Why do so many married people these days get divorced? I'm 19 and I feel like the world is nothing but cheaters and unfaithful people. I would never cheat on the girl I'm with especially if I MARRIED her. I know divorces aren't just caused by cheating, so what are some of the reasons any of you have gotten a divorce or why you think people get divorces. It just seems wrong, marriage is suppose to be more than a fling and yet that's how half of society treat it. Sorry for the rant, but I just don't understand, it makes me not want to ever get married lol
Why do people get divorced
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You're young and probably didn't have had many girlfriends... A marriage (and a relationship in general) is a bit like a bet. You're with someone that you find attractive, not only physically but also intellectually, and share similar interests. Then with time, each people growing and aging, you find that the interests you used to share are less and less numerous and that disagreements and arguing are more and more common. Then, it is sometimes better to get divorced than staying with someone you're not happy anymore with...
On the other side, when you win this bet, it makes life infinitely sweeter to know that you share everything with someone you love and who loves you in return, someone you'll have kids with and you'll age with... This feeling, or the hope to get his feeling, makes the marriage worth trying. Wait until you find a girl you want to settle with and you'll understand what I mean.
Don't be fooled! Even if you win the bet, life won't be easy and you'll have bad times, but on the other hand the good times you'll have will always make these bad times an old souvenir...
On the other side, when you win this bet, it makes life infinitely sweeter to know that you share everything with someone you love and who loves you in return, someone you'll have kids with and you'll age with... This feeling, or the hope to get his feeling, makes the marriage worth trying. Wait until you find a girl you want to settle with and you'll understand what I mean.
Don't be fooled! Even if you win the bet, life won't be easy and you'll have bad times, but on the other hand the good times you'll have will always make these bad times an old souvenir...
Well, Im 21 so I haven't walked that plank, but I learned first hand from my mother the reason why she and my father divorced when I was 5. Before I was born, my parents were nothing more than "fuck buddies" and eventually, it resulted in me, so they felt that they "had" to get married, for the simple fact that they were having a child together, and appease the parents, my grandparents. Eventually, my father cheated on my mother and my mother had done the same not knowing about about my fathers indisgression afterwards. Point being, they were just two young kids who based everything on sex, and hadn't developed a standard relationship that two people share when even considering marriage. I think many divorces occur because children come first and the parents feel obligated to get married, though thats not the only reason, it definantly is a big one.
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The world has become more instant fix and instant gratification based, we live in a throw way society.. in the old days, if your tv broke you would take it apart tinker with it and see if you could fix it or send it to a repair shop .. now you throw it away and buy a newer model.. that is the same with relationships.
The world has also become more of a solo sport.. People are more ‘ME’ orientated more ‘ME’ driven then ever before.. Even with in families there is less connection because everyone is in there own space (whether it’s physically or just mentally) People on the whole are communicating less, sharing less and compromising less
A couple can be in the same home.. And just be sharing the space. They can be watching the same show but will be in different rooms.. couples will sit on the same couch next to each other and be caught within themselves and not sharing the moment with the other person... Families will sit in front of the tv or a laptop to eat dinner, rather then around the table connecting with one another. People are connected to their phones more then the person who is sitting in front of them. People are working longer hours and more then one job because priorities have changed. Its about making money providing a good life about having luxuries rather then connection with the world around them… people are losing their ability to appreciate simple pleasures, tend to need constant excitement or new to feel fulfilled.
People now have more education and resource to help them leave abusive relationships and more clarity that abusive relationships toward the spouse or the children is not acceptable... AND. There is less shame and stigma attached to divorce then there was in the past making it a less shame based option. People want to be happy and are becoming less tolerant to harder times and moments.. Its everyone right to try an obtain happiness and people now believe they don't need to settle for less then happy.. but people aren't too sure what makes happy or how to put effort into creating happy. The world is out of balance and so are people inside themselves. The world is chaotic and relationships reflect that.
The world has also become more of a solo sport.. People are more ‘ME’ orientated more ‘ME’ driven then ever before.. Even with in families there is less connection because everyone is in there own space (whether it’s physically or just mentally) People on the whole are communicating less, sharing less and compromising less
A couple can be in the same home.. And just be sharing the space. They can be watching the same show but will be in different rooms.. couples will sit on the same couch next to each other and be caught within themselves and not sharing the moment with the other person... Families will sit in front of the tv or a laptop to eat dinner, rather then around the table connecting with one another. People are connected to their phones more then the person who is sitting in front of them. People are working longer hours and more then one job because priorities have changed. Its about making money providing a good life about having luxuries rather then connection with the world around them… people are losing their ability to appreciate simple pleasures, tend to need constant excitement or new to feel fulfilled.
People now have more education and resource to help them leave abusive relationships and more clarity that abusive relationships toward the spouse or the children is not acceptable... AND. There is less shame and stigma attached to divorce then there was in the past making it a less shame based option. People want to be happy and are becoming less tolerant to harder times and moments.. Its everyone right to try an obtain happiness and people now believe they don't need to settle for less then happy.. but people aren't too sure what makes happy or how to put effort into creating happy. The world is out of balance and so are people inside themselves. The world is chaotic and relationships reflect that.
We also made it too easy. Years ago many people worked through their problems and came out with a stronger relationship because divorce was a long, drawn out expensive process. Since we have made it so easy at the first sign of trouble they're out of there! I don't know if easy is better in all things!
When you marry too young you haven't lived yet. You haven't experienced the things that mold you and give you the self esteem and self gratification you need to sustain your life.
Many young flock to the opposites attract. It's a brain/ learning function. Interesting enough to be lured to but rarely can sustain a lifetime together.
Those marriages til death do they part are usually between people with much in common. When your young you don't know enough yet to know who that life partner should be.
Marriage is not a rock. It's not just there. It's like the last flower on earth and needs daily care. Full time job. Yet with love, affection, and a good bond it's a pleasure to work at. It's a great thing to work on keeping the good going. Rather than working on repairing bad events that occur.
Take your time. Live. Establish yourself first in every way. As a man. Know what your role will be. What you want from a partner.
Comprise is not supposed to hurt. If someone sacrifices it will catch up to them one day.
Good luck.
Many young flock to the opposites attract. It's a brain/ learning function. Interesting enough to be lured to but rarely can sustain a lifetime together.
Those marriages til death do they part are usually between people with much in common. When your young you don't know enough yet to know who that life partner should be.
Marriage is not a rock. It's not just there. It's like the last flower on earth and needs daily care. Full time job. Yet with love, affection, and a good bond it's a pleasure to work at. It's a great thing to work on keeping the good going. Rather than working on repairing bad events that occur.
Take your time. Live. Establish yourself first in every way. As a man. Know what your role will be. What you want from a partner.
Comprise is not supposed to hurt. If someone sacrifices it will catch up to them one day.
Good luck.
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life has become about self gratification instead of survival. At least here in North America. Hence mtv lolYou know, most times, after you've had sex with the same person literally thousands of times, it just gets so boring and ho- hum.
I want you to think about this analogy. Say that your favorite food is roast beef sandwiches, but you get tired of just beef and bread. So you start putting different condiments, different lettuces, try all kinds of cheeses and even different breads to "spice things up''. But finally, after all of this, you realize that your still eating roast beef sandwiches.You just get used to it.So basically humans overall tend to bigamy and promiscuosity and not to monogamy.
I want you to think about this analogy. Say that your favorite food is roast beef sandwiches, but you get tired of just beef and bread. So you start putting different condiments, different lettuces, try all kinds of cheeses and even different breads to "spice things up''. But finally, after all of this, you realize that your still eating roast beef sandwiches.You just get used to it.So basically humans overall tend to bigamy and promiscuosity and not to monogamy.
Are we even meant for monogamy? As humans I mean. Wasn't the model of marriage we follow invented by men to establish ownership over women in like the 1500s or something.
Mtv is good if you listen to music but shows are horrible and pure propaganda.Take for example Jersey Shore.Guys are jacked like gorillaz and girls have "horse tits".Sick i tell ya.
I think having 10 wifes would do the trick but having only 1 is very deppresing just hearing it.
I'd like to hear what members who are married for years have to say and not us non-married ones
Lol I do not really have a problem with mtv, I do not watch it, that was a shitty joke because I couldn't think of a way to say what titty did so beautifully without being insulting
, and I figured mtv summed it up nicely.
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I hear a lot of idealism here, and that's great. But I'll bet that most of you who are condemning people for giving up on relationships too easily or not working hard enough at them or whatever have never experienced a bad marriage. I think most people that get divorced do so because they feel that they have no other option if they want to live happy lives for whatever years remain to them.
Try to imagine being trapped in a failed marriage, one where the respect and love and shared interests and sexual attraction are all long gone. Imagine looking down the gun barrel of spending FOREVER with a person that you don't love anymore, or fervently wish you had never met. What if your spouse is abusive? Alcoholic or a drug abuser? What if they deny you sex, or are so bored with it that it is clearly a chore? What if they are a terrible parent to your children, or mentally ill, or simply just miserable being anywhere near you? Or vice versa?
One truth of life is that people and relationships change. This may be hard to relate to when you are young -- but you are not going to be the same person at 40 that you were at 20. When things work well, partners change and age together, both of them growing and accommodating to each another as the years pass. Their relationship does not stay the same -- it changes too. Passion may give way to comfort and companionship.... shared interests may be replaced by shared experience in childrearing.... years spent together may overcome differences in temperment.... and a couple may grow old together happily. But other times, relationships sour and stagnate. Both partners may wish things to be different -- and work to try to make it different -- but at some point one or both partners realize that the marriage has become something that is ruining their lives, not enhancing them. Is it sad when marriages reach this state, and people decide to divorce? Of course. But is it really better to stay married and stay unhappy just to prove something to society or to God?
Personally, I think that the world is a better place since many of our societies have accepted divorce as a fact of life, and ceased treating divorced women as outcasts. I will probably catch some grief for this, but I am fatalist and a pragmatist about marriage and divorce. Even if conceived in love, some marriages are not good and the partners are better off divorced. Life is too short; everyone deserves a shot a happiness, and sometimes divorce is the only way to get there.
Try to imagine being trapped in a failed marriage, one where the respect and love and shared interests and sexual attraction are all long gone. Imagine looking down the gun barrel of spending FOREVER with a person that you don't love anymore, or fervently wish you had never met. What if your spouse is abusive? Alcoholic or a drug abuser? What if they deny you sex, or are so bored with it that it is clearly a chore? What if they are a terrible parent to your children, or mentally ill, or simply just miserable being anywhere near you? Or vice versa?
One truth of life is that people and relationships change. This may be hard to relate to when you are young -- but you are not going to be the same person at 40 that you were at 20. When things work well, partners change and age together, both of them growing and accommodating to each another as the years pass. Their relationship does not stay the same -- it changes too. Passion may give way to comfort and companionship.... shared interests may be replaced by shared experience in childrearing.... years spent together may overcome differences in temperment.... and a couple may grow old together happily. But other times, relationships sour and stagnate. Both partners may wish things to be different -- and work to try to make it different -- but at some point one or both partners realize that the marriage has become something that is ruining their lives, not enhancing them. Is it sad when marriages reach this state, and people decide to divorce? Of course. But is it really better to stay married and stay unhappy just to prove something to society or to God?
Personally, I think that the world is a better place since many of our societies have accepted divorce as a fact of life, and ceased treating divorced women as outcasts. I will probably catch some grief for this, but I am fatalist and a pragmatist about marriage and divorce. Even if conceived in love, some marriages are not good and the partners are better off divorced. Life is too short; everyone deserves a shot a happiness, and sometimes divorce is the only way to get there.
It's because people are living longer. You didn't have nearly the divorce rate when life expectancy was 50 years. Also.. options. "A man is only as a faithful as his options." - Chris Rock. With the independence of women, options are more prolific. Women are able to support themselves more, thus they stray too. Different world. I believe marriage should be a 20 year contract.
But there is an answer.. SWINGING! At least I personally think so.. why stay monogamous nowadays anyway? Sex and love are different.
But there is an answer.. SWINGING! At least I personally think so.. why stay monogamous nowadays anyway? Sex and love are different.
It use to be a lot of women died in childbirth. When they did, the husband found a new wife. The husband could get a pretty good go around for himself.
I divorced my first wife so I wouldn't have to do 25 to life for killing her. Seriously. I would look at her and just wanted to punch her in the face. NO I NEVER DID IT, RELAX!! We married right out of high school and immediately started getting on each others nerves. It got worse from there so I decided it was best to leave. No kids yet so I believed, and still do, it was the best thing to do. Not kidding about the 25 to life either, it was Texas.
I divorced after having gone through 3 years of marriage counseling and 2 years of individual counseling.
The marriage and divorce where the best things that ever happened to me. I got 4 great kids out of it and learned so much about myself. Trial by fire, as the saying goes.
We worked very hard to make the marriage work. What many people don't understand, non divorcees that is, is the emotional roller coaster of a divorce. It is a terrible thing.
I felt ashamed, angry, happy, like a failure, depressed, relieved and every other emotion in between. Divorce is not something most people want. Every divorce has its own unique reason and it is very difficult to generalize the whys.
The marriage and divorce where the best things that ever happened to me. I got 4 great kids out of it and learned so much about myself. Trial by fire, as the saying goes.
We worked very hard to make the marriage work. What many people don't understand, non divorcees that is, is the emotional roller coaster of a divorce. It is a terrible thing.
I felt ashamed, angry, happy, like a failure, depressed, relieved and every other emotion in between. Divorce is not something most people want. Every divorce has its own unique reason and it is very difficult to generalize the whys.
