Not enough time to solve the problem

[SassyTheSasquatch]

Hey guys,

I've suffered from premature ejaculation for the past year or so. I have managed to minimize the problem by just powering through after I ejaculate, something which caused me little discomfort and which gave me enough time to satisfy my partner. However, I've hit a snag the past couple of days as my girlfriend has made the decision to go off birth control, which means I'll be having to use condoms, so my previous strategy is kaput. I've been trying to fix my anterior pelvic tilt, relax my pelvic floor, I've started a kegeling routine and I'm trying to develop that awareness of the pelvic floor. I do believe that I will see improvement with these methods and will stick with them for, however my current situation calls for something more immediate. I see my girlfriend once every two weeks or so, and only for a week at a time, and I don't want to leave her feeling dissatisfied (she very much enjoys penetrative sex above all else).

So the way I see it I have a couple of options:

- Try to power through once again and just switch condoms very efficiently (this can be hit or miss as sometimes I will ejaculate even more quickly the second time around with the added pressure of using the condom, or I will start to go flaccid by the time I get the damn thing on)

- Learn different methods of satisfying my partner other than penetrative sex

- Use a short acting SSRI like dapoxetine or topical creams like lidocaine to help me through until I resolve the problem naturally.


I'd really appreciate any help and wisdom you could throw my way. I really love this girl and I want to have a high quality sexual relationship as well an emotional one. Thanks in advance!

 

[WillGetBetter]

I would immediately begin daily exercises to make improvements. You need to be ready for this to not be fixed before the next time you have sex. I’d be up front with your girlfriend and say something like “I have this issue. I found exercises to fix it, it may take a couple months, in the mean time let’s do more oral, use sex toys, try different kinds of sexual experiences. If you help me a few times during penetrative sex, I’ll make progress faster, and we’ll get back on track sooner.”

Then, start doing these things:
1. Learn and do pelvic floor stretches.
2. Learn the arousal levels.
3. Learn to do reverse kegels. Start a kegel routine. I’d say do 100% RKs for the first couple weeks, then assess where you are and possibly switch to 75%RK/25%K.
4. Buy a fleshlight, edge for at least 20 minutes each day. Only ejaculate every 3rd or 4th day. Start with the positions where you can keep your pelvic floor relaxed. Practice doing RKs to lower your arousal.
5. Use the ballooning technique to get used to the intense feelings on some areas of your penis (frenulum, glans, etc). Use lube.
6. Learn to breathe from your belly/diaphragm. Practice using relaxation breathing to lower arousal level and to let the intense feeling dissipate through your body.

Good luck. Set weekly goals for yourself. Keep your expectations reasonable. Don’t let yourself get too discouraged. Except that this may take a while.

 

[SassyTheSasquatch]

What kind of new sexual experiences would you suggest? Also do you think it's worth trialing dapoxetine just for the time being to see if I have any success with it? Also how do I get over the anxiety of being replaced by a dildo that is bigger than my penis? I know it's purely ego, but I just feel uncomfortable with it and was wondering what angle I could find to feel more comfortable with it.

Thanks so much for your help in the meantime though! I'm trying to learn all this as quickly as possible.

 

[WillGetBetter]

Sure, you could try priligy / dapoxetine if you have access to it. That may help. But, I would also commit to doing all the exercises that I described above. They have worked for a lot of people. Then you don’t need to rely on a chemical that may have side effects you don’t like and that cost money. I know some people get judgemental on this site about taking a drug to fix a problem, and while I get that- I also understand the fear and humiliation that PreE causes. The exercises will put things in your control, and in the long term I think they are the way to go.

I’m no sex expert, so maybe you can get some better advice from people on here. Do oral in a bunch of different positions (her on top, you on top, on the side of the bed), sex toys (magic wand, vibrator controlled by a cellphone app, etc). Do oral in the bath tub or shower. Do some mutual masturbation. I don’t know - what else? If you only see her every two weeks, you could make some significant progress possibly in three times seeing her by doing the exercises. Also, ask her if she’d be willing to help you. Then you can practice with her. Have her go slow, do your relaxation breathing, do your reverse kegels, etc. Try to reach a plateau and flatten out your arousal.

As for the sex toys replacing you - man, I’m not sure that’s a resonable thing to worry about. It seems like she’d rather have a living breathing human that she has an emotional connection with, instead of a piece of silicone. But, who knows. I guess if that happens, then maybe she’s not the best for you. If you’re worried about her with a giant dildo, then buy her one that’s about your size. There are things in your control (practicing the PreE techniques, how you communicate with her, etc). Then there’s lots of things that you have no control over. I guess - take a deep breath - and let those things go. Keep your energy focused on what you can influence in a positive way.

Good luck.

 

[Pegasus]

There is something i want to mention here . Guys that use cream or pills whatever tend to lose commitment to training.

 

[SassyTheSasquatch]

Thanks for all your help WillGetBetter, I'm going to try and go into it with a positive attitude and will communicate with my girlfriend. You're words of encouragement have made me feel all the better.

Pegasus, do you think using creams and pills will hinder training? I have no intention of relying on them as a crutch for the rest of my life as I want to have natural control over my orgasm. Also could you point me to any pelvic stretching exercises? The links on the stickied threads seem to be dead.

 

[WillGetBetter]

The stretches on my list are:

1. Happy baby pose
2. Hindi squat
3. Butterfly and reverse butterfly
4. Lunges
5. Reverse hurdler
6. Child’s pose
7. Cobra/ upward dog
8. Downward dog
9. Cat/cow pose

Check YouTube for anterior pelvic tilt stretches and pelvic floor stretches. There are lots of them.

 

[Enaswan]

This may help https://www.pegym.com/forums/premat...566-temporary-cure-premature-ejaculation.html

 

[Pegasus]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/premature-ejaculation-forum/106475-hindi-etc-member-input.html

 

[Cephalus]

Ok, so a quick fix until you gain results from stamina training...

First, a caveat...

I personally wouldn't recommend Dapoxetine or any SSRI's to treat pre-e. It's kinda' like shooting yourself in the head to get rid of a headache: it's not benefical long-term for the user. It's a big change that you'll be satisfied with the pill making you last longer (at first) and that you'll get addicted to it. Besides, SSRI's are used primarily for depression. Do you suffer from depression as well ?

Also, when people decide to go off antidepressants: it's going to be very hard (just google cases of quitting ssri's) to quit because these pills are indeed very addictive.

It's your choice with pills, of course, but I urge you and everybody else to first take all the riscs into account first

Now, regarding these quick fixes:

- Learn different methods of satisfying my partner other than penetrative sex

That's a must, even if you don't have pre-e. There's so much more to sex than penetrative sex. Plus, new things keeps the atmosfere exciting

You could use, as you mentioned, a numbing spray/cream. You can buy condoms laced with numbing agents, they usually give you an additional 1-2 minutes. Don't apply to much, tough.

Try anal ? Many women hate it at first, but begin to like it in the process.

Read a couple of those sex books on the internet that give you dozens of new ways to have sex. Worth a try.

Also, be honest with your woman. State your intentions clear and she'll stick by the training you're doing.

 

[SassyTheSasquatch]

I've downloaded the Guide to Getting It On, which is focuses on some pretty basic techniques and anatomy, are there any books that are more involved that you could recommend? Apologies for this, I'm not trying to be spoonfed, I just want to find some good quality books that could teach me a few things.

 

[Cephalus]

I'll post a list of books that I read and that helped me here, for everyone to see.
I'm sorry in advance to moderators if posting the titles of these books is forbidden. I did read the forum rules and they mentioned nothing about sexuality books.

Here they are:

• 8 Erotic Nights. Passionate Encounters that inspire great sex for a lifetime - Charla Hathaway
• 8 Oral sex games for ultimate fun and pleasure - Sonia Borg
• 100 Great sex games for couples - Steve & Angela Lucas
• 365 Sex Moves Positions for having sex a new way everyday - Randi Foxx
• Art of the Quickie Fast Sex, Fast Orgasm, Anytime, Anywhere - Joel D. Block
• Clitology - Jordan LaRousse
• Erotic Massage - Charla Hathaway
• Getting the Sex You Want. Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together - Tammy Nelson
• Hot Games for Mind-Blowing Sex - Lainie Speiser
• Idiot's.Guide.to.Amazing.Sex
• Erotic Adventures in Water - Ellen Kate
• Luxurious Loving. Tantric Inspirations for Passion and Pleasure - Barbara Karellas
• Marathon Sex - Sonia Borg
• Mastering Multiple Sex Positions - Eric Marlowe Garrison
• New Sex Bible for Women - Amie Harwick
• Night Games - Anna Krien
• Oral sex that_ll blow her mind - An illustrated guide to giving her amazing orgasms - Shana Katz
• Oral.Sex.She_ll.Never.Forget - Sonia Borg
• Mini Book of Orgasm - Susan Bakos
• Position Sex - Lola Rawlins
• The Sex Bible for Women - Susan Bakos
• Sex for Dummies
• Sex Games Bible - Randi Foxx
• Sex Manual Sexual Skills For The Superior Lover - David Deida

These are just a few out of my personal collection.
If someone does find them interesting as I did, I will continue the list

P.S Anyone who wants these books can simply pm me. I have them on pdf.

Happy reading

 

[mmss]

I'll post a list of books that I read and that helped me here, for everyone to see.
I'm sorry in advance to moderators if posting the titles of these books is forbidden. I did read the forum rules and they mentioned nothing about sexuality books.

Here they are:

• 8 Erotic Nights. Passionate Encounters that inspire great sex for a lifetime - Charla Hathaway
• 8 Oral sex games for ultimate fun and pleasure - Sonia Borg
• 100 Great sex games for couples - Steve & Angela Lucas
• 365 Sex Moves Positions for having sex a new way everyday - Randi Foxx
• Art of the Quickie Fast Sex, Fast Orgasm, Anytime, Anywhere - Joel D. Block
• Clitology - Jordan LaRousse
• Erotic Massage - Charla Hathaway
• Getting the Sex You Want. Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together - Tammy Nelson
• Hot Games for Mind-Blowing Sex - Lainie Speiser
• Idiot's.Guide.to.Amazing.Sex
• Erotic Adventures in Water - Ellen Kate
• Luxurious Loving. Tantric Inspirations for Passion and Pleasure - Barbara Karellas
• Marathon Sex - Sonia Borg
• Mastering Multiple Sex Positions - Eric Marlowe Garrison
• New Sex Bible for Women - Amie Harwick
• Night Games - Anna Krien
• Oral sex that_ll blow her mind - An illustrated guide to giving her amazing orgasms - Shana Katz
• Oral.Sex.She_ll.Never.Forget - Sonia Borg
• Mini Book of Orgasm - Susan Bakos
• Position Sex - Lola Rawlins
• The Sex Bible for Women - Susan Bakos
• Sex for Dummies
• Sex Games Bible - Randi Foxx
• Sex Manual Sexual Skills For The Superior Lover - David Deida

These are just a few out of my personal collection.
If someone does find them interesting as I did, I will continue the list

P.S Anyone who wants these books can simply pm me. I have them on pdf.

Happy reading

Thanks for sharing, these are a lot of books. Have you read them all? Can you recommend maybe a few top ones?

 

[Cephalus]

Yes, those are a lot of books. And it's just a third of my actual collection.

I've read them all. I would especially recommend

Oral.Sex.She_ll.Never.Forget - Sonia Borg

100 Great sex games for couples - Steve & Angela Lucas

Clitology - Jordan LaRousse

and

Marathon Sex - Sonia Borg

 

[SassyTheSasquatch]

Thanks for the recommendations Cephalus!


So a status report on how the week away went: The first day back ,we had sex and I came in less than 5 seconds, and then after a second haphazard attempt, another 30 seconds. After a long and supportive discussion, we started thinking about alternatives and what we could do.

The day after decided to try priligy. The feeling on the drug was fairly familiar since I have used SSRI's in the past. I also decided to change condom brand to something more lubricated and more natural feeling. When we had sex, I was relaxed and we took it very slow. Much to my surprise I managed to last 2 minutes with slow motion sex, and was able to last as long as I wanted for round 2! The next couple of times, without using priligy, I lasted around 2-4 minutes (perhaps even more the very last time we did it) at a very decent pace with regular strokes, and as long as I wanted once again for round 2. I had the greatest sense of relief when I finally made her cum, a massive weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Last year, switching back to condoms had nearly killed my sex life, now my only concern how much money I'm going to spend on condoms for all the sex I'm going to be having.

So the things that helped me are the following:

- Breathing exercises: great in controlling my arousal and dissipating pleasurable sensations around the body
- Pelvic floor exercises/stretching: a lot of the bucking, muscle spasms and involuntary kegels I regularly experienced, I found that I could control, and were not as pronounced
- Different condoms: This was a massive help, the condoms that I used previously were tight to the point of strangulation, and too thick, and this somehow resulted in me ejaculating prematurely every time I used them (though you would think that the effect would be the opposite).
- Reverse kegels: reverse kegels helped massively in pushing back the PONR, though as I'm still a novice, they were not totally effective.

As a side note, the priligy, as a short acting SSRI, really didn't have much effect on the sex if I'm being honest, perhaps only as a mild placebo or aid in tuning down my arousal.

I'm going to continue to work on my stamina by stretching and kegelling, with the aim of being able to last as long as I want first time round. The things I want to look into now are natural ways to desensitize the penis (death grips and ballooning), working on how I deal with arousal, and penis enlargement!