faithandhope both of my parents are gone now. Both have passed away. They divorced when I was 2 yo so you are raised in a different way than kids who have both parents. Even though my relationship with my parents was enstranged due to both of them remarrying and having kids from their new mates and I was the one who was pushed out. So I went on with my life in the Army and married. I miss them. My mother died of breast cancer. I loved her dearly and I loved my father. You see I have learned not to judge anybody until you have walked a mile in their shoes. I had every right not to have anthing to do with my parents, but they were my parents. Your mom has cancer and I had a friend who lost him mom to cancer and on one day he told me something that stopped me in my tracks. He said the cancer was a blessing because it gave them time to make wrong things right. Faithandhope the power of forgiveness is a wonderful thing that will set you and her free. She needs that now more than ever. Be there for her! This will be a journey for the both of you. When the day finally comes and you have done your best then you will realize what I am trying to say. Both of you will have laughter and both of you will cry together. The giving of yourself in her time of need will long be the thing you will think about years from now.
Just Talking
- Thread starter CUSP82
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Having myself put my own life on hold for an eternity because I personally chose to be of help to my mother and father, I will anyway say that it is not your duty to ruin yourself trying to save the people mentioned in your life. They are adults. If your father really wants to take his own life, there is really nothing you can do with it. If you are going to try to control it and be assured that he doesn't do it, you will have to live with him 24/7. Even so he will be able to kill himself if he really wants to. You can't stay awake all day and night for months or for years monitoring him.
You are young and have your own life to establish. It is not selfish of you to want a life of your own.
Though I agree that it is awful that people around us die, or go through mental meltdown. It gets on our emotions however we choose to do deal with it.
You are young and have your own life to establish. It is not selfish of you to want a life of your own.
Though I agree that it is awful that people around us die, or go through mental meltdown. It gets on our emotions however we choose to do deal with it.
Wow. Seriously rough spot Faith. But I think your moniker says it all. That has always be my contention. As long as I, you, and a handful of other maintain hope for the rest, YOU make the world a better place just by being in it and setting an example of hope, even under the most difficult of circumstances. You will survive. You will still have family and friends. FAMILY and FRIENDS are the one thing that matters most in life. Hang on to them, regardless.
From personal experience. Circumstances just didn't permit me to be there. But I have lost relatives, VERY close to me, over years that I wished I had picked the phone, at least, one more time. You learn to deal with it. BUT, If I could have been there at the time, I would have done everything in my power to be there. My siblings have done and still do sh*t that drives me insane. But they are my family regardless. Everyone on this planet has their own dysfunctional situations to deal with. But the again the key is FAMILY. You only have one! If you can be there for her DO IT! DO NOT even risk the chance of regret. You will never have another chance to make it right and only cause yourself psychological harm in the long run.
Does as your name suggests. Keep the faith and go to her.
From personal experience. Circumstances just didn't permit me to be there. But I have lost relatives, VERY close to me, over years that I wished I had picked the phone, at least, one more time. You learn to deal with it. BUT, If I could have been there at the time, I would have done everything in my power to be there. My siblings have done and still do sh*t that drives me insane. But they are my family regardless. Everyone on this planet has their own dysfunctional situations to deal with. But the again the key is FAMILY. You only have one! If you can be there for her DO IT! DO NOT even risk the chance of regret. You will never have another chance to make it right and only cause yourself psychological harm in the long run.
Does as your name suggests. Keep the faith and go to her.
Take in what Ino has said also. Your deserve to have your own life. But, as long you TRIED to do the right thing, you, at least, won't be the one who has to live with regret.
Looking4more
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Hey Faith, sorry to hear about your situation.
I would have to recommend reaching out to her and give each of you the opportunity to patch things up, even if it's only for a while. You have the chance now to make a difference. Once she is gone, that chance will be taken away permanently. That is when the regret will start and there will be nothing that can be done about it.
Ino is right. You deserve to live your own life. We all have to realize that we have limitations on what we can realistically do to help others. We can be there for them and show our love and support and hope that is enough. After all, we are only human. If things work out OK, then that's great. If not, then you can at least live with the fact you did your best and that's all we can expect of ourselves.
I'll be praying for you and your family.
I would have to recommend reaching out to her and give each of you the opportunity to patch things up, even if it's only for a while. You have the chance now to make a difference. Once she is gone, that chance will be taken away permanently. That is when the regret will start and there will be nothing that can be done about it.
Ino is right. You deserve to live your own life. We all have to realize that we have limitations on what we can realistically do to help others. We can be there for them and show our love and support and hope that is enough. After all, we are only human. If things work out OK, then that's great. If not, then you can at least live with the fact you did your best and that's all we can expect of ourselves.
I'll be praying for you and your family.
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Personally, I stopped communicating with my parents for several years when I was around 25. I'm married and we have two kids, so I decided to try to work things out. It's still rough and awkward, and sometimes I hate being around them, but I'm glad--for everyone's sake--that I decided to try to work things out. Of course, neither of my parents were dying at the time, so I can't speak to that specifically. But I can say that if they would have been, I would be even more glad that I made the decision to reconnect. I hope that helps. Good luck with everything.
Faith. I'm so sad about this. Everyone has given you such great advice and I agree.
Set yourself first and foremost free. If a visit or call is too much write a letter and mail it.
Don't worry about it being the last letter. Just get something down in paper and mail it.
Then follow up with another one.
Ask her if you can see her.
This way you reached out. She knows you care. You tried and did your part.
As a mom of a son roughly your age I'm so proud of you! You are able to see people and life clearly at such a young age. You are way past half the battle.
Just me but I don't believe that is I didn't make amends while they were alive I still can't make amends after their death. If we believe the soul lives on then we our time line of personally healing is not forever lost because it didn't match their expiration date.
Sure for selfish reasons its great to make amends and get the in person validation. But that chance is not lost forever.
If she agrees to see you while she is alive then that would be great. Sometimes making our point over/about 15 years can be summed up in one deep look into the other eyes and a hug.
I think you would feel better to have this chance in person before her death.
Regarding your dad and sister. Again you are not responsible. If you end up being the one who lives, lives a proud life and "makes it" its because you chose that life. Or chose to get help.
To show you care is a feeling. You can express it and release yourself.
Good luck.
Ps. I'm glad you are choosing life in the present. Our purpose here in life is for good. Noone is born to reek havoc. Xo
Set yourself first and foremost free. If a visit or call is too much write a letter and mail it.
Don't worry about it being the last letter. Just get something down in paper and mail it.
Then follow up with another one.
Ask her if you can see her.
This way you reached out. She knows you care. You tried and did your part.
As a mom of a son roughly your age I'm so proud of you! You are able to see people and life clearly at such a young age. You are way past half the battle.
Just me but I don't believe that is I didn't make amends while they were alive I still can't make amends after their death. If we believe the soul lives on then we our time line of personally healing is not forever lost because it didn't match their expiration date.
Sure for selfish reasons its great to make amends and get the in person validation. But that chance is not lost forever.
If she agrees to see you while she is alive then that would be great. Sometimes making our point over/about 15 years can be summed up in one deep look into the other eyes and a hug.
I think you would feel better to have this chance in person before her death.
Regarding your dad and sister. Again you are not responsible. If you end up being the one who lives, lives a proud life and "makes it" its because you chose that life. Or chose to get help.
To show you care is a feeling. You can express it and release yourself.
Good luck.
Ps. I'm glad you are choosing life in the present. Our purpose here in life is for good. Noone is born to reek havoc. Xo
someone_like_u
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Faith, you've gotten great advice and I am sorry your Mom has cancer. The only thing I can say is...you have to do what feels right for you. If reaching out to your Mom feels right, or you think you'll have regrets after she's gone, then by all means, don't let anyone hold you back from reaching out to call or visit(whatever you're comfortable with). You're the only one who has to live your life.
Honor thy father and thy mother. No I didn't say it but you know who did. It is the right thing to do regardless of the past. Showing love and compassion for those who are ill will not only bless you greatly but will show the world, and yourself, what kind of man you are, and I believe a good one!
I agree. If someone is perceived as too nice then the person perceiving that is not a good match for the other. So many men say nice guys finish last so after reading that repeatedly on this site I wondered well what about women being too nice. Are they doomed lol Nah, I have never finished last as far as I am concerned 
What I am pondering these days is making sure that my personality does not cause alarm to the man I am dating. He was drawn to me because of it and as long as he is confident and a secure person he should not worry that other men in my life will have the same affect on me that he did. Just because they are drawn to me, as my friends, does not mean I am drawn to them in a romantic way. I usually have a day a week I go out with a friend. Usually a guy friend. Thats one day out of seven days. If I am trusted then that should not rock anyone's world. I suppose as this relationship moves forward, strengthens and if it becomes a committed one then my friend days will decline. But those days will never disappear. I will not give up my life. I think its imperative that a person maintain their own interests, friendships, individuality. I am a bit of a tom boy. I fish, I go mudding, car shows, shooting, etc... but I am also a glamorous woman who enjoys plays, musicals, gala's, charity events, festivals, fine dining and romantic anything! There is a saying I love "don't confuse my kindness for weakness". I don't think I am taking advantage of someone or asserting my alpha female because I have a life. Even if that life is busier or different than the man I am dating. Okay I think I am done with this thought lol
What I am pondering these days is making sure that my personality does not cause alarm to the man I am dating. He was drawn to me because of it and as long as he is confident and a secure person he should not worry that other men in my life will have the same affect on me that he did. Just because they are drawn to me, as my friends, does not mean I am drawn to them in a romantic way. I usually have a day a week I go out with a friend. Usually a guy friend. Thats one day out of seven days. If I am trusted then that should not rock anyone's world. I suppose as this relationship moves forward, strengthens and if it becomes a committed one then my friend days will decline. But those days will never disappear. I will not give up my life. I think its imperative that a person maintain their own interests, friendships, individuality. I am a bit of a tom boy. I fish, I go mudding, car shows, shooting, etc... but I am also a glamorous woman who enjoys plays, musicals, gala's, charity events, festivals, fine dining and romantic anything! There is a saying I love "don't confuse my kindness for weakness". I don't think I am taking advantage of someone or asserting my alpha female because I have a life. Even if that life is busier or different than the man I am dating. Okay I think I am done with this thought lol
I wasn't going to say anything else on the nice subject with recent go around on another thread. Yes, we nice guys and gals do tend to be last pick, but with time and patience comes the best rewards. I like to think we finish best!
It is all just a matter of finding the right match like you said. There is someone out there for everyone. You just have to be patient and open to opportunity.
It is all just a matter of finding the right match like you said. There is someone out there for everyone. You just have to be patient and open to opportunity.
MrsLooking4more
Retired Super Moderator, Member of the Month Feb
Faith and Hope I had the same situation with my BIO mom, she also has cancer and I did make made peace with her but I do control our interaction. I have forgiven her but I have not forgotten. I will not allow her to hurt me. So far it has been good and I don't regret it. I had no relationship with my Bio mom and Dad since I was 17. I made up with them in my 40's. Funny enough I did keep a very strong relationship with my Dad (step dad). I love him to death, I am very lucky God put him in my life. Faith in life you will have many friends and others that will step up and be better than family. You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. Wishing you the best, my prayers are with you.
Be cool. Chill out. Give a guy a break. Not everyone can be a rock 100% of the time. You are not easy. Everyone deserves to handle anxiety and stress their own way. Accept the fact that it won't be the way you are used to seeing it. Don't over think it. Let it go. Day by day. Ease his mind. Reassure him. Dont ditch. Show compassion to how he handles lives punches. Don't let doubt of his strength creep in your mind. Read this again ten times if you have to.
So I think its happening again We are a few months into it and all things were great. I am out of town a lot. 5 days out, a few days in type of thing. He misses me a lot while I am gone and its very heart felt. He is very open and honest with his feelings and he is a tough man so its very good that he feels so comfortable to express himself. BUT, he had some drama recently while I was out of town. To me sure it was drama but nothing to cry about or disappear over. So for the past few days he has been sulking and I am in town! I am trying to ward off the thoughts of thinking uh oh, he cant handle sh*t that happens in life. This isn't going to work. I really am trying. I am trying to not be so controlling, not judge him but its creeping in bad. I am swamped with work and I am here posting this sh*t so that tells you I am bothered by it. I hope I can keep out the bad stuff and concentrate on the good. He has been fantastic all along and we have integrated into each others lives well (with families and friends etc..) Its obviously a needy thing on my part. Embarrassing yes but I am still learning/re training my previous partners tracking of me out of my head. This current man is not a tracker. He is a truster which is new to me. I hope I am not trying to run
We are a few months into it and all things were great. I am out of town a lot. 5 days out, a few days in type of thing. He misses me a lot while I am gone and its very heart felt. He is very open and honest with his feelings and he is a tough man so its very good that he feels so comfortable to express himself. BUT, he had some drama recently while I was out of town. To me sure it was drama but nothing to cry about or disappear over. So for the past few days he has been sulking and I am in town! I am trying to ward off the thoughts of thinking uh oh, he cant handle sh*t that happens in life. This isn't going to work. I really am trying. I am trying to not be so controlling, not judge him but its creeping in bad. I am swamped with work and I am here posting this sh*t so that tells you I am bothered by it. I hope I can keep out the bad stuff and concentrate on the good. He has been fantastic all along and we have integrated into each others lives well (with families and friends etc..) Its obviously a needy thing on my part. Embarrassing yes but I am still learning/re training my previous partners tracking of me out of my head. This current man is not a tracker. He is a truster which is new to me. I hope I am not trying to run It's all good now. I will communicate my feelings or angst when we see each other tonight though. He has to know my bad traits and this is one of them lol
