Nice Guy Syndrome

[bluehawk]

Hey JohnLocke,

I personally consider this nice guy syndrome to be something that should be overcome as quickly as it makes you most happy. Now, you might find the fuel and passion that inspires such a radical change when you reflect on experiences that have had a significant emotional impact on you, or you may find that the reasons you want to change most in things you're only beginning to think of now.

What you'll have a hard time trying to argue with is the incredible happiness you feel, after you've firmly decided that you are more concerned with doing the things that make you proud of yourself as a man, and saying that anyone that has a problem with you, on the grounds that you're not nice enough, can go screw themselves, because you can see that you've already become a more open and decent man for it.

Now there's these guy's Hale Dwoskin's and Larry Crane, and they have these audio/video courses called the Sedona method, I personally prefer Hale, but whatever. You should go out and invest in one of their courses on Amazon.com or something, because you can't find free things on the internet.

If you ask a really honest man if he's honest, he'll tell you he doesn't lie. There's this modesty built into admirable traits.

So if you get this feeling of "smugness" or "rightness" when you think of yourself as a nice guy or when you do nice things, maybe that's the reason, that up until now you had considered it a good thing. Maybe it was your own emotional response to yourself that's kept it going until now. Maybe it was a belief pushed on you from an early age. (still better than religious fundamentalism) Maybe now you can see that your opinion on your niceness is really the first thing that's already starting to change, and profound change for the better is not only possible now, but unavoidable. I have a feeling that one day years in the future, after you've kicked the nice guy habit, you'll look back at all of the incredible, exciting things you've accomplished and all of the sexy women you've "known", and realize that it was because you have the courage to allow yourself the freedom to try something new.

 

[Pegasus]

I was waiting for the spam, after that how to become a player speil.
But I was wrong bluehawk, have a talk to radio he is on a quest to turn the world into players.

 

[MrBigDick]

There are girls out there that genuinely feel that for whatever reason, they don't deserve a "nice" guy. Their self worth is in the gutter and to that effect, they prefer guys who treat them like sh*t because THAT is what they're used to. They may deep down want a genuine, honest, hard working, loving, good man but because finding one takes effort, they'd rather just stick with what they've got because it's easier.

I can tell all you men out there that your mindset needs to change. I used to be one of you. I used to think that women only wanted a man who treated them like sh*t and while that might really apply to some women, most women DO NOT want to be mistreated. My current gf was emotionally abused by a real asswipe for 25 years. While she does have her issues from that relationship, she will not tolerate any man mistreating her ever again. To me, when I hear a guy say that women want a guy who treats them like sh*t so they may as well hang up their "good guy" hat and turn into a dick, to me, that's sheer frustration talking. That means that they're finding the wrong women. You simply have to have the mindset that your not going to settle for less than what you want and what will ultimately make you happy. If you want a genuine, loving woman, then put your mind to it to find one. And be willing to be patient until it happens. This world is full of women, those that want a good man and those that don't feel they deserve one. You just have to be willing to not settle for anything less than what you really want. I refused to compromise and I got myself a goldmine.

 

[Gravik]

God I'm 18 and I'm a nice guy....

><!

Fucking hate it - when I try to be mean, I can't help but stop, it's like I have something else come into play that I can't stop. >< - After a while I've figured screw being mean, I'll only shine through as nice in the end anyway, so I'm going to look at it that way, plus, I get extra personal Karma points for not being someone who I'm not

That said, I don't get very much pussy at all! Only had a handful of relationships

same here :/

Most all of the girls I've been interested in, didn't seem to give two shits about me. I was nice..and yeah. Obviously what they didn't want :/

 

[MrBigDick]

Just continue being who and what YOU are and the right girl will come along. If they're not interested, so what. This world is filled with PLENTY of women.

 

[Pegasus]

Gee MR BD, the cliches I heard as a single teenager are alive and well.

I do think in the modern world it is easier to get more women passing through your life.
When my marriage finished, I did things like go to dance lessons etc, but it was rsvp that was a relavation.
As stated prevoiously middle aged women have learned to appreciate nice guys imo.
However where Mr BD and I differ is that he seems to feel that many celibate years are ok.

 

[MrBigDick]

Gee MR BD, the cliches I heard as a single teenager are alive and well.

I do think in the modern world it is easier to get more women passing through your life.
When my marriage finished, I did things like go to dance lessons etc, but it was rsvp that was a relavation.
As stated prevoiously middle aged women have learned to appreciate nice guys imo.
However where Mr BD and I differ is that he seems to feel that many celibate years are ok.

No Peg, I never said spending many years celibate was ok. If all you want is sex, you can go to a local bar, pick up a bar skank, slap a rubber on your dick and go to town. If your looking for the right one, it may take you some time. What I'm hearing in your post Peg is that same level of frustration I had some years back. The point I'm simply trying to make is to not alter who you are just so you can find the one. If you decide to treat women like sh*t as that's what you think they want and you find a woman that way, I guarantee you she won't be a quality, good woman.

 

[DryJelq]

Women like nice guys.

Don't confuse nice with shy or unaggressive. There are plenty of assholes that never get laid. I bet you there are also plenty of nice guys that get laid all the time as well.

It's mostly about confidence, flirting, and carrying an engaging conversation. For example, one of my friends never shakes a girls hand. He always hugs them. This is more flirtatious and shows that you aren't afraid of physical contact. Shaking a girls hand may be nice, and there are certainly times when I would do this over a hug, in a more formal setting for example.

Anyway there's a point when you can't be afraid of getting more physical. It can be something as subtle as sitting down next to a girl when there's plenty of other seats around. Or it could be sliding closer after you sat down. It's not like you ever ask a girl "Hey do you wanna go fuck?" It starts by smiling at her, then maybe you sit down next to her. Then maybe you put your arm around her or on her leg or something. Then you might make out. Each time it's more like asking a question. Is this okay? Is this okay?

Getting laid is about showing that you aren't afraid of getting physical by using body language to show that you want to get physical. Don't push it or go too fast. But don't be afraid to step on the gas pedal when the light turns green. Otherwise people are gonna start beeping at you and eventually they'll just go around you. You're opportunity may be lost at that point.

To be honest though, any decent woman isn't gonna let you fuck her the first night you meet. She might be willing kiss you or give you a hug though. But if you never even try to go in for a kiss or a hug, then she might be less attracted to you due to your lack of aggressiveness. If you aren't aggressive, then the girl with either think you aren't interested in her sexually or you are afraid.

Not too long ago was was a couple girl I dated that I never attempted to kiss after 2 or 3 dates. She asked me if I was nervous around her on our last date and I said no, but at that point I don't think it mattered. She "hasn't had any time to hang out" again since then. This was a strong clue to me that I never attempted to make things physical with her. Even though at first, she was very interested in me, after 2 or 3 dates of me not being physically aggressive enough, she lost interest.

 

[MrBigDick]

Women like nice guys.

Don't confuse nice with shy or unaggressive. There are plenty of assholes that never get laid. I bet you there are also plenty of nice guys that get laid all the time as well.

It's mostly about confidence, flirting, and carrying an engaging conversation. For example, one of my friends never shakes a girls hand. He always hugs them. This is more flirtatious and shows that you aren't afraid of physical contact. Shaking a girls hand may be nice, and there are certainly times when I would do this over a hug, in a more formal setting for example.

Anyway there's a point when you can't be afraid of getting more physical. It can be something as subtle as sitting down next to a girl when there's plenty of other seats around. Or it could be sliding closer after you sat down. It's not like you ever ask a girl "Hey do you wanna go fuck?" It starts by smiling at her, then maybe you sit down next to her. Then maybe you put your arm around her or on her leg or something. Then you might make out. Each time it's more like asking a question. Is this okay? Is this okay?

Getting laid is about showing that you aren't afraid of getting physical by using body language to show that you want to get physical. Don't push it or go too fast. But don't be afraid to step on the gas pedal when the light turns green. Otherwise people are gonna start beeping at you and eventually they'll just go around you. You're opportunity may be lost at that point.

To be honest though, any decent woman isn't gonna let you fuck her the first night you meet. She might be willing kiss you or give you a hug though. But if you never even try to go in for a kiss or a hug, then she might be less attracted to you due to your lack of aggressiveness. If you aren't aggressive, then the girl with either think you aren't interested in her sexually or you are afraid.

Not too long ago was was a couple girl I dated that I never attempted to kiss after 2 or 3 dates. She asked me if I was nervous around her on our last date and I said no, but at that point I don't think it mattered. She "hasn't had any time to hang out" again since then. This was a strong clue to me that I never attempted to make things physical with her. Even though at first, she was very interested in me, after 2 or 3 dates of me not being physically aggressive enough, she lost interest.

Love this post! It's spot on and totally accurate.

 

[DryJelq]

Thanks.

I just wanted to point out that from my own experience and from what I've observed from others, as long as you aren't too over the top when you show interest physically, getting a "no" from the girl usually isn't a big deal if you remain cool about it and apologize if necessary.

As long as you don't get a "hell no" you are probably in the clear and the girl doesn't care that much, she even may have wanted to "say yes", but was embarrassed to do so. If you can read body language, you'll be able to tell the difference between a "no" and a "hell no."

I do want to point out though that if a girl gives you more than one "hell no" you'll be labeled as a creep or pervert. If you want to hit on women, you need to start subtle until you get "the green light" so to speak.

I'm no expert on getting laid, but from my own experiences and my what I've observed from other people, this theory seems to tell the story best.

80% of human interaction is body language. So in order to hit on women, you have to use body language. But you have to do so in the correct manner. Like I said, be subtle about it at first and see how she responds. You can be a nice guy and still get laid.

Maybe you're a guy that just wants to attract a decent girl. You can still "hit on her," so to speak. You should just use more subtle body language than you would with a whore. Because you aren't trying to fuck her, you probably just want to get her to like you and kiss her a couple of times to start.