PreE defeat journey

[dedickated]

Inspired by this forum, I want to share and give updates on my journey to beat preE. I'll describe everything I do and I'm also open to any advice or corrections to my current routine. When I start browsing the forums I initially look for a very recent, fully described success story, so my aim here is TO BE that story for someone else.

A bit of info - I'm 28 years old, in a relationship, always had PreE (I guess from poor mastrurbating habits early on, or some other reason). I started doing practices from this forum like 5 days ago and I wasn't going to write here, until this morning after I had sex for like 3 seconds and figured I could re-channel my negative energy and start documenting the process, since it can't get any worse than this, haha. Now for the regime.

Morning:

• 10 minute silent meditation, controlled breathing (This whas already in my morning routine) - if you're interested, I can explain more;
• 15 Deep belly breath RKs - laying on my back, knees pointing up;
• Different hip/pelvic floor stretches with included deep breath RKs - 10 reps each stretch.

Throughout the day:

• 2/3 sets of 15 deep breath RKs, whenever it crosses my mind - 1 set can be at 12:00h, the next at 14:30h, etc.;
• Edging session - 20 minutes, finishing only every 4-th time (saw this in the forum). I'm learning my arousal levels and trying to control, but it's very hard at the moment. I'll try to do something I read in another thread, which is like a slow progression with edging, and going to the next level when the previous gets easier (I'm not currently using lube or sth btw, should I?). Progression would go something like:
  • Edging 20 min, slow pace, light grip, no audio/video stimulation, when close to PONR stop everything;
  • Edging 20 min, faster pace, light grip, no stimulation, when close to PONR stop everything;
  • Edging 20 min, faster pace, tighter grip, no stimulation, when close to PONR slow down, light grip and try to lower arousal level;
  • Edging 20 min, fast pace, tight grip, audio/video stimulation, when close to PONR stop or slow down;
  • And so on, until a much better control is gained.

Evening:

• Same as morning, but no meditation.

I wouldn't say my gf is unsupportive of this, but I feel she kinda doesn't believe this to be such a deep problem that needs so much work, so I'm attacking this solo for now. To be honest, only this forum gave me some hope of beating this, so it'd be an honor to be a part of this community. I am an achiever in all other aspects of my life and I have proven that discipline and hard work really give results, so beating PreE is another challenge for me. I hope I can later help and inspire someone else with my story. Feel free to ask any questions, or as I mentioned, give advice on how to correct. I'll keep you posted.

 

[Big Al]

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for posting this!

 

[Johnny D]

Great post! I think your routine looks good and I'll offer a couple of things to consider:
1. Whether to add lube to your edging will depend on how it feels for you. If it's too intense to allow you to maintain control, you'll want to incorporate it over time as you progress. If you can use it now, however, and maintain control, I see no reason to exclude it and think that I'd use it.
2. Use RK's as a tool to learn pelvic floor relaxation and control. At the same time, you didn't mention regular kegels, which are another good tool to have in the kit. You need them to develop PF strength, but you also need them to further your development of PF muscle control.
3. It's great that your GF says your preE isn't a problem for her. Having said that, hopefully you've shared with her that it's a problem for you and she gets that. If she doesn't care whether you last any certain amount of time, fine, but you're allowed to care whether you do. Let her know that it's not about the time on the clock - it's about you enjoying being with her without having thoughts of preE on your mind. If you're thinking about whether you're going to last as long as you want to last, you're not fully present in the moment for/with her.

 

[dedickated]

Great post! I think your routine looks good and I'll offer a couple of things to consider:
1. Whether to add lube to your edging will depend on how it feels for you. If it's too intense to allow you to maintain control, you'll want to incorporate it over time as you progress. If you can use it now, however, and maintain control, I see no reason to exclude it and think that I'd use it.
2. Use RK's as a tool to learn pelvic floor relaxation and control. At the same time, you didn't mention regular kegels, which are another good tool to have in the kit. You need them to develop PF strength, but you also need them to further your development of PF muscle control.
3. It's great that your GF says your preE isn't a problem for her. Having said that, hopefully you've shared with her that it's a problem for you and she gets that. If she doesn't care whether you last any certain amount of time, fine, but you're allowed to care whether you do. Let her know that it's not about the time on the clock - it's about you enjoying being with her without having thoughts of preE on your mind. If you're thinking about whether you're going to last as long as you want to last, you're not fully present in the moment for/with her.

Thank you for the feedback.
Do you think I should add many kegels? like 50:50 with RKs? I have a bad story with kegels, I once overdid them for 10 days and my PreE skyrocketed, couldn't even handle foreplay. So would you suggest I maybe add a set or two per day, or? Also, do you think adding the tennis ball massage would be useful?

 

[Pegasus]

You are off to a good start.

 

[Johnny D]

Thank you for the feedback.
Do you think I should add many kegels? like 50:50 with RKs? I have a bad story with kegels, I once overdid them for 10 days and my PreE skyrocketed, couldn't even handle foreplay. So would you suggest I maybe add a set or two per day, or? Also, do you think adding the tennis ball massage would be useful?

If your PF is still tight and you can't relax it at will, then I'd agree that you should approach kegels cautiously. You do need PF strength but you first have to be able to relax so hold off on incorporating the regular kegels until you can "drop" the PF and maintain that relaxed position easily. Do you have other symptoms of a tight PF, in addition to the quick PONR? Struggle to pee? Tight/painful perineum?

Personally, I've never been an advocate for tennis ball massage. I think it can be good on other muscles for other effects but I'm dubious about its efficacy for developing a loose and relaxed PF muscle. YMMV, I suppose.

 

[dedickated]

If your PF is still tight and you can't relax it at will, then I'd agree that you should approach kegels cautiously. You do need PF strength but you first have to be able to relax so hold off on incorporating the regular kegels until you can "drop" the PF and maintain that relaxed position easily. Do you have other symptoms of a tight PF, in addition to the quick PONR? Struggle to pee? Tight/painful perineum?

Personally, I've never been an advocate for tennis ball massage. I think it can be good on other muscles for other effects but I'm dubious about its efficacy for developing a loose and relaxed PF muscle. YMMV, I suppose.

"Struggle to pee? Tight/painful perineum?" - No, do not have those issues, but I could feel I was contracting the pelvic floor throughout the day. Since I've been doing RKs for the last 6-7 days, I kinda feel the PF more relaxed.

"...until you can "drop" the PF and maintain that relaxed position easily." - Do you mean during erection, or just at any moment of the day? Because I can relax it if I notice I'm clenching when not erect. However, during sex or edging I can't fully relax the PF nomatter what I do. Is that what you meant I should train?

 

[Big Al]

Overtraining the pelvic floor can cause serious issues, so Kegels and the like should be eased into carefully.

 

[Johnny D]

"Struggle to pee? Tight/painful perineum?" - No, do not have those issues, but I could feel I was contracting the pelvic floor throughout the day. Since I've been doing RKs for the last 6-7 days, I kinda feel the PF more relaxed.

That's great! That's the goal. Good to know you don't have PF health "issues", just need to gain some control of it.

"...until you can "drop" the PF and maintain that relaxed position easily." - Do you mean during erection, or just at any moment of the day? Because I can relax it if I notice I'm clenching when not erect.

Good. Continue to "check in" with those muscles throughout the day and whenever you notice that you're clenching, just do a light RK as you're developing the ability to stay relaxed.

However, during sex or edging I can't fully relax the PF nomatter what I do. Is that what you meant I should train?

Yes. This is a lot of what edging is about - learning to maintain control while stimulated. You want to get to the point where you can relax the PF muscles even when erect, then even when stimulating your trigger spots while edging, and then eventually even during sex. You won't stay relaxed the whole time and it's perfectly normal and expected for PF contraction to occur, but you also want to gain control of the muscles over time. For you it probably starts with doing some light RK's during edging as you're learning the ability to stay connected to what's going on with those muscles and voluntarily relax them.

As Big Al said, ease into kegels gradually. If you don't have peeing or pain issues, you're most likely just too tense. Having said that, you still don't want to exacerbate that so should be prioritizing staying loose over strength for a bit. Perhaps give 80% of the training to RK's and relaxation of the muscles, and 20% to regular light kegels and strengthening, working your way up in how hard you kegel, as well as how frequently as you feel your ability to relax improve.

 

[dedickated]

That's great! That's the goal. Good to know you don't have PF health "issues", just need to gain some control of it.

Good. Continue to "check in" with those muscles throughout the day and whenever you notice that you're clenching, just do a light RK as you're developing the ability to stay relaxed.

Yes. This is a lot of what edging is about - learning to maintain control while stimulated. You want to get to the point where you can relax the PF muscles even when erect, then even when stimulating your trigger spots while edging, and then eventually even during sex. You won't stay relaxed the whole time and it's perfectly normal and expected for PF contraction to occur, but you also want to gain control of the muscles over time. For you it probably starts with doing some light RK's during edging as you're learning the ability to stay connected to what's going on with those muscles and voluntarily relax them.

As Big Al said, ease into kegels gradually. If you don't have peeing or pain issues, you're most likely just too tense. Having said that, you still don't want to exacerbate that so should be prioritizing staying loose over strength for a bit. Perhaps give 80% of the training to RK's and relaxation of the muscles, and 20% to regular light kegels and strengthening, working your way up in how hard you kegel, as well as how frequently as you feel your ability to relax improve.

Good points, coach. I'll apply these for week 2!

 

[dedickated]

*** UPDATE ***
So, week 1 just passed. Haven't gained huge progress, but I'm here for the long game anyways. However, a few things I noticed:

• I notice my PF loose during the day, because of all the RKs;
• I do not know if I had been able to do this before, but during edging two days ago my arousal raised a bit at minute 8, and I closed my eyes, slowed the speed of stroking and carried on until the 20th minute with no PONR, which impressed me - I managed to get into this meditative state and just rode the wave. Nex day I tried again and managed to hold a bit less, but still impresive enough for me. I'll play with this the next week.
• Today I incorporated coconut oil and it actually felt good, but harder to control, as I expected.

Wish me luck for week 2, haha. I'll keep you posted

 

[dedickated]

*** UPDATE WEEK 2 ***
Week 2 just passed, guys and here is what's new:

Edging
So, as I said, I incorporated warm coconut oil to my edging sessions, which changed the game. It helped me find that specific feeling, which raised my arousal during sex. It was that warm, tight, entering feeling. Moreover, this helped find the exact spot on my member, which was the most affected by this stimulation. As a result, normal stroking became more boring to my arousal and doesn't get me to PONR. On every 5-th minute of the session I would now massage this sensistive part of my penis for a minute and then continue with the session - my aim is to desensitize this part over time. Doing this for 7 days now, I noticed lower sensitivity, so I believe it works. New skill I found out about is when I raise arousal too much, I do a hard 5-6 sec reverse kegel, and when I release and exhale, the erection AND arousal drop significantly, so I continue with the session.

RKs and kegels
I added 2 sets of 15 regular kegels daily (3 sec hold - 3 sec relax). Everything else in the routine is the same.

A slight increase in stamina during sex. This morning I went for 20 thrusts, compared to the initial 3 thrusts, haha. After these 20 thrusts I pulled out, did a hard RK and went back in for about 7-8 thrusts and tried again. I guess two weeks of training have done some effect, but I'll have to see after two more weeks if I could do even better. That's when I'll be sure it's working.

I'll answer questions if you guys have any. Wish me luck for Week 3

 

[Johnny D]

Great work and commitment to the process. Thanks for providing the updates. It can be a long journey, so it's great to see that you're sticking with it and the plan.

Just one comment: You said, "my aim is to desensitize this part over time". I'd simply suggest that you consider reframing how you think about it. Rather than desensitize (losing sensation shouldn't be desirable), what you really want is an increase in your ability to control your response to the sensations. So you're doing the right thing by discovering your trigger points and exploiting that knowledge, it's just a matter of rethinking what your goal is for that now.

 

[dedickated]

Great work and commitment to the process. Thanks for providing the updates. It can be a long journey, so it's great to see that you're sticking with it and the plan.

Just one comment: You said, "my aim is to desensitize this part over time". I'd simply suggest that you consider reframing how you think about it. Rather than desensitize (losing sensation shouldn't be desirable), what you really want is an increase in your ability to control your response to the sensations. So you're doing the right thing by discovering your trigger points and exploiting that knowledge, it's just a matter of rethinking what your goal is for that now.

I suppose you're right. I guess it's just hard to imagine having both that feeling and control at the same time, but I'll keep working on this. Thanks for the pointers

 

[dedickated]

*** UPDATE WEEK 4 ***

1 month in, guys. Here's what's currently going on:

• Regime is absolutely the same as described in the previous update;
• Incorporated fantasy into the edging sessions (will upgrade to audio/video later on);
• Most recent sex experience - just to note that it was after a day of work, then jiu jitsy training, no edging throughout the day, so I guess I was a bit tense. So, 15 thrusts until arousal jumped, pulled out, did an RK, went back in for another 7-8 thrusts. Considering all I could do before was 3 thrusts, I guess 4 weeks made progress;
• One interesting part, yesterday I was given a BJ, of which I counted the thrusts/reps/whatever - 100 reps until arousal jumped high. I was like "wow". I'd never last 100 strokes during a bj, more like 15-20 at most.

Given the info above, I can say that progress has been made. What helps me psychologically is that I don't put a deadline on this - I just work towards small improvements, nomatter if it takes me 1 month or 6 months, only progress progress progress. I'll continue the same routine daily (maybe reduce the edging to 4-5 times per week) and get back to you guys after a week or two.