So damn hurt

[MrBigDick]

I try to sympathize as much as I can with all of the above scenarios and such but the one thing I simply cannot get my mind around is why all of you seem to place all of your happiness in the hands of someone else. Yes, I do know first hand how hurtful it is to be used, abused and left for dead. I've had 2 relationships now where I was taken for granted, not appreciated what so ever and treated like an "obligation" more than I was a truly loved partner in a meaningful relationship.

Where I differ with many of you in this thread is that I never cried over any of them. They just weren't worth the tears. Why??? Well, let's put it this way, God put a bazillion women on this earth for a reason.............to be paired up with a man (unless of course they're gay, then forget it). If you know in your heart you did everything you could to make the relationship work, that should be enough to put your mind at ease and allow you to go forward in your life and live well. Take care of YOU! I'm not saying this is easy but sh*t, it sure beats crying, sobbing uncontrollably or beating yourself up trying to figure out why she dumped you or why she left you. No human being on planet earth is worthy of that much power. And, if you think for a moment she's thought 2 seconds about you, you are sadly mistaken. She's moved on with her life, you need to do the same. You put one foot in front of the other and you move forward. Do things that YOU want to do and that make YOU happy. Put yourself first and take care of numero uno. I did that after my ex and I broke up and I never looked back. I took the high road and while she was mean and nasty and said some very shitty things to be before we broke up, I maintained my decency and moral attitude about, never stooped to her level and wished her the best. I have a new gf now that blows my last gf so far out of the water that she's been blown completely to another zip code!

My point here is that you all with find someone who's far more worthy of you than your ex gf was. Live well, take care of yourselves, regain that confidence you had before you had your heart broken. I guarantee that the women will come out of the woodwork for you and many of you will be surprised that once you get positive and confident and you're happy, the ex will somehow get wind of it and she'll try and get back into your life.

Get confident and happy guys!! I know each of you has it in you!!

 

[ErictheGed]

My point here is that you all with find someone who's far more worthy of you than your ex gf was. Live well, take care of yourselves, regain that confidence you had before you had your heart broken. I guarantee that the women will come out of the woodwork for you and many of you will be surprised that once you get positive and confident and you're happy, the ex will somehow get wind of it and she'll try and get back into your life.

Get confident and happy guys!! I know each of you has it in you!!

Very well said mate. And thanks.

 

[Johnlocke]

I just sent this to her and removed her from my computer, completely, including on my Facebook and other profiles.

NOTE: it is extremely harsh and probably the worst thing I have ever said to anyone. Do understand though that most of it is NOT sensationalized, that to the last day of the relationship and I ever was is good to her and she never listened or heard me, she only got angry and forced me to say sorry, you're right I was stupid to even think I could TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEMS FOR ONCE.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nice to see you've moved on nicely. 7 months of a relationship dealt with in a day, nice work. You really didn't care did you?

Well if you don't want to be my friend I may as well delete you. I don't want to be reminded that I'll never have you and antagonize myself. I wouldn't take you back anyway, you don't deserve me after what you've done to me. I'll find someone that has the balls to deal with me, and if we broke up it won't be over txt or during a break but in a nice manner where they explain exactly why instead of being heartless. I know the distance isn't the only thing. It can't be you don't just end a 7 month relationship with someone you loved over it. You must have lied about all the things you said to me, because I don't believe you ever loved me.

It's nice to see you're bored without me though, least I kept you entertained for a while, I guess that's all I was good for when you had me, wasn't it?

Well. Have a nice life. Add me again when you want to find the maturity to talk to the person you've dumped and not explained properly why. Add me when you've found another person and are finally secure within yourself (You sure as hell weren't during the time we were together) I feel sorry for the next guy to be frank, but at least he'll get some love back because you'll actually be attracted to him. LITTLE TIP: Don't just put him in the friend zone, GIVE a little more and you might be a little happier, he will be. All I did was give and never got anything back. I know you're over me so I won't tell you to add me when you are, because you are already.

I still just can't get over it. I was the BEST boyfriend in the world. I gave you everything you wanted and I wasn't good enough to wait for. That's the most heartless thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever. I gave you absolutely everything and it wasn't good enough. I even tried to give you my soul, my mind and even my heart... Wow I can't believe I thought you were a really good person, really a person that had my interest in heart and put me before you put yourself as I did for you, I always put you before me. You've torn me to shreds and not told me the whole reason why. You haven't given me the time of day to pick up the pieces to make sure that I'm ok. No you're only concerned with YOU because you don't and never did care about me(Yes this might seem hypocritical but I did care about you and did everything I could for you and since you can't do the same for me I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine, the last gift I have for you, because it might make you think about yourself and things to change) I was soo so stupid to think you could be the one, that the promise you made me on the first day we agreed to go out wouldn't be broken, the promise being we'd never break up over distance. You said you never would because you love me. Well, you certainly lied about that one didn't you?


Well Marissa there you have it. That's just some of the pent up thoughts I've not been able to express to you because you're too heartless to listen. You have made the worst mistake of your life. I am telling you that now. You will never find a man like me, you will never find one as good as I was to you. Only one's that will use you and I'm guessing that's really what you subconsciously want, isn't it? You certainly didn't want me and all I was was good to you. I want you to indulge in the thought of me being with another woman and it not being you and seeing ME and HER happy and think that it could have been YOU but it's NOT. Yes it's cruel but I want to make sure that you know what you've done, because you'l never have me. I don't care if you don't want me after this, I don't want you. People, and especially you, hate hearing the truth, and reality is, you're WRONG sometimes, and the truth is, this is how REAL and HARD and HURT I am. You need to KNOW what you have done to me and understand it's not a game, that this seriously will mess me up for the rest of my life, in one way or another.

Moved on in one day... wow I'm an idiot for even giving you the time of day to write this, to even think about you. I regret every second I spent with you because I could have spent it with someone who actually loves me, hell I could have been with myself, I would have been happier, why? because I wouldn't have to deal with all the drama and problems of another person, constantly. I wouldn't be yelled at and stressed at when I tried to say how "I" was feeling. I could go out whenever I want I could do what I want when I wanted. All you've ever done to me is stop me from doing things.

The one thing that I did enjoy doing was love you, but obviously you didn't back.

Keep Dustin as a friend, he does look out for you.

Well, that's it. Goodbye Marissa. I hope you have a great life without me and I hope you wake up every morning with a pain in your heart, just like me. Knowing that you did so much damage to me. Making me lose the person that I love with all my heart (Which happens to be you) and knowing that I just feel used by you, nothing else. That you will never have me, or(I will not be modest, I did EVERYTHING) find anyone that is as good as me.

I've never been so hurt in my life.. LOL I WAS JUST A REBOUND FOR YOU! You know, just used me to get over Chris.. of course!

I am finally out of your chains.

Goodbye Marissa, and good Riddance.

 

[Johnlocke]

All of you guys are right by the way, saying to take care of me and try to move on.

NP's right in saying we all deal with these situations differently. But MBD your certainly right too, or at least in my case about what I said about placing all my happiness and self worth in her. I need to stop doing it. For future relationships (I've not moved on yet but it's good to know what to do) how can I avoid doing this?

 

[MrBigDick]

John, let me give you another piece of wisdom from a dude who's been there, done that. Next time you write an email like that, don't send it. I know it felt REALLY, REALLY good to get all that sh*t off your chest and tell Marissa how you felt about her, but seriously dude, she's going to read that, laugh at it and hit the "delete" button. She doesn't care dude. She moved on. The BEST revenge John is to type out an email like that but don't send it and live well and take care of YOUR needs. When Renee sent me her "Dear Bret" email where I was accused of not wanting to emotionally or financially commit to a real woman and be involved in a real relationship, I fucking flipped out and got so pissed bro. Seriously, I wrote her a fucking nasty as hell email in response because I was just so hurt and pissed that she would have had the utter colossal gaul to say that sh*t to me after all the crap I had done for her. Soooooo, instead of sending that email and through some coaching from my own mother, I wrote her an email back that went something like this:

"Dear Renee, I'm truly sorry you feel this way. I sincerely wish you the best in life and want you to know your a fantastic lady.

Love always,

Bret "

My mom told me that she was looking to get a reaction out of me. With the above email, I didn't give her that reaction she was looking for and THAT would fuck with her head something fierce. It absolutely killed me to take the higher road but I did it. Now, almost 3 months later, guess who came a callin' again? And guess who's too little too late? Yep, she is. She has no idea that I've moved on and have a new girlfriend in my life and I didn't tell her.

I know it feels good bro to let them know exactly how you feel but really, try and take the higher road if you can.

As far as in your future relationships, dude, you need to focus on you for a while and figure out who you are as a man. Once you achieve that level of internal happiness, it isn't going to matter what happens with relationships because your going to be ok with who you are and being alone won't bother you.

 

[LOL]

All of you guys are right by the way, saying to take care of me and try to move on.

NP's right in saying we all deal with these situations differently. But MBD your certainly right too, or at least in my case about what I said about placing all my happiness and self worth in her. I need to stop doing it. For future relationships (I've not moved on yet but it's good to know what to do) how can I avoid doing this?

Take a breath, step back and break down in your mind what a real relationship is. Your real relationship. For me, in a solid sentence.. It would be me with someone who I can hold, without saying a word, for hours, but... never be able to, because we love communicating so much. It's that simple for me. And think about if that's all you want. And you know what? I'm not over eager to find them. We live once, and in my opinion, if we live just to find someone worth calling the one, pin down, throw up a picket fence and play with my children in a cottage for the rest of my life, I'd be upset. That's not what I want. I can savor a relationship for what it is, casual and not life-binding, and roll with it. Life is what you make it.

So just remember, for however many psychotic skype girlfriends you tumble into, however long you pull teeth to make something work, each day you spend, is a day you can better your life in a manner that isn't demeaning. Live life with a smile, run forward into your dreams, and when you give your heart away, and expect it to come back mutilated. When it does, you knew it would, and you remember how you feel bouncing back from a relationship. Move past it and don't waste a day that doesn't need to be. And.. if it doesn't get mutilated, then I'm sure you're happy. That's how I go about it. It shouldn't be a "how to I make this girl love me back and make this work". It should be "you're being a bitch, when I'm being nice. so lemme get up to speed: you're a bitch, and we're over, cause there is 3 billion better."

 

[doupdoupdoup]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

 

[MrBigDick]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

You do have quite the way with words there doupdoupdoup.

 

[Radiohead]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

Did I mention that I love you, anus man?

Because I really do.

Definitely gotta vomit up sh*t that is hard to digest in life.

 

[O.G.]

Man, sounds like you care for this girl, but a lot of it is infatuation.

One of the many points of dating is finding someone that you're compatible with. A break-up is the successful discovery that your not compatible and you get to explore new depths of life.

 

[Gel King]

John, let me give you another piece of wisdom from a dude who's been there, done that. Next time you write an email like that, don't send it. I know it felt REALLY, REALLY good to get all that sh*t off your chest and tell Marissa how you felt about her, but seriously dude, she's going to read that, laugh at it and hit the "delete" button. She doesn't care dude. She moved on. The BEST revenge John is to type out an email like that but don't send it and live well and take care of YOUR needs. When Renee sent me her "Dear Bret" email where I was accused of not wanting to emotionally or financially commit to a real woman and be involved in a real relationship, I fucking flipped out and got so pissed bro. Seriously, I wrote her a fucking nasty as hell email in response because I was just so hurt and pissed that she would have had the utter colossal gaul to say that sh*t to me after all the crap I had done for her. Soooooo, instead of sending that email and through some coaching from my own mother, I wrote her an email back that went something like this:

"Dear Renee, I'm truly sorry you feel this way. I sincerely wish you the best in life and want you to know your a fantastic lady.

Love always,

Bret "

My mom told me that she was looking to get a reaction out of me. With the above email, I didn't give her that reaction she was looking for and THAT would fuck with her head something fierce. It absolutely killed me to take the higher road but I did it. Now, almost 3 months later, guess who came a callin' again? And guess who's too little too late? Yep, she is. She has no idea that I've moved on and have a new girlfriend in my life and I didn't tell her.

I know it feels good bro to let them know exactly how you feel but really, try and take the higher road if you can.

As far as in your future relationships, dude, you need to focus on you for a while and figure out who you are as a man. Once you achieve that level of internal happiness, it isn't going to matter what happens with relationships because your going to be ok with who you are and being alone won't bother you.

Seriously MBD, I wish I had all your advice during the time of my last break up. I did some stupid ass impulsive sh*t that I can never take back. It practically destroyed my reputation and I lost almost all dignity in one night. The higher road would have been way more impactful... and wouldn't have made me look like such a fool. Ah well, lesson learned.

Anyways, I hope you don't mind that I printed out your last post. It will be a good reminder for me in case I'm ever faced with this situation again.

 

[Gel King]

ohh, and please thank your mom for me too

 

[Batwoman]

I agree -- MrBD's advice about writing letters to your ex is spot on. Keeping it short and polite not only makes a good point, but it helps you move on, too. When you write long angry letters (or sad or begging letters) they tend to dwell in your mind for a long time as you mentally rehash all the details. Much better to take the high road and get on with your life.

 

[Johnlocke]

Do relationships normally end with one of the people involved leaving the other for another? I think that's what Marissa did to me.

And it's still really painful.

Got a good nights sleep though, then I woke up and my heart hurt really bad (mentally) but I thought if she was gonna do that to me she wasn't worth it. And that it's a matter of time till she does it to him anyway.

 

[NSF001]

Do relationships normally end with one of the people involved leaving the other for another? I think that's what Marissa did to me.

And it's still really painful.

Got a good nights sleep though, then I woke up and my heart hurt really bad (mentally) but I thought if she was gonna do that to me she wasn't worth it. And that it's a matter of time till she does it to him anyway.

I am not defending her. But it seems as if many people of this age group really don't know what they want out of life (esp in relationships), if she has left you for him, try (if you can that is) not to read too much into this. When you come out of all of this; you will be a soldier.

 

[007]

Wow, we got some pretty caring folks here huh, John?

Lot's of good advice, and most of this advice everyone has earned the hard way. I find relationships can be very much like drugs, in the beginning it's all blue waterfalls and fluffy clouds, then when things fall apart it's barren moonscapes. A thrilling relationship induces euphoria even pleasure upon which an indivudual may become hooked, then break up is like withdrawl in which you hurt emotionally and get the shakes physically. Perhaps you become angry you allowed yourself to get hooked in the first place yet at the same time you want the high back.

It seriously is like a drug addiction, studies have mapped out how love and romance physically alter the flow of energy within the brain and how it specifically effects seratonin and dopamine levels, so in a real sense there is magic in the air because you are getting a high from your own "natural" drug store. This is why some feel such pain and loss from breaking up, it is not something they simply invent and draw out in order to wallow in self-pity, for many there is actual physical and psychological withdrawl.....especially if you were really physically attracted to that person. Believe me I have been there riding high on the clouds and strung out over the moonscape and I can actually feel a high when I'm with someone I really dig, I really can relate.

So in light of this angle and it's bearing on break-up pain, everyone is different...some can simply drop a vice and go cold turkey, others may have a longer road of recovery. Don't beat yourself up, be good to yourself. There is no time table to hold yourself to just stay busy, stay busy doing anything you can....idle time brings the rainclouds, and be kind to yourself and your feelings. I don't feel excessive sorrow is helpful, but I also think that a good cry works wonders. Crying is human, it is not unmanly, and I think that is a better way to vent hurt than to take it out on those around you. Besides swallowing hurt as a statagy to dealing with pain in life, usually leads to a rifle and clocktower.

It's a messy business this love thing...huh? I like the way eastern philophies look at non-attachment. Becoming attached to anyone or any specific outcome upon which you've placed your hopes and dreams, usually leads to disappointment and pain. So enjoy life and your time others but do not become ridgidly attached to anyone or any specific scenario with anyone, because otherwise you set up the environment for pain when that person decides they are not in love with you anymore, yet your still attached to the idea of you and them together forever.

So stay busy doing something, and as NSF said your will come out of this a soldier, and you will find somebody who likes you for you and stays because of you.

 

[doupdoupdoup]

The best way to leave someone is for another. And many times infatuation actually stems from baby bottle complexes.

Infatuation is kinda passive aggressiveness if you ask me. Detachment is the most sane thing to do because when you take a step back and look at the animal behavior involved with every emotional social interaction you'd be amazed.

The ideas the flashes of scenes and ideas in our heads are often just there as superficial excuses for much more primal anchored mental movements. Vomit it out. Then you'll think to yourself, wtf was all this fuss about? Be kind to everyone and yourself by saying "it wasn't meant to be, I'll find something better" x 25 it helps to supplement with physical stimulation, like anything, running, jumps, clenching fist, jump rope. Take control of that sappy animal inside your gut.

 

[Batwoman]

Baby bottle complexes? Doup, you are outdoing yourself again!

 

[calixto]

Wow, we got some pretty caring folks here huh, John?

Yes, we sure do 007, this really is a special forum/website we have here. Glad you are a part of us!

It's a messy business this love thing...huh?

Yes again, ugh, I have been going through this TOO for almost 2 years, ugh ugh ugh.

I like the way eastern philophies look at non-attachment. Becoming attached to anyone or any specific outcome upon which you've placed your hopes and dreams, usually leads to disappointment and pain. So enjoy life and your time others but do not become ridgidly attached to anyone or any specific scenario with anyone, because otherwise you set up the environment for pain when that person decides they are not in love with you anymore, yet your still attached to the idea of you and them together forever.

VERY VERY VERY good advice, these principle are what I have acquiesced to of late!

 

[Batwoman]

t's a messy business this love thing...huh? I like the way eastern philophies look at non-attachment. Becoming attached to anyone or any specific outcome upon which you've placed your hopes and dreams, usually leads to disappointment and pain. So enjoy life and your time others but do not become ridgidly attached to anyone or any specific scenario with anyone, because otherwise you set up the environment for pain when that person decides they are not in love with you anymore, yet your still attached to the idea of you and them together forever.

Nope, don't agree. Yes, it is risky to get attached to someone -- but if you never take the risk, you never have a chance at the really big rewards that come when it all goes right. I have been hurt dreadfully in love affairs that didn't turn out the way that I wanted. But I would not trade the joyous parts of them for anything.

I think it is cowardly to try to hide from love. It may hurt you, it may be horribly confusing and inconvenient, but why trade passion for complacency? Get out and live! Yes it hurts sometimes. But if you don't leave yourself open to the lows, you will never experience the highs. I really believe the old saying that it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.