someone_like_u
Retired Moderator, PEGym Hero
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My Positivity Journal
- Thread starter Mr. TeenieWeenie
- Start date
12/3/13 entry #8: (I do not condone the use of drugs...very often
)Bit of a mixed attitude day(reminder to study and meditate more often). Got some weed from my dear friend, Had a discussion with my girlfriend. The highlight of my day was smoking weed with my sister. I have never ever smoked with her and it was a real bonding experience. I was so high in fact I was tripping off of us bonding. I literally saw all the connections. I was so happy; I know I should not rely on drugs to solve my problems but this was truly a bonding experience.
)Bit of a mixed attitude day(reminder to study and meditate more often). Got some weed from my dear friend, Had a discussion with my girlfriend. The highlight of my day was smoking weed with my sister. I have never ever smoked with her and it was a real bonding experience. I was so high in fact I was tripping off of us bonding. I literally saw all the connections. I was so happy; I know I should not rely on drugs to solve my problems but this was truly a bonding experience.12/4/13 entry #9: This is going to be a growth post because I don't think there was anything too positive relative to sadness I experienced. I feel kind of like a douche frankly. I have basically broken up with my "girlfriend", to be honest I didn't want a relationship from the start(we were friends with benefits). All I wanted was sex but since then I let her hangout with me often. She would even spend the nights, and we would do a lot of things together. She was basically my girlfriend but I still want to see other girls plus I don't love her. This was her 2nd time asking me to meet her mom. The first time I gave a firm no and she was hurt by it, and asked why. I gave a bullshit excuse. Today she asked the same thing and I said no again and she asked why again. I couldn't give her a bullshit excuse so I told her the truth and about how I feel. I told her I cared about her, I enjoyed her companionship very much but I still do not want a girlfriend. This really made her feel bad. I just feel so bad that I made a friend this sad. I guess what I can learn from this is lying to myself about being happy would just be silly. Not doing what I really want is not fair to me. Lying to her about how I feel is unfair to her, and cruel. Even though I like her very much and this could potentially end us seeing each other I still think I did the right thing.
Yes you did the right thing and you shouldn't feel bad.This way if she comes back she knows what the relationship is about. She knows that you know only what to keep it about sex and if she comes back it will continue. Atleast you were honest about it not wasting her time. Only thing though you should have done it earlier in the first instance you realize that she was behaving like a girlfriend.
12/7/13 entry #10: Im restarting this journal because I missed to log two days in a row so now I am putting 40 entries in. The best thing that happened today is I have been pondering. I spent most of yesterday and today texting random girls online on dating sites with no real success. I am starting to have become aware that I am obsessing with trying to get a new girl. I am seeing it as an end and as a result been having very superficial conversations. I have also feel like my self esteem is suffering as a result. I am relapsing in certain aspects of my social anxiety. I am having a lot more self doubt. I need to start interacting with people for the sake of having an authentic interaction and instead of thinking of the person as just and end to a mean. I also have to remember that like attracts like and recently I have been thinking quite negatively. Need to get off of this trend.
12/10/13 Entry #11: I know I haven't been the best about keeping this journal but since I have been running around everywhere and studying for finals and what not I have not had the time to sit and focus on it. That is no excuse because I should ALWAYS make time for myself! Anyway today is the restart to this journal. The best thing that happened today was I went to psych club but when I got there only the president and the vice president were only there. Normally I would be really shy but I felt super composed and had a brief conversation. Then went to a study session with my friends and had a laugh while we studied. Overall it was a nice evening. Next few days I'm going to need strength because it will be the moment of truth; when I talk to my "GF". I'm trying to keep a clear head and figuring different scenarios of how our meeting could go. I'll be sure to keep my journal updated, I have too for myself. Note to self: Watch one encouraging or motivating thing everyday(examples: ted talks, eckhart tolle, etc)
12/11/13 entry #12: Pretty chill day even though finals are coming up. The highlight of the day is that I felt really good all day. This may sound gay but I ran into an acquaintance that I have known of for a while. Although I have never talked to him I have always admired his energy, and his outgoingness. He always seemed to have a girl around him whenever I would see him. Last night I talked to him for the second time in my life and not surprisingly his energy was amazing. I just had a better perspective on what sort of energy he brings when I had a conversation yesterday. We got talking about what we have been doing since leaving high school, and parties we saw each other at and all I can determine is not that his life is inherently better than anyone's in fact it may be worse(he sounded like an underachiever), but he had drive and motivation, he talked about businesses he was starting with friends. He just seemed to have a genuine positive outlook on life. This seems to be a occurring theme in my life now, focusing on this positivity. I sort of channeled his energy from last night to a conversation I had with a girl today. This was the best part of my day. After class, A girl I had admired the whole semester talked to the professor, it just so happened that we both were talking about the same thing and needed to go to her office after class. We walked together and I had a really superficial conversation about her job, and my hobbies and whatnot but the cool part was that I found myself being as outgoing as that guy I met the other night. I remember how comfortable he made me feel with his energy, I tried that with her. I felt really natural talking to her, I loved watching her smile and laugh. It made me feel so good. The only bad thing is I didn't get her number.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
So that means you have your own energy that just needed to be shared and when you do that, it tends to expand and grow. Keep up the good work.
12/12/13 Entry #13: This happened yesterday I just want to log it into my journal. So I met with this girl I "broke up" with, I say it like that because we were technically never going out we were friends with benefits but I cared for her than more than just a friend. So after a week of not talking to each other we meet and sort of just sit in an awkward silence for 5 min, she then opens up to me and tells me of all the horrible things that happened to her. I felt so bad, and a little guilty. We kissed and made up though. Now that I have her back in my life I feel so lucky. I appreciate my time with her more than what I used too, I love to smell her, and kiss her. I love having her back in my life, I am very grateful.
12/13/13 entry #14: Dreaded finals today. Had to present, luckily I didn't have too many lines but I still felt awkward AF in front of everyone. I need to improve that skill(I need to evaluate my limiting belief, I feel weak). Anyway, the semester is over and I had to say sad goodbyes to everyone some people I will see over the break but some I won't, hopefully I will next semester. Some friends I met too close to the end of the semester, I wish I had more time to share with them. I really am valuing friendships! It seems as though my psychology class was the most easiest and "BS" of them all, but ironically I think it made me grow the most. I feel good where I am at in life in this very second.
12/14/13 Entry #15: Lets see it is saturday, didn't really do much except had a pretty nice start to the day. I went out to a thrift store with my mom and my sister. It wasn't the entire family but it was still nice quality time with my mother and sister. We went shopping, took pictures, ate at some fast food. No deep philosophical analysis here, just a nice start to my day that I would like to share. Time to study and meet with my GF later. I have it good right now.
12/15/13 Entry #16: Had a passionate night of sex with my GF last night, first time we had sex since our breakup. Just good memories from that but today I had an interesting day. My soccer team played a really high ranked team which we played a lot better than what the score line says. We lost the game but I learned something about character. My coach gave an amazing speech about trying too hard and being too focused on a certain task. Yes the objective of the game is to win. We were down 5-0 at the half and a comeback seemed unlikely however what was there left to lose? There was nothing left to lose. Instead of thinking of thinking about it with our egos, which is a trap I fall a lot into often, it would make a bunch more sense to view this game as a practice game of sorts vs a good team. I was ready to play and fired up we actually ended up scoring 3 goals not enough for a comeback but it showed the team's unity. It showed that under adversity we can change our perspective to something more favorable, something more useful. This is a great skill to have and I want to thank my coach for giving such an uplifting speech. Perception control
12/16/13 Entry #17: I cannot praise this forum enough, if there has been one resource on the internets that has assisted me in my personal growth it would have to be, by an overwhelming amount, PEGYM. I never thought a place where guys discussed how to get bigger penises(something very superficial) would actually help me grow and become a much happier person, without actually reaching my penis size goals(yet). This place is filled with so many knowledgable people and people with creative and innovative ideas, really a nice place to hangout online. Anyway this event happened really early today, from midnight to about 3am. So I had finals this morning at 8am. On Sunday night I was busy studying and getting study questions answered that was half the task; the second half was studying and making sure I knew the answers. I wondered is it possible to study and spend quality time with your significant other? There was only one way to find out. From the start I told her that I was studying and I wasn't going to be very good company but she said she didn't mind she just wanted to hangout, so I told her it was fine to come over. It was actually really funny because a couple of days ago I started a thread on how to make sex more interesting for longer periods of time and one thing I discovered from that thread was that it's more about the act and the time you are spending together rather than the actual finish. Keeping this in mind I had a very open mind to what was possible. She actually gave me a blow-job while I was coming up with study questions, then I had her quiz me while we had sex lol. It was one of the funnest study sessions I had ever! She actually came a few times lol. Haha her voice was so shaky while she was reading the questions, it was so hot. I'd go deep as she was about to finish reading and sometimes made her tone go higher lol, just a great night and surprisingly very productive for what was actually going on. She drove me to school in the morning, I took my final and I felt like I knew everything, I felt really confident. So I guess what I am thankful for is having PEGYM as a resource and very grateful for the people and the spot I am in my life right now. I will always have these amazing memories! Thanks everyone!
I listen to spiritual teachings(eckhart tolle mostly) and I like to study psychology; I also like to stay motivated and I like to listen to creative speeches, stuff like ted talks. I also mentioned I like spending time on this site. That's about it
12/17/13 Entry #18: On Monday night, after several nights of very good sex, I had a night were the sex just wasn't very good. My girlfriend complained that it was hurting her, I wasn't aroused(Low EQ), and my GF didn't feel very wet. I took this as a sign that something was not balanced. I had to step back and see what the problem was. And it was that I was focused too much on those things. The physical aspect of what makes sex good. I have to focus on the psychological part. Getting my self aroused so I can arouse her. Perhaps I need to take a day off from having sex, perhaps not. Something is not balanced, That is my Idea today which is leading me to take some time to meditate. Balance. Woot woot school is out so time to focus on myself.
12/18/13 Entry #19: I went skating with my friend and I rolled my ankle. Not very fun but the best part of my day was being able to motivate my friend. Cheering him on to try new tricks. So even though I was injured and in pain I still had fun. I'm starting to just enjoy whatever situation I am in life. Feels like I have super powers lol
12/19/13 Entry #20: Worked out with my buddy, saw a girl half naked at the gym then celebrated the first half of my girl's birthday at my house. Nice simple low key day. I notice I have to plan my days better, because when I have a bunch of free time I notice I just lay around. Much like long sex sessions, days with lots of spare time need to be planned too.
12/20/13 Entry # 21: The best thing that happened today was my GF came over. I wasn't really ready to go out since I needed to shower, so I did with her. We showered, had some nice sex with water running on us, overall a nice day. We took so long in the shower we ended up staying in.
12/21/13 Entry #22: The best thing that happened today was more of a choice than an actual event that happened. So I was supposed to meet with my girlfriend and she said to call her when I was ready to hangout. Don't get me wrong she is a great girl and I love spending time with her but I also have to work on myself. So I had to make a choice whether to hangout with her the whole day or delay gratification and clean my house up, do some chores. I choose the later, I'm still seeing her later but I just wanted to show myself I can be disciplined and control my urges. I need to apply the same control of my emotions in social situations.
