of his weight on his knees, never shifting the center of gravity from his hips to his shoulders.
Exercise 10: Intercourse--with a partner (if you couldn't figure that out, =P )
Using the position just described, have sex after you reach AL 6 by a genital caress. Peak at 7, engage a kegel, take a deep breath (which is your partner's cue to stop ALL movement). Repeat this process up to AL 9 if ready. Orgasm is optional. Keep the exercise "pressure free," ie, there are no expectations or demands to be met. Just explore and practice.
Four Ways to Stretch a Peak into a Plateau: change in breathing, change in motion, change in focus, and kegeling.
Exercise 11: Plateauing--solo
(Breathing)Start with a genital caress. Once you reach AL 5, keep stroking, and only change your breathing by slowing it down. If you dip below AL 5, you can bring yourself back up by increasing your breathing rate, as if you were panting.
(kegeling) Then drop a couple levels and get back up to AL 6. Consciously think of your plateau. Once you reach AL 6.5, give a couple of short kegel squeezes while maintaining your previous speed of breathing and stroking. Ride the 6 for 10-15 seconds.
(Change in motion) Drop a couple levels then go back up to 7. Try to hover around 7 by slowing down or speeding up your rate of stroking. If you get to 7.5, slow your stroking down. And vice versa.
(Change in focus) Drop a couple levels, then go back up to 8. Once there, change the area of stimulation. If you've been touching the penis head a lot, switch to your shaft or balls. If you dip below 8, go back to the penis head.
Exercise 12: Plateauing--with a partner
(Breathing) Start with a genital caress. As you get to Al 4, slow your breathing down. If you drop below 3.5, start panting.
(Kegeling) Have intercourse using the position mentioned above. Then plateau at 6, using the PC squeeze to control your arousal level. Engage a kegel if you hit 6.5
(Motion) Then plateau at 7. If you reach 7.5, change the motion and angle of your hips and pelvis.
(Focus) Then plateau at 8. Once you get to 8.5, shift your mental focus to a different area: your balls, shaft, your legs that are touching, etc.
The goal is to eventually learn how to use all 4 techniques--breathing, motion, focus, and kegeling--concomitantly to learn how to plateau.
Exercise 13: MMO--the shortcut--with a partner
Start with a genital caress. Peak and drop at 4, 5, and 6. Once you reach full erection, have sex using the position prescribed earlier. Peak and drop at levels 7, 8, and 9. Then aim for 9.9, PONR. Right when you hit 9.9, engage a strong kegel hold while keeping your eyes open! At this point, you may experience your first orgasm without ejaculation.
Exercise 14: MMO--the shortcut--solo
Genital caress: peaking and dropping until you reach 9. Then go for PONR. Once you reach it, at the exact moment you reach it, slam on the PC muscle for 10 seconds while keeping your eyes open and continuing your previous rate of stroking.
For those who cannot successfully take the shortcut--which will be the vast majority of us--the next steps involve learning a little bit about the ejaculation process. Basically it boils down to this: there is an emissions phase where your body "loads the canon" and there is an expulsion phase where the body "fires the canon."
Exercise 15: Identifying Emission--with a partnerStart with a genital caress and a few peaks. Then have intercourse; get to the PONR, stop all stimulation and movement, and consciously focus on the internal experiences you are having. You should feel your balls tightening and your canon "loading" with semen. If you ejaculate, you'll also feel the firing of the canon.
Exercise 16: Identifying Emission--solo
Genital caress, peaking and dropping until AL 9. As you push your AL down, breath deeper and deeper. Reach the PONR and then consciously focus on the internal experience of emission and expulsion. Feel your body preparing to ejaculate. Understand exactly what it feels like. Breathe deeply and regularly while keeping your eyes open as you ejaculate.
Exercise 17: MMO Sprinting--with a partner
Start with genital caress and move to intercourse once your EQ is high enough. Try to reach AL 8 as fast as possible, stopping all motion and squeezing the PC at 8. Keep your eyes open and your breathing deep and regular. Then thrust again until 8.5, dropping again with a kegel and a breathing. Then peak at 9. Then go for 9.5; then 9.75; then 9.9 (PONR). Each time you peak, try adjusting the angle of entry into your partner, increasing the angle each time until your penis is almost at a 90 degree angle. Reach PONR, stop all motion, slam on the PC, breathe deeply, keep your eyes open. At this point, you should experience orgasm without ejaculation. Rest a moment, then slowly continuing your thrusting. Then thrust away until orgasm and ejaculation. let yourself go this time.
Exercise 18: MMO Sprinting--solo
Start with a genital caress: peaking and dropping at 4, 5, 6. Do not jump right into the deep end of arousal. Now, instead of building up slowly, stroke yourself fast and get to AL 8 as fast as possible. Slam on the PC brake. Then shoot for 8.5; then 9; then 9.5; and finally shoot for 9.9. At 9.9 slam on the PC for 10 seconds, breathing deeply with open eyes. You should experience orgasm without ejaculation. Rest briefly. Then stroke yourself all the way to ejaculation.
Exercise 19: Incremental Inching--partner
Start with a genital caress: peaking and dropping. Switch to intercourse when ready. Peak at level 8. Once there, slow your motion and give yourself a medium kegel squeeze. Then shoot for 8.5, repeating the medium kegel squeeze. Hit 9 and then try aiming for 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, etc all the way to 9.9. This may sounds difficult but the reality is that the difference between a 9.4 and 9.5 may only be a thrust or two. Use your PC to bring yourself back down between peaks. Try to orgasm without ejaculating. It's basically like a high level plateau with kegel squeezes peppered in there every few seconds. Those should give you a better understanding of exactly when to slam on the kegel brakes after emissions but before expulsion.
Exercise 20: Incremental Inching--solo
Peak and drop at 4, 5, and 6, breathing deeply at each peak and using the PC to ward off unwanted arousal. Use medium kegel squeezes. Peak at 8 and drop. Peak and 9, then start you incremental inching from 9.1, to 9.2, to 9.3, etc, all the way to 9.9. Once you reach 9.9, give a firm and hard kegel squeeze to hold back ejaculation. You should orgasm without ejaculation. Drop a few levels, then go all the way to ejaculation.
Welp.... that's the whole book in a nutshell--minus all the "inspirational" stories and examples, minus the mainstream writing style and futile attempts at humor. This is the meat of the book. Hope it helps.