Rushing

[Batwoman]

I wanted to start this thread because I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes sex really great for a woman. Many things that are important, but I think one thing in particular stands out as being NOT good -- rushing. I think many men greatly over-value things like cock size and under-value simple things like just taking their time during sex. Although all women may occasionally want a hard and fast quicky, most of the time we prefer long, drawn-out, passionate lovemaking sessions. I am not talking here about male stamina once the thrusting starts, but rather about the whole experience of sex -- from the first kiss all the way to sleep or the last hug before parting.

Everyone knows that foreplay is important, but even it's name -- "foreplay" -- suggest that it is just something that you do before you get to the main event. Nothing could be further from the truth. I believe that a lot of men are far too focused on reaching orgasm (either their own or their partner's or both). As a result they deny both themselves and their partners many wonderful things. Hours of sensual play and exploration can be MUCH more memorable than just another orgasm. I know that may sound strange, but I do believe it to be true. Also, the orgasm that is postponed for a long time -- while arousal ebbs and flows --is often fabulous.... better than it would have been if less time had been taken on sex play. I think this is true for both men and women.

Rushing sex is a problem than anyone can have, but it is perhaps most common in young guys (who may be too inexperienced and/or horny to slow down) and older couples (where jobs and children limit the time available for sex). It can take effort to break the habit of being relentlessly goal oriented and going for those orgasms. But it is well worth the effort to expand the time you spend in sensual play.

Anyway, here is my big piece of advice: slow down, no rushing!

 

[cameraobscura]

I hear ya! I hate being rushed...

 

[CUSP82]

I knew I shouldn't have come here but I did type extremely slowly!

 

[Batwoman]

NO Cusp, it's supposed to be slow sex and fast typing, not the other way around!

 

[CUSP82]

Nag nag nag! With all the nagging I'm getting from you I like to know when we got married and was I awake at least for the ceremony?

 

[GTO]

Well said BW! I was talking to a couple of younger guys the other day and we got around to the topic of sex (go figure). They were trying to brag about their exploits and how they 'beat up the pussy' and how they 'killed the pussy' and how they 'fucked the sh*t out the pussy.' It made me laugh. So they said what my approach was and I told them pretty much what you had written. Then I posed the question: what good does killing the pussy do? I thought you said you loved the pussy - why are you beatin it up? And please tell me what woman sh*ts out of her pussy so I know to stay away from her! LOL! I think they got the hint after I knocked them down a notch or two ...

 

[Batwoman]

Ahem. Cusp, you are hijacking my thread. Do you want to be a Mushroom Moderator again? Let's stick to the topic!

 

[Batwoman]

Well said BW! I was talking to a couple of younger guys the other day and we got around to the topic of sex (go figure). They were trying to brag about their exploits and how they 'beat up the pussy' and how they 'killed the pussy' and how they 'fucked the sh*t out the pussy.' It made me laugh. So they said what my approach was and I told them pretty much what you had written. Then I posed the question: what good does killing the pussy do? I thought you said you loved the pussy - why are you beatin it up? And please tell me what woman sh*ts out of her pussy so I know to stay away from her! LOL! I think they got the hint after I knocked them down a notch or two ...

Unfortunately, young male culture seems to have a LOT of misconceptions about what makes a good lover!

 

[CUSP82]

 

[spanky]

The best sex I've had was always about the journey, but that doesn't mean that just going for getting off doesn't have value. Two different experiences entirely I think. I guess intimacy is the differentiating factor.

 

[spanky]

I think sex is a form of communication. You can shout somebody down to make a point, or talk their ears off. The other person might sit patiently and listen, or worse might get so frustrated with not getting a word in edgeways they just switch off. These sort of conversations are usually over quite quickly, but once a person learns to get off their high horse and listen, you can have a long, indepth and thoroughly stimulating conversation with somebody for hours and hours and it can be the most rewarding thing in the world.

Seems a reasonable analogy. I've learnt that you don't need a lot of tricks and techniques from books to have great sex, you just have to explore and experiment and pay attention rather than thinking you have to conduct an orchestra.

Not saying that a bit of skill is a bad thing of course, but if you always lick out the letters of your name every time you go down it's gonna get old pretty quickly.

 

[TTBB]

[FONT=&quot]Men need more time to recover from sex than women do... Meaning, if you rush through and get off, that's it
You spent all day thinking about and wanting to have sex, wanting to cum and then you don't savor it once you get it ..there really is no reason to rush with most the orgasm isn't going anywhere and it will still be there after a bit more foreplay [/FONT][FONT=&quot]If you push your self to the edge but not over it a few times before blowing your load.. once you finally get the release the orgasm will feel stronger and more intense ..its about the tease for both for you and your partner.. its about exploring the body not just the isolated parts.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Sex is playtime for adults, Think about it kids don't rush through playtime, they try to drag it out as much as possible...because they know when playtime finishes its time to go back to being bored or busy or working.. Adults need to view sex as playtime..it's about having fun, bonding and expressing.getting a little physical and toying around...

[/FONT]

 

[MrBigDick]

What I find very odd is that the last two women I was with would not allow me to give them oral. Yes, I know we're talking about slowing down but part of the whole experience is, as BW said, from kissing down to going to sleep or that final hug goodbye (or goodnight).

So, back to my odd observation, my last two girlfriends would not allow me to give them oral. Renee............well, with her incredibly fucked up past, it doesn't surprise me that she had some aversion to my giving her oral. Cindy wouldn't let me go down on her either.....she claimed to have loved it but she wouldn't allow me to give her oral. Both of these women had no problem at all giving me blow jobs and it seemed all they wanted was for me to fuck them. I wasn't trying to rush anything but things got rushed irrespective.

 

[spanky]

My ex wouldn't let me go down on her either. I think what made it a problem was not that she just didn't like it or anything like that, it's that she had some reason for it, be that something in her past, or just some insecurity. Point is she never opened up to me - so it represented a barrier to communication. If you take my earlier analogy of sex being a conversation, it's kinda difficult to have a rewarding, full and frank conversation if a part of the topic is blocked by a "just don't go there" response. I mean fair enough, I respected her wishes and all, but secrets really don't help intimacy.

Sorry, this is kinda off topic, I know

 

[Batwoman]

Sex is playtime for adults, Think about it kids don't rush through playtime, they try to drag it out as much as possible...because they know when playtime finishes its time to go back to being bored or busy or working.. Adults need to view sex as playtime..it's about having fun, bonding and expressing.getting a little physical and toying around...

I totally agree with this!

 

[Batwoman]

What I find very odd is that the last two women I was with would not allow me to give them oral.

Different sex acts require different levels of intimacy. For women, I think that vaginal sex is the easiest while anal is the most difficult (requires a great deal of trust and intimacy). As for oral sex, giving a guy a blow job is fairly straightforward and easy -- it does not require a lady to let down her guard or reveal much about herself, nor does it potentially leave her feeling vulnerable. Receiving oral sex is another matter. She has to open up and relax and turn over control to him.... let down her guard.... and if she reaches orgasm, she is doing so in a way that can make her feel like she is on display. If she has misgivings about her body -- how it looks or smells or tastes -- that may make it even harder for her. It takes considerable trust and bravery on the part of a lady to really let go for a man that way, to spread her legs and allow him to lick and nibble her to orgasm. All the walls have to come down, and not everyone can do that. My guess is that when a woman says "no" to letting a man give her oral sex, it is because something is lacking in the trust/intimacy between them. She may feel too insecure to place herself in a position that inherently makes her feel vulnerable.

 

[mistydawn]

Everyone knows that foreplay is important, but even it's name -- "foreplay" -- suggest that it is just something that you do before you get to the main event. Nothing could be further from the truth. I believe that a lot of men are far too focused on reaching orgasm (either their own or their partner's or both). As a result they deny both themselves and their partners many wonderful things. Hours of sensual play and exploration can be MUCH more memorable than just another orgasm. I know that may sound strange, but I do believe it to be true. Also, the orgasm that is postponed for a long time -- while arousal ebbs and flows --is often fabulous.... better than it would have been if less time had been taken on sex play. I think this is true for both men and women.

Anyway, here is my big piece of advice: slow down, no rushing!

Wonderful wisdom you have shared Batwoman. Rushing sucks. It seems to be all to go to the orgasm. Getting highly aroused taking your time feels great. Batwoman is spot on!

 

[mistydawn]

They were trying to brag about their exploits and how they 'beat up the pussy' and how they 'killed the pussy' and how they 'fucked the sh*t out the pussy.'.

I have read on these board stuff like this. Girls want a good pounding and so on. I think this is coming from porn. They are actors. They are putting on a show. I think they also get some from singers, rappers etc. It is all to make money. It is for entertainment purposes, not to take to heart or mind.

 

[Batwoman]

Good point, Misty. I'll bet that a lot of guys think girls like rushed sex because that's what they see in porn. What a shame.... since nothing could be further from the truth.

 

[dsmall]

I think rushing is one of the benefits and downsides to a long term relationship where you really know what your partner likes. As set forth in another thread, my wife and I recently began having an affair with each other because we felt that our sex life was falling a bit into a routine. With kids, work, and other commitments, we had placed an emphasis on efficiency in sex. She would come first, and I got to the point where I could make it happen for her quite quickly, sometimes less than two minutes, and then I would come not long after. From a physical standpoint, we were both well satisfied and could move onto the next item on our to-do list. I remember looking over at my bedside clock after one session and realized that we had both come and completed the sex act within 5 minutes. It is a credit to knowing what your partner likes, but efficiency is maybe not the goal in lovemaking.

Lately, we've been taking a few hours during the middle of the day to sneak off for a little lunchtime fun. We are less tired, more relaxed and there are no other distractions. It does last longer and the goal is to slow things down. There is a lot more intimacy.

Again, the quickie does have its time, rationale, and place; but there is nothing more intimate than a few hours in the sheets with the one you love.