How Many Loves In Your Life?

[ThinJohnny]

Love is what we're all after, but t seems be elusive, rare, and truthfully, absent, in the lives of most of the people I know. Even the shallowest person in the world, the biggest sex addict, the biggest who're(sorry ladies) would choose to be in love than to not be in love. I'm sure there are some people who are so damaged that love is something they run from, but for the lucky ones who have been raised free of emotional trauma, love is the ultimate goal in all of our lives. I'm sure it's the goal of even people who are emotionally traumatized, but they can' t let themselves get there.

Anyway, I was just thinking about how rare love is, considering it's what we're all after. I'm just wondering how often it happens in the average person's life. The number of long term relationships you're in will definitely limit the number of times you fall in love, but I'm still curious how often it has happened to the average person.

I've been in love 3 times and I'm 46 years old. I'm interested in hearing about other people. If you're interested in participating, please state your approximate or actual age and how many times you've fallen in love.

Feel free to qualify with things like "I thought I loved her, but looking back, she was a bitch from hell and d I'm not sure if I even liked her". It would be nice to get a count of real love, whatever that is, but feel free to improvise.

 

[bored]

 

[Jayj]

I'm 24 and I was in love once... We broke up 2 months ago.

I genuinely believe I was in love with her, but only at the beginning. It was a case of "false advertisement" if you see what I mean. She created an image of herself, she acted. I'm not that kind of person, I'm real, I don't bother with complicated bullshit like trying to look better to attract people. If you're real, and you don't try to act and to look better than what you are, if you're natural, you will attract real people. That's what I always thought.

But with her, I got fooled (kinda), but still, I truly loved her. Then, as I was slowly realizing that she was not really the girl I thought she was, the relationship started to suck... I was not really myself with her, I was angry all the time without really understanding the reason.

Now that I look back, I can honestly say that I really loved her, but maybe only for the first 8 months (we spent 1 year as a couple, even if I knew her before that and we were good friends... In a way, we're still friends, even if we don't talk much these days).

Now she's out of my life and I'm happy most of the time, but I can't help myself from thinking about what we had at the beginning of our relationship, it was pure magic and I'm sad she lied to me. I was so in love with her that the only thing I wanted was her honesty. She couldn't give me that.

True story.

 

[ThinJohnny]

Jayj I feel for you. I got my heart broken when I was 21. It was excruciating, but I survived. You will too. She's not the real one. You'll find the right one up ahead. Thanks for responding.

 

[ThinJohnny]

Bored, I can't view the video from mythe phone, but will check it out tomorrow. Thanks.

 

[someone_like_u]

I'm 32, married to the only love I've known....

 

[Rando]

Just to give a bit of a different perspective: I'm 25 and I guess I can't say I've ever truly, madly been in love with anyone. All of my relationships have been 9 months or less. I can't say that I'm really looking for love either. If a great girl comes my way, that's great, but if not, I'm in no rush. I like to travel and have lived in 3 different areas of the world over 2 years and find the idea of traveling and seeing new places to be more exciting at this time than settling with the love of my life in one place. That's not to say i don't want to fall in love eventually and maybe have a couple kids, but for now it's just not a priority and honestly I don't feel like I've missed out or have a huge void in my life due to the fact that I've never loved another. I'm not super cynical about love either like the guy in that clip, I think maybe there's a kernel of truth to his statement that love can be manufactured, but that is true for almost anything in life. I do think that true love can exist.

 

[ItWasWritten]

I've had girlfriends but I've never really been in love yet or thought "damn, she was special, I really wish I stayed with her"... so the number is 0 at the moment. Maybe I haven't lived long enough, or maybe I'm just fucked up in the head. Meeting the one, getting married, having kids and living happily ever after sounds like a nice fairytale - but does it actually happen to most people? Everyone I know in long term relationships is unhappy. The household I grew up in I always heard that love is bullshit and the only real love you will ever have is for your seed, and to be honest, the older I've gotten the more I'm starting to see it's true.

 

[Rando]

I've had girlfriends but I've never really been in love yet or thought "damn, she was special, I really wish I stayed with her"... so the number is 0 at the moment. Maybe I haven't lived long enough, or maybe I'm just fucked up in the head. Meeting the one, getting married, having kids and living happily ever after sounds like a nice fairytale - but does it actually happen to most people? Everyone I know in long term relationships is unhappy. The household I grew up in I always heard that love is bullshit and the only real love you will ever have is for your seed, and to be honest, the older I've gotten the more I'm starting to see it's true.

How old are you? I think your statement might be common for a 20 year old male, but a lot less so if you're 30+. I do agree that a lot of people in LTRs seem unhappy, but then again I know of a handful that are. I think it comes down to a human fallacy that thinking something in our lives is the magic antidote that will make us immediately happy. If I only I had the job promotion, or fancy car, etc. THEN life would be grand. Of course, after the novelty of the material item wears off, you're back to square one. Maybe that's what happens in relationships. You can't go in thinking "once I meet the guy/girl of my dreams, then life will be grand!" That seems like a ton of pressure on a relationship and then when you see that your partner has his/her shortcomings and can't live up to your idealistic image of love, then you're plunged back into despair and miserable. You have to let love come naturally, que sera sera.

 

[ItWasWritten]

How old are you? I think your statement might be common for a 20 year old male, but a lot less so if you're 30+. I do agree that a lot of people in LTRs seem unhappy, but then again I know of a handful that are. I think it comes down to a human fallacy that thinking something in our lives is the magic antidote that will make us immediately happy. If I only I had the job promotion, or fancy car, etc. THEN life would be grand. Of course, after the novelty of the material item wears off, you're back to square one. Maybe that's what happens in relationships. You can't go in thinking "once I meet the guy/girl of my dreams, then life will be grand!" That seems like a ton of pressure on a relationship and then when you see that your partner has his/her shortcomings and can't live up to your idealistic image of love, then you're plunged back into despair and miserable. You have to let love come naturally, que sera sera.

I see what you're saying, and I agree. I was always told never rely on someone else to make you happy because it won't end well; instead, try to find your heart's desire and do what you love to do, then everything should fall into place. My parents were together for over 20 years and hated each other. So did my aunties, uncles, grandparents, and every one else I knew who were in long term relationships. I never met anyone who was actually happy. They were either too broke to get a divorce or they just didn't want to be alone, so they stayed together. If a special lady comes into my life right now, then that's good and I'll be open to it. But I'm not looking for it and I don't need to rely on anyone. I'm just living my life and doing my own thing.

 

[MrBigDick]

Hmmm, I'm 41 and have been in actual love 1 time and that wasn't even with the wife I had. How sad is that?

 

[sweetie52]

One love MY whole life, including, the good times,bad times, healthy times, sick times, hard times-easy times, sad, happy, honest, dishonest, with money,without money-I suppose one would name me a faithful dog.

 

[Jayj]

One love MY whole life, including, the good times,bad times, healthy times, sick times, hard times-easy times, sad, happy, honest, dishonest, with money,without money-I suppose one would name me a faithful dog.

... or just a romantic woman perhaps?

Loyalty is seldom these days (and I'm not only talking about love relationship, but friendship also, etc...)

And thanks ThinJohnny. I also think now she was not the one but still... If she had been more honest... Just that... I can't help but believe she would have been the one... probably ^^

Anyway, I'm moving on. I don't believe in this romantic crap (even though I might be a romantic guy myself) that there is only one person for you on this planet! What a load of crap! We're 7 billion people down there so I don't worry too much

And regarding the LTRs I have witnessed some amazing things. Some people being REALLY happy with their partner for years and years and who are still happy now. So it is possible, it's just very rare.

I see things like ItWasWritten: I'm not looking for anything right now but if "mrs right" crosses my path then why not huh?

 

[kalreid]

In love or lovers??

 

[kalreid]

I'm 36 and have been what you'd call in love 3 time, but have enjoyed many many many more lovers

 

[NP97]

Twice so far. One time I thought I was but it was not really love.

 

[hunglet]

19 year old here. Only one. Can't say I love her now but I'm still obsessed. Usually I don't let people get close to me. But I got really close with this one girl, she dumped a year long boyfriend to pursue me. We could make everything fun, she never let her eyes off me but I blew her off and acted like a dick(I didn't even want to) she tolerated me more than anyone else I've ever met.. eventually I pissed her off so much that she found a boyfriend just to get over me and he is a stereotypical nice guy, complete opposite of me. She doesn't seem too satisfied with her relationship(long distance doesn't help either) and now she doesn't even look me in the eyes and seems to get in a bad mood if I'm acting happy. Same things happen to me. I just can't stand seeing her smiling or happy. Her best friend doesn't let me get close to her and avoids conversation with me so I obviously did some emotional damage. What makes me mad is that I was just trying to protect myself. I had strong feelings for her .. still do but I also hate her as a bonus. She was the only person willing to go out of her way to make me better.. I believe love is a weakness, she was all sappy about it and believed that is the main source of happiness and solution to all problems. I guess opposites attract. I don't want to screw over her boyfriend by going after her, I'm not that bad. If she had no strong feelings for me she would be my friend by now and everything would've been long forgotten.

Any advice if she becomes single again? If love turned to hate can you turn it back to love?

Do you think everyone loves in a different way? When I start developing feelings I usually push people away. If they persist long enough I put them above all else(only few people have gone this far.. my two best friends and she was close.. really close)

 

[drknoba]

When I start developing feelings I usually push people away. If they persist long enough I put them above all else(only few people have gone this far.. my two best friends and she was close.. really close)

That's exactly what i do too.Im 24yo and been in love with 1 women and it's now over. We broke up 18 months ago and i still think about her every now and then. I have talked to one of my friends (highly successful business man) about this recently and asked him if he has ever had a broken heart and does he still think about it. He said yes. Its been 8 years since he proposed to her while she was engaged to another man and he still thinks about it. He is very happily marred now with children.I believe it what makes the world go round. I would choose love over anything even all the money. Because what would that be without love. In fact i would even go as far to say that we need love and compassion right now more than technological advancements, money, and power. Because all of that would be pointless without love and compassion.There seems to be a lot of people who don't believe in love. If you don't believe in it how can you have it? Everyone would have to agree that their are people who do believe they are in love. Imagine all the people that were on the air planes and died during 9/11. Did they ring up their loved ones and tell them about how much they loved them or did they yell done the phone at people they hated. To me its a great feeling when its mutual, its like when you are together the whole world just seems to stop and its just the 2 of you.

 

[NP97]

7/11?

 

[drknoba]

7/11?

ahh stupid me. Ment 9/11. I did just go to a 7/11 store about half an hour before i wrote that ha