That's my goal, her and my kids happiness is my top priority. I just wish I could get past this and be happy for myself. It's really hard when you get constant reminders of a bad situation. Neither her or I have seen this man sence this all happened, but he still doesn't go away.
Old Wounds.…
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Dick Whammy
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It was said earlier in more ways than one: Forgive and forget. It just ain't that easy!!!!! I've been there. One thing you can do that MIGHT help is to build your confidence over and above what you have now. Keep PE'ing, go to the gym or walk bike run and get super fit, stash some $$$ away for a rainy day, be the best man/friend/husband/lover you can be. You will come above this, she will (possibly) see a bright shiny new man emerging, and nothing but GOOD can come from this. You've got your PE buddies here to chime in when you need an ear. It's not easy for me to say that people do make mistakes and have regrets- but only YOU really know this woman.
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Keeping it bottled up will only worsen your feelings towards the past and her. You definitely need to talk to her. You may not even need the truth, but reassurance as to what is going on in your mind or you need to get this off of your chest and out of your head to give you some clarity.
I know what it is like to have something haunt you. For me it was my childhood home, for 20 years what happened to my family and how they split up affected me greatly. So what did I do? I finally faced it head on, in my own way. I biked 45 miles to that very place and walked where I used to as a child, I stared at the lake, the swamp, where my home used to be, I remembered everything, and then I finally saw it for what it was, a bad set of circumstances.
You may very well need to do similar, let that be her or the guy you need to face it and push it out of your mind.
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Half of me just wants the truth so I can forgive and hopefully move on. As well, I want to know what happened and why so it never repeats itself. Some of our problems back then were due to her family, witch for the most part are out of her life. She does talk to her aunt every now and then, the one she lived with and who was friends with the other dude. I get really uncomfortable with her talking to her, and being in her presence. Especially when I can't be around her for more than five minutes without her bringing up that point in time. I really think her story is 50/50. Should confront her about it?
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Confronting her aunt can possibly help you. If she is bringing it up a lot then that can be a lot of the reason you are remembering all of this so much and so often. Tell your wife about what she is doing to you as well, her aunt my not listen to you, but she may listen to your wife.
Thank you all for your encouraging words.
Well, I did a bunch of "detective" work so to speak. Casually talking to people who I know who were around then and have no reason to bullshit me. Last night I had a long talk with the wife about the whole thing. The whole conversation was calm, factual, and unemotional. I consider this a success. I've come to the conclusion that she really didn't cheat on me, as she didn't hook up with this guy until a couple of weeks until we started talking again. Still kind of pissed she screwed this guy to begin with, but in a way I think her trying to hook up with someone to forget me drove her back to me. As well, she never went back to him, that I've verified with 100% confidence.
So we talked about what happened and why she left to begin with. There was a lot of pressure from her family, we were taking care of her 9 year old cousin who got taken away from her aunt by the state. We couldn't be a couple because of the rules set down by the state, and we were both bitter. I guess it was just too much for a barely 18 year old girl to handle. I will add that sense we got back together, she has been more than loyal and dedicated to me and our kids. I really have no reason no to trust her, just scars from back then. It hurts that I was the last person to know she was pregnant. As well it still kills me that she screwed that piece o sh*t. I'm letting go……
I've got to work on my feeling inadiquate now. I've always felt small, but really didn't care because she had no comparison, but knowing he was way bigger. I must be her largest, it mindfucks me knowing he touched places I haven't.
Well, I did a bunch of "detective" work so to speak. Casually talking to people who I know who were around then and have no reason to bullshit me. Last night I had a long talk with the wife about the whole thing. The whole conversation was calm, factual, and unemotional. I consider this a success. I've come to the conclusion that she really didn't cheat on me, as she didn't hook up with this guy until a couple of weeks until we started talking again. Still kind of pissed she screwed this guy to begin with, but in a way I think her trying to hook up with someone to forget me drove her back to me. As well, she never went back to him, that I've verified with 100% confidence.
So we talked about what happened and why she left to begin with. There was a lot of pressure from her family, we were taking care of her 9 year old cousin who got taken away from her aunt by the state. We couldn't be a couple because of the rules set down by the state, and we were both bitter. I guess it was just too much for a barely 18 year old girl to handle. I will add that sense we got back together, she has been more than loyal and dedicated to me and our kids. I really have no reason no to trust her, just scars from back then. It hurts that I was the last person to know she was pregnant. As well it still kills me that she screwed that piece o sh*t. I'm letting go……
I've got to work on my feeling inadiquate now. I've always felt small, but really didn't care because she had no comparison, but knowing he was way bigger. I must be her largest, it mindfucks me knowing he touched places I haven't.
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Dont get so hung up on whatever size he was, evidently it wasnt great enough to keep her from you. She chose all of you, including your dick to live her life with. She is not the same person as she was when she was 18 so treat her like who shi=e is now. You will figure this out, best of luck.
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Good to hear that you finally found out about the whole thing and you have the right idea, now it is time to let the scars heal and fade with time. As for the size thing you have a great deal of information at your disposal. Remember that she chose you which automatically means that his penis wasn't what she wanted, what she wanted was you.
I just got to throw out the image of this guys dick. Really what drove me here to begin with. Been doing PE with her half assed blessing, I've gained about 1/2" and she complained from behind.
MrBigDick
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Do PE and get bigger yourself but for the love of God man, don't let another guy's dick mind fuck you.............she's with YOU isn't she?
Half assed blessing. She isn't encouraging, but she's not coming out against it as long as I promised to stop when asked.
I'm beginning to realize I'm her best, and the one she loves. I know I want to continue the PE, I just need to sort out why.
I'm beginning to realize I'm her best, and the one she loves. I know I want to continue the PE, I just need to sort out why.
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Finding out why you are doing it is a big plus. Right now it looks like you are doing it so you can "beat" this other guy, of course that is just what I am seeing, that may not be true. You will find your own sense of PE in time, just like you will find a way to forget about that person. It will take time, but you seem to be a pretty smart man, I know I would not have handled this as good as you have, so I am sure you will find a way.
