Young, insecure male.....

[jd10021]

joe, take a deep breath here. Your college girlfriend is another young adult who is exploring her sexuality also. She probably doesn't regret much at all and she shouldn't just to make you feel better. Personally, I would much rather be with a girl with a healthy attitude towards and knowledge of sex and, like it or not, that doesn't come from textbooks. Life is a journey... learn from past experience (good and bad) but focus on the road ahead.

 

[TTBB]

Dude, I am not like you at all! I think you have issues that you should try to get help for!

In actuality, macho-talk aside, I like vanilla sex, with nice kisses. Slow relaxing sex. I know that jars with all the stuff that I have said, but it is true. I feel like less of a man because I DON'T have pictures of me with random girls, and I DON'T like to have rough sex and treat the girl in an over-dominant way. It's not in my nature to be like that. I just fight it because I hate being the weakling. I want to be the alpha dog, and alpha males objectify women more than me. The only reason I am trying to be shallow and just focus on sex is because I don't want to feel so insecure. Maybe that was what all the porn was about. Porn is the distillation of pure lust, with no emotional subtext whatsoever. Ergo, if I view my girlfriend solely as a sex-object, I don't have to deal with the pain of thinking of the others before me.

This next part is heavy, but cuts to the core of my issues with my girlfriend.....

I feel that those other men got to use her as a sex-object and discard her, and that I can't love her because of it. How can I love a woman that has a picture of some as*hole's cock in her? They know her as intimately as I can ever know her, and have been in the same place as I have, and the only time they ever think about her at all is when they are going through the mental spank-bank. I think about her every day. That arab dude probably has had so many women that he doesn't even think about her at all! Imagine that, he get's to be as physically close to her as possible, and it meant nothing to him at all, AND he has a picture out there. My girlfriend is in a pornographic image! How am I supposed to love her knowing this? I feel like a chump. How can she seem so sweet and innocent after this? She seems like the nicest girl ever, but this is crushing me. To me, her past makes what we have right now completely irrelevant. If that guy got to pump-and-dump her, and it was no big deal, how can she mean anything to me? I wish I didn't care about her at all. This is so tough. If only she had just shut up! TMI. (Too much information).

she obviously has a bit of pain over how and what this guy did, her choices?
You sound jealous of the guy for pumping and dumping and mad at yourself for not being able to keep your emotions removed.
The thing its sooo easy to pump and dump, and the asshole missed the quality aspects of her, these are the things that she is now offering you but you are caught judging her based on how another person treated her..
When you really like someone judgement often goes out the window. I don't know how old she was when this all went down but when you are young its easy to get lost and find yourself being someone you really are not...its also not until you are a bit older you realize how naive you really are or were.
Judge her based on how she treats you in the relationship and in the bedroom ..not how someone else treated her.

 

[joeaverage]

When she told me about it, she was a bit drunk, so it was like she feels really guilty about it and needed to fess-up to me. She framed it as though it was a funny story to try and lessen it's impact. I told her that what she said upset me very much, and she put her arms around me and started to cry. She said it was a mistake. I then said that I was insecure and that I feel like that man was more of a man than me, because of his ability to get women, and she said "but that type of man can't ever keep a women". What I didn't tell her was that that type of man doesn't CARE that he can't keep a woman. If would if he could. No no. She was just good enough for him to stick his cock into and take a photo of, not to care about.

Maybe that man will die alone and penniless and regretful, but I doubt it. even if he does, he still got to wreak havoc in the interim, no? People seem to think that love is the most important part of life, but, to men like that, love may not exist. At least not love of a romantic ilk. People also say that said man is missing-out, but what they fail to realize is that to the man in question, love is the real illusion, and they get to capitalize on the desire that women like my girlfriend have for it.

He DID tell her he loved her, and she believed him. I have never been so desperate to get into a chicks pants that I would say something like that. If I had no soul, I could probably wreak havoc just like him. He obviously used every trick in the book to get the numbers he was getting, so maybe I shouldn't be so insecure. It's easy to lay naive, shy young women if you are completely lacking in conscience and willing to say anything to get laid. I have never resorted to that, so maybe I AM more of a man than he is afterall.

 

[Steve23]

So she felt bad, told you about it, you told her how you feel she hugged you and cried, she said it's a mistake. So why are you getting angry at your girlfriend, people make mistakes, smart girls can be dumb too. She already regretted it. Obviously you hate the guy, so why do you direct it at your girlfriend. If you were more of a man you would forget about your girlfriend doing something stupid in the past that she regretted and care about her because you obviously do and she cares about you like you say.

 

[MrBigDick]

When she told me about it, she was a bit drunk, so it was like she feels really guilty about it and needed to fess-up to me. She framed it as though it was a funny story to try and lessen it's impact. I told her that what she said upset me very much, and she put her arms around me and started to cry. She said it was a mistake. I then said that I was insecure and that I feel like that man was more of a man than me, because of his ability to get women, and she said "but that type of man can't ever keep a women". What I didn't tell her was that that type of man doesn't CARE that he can't keep a woman. If would if he could. No no. She was just good enough for him to stick his cock into and take a photo of, not to care about.

Maybe that man will die alone and penniless and regretful, but I doubt it. even if he does, he still got to wreak havoc in the interim, no? People seem to think that love is the most important part of life, but, to men like that, love may not exist. At least not love of a romantic ilk. People also say that said man is missing-out, but what they fail to realize is that to the man in question, love is the real illusion, and they get to capitalize on the desire that women like my girlfriend have for it.

He DID tell her he loved her, and she believed him. I have never been so desperate to get into a chicks pants that I would say something like that. If I had no soul, I could probably wreak havoc just like him. He obviously used every trick in the book to get the numbers he was getting, so maybe I shouldn't be so insecure. It's easy to lay naive, shy young women if you are completely lacking in conscience and willing to say anything to get laid. I have never resorted to that, so maybe I AM more of a man than he is afterall.

Seriously dude, you need to focus on yourself and forget about how this other dude views women. Focus on you. Your gf made a mistake and she's just that, she's YOUR gf..........not his.

 

[islander]

Joe
Can't read it all but to page one

1). Peen size is good
2). She's with u not her past guys
3). Yes great sex can be had with it
4). U r missing something. Experience. Yes 100% u can make love to one person. Break up. Fall in love again with another and make love. Millions do it every day. Just like a mother loves more than one of her children.
5). Ur insecurity is in many things not just ur peen. Seek professional advice to find out all the others issues, heal your mind.
6). As a person, male or female, it's an insult to say there is no difference from making love with ur partner or fucking on a one night stand type.
You can have all types of sex with the one you love.

Good luck

 

[Zman007]

And what will happen when you find a new girlfriend who is even hotter? Everything will be going great and then you will find out she was with a guy that was huge. YOUR INSECURITIES will take over again and you will prevent yourself from being happy. Before you do anything stupid such as cheat on her, you NEED to take a very good look within yourself and your own inadequacies and where they stem from. Until you do that nothing is going to make you happy, not the hottest girl in the world, not a huge penis, nothing.

And onto the huge penis thing again. My current GF has been with a guy with a huge penis and NEVER ONCE HAD AN ORGASM from having sex with him. NEVER ONCE and she avoided sex with him. Now that doesn't sound that desirable. I'll be honest, I had a bit of a complex about it, but what matters is that we love each other and we have the best sex either of us have ever had. She was also naive and slept with a guy that had been with quite a few women, a guy you aspire to be like, and guess what. He was terrible in bed and she considers him a major regret in life. Maybe your girlfriend could be similar??

Make the experience about the girl and her enjoyment, for woman intimacy is huge. A guy cares more about the thrusting, a woman cares more about the sum of the whole experience and her feeling and how you treat her are huge contributors. Jackhammering away with a huge cock like in porn is rarely enjoyable for any woman you are going to run into.

Listen to the good advice that has been given to you in this thread. Don't screw up a good thing based solely on your insecurities. I wish you the best of luck, but you have a lot to learn about sex and women.

 

[MrBigDick]

And what will happen when you find a new girlfriend who is even hotter? Everything will be going great and then you will find out she was with a guy that was huge. YOUR INSECURITIES will take over again and you will prevent yourself from being happy. Before you do anything stupid such as cheat on her, you NEED to take a very good look within yourself and your own inadequacies and where they stem from. Until you do that nothing is going to make you happy, not the hottest girl in the world, not a huge penis, nothing.

And onto the huge penis thing again. My current GF has been with a guy with a huge penis and NEVER ONCE HAD AN ORGASM from having sex with him. NEVER ONCE and she avoided sex with him. Now that doesn't sound that desirable. I'll be honest, I had a bit of a complex about it, but what matters is that we love each other and we have the best sex either of us have ever had. She was also naive and slept with a guy that had been with quite a few women, a guy you aspire to be like, and guess what. He was terrible in bed and she considers him a major regret in life. Maybe your girlfriend could be similar??

Make the experience about the girl and her enjoyment, for woman intimacy is huge. A guy cares more about the thrusting, a woman cares more about the sum of the whole experience and her feeling and how you treat her are huge contributors. Jackhammering away with a huge cock like in porn is rarely enjoyable for any woman you are going to run into.

Listen to the good advice that has been given to you in this thread. Don't screw up a good thing based solely on your insecurities. I wish you the best of luck, but you have a lot to learn about sex and women.

Couldn't have said it better myself...........rep!

 

[joeaverage]

How do I deal with the nauseous feeling I have when I look at her though? Should I meditate? I just want to look at her like I used to, but I can't. I can't see the same woman. The woman I see now has been reduced to nothing more than a pornographic picture in some guy's phone. Al the "sweetness", kindness and innocence she seems to purvey is just a lie.

Why did she say that to me? Why did she ruin the best thing I've ever had. I hate her for that. Total fool. Why would she assume that I would, or should be "understanding" and "open minded". Bottom line is: people make mistakes, but why is it that her mistakes are so much worse than mine? I view myself as being a better person than her now, so this is doomed.

I've learned one thing. I will NEVER discuss my past sexual experiences with a woman, and I will never ever let her mention hers. That information should be kept private. Next girlfriend mentions ANYTHING and I am dumping her on the spot. As long as I don't know, then I can assume the best, and live better. This one has to get the boot. I'm seeing this now. I don't see any other option. Once the love turns to revulsion, the relationship is over. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

 

[Closed039]

I really hope that ban is a permanent one.

 

[spanky]

But enough to bring a woman the biggest orgasm of her life from a purely sexual encounter, provided the man used it right? I sense that it is not.

According to my ex I brought her to the biggest orgasm of her life... with my fingers. So there you go.

 

[pterodactyl]

Joe man its going to take time for you to come to terms with your issues. I have been dealing with mine for years. I have ruined a few very good relationships with thoughts very similar to yours. In fact i would say exactly like yurs minus the wanting to become completely detached. I dont know what to say about your current situation other than you are going to sabotage it one way or another if you dont change soon. Im not even sure soon is an option with what you are feeling right now. My advice is to try and see her for who she is rather than what she has done. She is a person just like you. Nobody is perfect and nobody makes the right decision 100% of the time. Anyway only time and experience and an open mind are going to get you through this. I truly wish you the best for i know exactly how you feel.

 

[Slow deep and hard]

Try and look at it the other way around, will your own past change your oppinion on somone you are in love with now ?

Its not easy I have been there , but that way of seeing it helped me.

The more I care the more I fear of loosing, and i think many men feel that its through sex the can ìmpress`there woman and by that keep her from running to other men.

 

[joeaverage]

That's the thing.....I know that she will be devastated, but she is also strong, and will move on relatively quickly.....but that I will be here with way more lingering attachment. The only way I can get over her is to find another woman, and, despite the very big negatives regarding her past, that is going to be hard to find. We get along very well and always laugh together. Very tough choice to make here. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I wish I could get past it, but I am not sure.

I don't in any way think coming here and talking to you fine people was a mistake, and I know I seem to have taken a turn for the worse, but, honestly, I didn't know what else to do. Half my male friends are christians, and virgins, so I am kind of all alone on the male-support side.

My only two options are these:

A. Dump her, crush her, don't go to europe with her, don't spend new years in paris etc, and have a bigger complex than I do now, worry about the new "better" guys she's seeing and for rest of my life wonder if I made the wrong choice, and if I threw real love away, or

B. Somehow put this behind me. Admittedly hard to do when the event that is traumatizing me is probably captured on some guy's phone, in his computer, on the computers and in the email boxes of his friends, and god knows, maybe even on a website. For all I know the guy has his own website. I just thought of it too....there's probably video too! Easier than a photo....no flash. God, I want to get struck by a meteor right now. Why did SHE, of all people, have to do something like that? I mean, there are plenty of stupid party girls for this sh*t to happen to, why her? I don't have anything in my past like that. In fact, I haven't made any mistakes in my life, aside from dating her I'm now thinking.

 

[Steve23]

Whatever option you choose, think long and hard about it. You're young.

 

[joeaverage]

Oh I have been thinking. I have been thinking about this every day since she said these things. It is haunting me. Food doesn't taste good, I am having trouble at work, I don't get enjoyment out of things anymore. It's terrible. I don't think I can "think" my way through this. I hope I can get out of this predicament. I did see my therapist, and he told me to get more things in my life that don't relate to her, but I have those things, and yet, I can't focus on them with her around.

Does anyone know how to get over a girl? Maybe if I just tell her how awful this has made me feel and that I am very uncomfortable with the things she has told me, maybe she'll do the right thing and go home to europe alone. Maybe that would work?

 

[Steve23]

You're obviously leaning towards breaking up with her, so the best thing to do is to tell you how you feel. No matter how big a break up is everyone gets over it, just some people take longer than others. Did you tell your therapist that you're thinking of breaking up and told him/her all the details?

 

[joeaverage]

Yes I did. I told him everything. He said that I am young and inexperienced and that I need to go out and live more to be able to deal with things like this. He said going to France was a good idea. But now, a week after the session, I feel like, although going to europe would be good for me, most of my time will be spent around her, in her dorm room, and we all know how she makes me feel lately.
I am actually quite scared right now. I don't want to go back to porn. If I am without a sexual partner I probably will, and porn really messes me up. Also, this girl is very affectionate and kind. I probably have more of a problem with her because she is so gentle and kind. If she was a bit harsher and not so affectionate, I might be less worried about the past, cause it would seem so incongruous with the girl I see now. I don't want to go without snuggles and backrubs and affection. I am really a pussycat masquerading as a wolf. Man, sometimes you wish you never met someone.

 

[Steve23]

Well seems you don't love her, seems you just want to feel loved and you're scared of being alone, no? Saying you wish you never met her. Then do what you thinks best. Or see your therapist again and tell him what you plan to do and see what he has to say, he's the professional.

 

[pterodactyl]

Time is what will heal you. That and being ok with who you are.