Hi,
my wife has suffered with depression since her dad died 3 years ago. She has taken anti depressants on and off since then, but after her last visit to the doctor she was described sertraline. This was about 8 months ago, prior to this we had a healthy regular sex life, now it's almost non existent.
We have spoken about it a number of times and she says that although she still finds me attractive etc. that she only feels horny 3 maybe 4 days a month. Things improved slightly for a couple of weeks but it very quickly goes back to nothing. Also she might feel horny one morning and by the time I get home from work it's gone again.
so we have slipped into a rut where we have sex once a fortnight, on a Sunday, in the bedroom if she is in the mood and feeling relaxed enough to be interested and the kids are out of the house and I feel like she might be receptive.
Lots of potential there for a no.
If I feel horny I just have to deal with it.
This kid free time is diminishing as the kids get older and I can see it getting to a point where it's down to once a month or less. She doesn't like close cuddling in bed in case I get horny because she feels guilty for not feeling the same way. And we used to kiss passionately on and off, now it's just a peck like you give your grandma. Again I have told her she doesn't have to feel guilty if I get a hard on, I just like being physically close to her. I have also told her that sex is only a part of it and that I just like the bond of physical closeness. We have also discussed the kissing as well but she almost immediately slips back into the peck on the lips.
she is affectionate and always tells me she loves me and always has done, she tells me she fancies me but has only instigated sex probably twice in the last 8 months. I have made numerous attempts but constant rejection is really hitting my self esteem. My logical mind tells me it's just the tablets but emotionally it hurts every time she says get off or I'm not bothered. She says she just doesn't feel relaxed when the kids are in the house, Or if the house is untidy (which it always is withloamy kids) plus they are pretty much always in the house (16 yo girl and 12 yo boy with ADHD).
Also I was in a really bad relationship before I met my wife and I allowed myself to be emotionally and mentally abused by a psychotic woman. The trouble is what's happening with my wife is almost like a carbon copy of what happened with my ex and it's fucking with my head. I can't tell the wife because she will think I am comparing her with my ex (which she is nothing like I want to add!). So then I find I'm getting bloody performance anxiety as well sometimes when we do get round to sex. I think my heads totally mashed now.
So, now you have the background, I have some questions and would love to hear positive ideas and thoughts or comments
1. Are there alternative ssri tablets that don't destroy libido that can be prescribed in the uk?
2. Is there anything I can do to help her feel more relaxed?
3. is there anything I can do to help me fell more relaxed?
Any advice would be welcome, thanks in advance
my wife has suffered with depression since her dad died 3 years ago. She has taken anti depressants on and off since then, but after her last visit to the doctor she was described sertraline. This was about 8 months ago, prior to this we had a healthy regular sex life, now it's almost non existent.
We have spoken about it a number of times and she says that although she still finds me attractive etc. that she only feels horny 3 maybe 4 days a month. Things improved slightly for a couple of weeks but it very quickly goes back to nothing. Also she might feel horny one morning and by the time I get home from work it's gone again.
so we have slipped into a rut where we have sex once a fortnight, on a Sunday, in the bedroom if she is in the mood and feeling relaxed enough to be interested and the kids are out of the house and I feel like she might be receptive.
Lots of potential there for a no.
If I feel horny I just have to deal with it.
This kid free time is diminishing as the kids get older and I can see it getting to a point where it's down to once a month or less. She doesn't like close cuddling in bed in case I get horny because she feels guilty for not feeling the same way. And we used to kiss passionately on and off, now it's just a peck like you give your grandma. Again I have told her she doesn't have to feel guilty if I get a hard on, I just like being physically close to her. I have also told her that sex is only a part of it and that I just like the bond of physical closeness. We have also discussed the kissing as well but she almost immediately slips back into the peck on the lips.
she is affectionate and always tells me she loves me and always has done, she tells me she fancies me but has only instigated sex probably twice in the last 8 months. I have made numerous attempts but constant rejection is really hitting my self esteem. My logical mind tells me it's just the tablets but emotionally it hurts every time she says get off or I'm not bothered. She says she just doesn't feel relaxed when the kids are in the house, Or if the house is untidy (which it always is withloamy kids) plus they are pretty much always in the house (16 yo girl and 12 yo boy with ADHD).
Also I was in a really bad relationship before I met my wife and I allowed myself to be emotionally and mentally abused by a psychotic woman. The trouble is what's happening with my wife is almost like a carbon copy of what happened with my ex and it's fucking with my head. I can't tell the wife because she will think I am comparing her with my ex (which she is nothing like I want to add!). So then I find I'm getting bloody performance anxiety as well sometimes when we do get round to sex. I think my heads totally mashed now.
So, now you have the background, I have some questions and would love to hear positive ideas and thoughts or comments
1. Are there alternative ssri tablets that don't destroy libido that can be prescribed in the uk?
2. Is there anything I can do to help her feel more relaxed?
3. is there anything I can do to help me fell more relaxed?
Any advice would be welcome, thanks in advance
