Number of previous partners...what do you say?

[Praetorian]

Just wondering about the sometimes awkward situation people encounter when they are with a new partner and they ask the question:

"How many men/women have you slept with before me?"

Now I am pretty honest, but I was too worried about scaring off my wife when we were starting our relationship and she asked.
I just said "Quite a few..." and stuck to that. She persisted for a little while but then dropped it and has never asked again (10 years later).

I don't think that giving a number (estimate or exact) was a good idea in my situation.

How have you guys handled this?

 

[NCC707]

"You're my first baby".... lol

 

[Praetorian]

"You're my first baby".... lol

LOL...could be hard to justify if you have the stamina of an Ox and the moves of a porn star (not that many of us here have these necessarily). In saying that, I still respect people who wait

 

[islander]

I'm proud of my "just a few" answer
I understand how the number can get really high fast when your in the dating scene though.

Prior to being on the forum and what I've learned I would have asked and judged. Not anymore. I won't ask. If I am asked early on in a relationship I say just a few. If they persist then I'm out. Red flag IMO.

 

[Praetorian]

I'm proud of my "just a few" answer
I understand how the number can get really high fast when your in the dating scene though.

Prior to being on the forum and what I've learned I would have asked and judged. Not anymore. I won't ask. If I am asked early on in a relationship I say just a few. If they persist then I'm out. Red flag IMO.

Good answer and a great perspective

My number of partners is not a source of pride for me...it was just me making the most of a good situation as a younger man I guess.

Foreign country + Ability to speak local language + Earning 150 times above average salary + Nice suits/Polite Manner/Flirtiness = High Rate of Sexual Activity.

In saying that, I never lied to anyone (promised long-term relationships to get them in bed or to call them when I wouldn't) and always used protection. No regrets but again, no real sense of pride either. It was just part of life for about 8 years until I realised that I was missing something.

 

[Pegasus]

Women lie expect it.

 

[Mikes Mrs]

I'm proud of my "just a few" answer
I understand how the number can get really high fast when your in the dating scene though.

Prior to being on the forum and what I've learned I would have asked and judged. Not anymore. I won't ask. If I am asked early on in a relationship I say just a few. If they persist then I'm out. Red flag IMO.

I agree that is a good answer.

 

[epoch]

I've never had the question come up unless the relationship was actually starting to go somewhere... in which case I think an honest answer is the best answer, for both the men and women. Lying just doesn't seem a solid basis for future honesty when REALLY tough problems come up. Answering with a "a dozen or so" is OK - no need for a list of names, that might even be a bit creepy. And haven't we all had basic philosophy/logic class? Avoiding answering is not the same as telling the truth...

Oh well... I'm pretty open about this type of thing and expect that in return if things are going anywhere.

 

[islander]

Hi Peg! You are correct. I think as my numbers increase they will have to accept my non answer or not lol
Don't ask don't tell type of thing.
I believe 100% in testing. I'm worth too much to risk it. So as long as their tests are acceptable and mine to them I don't care.

 

[CUSP82]

Standard answers;
- I don't remember
-I was drunk so I really don't remember
-I had to kill time waiting for you didn't I?
- The dog ate my homework! ( worked great for the nuns in second grade)

 

[jdavid1990]

Haha, extending on cusp's joke.

"I'm pregnant, what happened!?"

The dog ate my condom.... LOL

 

[Nachos87]

And then people call Pick-Up being manipulative...

I'd either say "I stopped counting after 30" or approximate a number, usually using "Umm... around 100"... both being true. What's the big deal? Will she want you less, if she thinks you're experienced in bed? :biggrin1:

 

[TTBB]

You ask them " why do you want to know?"
her response will probably be the most common answer of "i'm just curious".
you "but why are you curious?."
her "just am"..
you "but why? "
her "never mind"

later she is moody or throws it in your face accusing you of having had many partners... you say "oh so you weren't just curious..lol and no the number count that's not why i didn't answer, its just i don't think we should talk about the past like that..I don't want to know how many you have slept with..i would rather focus on the now"

 

[Nihilanth]

6 guys, no girls. It's fine by me, it's just hard to explain to someone that I'm BI when I've been only with guys. But nobody knows the exact number but me and it's staying that way.

Not saying that I just lied, I meant of people that I personally know.

 

[Jm123]

Reminds me of a Will and Grace epsiode. She had a ton of partners few repeat customers, he had a few partners, but a ton of business. Which would be more distubing, sleeping with someone which had 70 patners, but only had sex 200-300 times, or sleeping with someone that had 3 or 4 partners but had sex 3,000-5,000 times?

 

[Pegasus]

Anything under 100partners is ok with me and if they had 4 partners and sex 4000 times power to them.
For that mattter wht wouldn't you have sex 4000 times ?

 

[misterK13]

i do not ask my partner and i do not answer if she asks

 

[Raider]

When a girl or guy asks, I give them the number. I personally think honesty is just awesome. I mean it's Shakka Brah after all, isn't it?

 

[Praetorian]

You ask them " why do you want to know?"
her response will probably be the most common answer of "i'm just curious".
you "but why are you curious?."
her "just am"..
you "but why? "
her "never mind"

later she is moody or throws it in your face accusing you of having had many partners... you say "oh so you weren't just curious..lol and no the number count that's not why i didn't answer, its just i don't think we should talk about the past like that..I don't want to know how many you have slept with..i would rather focus on the now"

Hehe...this is pretty much what I did. Still together after 10 years and has never even come up again.

 

[E7mack96]

I usually told the lady the truth (over 100) and most were even more into me. I am assuming these ladies were the ones that were really looking for a good lay. I have had a few be freaked out by it too. Several have said they dont feel comfortable with that #. It's just a # and practice does make perfect.