Guy who has zero experience

amiok

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Hockey: Agree but my point is one of many reasons I have such low self esteem is my small dick.

Spanky: Yea you are right most people won't see my dick haha. To be honest, the biggest reason I fear rejection is that I was messed with so much. Sometimes on purpose, like in high school when people just wanted to see me squirm and what not, and sometimes just by people's ignorance, i.e. my friend pretty much screwing me around last year about a girl I've liked for years. Also, you're right I know how to play the loser and not the confident guy.
 

Lazy 8

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Yea, I need to like myself. I have to erase that negative thinking, no matter how deep rooted it is, and it's deep man.

Have you considered getting into serious meditation practice? You could get to the root of your insecurities if you were to spend some time sitting in meditation. There are undoubtedly classes/workshops or other meditation centers near you. Rent The Dhamma Brothers on Netflix and see what a 10-day meditation experience did to transform the lives of some really hardened criminals in Alabama's maximum security prision. They were transformed. No intention here of linking you with hardened criminals. Just suggesting that meditation can transform your life and you'll become the person you want to be.
 

Hanma

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I can't meditate. I can't fold my legs like they suggest. My mind can't freaking relax. And that in turn makes me angrier.

Anyways, this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them.
I'm working to smile and laugh freely, openly,without any hesitation or twitchy face. I just want to show the charming guy (my name means charming, dammit). I have to do something to work on my charisma and not dwell on hatred and resentment for teens, couples, or any other things that piss me off.

And that itself will take some hard ass work.
 

amiok

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Lazy 8: Thanks, I don't know if I could meditate though. Maybe I should check it out however.

Sidewinder: I'll take those later but I bet I have social anxiety disorder.

Hanma: Dude you pretty much described me haha. I have times when I'm down and I resent couples a lot. However, I have been the charming guy once or twice. Had a girl into me and didn't know how to follow up.
 

Hanma

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The last compliment I got was 2 years ago from a girl. "You're funny".

And as a side note: Is it just me or are Sydney women really annoying?
 

spanky

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... this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them...

This is absolutely the way to go. Unless you're a movie star (and even then it's no guarantee) you need to build a certain level of rapport and comfort with somebody before you can take anything further at all. You will get better at this, and you'll find yourself being able to put most girls at ease with your attitude more quickly and more easily in a short time as you do so. One thing that definitely DOESN'T work however is trying to flirt or follow pickup formula without being able to relate. If you load your interactions up with all this pressure to perform with a sexual goal in mind you'll come across at best awkward, at worst, creepy and frightening. In other words, you WILL fail.

Remember this. Boys are largely aroused by looks, Girls are largely aroused by emotions and feelings. I, and I expect you would probably screw the most nasty and socially inept girl in the continent if she was a 10, but girls won't usually do that. You need to learn how to tap into her personality. a great pair of shoes and a big dick might get you an introduction, but if you can't stimulate her heart and mind at least a little, the conversation will end there.

It'll never be 100%, you will get knocked back no matter how confident you might get. Some girls just won't like you or find you attractive, and some girls are just dicks, just like anyone. But you mustn't ever let someone else's opinion or screwed up attitude affect you personally, it's their loss or their problem, not yours. And of course you'll meet some girls that you just won't like too. I doubt you'll lose much sleep over their anxieties when that happens and you walk the other way.

In the main, girls are just like boys, they don't want to be your therapist or carer, they want to have a laugh, and enjoy themselves. You shouldn't hide the fact that you're a sexual being, that you're a man with desires, but simply being good company goes a long way. Don't focus on yourself, that reeks of insecurity and that's unattractive. Focus on her and finding out about her. If you show genuine interest in a girl's core character, thoughts and feelings, she'll likely tell you anything you want to know. As to whether she finds you attractive, as TTBB has said, it's a lottery. To a large extent anyway. You can obviously improve your chances but while there are some things that are pretty much universally attractive, there are very few of us that are lucky enough to enjoy trophy status. Even then, whilst those guys might get laid a lot, I expect that's often as unfulfilling as it is for girls when they're seen solely as sex objects.

Ultimately every girl is a bit different, and the only way you'll find out what she's really looking for and what gets her hot under the collar is by talking to her.

Good luck anyway, I have a feeling you'll be just fine. You're on here trying to improve yourself ain't you? You're already half way there.
 
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spanky

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Also, consider this, I have a number of GREAT female FRIENDS now whom I wouldn't have met if I hadn't had the balls to say hello. Seriously, they all rock my world, they're ace. Having female friends has two HUGE benefits. On the one hand, they'll fall over themselves to help me if I ask them for advice, dating advice or whatever. On the other, they have other female friends, and (somewhat cynically) being seen out and about with girls around you does *wonders* for your sex appeal.

Incidentally I flirt with them a lot too, just for fun. it's harmless and because I know it's not leading to trying to get into their pants (ha, I should be so lucky!) there's no pressure, it's just fun, and great practice, and really helps you learn what works.
 

spanky

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The last compliment I got was 2 years ago from a girl. "You're funny".
Compliments are nice when they come, but don't go looking for them, you don't need validation because you already know you're cool. That's the attitude you need. And make sure you can take compliments with humility.

And as a side note: Is it just me or are Sydney women really annoying?

Yeah, probably ;)
 

Hanma

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Remember this. Boys are largely aroused by looks, Girls are largely aroused by emotions and feelings.
You know, I think I am grateful to them for that. I may not provide them with luxury or I may not be the best guy she's ever danced with, but a woman would be able to see what I feel for her and how willing I would be to make her happy. But that's another story. =]

Focus on her and finding out about her. If you show genuine interest in a girl's core character, thoughts and feelings, she'll likely tell you anything you want to know.
That's what I do - notice them from a distance and then decide wether or not they're worth my time to have a decent conversation with. Most of the time, they annoy me.

You're on here trying to improve yourself ain't you? You're already half way there.
"No try. be firm with yourself." - TTBB.
 

spanky

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.. but a woman would be able to see what I feel for her and how willing I would be to make her happy ...
She'll probably not be moved by how you feel about her if she's just met you. She probably already has a bunch of admirers worshipping the ground she walks on, and another one is going to be more of a pain in the arse than a nice surprise. Besides,she likely doesn't want another conquest handed to her on a plate, people are more attracted to things they can't have or have to work for. She will almost certainly have grown up with at least one creepy obsessive guy in her past, buying her things, declaring undying love etc. If she gets a sniff of anything similar, it'll likely remind her of that, and that's not good.

Trust me, she'll be far more attracted to you if she can't quite work you out, isn't guaranteed to get you, and you can make her feel good (emotionally that is, i don't mean rubbing her knickers)

That's what I do - notice them from a distance and then decide ...
How can you tell from a distance?


Pop quiz.

Twin brothers walk into a bar.

One gets up and says "Hi girls, I'm a fighter pilot, wanna suck my cock?"
The other turns to the girls and says "Hey, you seem like fun, how do you fancy you and me play a bit of a trick on him..."

who's more likely to get the phone number?
 

Hanma

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She'll probably not be moved by how you feel about her if she's just met you. She probably already has a bunch of admirers worshipping the ground she walks on, and another one is going to be more of a pain in the arse than a nice surprise. Besides,she likely doesn't want another conquest handed to her on a plate, people are more attracted to things they can't have or have to work for. She will almost certainly have grown up with at least one creepy obsessive guy in her past, buying her things, declaring undying love etc. If she gets a sniff of anything similar, it'll likely remind her of that, and that's not good.

Trust me, she'll be far more attracted to you if she can't quite work you out, isn't guaranteed to get you, and you can make her feel good (emotionally that is, i don't mean rubbing her knickers)
It was a hypothetical situation I mentioned, assuming I got close to a girl. IF I find a girl like you described, then I'd treat her normally. I hate being seen as a kiss-arse to someone who doesn't deserve it from me.


How can you tell from a distance?
As in, notice them and how they act. I don't judge, but I can tell little things from first impressions.


Pop quiz.

Twin brothers walk into a bar.

One gets up and says "Hi girls, I'm a fighter pilot, wanna suck my cock?"
The other turns to the girls and says "Hey, you seem like fun, how do you fancy you and me play a bit of a trick on him..."

who's more likely to get the phone number?
The other twin. :D
 

amiok

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1/2 way through my first day back at class and I have learned something. When you are in decent shape girls smile at you and talk to you. Too much attention for me, even if it isn't much it's a lot for me lol.
 

spanky

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I'm sure you'll get used to it quite quickly - and with the advice of men of all ages and backgrounds on here behind you, you'll be in fine shape. Paying attention is one of the best things you can do for your sex life you know. Good for you buddy :)
 

amiok

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I'm sure you'll get used to it quite quickly - and with the advice of men of all ages and backgrounds on here behind you, you'll be in fine shape. Paying attention is one of the best things you can do for your sex life you know. Good for you buddy :)


Thanks a lot. Probably missed a good opportunity with the one girl though, she definitely seemed interested but I didn't pull the trigger.
 

TTBB

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Thanks a lot. Probably missed a good opportunity with the one girl though, she definitely seemed interested but I didn't pull the trigger.

Don't dwell on that, that is now in the past.. you need to focus on the next opportunity, the potentials in the future... not the moments in the past where you missed an opportunity.. that just feeds the defeatist feeling.. everyone misses opportunities, but you can't get caught on it.
 

Shambok

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... like in high school when people just wanted to see me squirm and what not.

Look to that as a reason to keep trying then. Kids are actually cruel from young and they only get in line when they get smacked around in adult life. Don't let them overcome you, they don't have any hold anymore and you don't need to let them. You might also be interested to know that it's been suggested that the school environment is an artificial one akin to a prison where intelligence is seen as a negative. In the real world the geek can however shine with that intelligence if they believe and try. I also use geek because I regard myself as one. ;)

In the main, girls are just like boys, they don't want to be your therapist or carer, they want to have a laugh, and enjoy themselves.

That's another very good point from spanky to pay attention to. People want to be with other people who are happy, and women are no different because life can sometimes be hard for many. It's also why the fat guy who has a great attitude and charm can actually get a pretty girlfriend contrary to mainstream thinking - he makes her smile and feel good like he does. I was also too serious earlier in my life. Sure, I knew all this great intellectual stuff but because I was so intimidating and serious women would instead be interested in a guy I regarded as a male ditz. But who made them happier and more comfortable?

Also, try imagining what it's like to be looking through a hypothetical woman's eyes and to see you looking at her all overly serious with no smiles or joy at all and other emotions suppressed. Now imagine it where you are happy and energetic - don't you feel even through that hypothetical women's eye at least a bit curious as to why you're happy and if there is something there for her too? That needs to be part of your goal to attain by becoming genuinely happier in yourself so that you don't fake it.

You can try this too amiok. Think of happy memories or funny events that made you laugh when you walk around and don't be afraid to smile even if it's only to yourself. Doing so makes me feel happier in bad times and has actually even helped me accidentally start flirting with some passing women. That's because while my mind was somewhere else for a split second they thought I was there and smiling at them, so they would smile 'back' and I've been lucky enough to switch back to the real world in time to catch it and keep it going until we passed each other. It might not happen for you but why not give it a shot. If they happen to ask why you're smiling then you can just tell them the memory you're recalling. Maybe they will even ask for more details about it.


Even then, whilst those guys might get laid a lot, I expect that's often as unfulfilling as it is for girls when they're seen solely as sex objects.

There is also an interesting kernel of another truth hidden within that statement. It has to do with how sex actually gets better within a budding relationship and not by being a 'Playa' having one night stands with 100+ women. So what I want you to remember is that you don't have to set out to be one either to attain happiness. It was a big craze amongst the guys in the one crowd I once hung around with about becoming one.

Also, why I mentioned the Dunning Kruger effect earlier was because it has to do with a phenomenon in western societies where those who can be regarded as less intelligent overestimate their capabilities and intelligence while those who are actually intelligent put themselves down and regard themselves as far lower than they really are. I think it applies here too to you amiok, TomY and Hockey_NY.

For example, the macho, dumb guys who seem to always get lucky fall into the former category (self obvious statement :p ) and I think you fall into the latter. A lot of those same less intelligent guys also found their so-called grooves with women by not giving a sh*t about the outcomes of when they approached them or because they didn't think that far, that is unless they got laid and they focussed on repeating the simple formula. For their part a lot of women get caught by this when they're young and then are left wondering why their previously sexy hunk was actually so uncaring.

You yourselves are much more capable of doing more and you are likely more empathic than such neanderthals, which is a hidden strength, but your own intelligence has however been turned into a weapon against yourself by the environments you were exposed to as again described by the Dunning Kruger Effect. Your sophisticated intelligence is hammering away at your chained wellbeing and telling it why it can't escape, so why not turn it against those chains instead?
 

amiok

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TTBB: Thanks. Yea I'm not going to dwell on this one. In all possibility i could run into her again since it was at my school's gym and she seemed to work there. But if not, no worries.

Shambok: Thanks for more advice, but I'll respond to you more thoroughly later since I have to go to class now haha.
 

Hockey_NY

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It feels great to get interest, so great news, Amiok.

Same thing happened to me in a store a few weeks back as I went Christmas shopping. Of course, I suck and didn't take advantage, haha. But it is rare and I felt elated all day.
 

spanky

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