Frequency of sex. What a frustrating thing! How often do you and your "lover" do it?

[draggin]

Frequency of sex. What a frustrating thing! How often do you and your "lover" do it?

I have heard that nearly all relationship problems start and end in the bedroom. There is a lot of truth to that. My wife and I, for years, have been trying to figure it. It seems women, are like sexual camels. What I mean is that my wife, for instance, can go weeks without sex, easy. I on the other hand can last about 72 hours before I get "freaky". That makes me wonder if I am too obsessed with sex. Or am I normal for a guy? I don't know. Nor does it matter, but I want to know...

Tell me, honestly, how long you have been with your lover and how frequently do you have sex? I understand in a new relationship sex is daily. I also know some long-term married couples that have sex only 3 times a year or less. There isn't a "right" or "wrong" answer, I just want to know what is "normal" or "average".

 

[Bnip]

I am in the same boat as you. I have a very high drive for sex and often times thought of myself as a sex addict. I don't know that I am, but rather my wife isn't on my same level. We have been married 3 years and we have sex every 2-3 days. We have sex much more often when we arent working or on vacations. We both have high stress professional jobs that take a lot of time at night. The stress and being tired makes it hard to have sex. Even with that said, I can bang at any moment and she doesn't want to when too much work occurs. Women just have the ability to go with out. I get cranky and irritable if we don't.

I agree that this can lead to marital problems, but I believe that if nipped in the butt early, you will have a fighting chance. When we were first together we banged every day or a couple times a day, but we were in college with little stress (besides finishing that paper in time). It was so easy back then. I have talked with my wife about this. I massage her frequently to relax her and it initiates sex. I bought a sex vibrator that I use as a massage vibrator because it feels great and is small enough to not look like a vibrator (lelo lilly). This has helped calm her and she uses it on me...not sexual but sensual We take baths and relax together. This allows us to have more sex. The quality has gotten better even though the quantity has decreased. Good luck!

 

[Steneo]

Wow draggin...you pretty much perfectly described my wife and I. She can easily go weeks and for me beyond a few days is not good. We've tried to work on it and I would say it is still a work in progress. We are at about once a week right now but we have a 2 year old in our bed (sigh...). I'm interested to see what others have to say about this.

 

[jcarrier]

Hummm, very little. So PE for me has been a lot about fantasies and wanting to have sex with other women too, getting big to experience new things out there. but not with a view to getting out of my relationship, which i do not want to, but just having some fun and make up for some lost time. fact is my girl is not that into sex and time will probably only make this more the norm. we do have good sex when we have it but there's a lazyness in both of us to do it and maybe some loss of mutual attraction that comes with the territory in a very long term relationship.

 

[mojo40]

im in the same situation as OP too.
been with my wife 13yrs now
most weeks over the past 6 months we do it once a week, usualy saturday night
but some weeks she's quite keen and it may be as much as 3 times a week
thats getting quite rare lately tho.

 

[draggin]

Great reply guys. You are making me feel like I am a healthy normal male. Thanks.

Hmmmm, I wonder ... since it seems to be "guys" that like sex frequently, do gay guys get more sex than straight guys? I don't really want to know, just a thought.

 

[PumpSon!]

Remember guys, it's evolutionary for men to be randy and want to spread their seed, not to mention all that testosterone!

I think it can be quite a positive thing, if you and your partner can remain close, intimate and in love without plowing 24/7. It shows your relationship goes deeper than bustin some nuts!

 

[draggin]

Wow draggin...you pretty much perfectly described my wife and I. She can easily go weeks and for me beyond a few days is not good. We've tried to work on it and I would say it is still a work in progress. We are at about once a week right now but we have a 2 year old in our bed (sigh...). I'm interested to see what others have to say about this.

Dude, you have to get your 2 year-old out of your bed! I know I know. Been there and done that. It took me a long time, but one day I realized I needed to separate "kid/family" time from "wife" time. Both are rewarding, but after 8pm, that's adult time. Do you think your wife is on board with that? Y'all should take about it.

 

[generalpenis]

Does it count if we talk ex's? Course it does haha.

Anyway, I was the same, but then. I'm 19. So kinda minuses me from the equation? But I got a bit etchy to the point she couldn't probably have gotten changing without my d!ck being inside her before she even got her pants up. But she could sometimes be ready everyday. Or sometimes just not bothered for a week or two.

I do honestly think stress levels etc play a HUGE part on if you are feeling up to having sex with your partner or not. As my ex was a major worrier, stressed out major at times and those seemed to be the times she just "wasn't that bothered".

But now i'm single, I still had to find someone I could call upon so it was a trip into the local town to pick up some totty haha.

 

[draggin]

Remember guys, it's evolutionary for men to be randy and want to spread their seed, not to mention all that testosterone!

I think it can be quite a positive thing, if you and your partner can remain close, intimate and in love without plowing 24/7. It shows your relationship goes deeper than bustin some nuts!

What the hell? It's evolution's fault? Well that doesn't help.

I do agree that the relationship has to about more than sex, or else it all falls apart. Ironically, the more my wife and I get along, the better and more frequent the sex. So I still think the more sex the better.

But damn, the chicks must love you! Talking about pampering them, cherishing the relationship, and not pressuring them to get plowed 24/7. What a crazy new concept for most of us guys. haha.

 

[akaTrex]

Ditto draggin,

1. The 2 yo needs their own bed.

2. The TOP 3 reasons couples argue are SEX, MONEY and KID's.

3. Women are wired differently from men. Men are like the “The Clapper Sound Activated On/Off Switch” Clap On / Clap Off. My wife keeps the “Bed Snake Bat” at the ready.

4. On trick is while my wife is de-compressing I pull up a stool and give her a foot & lower leg massage. Something about their feet and backs of the knees gets them in the mood. Currently Batting 1000.

5. Lastly I Recommend a little black book “ The 5 Minute Field Guide” To Understanding Women! $5.95 Worth every one of the 595 pennies.

p.s. We have been married 14 years and it’s about twice a week until Aunt Flow comes to visit. Also she tends to be a Horny Doggie just days before Auntie Flow visits.

 

[Frog]

BIRTH CONTROL KILLS A WOMENS LIBIDO!!!

Children in your bed? Hell no!

My advice to all men who are no longer having or wanting children. Save your sex life by getting a vasectomy! This allows your wives or girlfriends to get of chemical birth control.

I had to consciously force my self to have sex. I always enjoyed it when I had it, but the birth control, controlled pregnancy in 3 ways.
1) stopped egg from being released
2) stopped me from thinking about sex
3) turned me into a bitch from hell, husband didn't want sex.

It took me almost 1 yr to get my periods back and purge the chemicals from my body. I took herbal remedies to help get my libido back.
Panax ginseng
Ashwaganda
Gotu Kola
Damiana

Natures Way - America?s leader in herbal medicine

I did hours and hours of research. I have always loved sex, but knew something was wrong with me. Natureways has been my favorite company. I would stand before God, Allah or the Easter Bunny and say getting your women off birth control and adding these herbs to her diet will change both your lives. Again, it's not over night, but it will happen. Besides, you might need the time to get in shape for her new sexual appetite!

These are my personal lifes experiences...All women are different......Do your own research to see if what worked for me would work for you or the women you love.:becky:

 

[Looking4more]

I don't think there is a "normal" when it comes to frequency at least for all times. There are "normal" amounts of frequency given the current situation. Over the course of our 23+ years together we have gone from 3-4 times a day to once every week or two. We have had life get in the way in so many ways just like any other couple experiences. The Mrs also had hormone issues just like Frog mentioned. We have had those days that were just too long not leaving either of us with the energy we needed regardless of how much we wanted to. Some days all we wanted to do was sleep. Of course we also had the stresses of raising children (the one thing that I would not trade for anything in the world). The one thing that we always did have is the deep love for each other which is way more important than the amount of sex.

I love what Bnip posted. Perfect example of why women can do without it more than men. A woman is more about the emotional part while the man is more into the physical part. Bnip explained that even when she wasn't in the mood, a good massage and relaxing changed everything. If you want more sex with your wife, be sure she feels loved, she feels like a woman and just not a lady taking care of your children or the female roommate. You have to put forth some effort into keeping it fresh and living life with her and not just spending time in the same house. Help her relieve her stress by doing dishes, housework, taking care of the kids while she enjoys some alone time, etc.It will do wonders for your marriage, relationship, whatever you have. Another positive side effect is more sex. I can tell you that it does work because I have lived it. My wife wants it morning, noon, and night. We are truly in love and truly love having sex. Take it from me, put her first and you will be totally amazed how happy you both will be.

 

[not2big]

We are retired and the kids are gone. We enjoy penetrative sex about 4 times a week, but orgsmic sex about once a week - mostly age related. I always initiate it because if I left it up to my wife we would probably do it once or twice a month.

My normal morning routine is to offer to rub her back. Once in position behind her I slowly slide my erection into her from behind (spoon position) while continuing to rub her back and shoulders. Now all I have to do is ask her if she wants a back rub and she rolls into position. I know she enjoys it, but, apparently, has no desire to initiate it.

 

[MrsLooking4more]

So according to this thread I am a MAN. Because we have been married for 22+ years and I want it all the time! I think, I sometimes may drive him crazy. Hell if I go two days without it there will be hell to pay and I don't do dildo's I want the real thing, he can use the dildo on me during play but "There is nothing like the real thing baby".

I agree with the hubby we have gone through the ups and down due to life but my natural drive is ALWAYS on and when the leather comes out. Watch out!!! What can I say I am totally enamored of him and his yummy brains and body. I am very selfish in my wants/needs and I want/need him (He is my favorite obsession even more than my reading).

 

[Boosie]

You are normal, I get cranky and irritated when i don't have sex with my girlfriend for more then 3 day. It causes problems.

 

[draggin]

Help her relieve her stress by doing dishes, housework, taking care of the kids while she enjoys some alone time, etc.It will do wonders for your marriage, relationship, whatever you have. Another positive side effect is more sex. I can tell you that it does work because I have lived it. My wife wants it morning, noon, and night. We are truly in love and truly love having sex. Take it from me, put her first and you will be totally amazed how happy you both will be.[/QUOTE]

Excellent excellent advice. I hate housework, but I hate not having sex more. I will help out more around the house more.

 

[draggin]

So according to this thread I am a MAN. Because we have been married for 22+ years and I want it all the time! I think, I sometimes may drive him crazy. Hell if I go two days without it there will be hell to pay and I don't do dildo's I want the real thing, he can use the dildo on me during play but "There is nothing like the real thing baby".

I agree with the hubby we have gone through the ups and down due to life but my natural drive is ALWAYS on and when the leather comes out. Watch out!!! What can I say I am totally enamored of him and his yummy brains and body. I am very selfish in my wants/needs and I want/need him (He is my favorite obsession even more than my reading).

Mrs.L4M - I LOVE YOU! :a025:

I'm serious. Not sure if I believe in reincarnation, but if it exists, I want to come back as Mr.L4M in my next life.

 

[MrsLooking4more]

Excellent excellent advice. I hate housework, but I hate not having sex more. I will help out more around the house more.

I can guarantee you that the Mr. has always done what he just preached. He helped when needed and I didn't have to ask, therefore creating more us time. I am a very lucky woman and I know it.

 

[Looking4more]

I don't like housework either Draggin but helping relieve my beloved lady's stress is important to me. Now just remember guys that this is just one suggestion. Taking your girl out on date nights is another very important thing whether you have kids or not. Making her something special for dinner sometimes even if you aren't a good cook. She will appreciate the effort. Just always show her love and respect and don't ever take her for granted. Just think about how this will look to your children. They will pick up on these things and also make their own marriages better when the time comes. We all want the best for our children and what better way to make your own life more enjoyable and theirs as well.

Of course trying new things in the bedroom is always a great way to keep the spark in a marriage. As many of you know we are into a little "not so vanilla" activities and some may be scared, misinformed, or just nervous about trying certain things. Please guys, if their is ANYTHING you wish to talk about, please feel free to PM either of us and we will do all we can to help.