Dear PEGym colleagues,
Edit: I only said this at the end of my post, but it will not be a coherent story.
2nd edit: I am not a native English speaking person, please forgive me any metalingual errors.
As my title might implie; for some time now I have been fed up with the way things are going for me now. It is not just about penis size, because that isn't bothering me as much (i'll come back to that later) but rather about everything that revolves around the penile area.
Let us start at the beginning of my story, which is basically my life.
AT an early age I had discoverd porn, on sattelite television. In those early ages I couldn't even cum, because that's just not what young people do/can. However, one of the first things i've encounterd was what I called 'some Fine Itch' (later on I presume this to be 'having an orgasm for youngsters'). It is not until I saw some guy in a porno jack his dick off that I thought: "what is this guy doing"? And, of course, started doing it myself. During that time, as most of you probably have done, I jacked myself every change I could get. This went on and on for some time, without having someone to have sex with.
Also, not a minor sidenote, I have smoked weed since I was about 14/15 years old until the age of 22 when I realised this wasn't getting me any further. Because of this addiction, and some other reasons that don't really need emphasize right now, I develop a quite severe depression. I believe that I had this depression for about 3 years until I finally got me some professional help. My doctor sent me to a psychologist, but when that wouldn't help me he sent me to a specialised addiction psychologist. While this did tremendously well for my entire wellbeing I still did not felt the way I thought I should feel. She, also specialised in ADHD, sent me to a psychiatrist and after some months (and intensive testing) I got diagnosed with ADD. All said and done, I kind of felt relieved because now my previous (i.e. almost entire life) had gotten a "solution" to a bunch of my problems. Which included; not having the feeling to fit in, not being intellectually stimulated, not being able to relate to someones feelings and in general also having the feeling to be the one to be left out.
Before the time that I eventually went to see my GP, I went studying again in a very nice city. One, in which I had lived before but wasn't able to see to myself and eventually went up quitting my studies. However, since I also sought some minor help with quitting smoking weed over there and went back to the gym, I felt on the top of the world and got the feeling that I was in the right place again.
This was also the time that I met my (now ex-) girlfriend). And here the story actually begins.
Because the environment we dipped ourselves into were quite different from those we had left behind when we still had been living with our parents, it had an tremendous impact on both our psyche. We did not knew each other, although we came from the same village. Anyways, we both ended up joining the same association and got to know eachother during pledging for it.
Int he time that followed, we got to know eachother intemately. As I have described above, I never had not having a full on erection during masturbation. But this happened during our first sexual encounter. Nothing bad, she was more experienced than I was, and it would go better the next time. It kind of did, but not really. Next time, it was the same story all over again.
After a while I began questioning myself about my ability to perform the actual deed with someone of the other sexe. Although she constantly reassured me that everything was fine, I still had the feeling that I was inadequate for her.
I must say that at times there were no problems at all. Like I like to say "everything worked as it should work with a 22 year old guy". But most of the time I would only grow to a semi-hard penis, which then took its toll on my mind again and giving me that feeling of inadequacy.
This went on for 2.5 years, and then we broke up. I stress that this was, well maybe but not entirely, not because of my proclaimed 'malfunction' down below, but rather a conjunction of events and feelings.
After we broke up, I had sex with 6/7 girls, mostly one or multiple night stands. For the one night stands, I could easily make up a story that I had drunk too much to get it up. For the multiple night stands it got harder and harder to make up a story, and eventually had to tell them the real story that my dick just wouldn't work at times. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't, no matter how horny I was I just kept on thinking 'Hopefully it is going to get hard right now'.
I do realise that this is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, but that is hard for me get out of my mind.
Like I said before, my goal here isn't to reach a 22 cm penis with a 8 cm circumference. Anything but that. If anything, my penis as it is now (approx. 16 - 17 cm depending on how my state of mind and body is) is also just fine for me. Of course, I wouldn't be a man if I wouldn't think a centimeter or two wouldn't be awesome.
It is just that I cannot seem to work out which path I need to choose to get over all the things that I have 'seen' in my life, and to get in harmony with my mind.
To round things up, here are some facts about me;
- I have motivation issues
- I have a gym membership but hardly go (see1)
- I still have the feeling of inadequacy
- I have tried the JP 90 days routine but flunked out (see 1, even though I felt progression after 1 week)
- I smoke roughly 1/2 pack a day, maybe more
- I drink roughly about 25/30 beers a week (depending on which events take place with my fraternity*)
- I also have the feeling that I cannot talk to anyone about this, except for my psychotherapist (she isn't exacly a sexuologist, but still very understanding and also knows how my mind works)
- I also jerk off mostly daily
Thus, the main reason I am on this forum is to get to know people whom may have experienced the same and to get to know how to fight these symptoms. And thus, how not to have a (semi)-flaccid penis when I want to have sex.
I am sorry for this not very coherent story of my life, and I am a little buzzed at the moment, but this is what I wanted to share with you while introducing myself.
* fraternity: As you all probably know, there is a big cocky-like atmosphere within such a group, and also towards people not in it. Therefore, as said above somewhere, it is very hard for a person like me to talk openly about my matters.
Thank you if you have made through this sentence!
Edit: I only said this at the end of my post, but it will not be a coherent story.
2nd edit: I am not a native English speaking person, please forgive me any metalingual errors.
As my title might implie; for some time now I have been fed up with the way things are going for me now. It is not just about penis size, because that isn't bothering me as much (i'll come back to that later) but rather about everything that revolves around the penile area.
Let us start at the beginning of my story, which is basically my life.
AT an early age I had discoverd porn, on sattelite television. In those early ages I couldn't even cum, because that's just not what young people do/can. However, one of the first things i've encounterd was what I called 'some Fine Itch' (later on I presume this to be 'having an orgasm for youngsters'). It is not until I saw some guy in a porno jack his dick off that I thought: "what is this guy doing"? And, of course, started doing it myself. During that time, as most of you probably have done, I jacked myself every change I could get. This went on and on for some time, without having someone to have sex with.
Also, not a minor sidenote, I have smoked weed since I was about 14/15 years old until the age of 22 when I realised this wasn't getting me any further. Because of this addiction, and some other reasons that don't really need emphasize right now, I develop a quite severe depression. I believe that I had this depression for about 3 years until I finally got me some professional help. My doctor sent me to a psychologist, but when that wouldn't help me he sent me to a specialised addiction psychologist. While this did tremendously well for my entire wellbeing I still did not felt the way I thought I should feel. She, also specialised in ADHD, sent me to a psychiatrist and after some months (and intensive testing) I got diagnosed with ADD. All said and done, I kind of felt relieved because now my previous (i.e. almost entire life) had gotten a "solution" to a bunch of my problems. Which included; not having the feeling to fit in, not being intellectually stimulated, not being able to relate to someones feelings and in general also having the feeling to be the one to be left out.
Before the time that I eventually went to see my GP, I went studying again in a very nice city. One, in which I had lived before but wasn't able to see to myself and eventually went up quitting my studies. However, since I also sought some minor help with quitting smoking weed over there and went back to the gym, I felt on the top of the world and got the feeling that I was in the right place again.
This was also the time that I met my (now ex-) girlfriend). And here the story actually begins.
Because the environment we dipped ourselves into were quite different from those we had left behind when we still had been living with our parents, it had an tremendous impact on both our psyche. We did not knew each other, although we came from the same village. Anyways, we both ended up joining the same association and got to know eachother during pledging for it.
Int he time that followed, we got to know eachother intemately. As I have described above, I never had not having a full on erection during masturbation. But this happened during our first sexual encounter. Nothing bad, she was more experienced than I was, and it would go better the next time. It kind of did, but not really. Next time, it was the same story all over again.
After a while I began questioning myself about my ability to perform the actual deed with someone of the other sexe. Although she constantly reassured me that everything was fine, I still had the feeling that I was inadequate for her.
I must say that at times there were no problems at all. Like I like to say "everything worked as it should work with a 22 year old guy". But most of the time I would only grow to a semi-hard penis, which then took its toll on my mind again and giving me that feeling of inadequacy.
This went on for 2.5 years, and then we broke up. I stress that this was, well maybe but not entirely, not because of my proclaimed 'malfunction' down below, but rather a conjunction of events and feelings.
After we broke up, I had sex with 6/7 girls, mostly one or multiple night stands. For the one night stands, I could easily make up a story that I had drunk too much to get it up. For the multiple night stands it got harder and harder to make up a story, and eventually had to tell them the real story that my dick just wouldn't work at times. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't, no matter how horny I was I just kept on thinking 'Hopefully it is going to get hard right now'.
I do realise that this is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, but that is hard for me get out of my mind.
Like I said before, my goal here isn't to reach a 22 cm penis with a 8 cm circumference. Anything but that. If anything, my penis as it is now (approx. 16 - 17 cm depending on how my state of mind and body is) is also just fine for me. Of course, I wouldn't be a man if I wouldn't think a centimeter or two wouldn't be awesome.
It is just that I cannot seem to work out which path I need to choose to get over all the things that I have 'seen' in my life, and to get in harmony with my mind.
To round things up, here are some facts about me;
- I have motivation issues
- I have a gym membership but hardly go (see1)
- I still have the feeling of inadequacy
- I have tried the JP 90 days routine but flunked out (see 1, even though I felt progression after 1 week)
- I smoke roughly 1/2 pack a day, maybe more
- I drink roughly about 25/30 beers a week (depending on which events take place with my fraternity*)
- I also have the feeling that I cannot talk to anyone about this, except for my psychotherapist (she isn't exacly a sexuologist, but still very understanding and also knows how my mind works)
- I also jerk off mostly daily
Thus, the main reason I am on this forum is to get to know people whom may have experienced the same and to get to know how to fight these symptoms. And thus, how not to have a (semi)-flaccid penis when I want to have sex.
I am sorry for this not very coherent story of my life, and I am a little buzzed at the moment, but this is what I wanted to share with you while introducing myself.
* fraternity: As you all probably know, there is a big cocky-like atmosphere within such a group, and also towards people not in it. Therefore, as said above somewhere, it is very hard for a person like me to talk openly about my matters.
Thank you if you have made through this sentence!
