so i finally understand the problem MM and LLN had with me at the beginning (and even slightly now
). im not sure if the point of this log is to update on my physical progress or on my mental Pre E progress and understanding as well. so hopefully this minor update will be ok
.
at first i refused to understand that controlling and "defeating" Pre E (which at this point im not even sure i even have, but i enjoy the progress of learning my body and surely it will help me in the future whether i have or doesnt have pre E). i though that in order to "fix" my problem i simply need to fix a minor tension in my pf. heck, if not for MM and LLN i wouldn't even knew i had tension problem and i would've kegeled non stop and made my problem even worse.
as i learned, you need to understand your condition (in this case Pre E) from the very bottom. even if your problem is further up the road. you still need to explore, learn and understand the basics of Pre E. i was eager to start RK and to be honest i was always pushing MM to "allow" me to involve RK in my routine. luckily, i wasnt stupid enough and although i didn't agree with MM at first (thinking i was such an expert and all), i followed his instructions as best as i understood (after all, English isn't my first or seconds language).
now im able to say that understand the road MM and LLN told me to follow. i've yet to learn WHEN i should progress to more advance technique (the RK i was so eager to start and didn't understood why others started RK in their routine and i didn't) but im surely enjoying the progress and learning to understand my body. i think the most important thing i've learned was NOT TO BE EAGER TO ADVANCE TO SOMETHING YOUR NOT YET READY FOR. i kinda had reasons to advance quickly as i could (joining the army in less than a month). but now im able to understand that being quick about advance doesn't necessarily means better results.
further more, additional problem i had was the fact i took edging as a job or a task rather than an enjoyment. i began edging with the thought "OK I HAVE TO LAST AT LEAST 45 MINUTES". guess what, i reached PONR in 5 minutes. yes, thanks to practice and patience i was able to make my PONR fade. but that wasnt the goal. only when i told myself "ok, lets edge for fun" - i actually reached 20+ minutes without reaching PONR. and more important - Only when i was fully relaxed i was able to achieve the "almost at the PONR" feeling for 10+ minutes and the arousal was high yet i didn't reached PONR. i also noticed that when i relax my pelvic floor near PONR, the PONR actually fade away.
i still have till the end of the month to make more progress. hopefully i wont lose all i've gained in the boot camp. i've yet to understand when will time come to include RK in my routine.
oh, and sorry MM and LLN for being such a pain in the ass
