Guy who has zero experience

[Batwoman]

2. The only reason I even really dug her at all was because I knew she liked me. I didn't want to be like that, pretty much just try to use her because I can't get someone else. Yea, I'm too nice.

Liking someone because they like you is normal! Most relationships begin that way. Just because she's nice and you're nice and you might not end up getting married is no reason not to go on a date! Remember that point of a first date should be to have fun and maybe get to know your date a little better, nothing more.

 

[dsmall]

I can relate. I went through puberty very late (15 before I even had a wet dream); and watched the whole junior high dating scene like an observer from Mars. I discovered drinking at 13 and distracted myself with that until I was about 17. I did go to dances and kissed a few girls, all one shots with no second or follow up date. I spend a lot of time in the proverbial friend box. At 17, I actually filled out pretty well and grew into my skin. Figured what the heck and just started asking girls out while a bit buzzed. I lost my virginity in a drunken one night stand, but for the most part, I was no sex animal and had no clue what to do. I did date a lot and was quite popular with girls but I really was insecure about my sex prowess because I figured everyone else was so advanced and far ahead of me. At 18 I quit drinking and lost the nerve to approach girls cold sober, all that old rejection fear came back, so I just stayed with an evil shrew of a girlfriend who I met pretty drunk initially, but college and professional school were filled with missed opportunities and times I was just so afraid to take that risk to close the deal with anyone else. I married the shrew very young. Many of those occasions still haunt me today because the marriage was pretty dismal. I just think of all the great girls I passed over because I was so chicken sh*t that I just stayed with someone because I was afraid to be alone and have to face the dating world sober.

Here is my advice for what it is worth. Start working out regularly at a gym with lots of girls. Take aerobics or yoga classes, the female-male ratio is 20-1. Talk to as many girls as you can about yoga, the class, or the instructor. At some point, ask one of them to go for coffee or something very no-pressure. Say right away, I'm not trying to pick you up, but I would love to have a cup of coffee and pick your brain about something. This first girl should be someone you have no interest in having a physical relationship with. After you've talked about yoga or aerobics, tell her about your problem and explain that you are taking the class to gain confidence, lose weight, and learn to approach girls for conversation, and ultimately for dating--and to get in shape and learn yoga. Tell her that you are not trying to pick her up but would love her her advice about meeting other single people and how she likes to be approached. Tell her that you want her to be honest with you because otherwise you won't learn and change your patterns. Tell her that you know she is out of your league and that you really are just trying to figure everything out after years of fear. (See you are doing research here). Then stay friends with her in the class and don't ask her out, unless she approaches you to go out again. Tell her that you are going to try and have similar conversations with at least 3-5 other girls in the class so you can learn how to relate. She might tell you others to talk to in the class. Stay friends with all of them. Repeat 3-5 times with other girls in the class until you become very comfortable and have learned something about what they like and don't like. Again, the point is to see women as human beings that have the same fears, desires, wants that you do. Learn to talk with them and find out what they look for in romantic partners.

Once you've done that for a month, then we will talk about stage 2. I would be very surprised if at least one of the 5 does not offer to fix you up with a friend in the meantime; or invites you somewhere herself. Again, you have to walk before you run. The goal is to go on a real date.

 

[amiok]

dsmall: So, in a nut shell you are saying I should just try to get women friends first?

batwoman: Really? I kind of felt like if I had asked her out and we possibly went further than a 1st date, that I would keep it up just to try and get laid even if I didn't really like her that much. I mean I probably over thought that severely lol. But I didn't want to be like that, I'm the "nice guy" and I accept it, I don't want to use women.

 

[dsmall]

dsmall: So, in a nut shell you are saying I should just try to get women friends first?

It's more than that. By making friends with girls and honestly sharing your story, they will share in return and help you get some insight. If you tell them that you have never been in a relationship, and are interested, they are likely to know your female counterpart and will try and set you up. It's what girls do. There are lots of girls in their late teens and twenties that never went to the prom, never go on dates, etc. Girls know other girls. In the meantime, you are working out, hanging out with other girls and sharing. You're out there in another context. if you are exercise allergic, take a women's literature course at a community college and form a study group. Join a book club full of women. Go where the girls are and learn what they know.

Sorry, but to me 23 year olds are girls, I'm a middle aged fucker and I have to consider them as such so that I don't feel like a dirty old man for ogling them. I love women my own age. They are women. if a woman is young enough that she could be my daughter, she is a girl.

batwoman: Really? I kind of felt like if I had asked her out and we possibly went further than a 1st date, that I would keep it up just to try and get laid even if I didn't really like her that much. I mean I probably over thought that severely lol. But I didn't want to be like that, I'm the "nice guy" and I accept it, I don't want to use women.

Stop trying to get laid. You've never dated. Try and go on dates. Walk before you run. Don't put the cart before the horse. Dating is fun. There is nothing like that feeling of calling that girl, having her say yes to a date; and the anticipation of going out. And if it goes well, its awesome even without sex. Learn to be intimate with women in a nonsexual way before you try and be intimate with them sexually.

If you really just want to get fucked, put a NSA ad on Craigslist; or hire an escort. But you've waited 23 years, try intimacy before fucking. The fucking will follow after you've learned how to be intimate with women. Not "friends" but intimate. You're sharing true pieces of yourself and they are sharing back

 

[amiok]

Stop trying to get laid. You've never dated.

True, I definitely worded that poorly. I'm not trying to get laid really. I'm scared shitless of getting laid to be honest. I was just trying to make a point that I didn't want to just date the girl because I can't get anyone else, and most guys would call a guy in my situation "desperate". Thanks for making me take another look there.

Also, yea I do need to learn about women. That is 100% fact.

 

[Shambok]

dsmall is giving some good advice with a good path to walk. It might take longer and not give that instant gratification your hormones desire, as do almost all sexually interested mens' including my own, but it'll give you something better to look back on and you won't betray yourself. If you were to throw aside your values for quick pleasure any potential future growth in your self worth would always be diminished by dislike in yourself.

I also like dsmall idea because if you're not already doing so the gym/yoga will also be a way to simultaneously look after yourself, as on one level we are all superficial beings concerned with appearance. You don't need to become the Incredible Hulk or a Super Athlete as every Men's Mag seems to demand, but looking after your health will help your confidence. I'd also recommend just doing some good grooming if you're not already - without any need to go with this whole 'metrosexual' fad. If you dress nicely (no need for expensive suits or over priced designer labels either), look decent as you yourself can be within your own skin, smell clean and appear healthy that is going to give you some confidence and self respect straight off the bat.

You also say that because you don't want to use women you're a "nice guy". It's good form to indeed not want to take advantage of them and you also clearly have a set of personal values that you shouldn't betray as they are part of your character. However it's also clear that by saying you're a nice guy in inverted comma's you're being a little bit derogatory towards yourself and feel resigned to being lower down the proverbial pecking order. I don't agree.

Here's the thing, while everyone in your circles and the media is probably making out how cool the 'bad boy' is and how he scores so often it doesn't mean it's a case of either being the 'nice guy who finishes last' or said 'bad boy who has all the fun'. You can also work to become the 'good guy' who well balanced women like and doesn't leave damaged ex's with heavy emotional baggage in his wake. You'll still have values and integrity but you'll also have (gained) the psychological strength to believe in and stand up for yourself, including others and to confront the difficulties that life will inevitably throw at you.

The good guy also doesn't chain their sexuality but also doesn't impose it on others. After all, well balanced women are also going to be healthily interested in sex and guys who display healthy male sexuality and measured masculinity - the same way we look at them for measured femininity and healthy female sexuality. But that's also for much later on and another story in itself.

Again, this is going to have to come from experience and walking that difficult path that does indeed eventually lead to success and happiness. Nothing is worthwhile to one of good character which comes easy. Just as long as you keep trying and aren't too hard on yourself.

And if you're sh*t scared about getting laid, well, just cross that bridge when you get there - just remember it doesn't need to be the perfect scenario or with the perfect girl otherwise you'll wait forever - let it be when it feels good and right. My first time after all was an utter disaster for me but thank goodness for the clitoris - she was still happy in the end.

 

[TomY]

Ladies, what do you think truthfully about a man in his 20's who has zero experience with women? I mean zero, never been on a date nor had a random kiss from a drunk girl, nothing. What advice would you give this guy? Guys, ya'll can give me advice too if ya want. Thanks.

I dunno but I'm in about the same boat you are. There's no way in heaven or hell I could just walk up to a girl in a bar and pick her up, so I ease into it through online means. I just keep using free dating sites as much as I can and trying to follow through whenever I can. I've still never been on a real date but at least I've had some face to face experience in the past year. Although, in a year from now at least I expect to have a 9 inch penis, will that magically create the confidence I lack? Losing 60 pounds didn't, so I'm still clueless...

 

[wind chill]

Tommy you don't know how lucky you are.You started out with 7nbpel which if f-ing huge so i doubt that size is your problem

 

[TomY]

Tommy you don't know how lucky you are.You started out with 7nbpel which if f-ing huge so i doubt that size is your problem

Heh, yeah which is a double edged sword. Two important attributes they are, but if the fat wasn't the problem, and if the penis size wasn't the problem, then I'm out of options other than just to keep bashing my head against a wall until I can act normally around women. I guess it's good that I can keep a sense of humor about it, but that doesn't seem to get me anywhere, just keeps me sane...

 

[wind chill]

Tomy do you have autism,aspergers or social anxiety disorder?

 

[TTBB]

It doesn't matter what you do to your body ..how much you change or improve it ..until you deal or control your response to the emotional trauma and the beliefs you have about how people view you, you will not be happy. Its not about your physical self its about mental and emotional confidence...you need to learn to see your physical self clearly and remove the tainted perspectives that have been ingrained on you by others(directly or indirectly). There is no harm in doing things that make you feel you are at your physical best but unless you tackle the mind elements you won't be able to appreciate what you achieve .. and you need to take leaps of faith, you have to be willing to put yourself out there with people to reap rewards.. sure rejection is part of it, but the moment someone doesn't reject you, it makes up for all the times people have ..
regardless of how you look, there is someone for everyone and multiple potentials..

 

[TomY]

Tomy do you have autism,aspergers or social anxiety disorder?

Uh, probably the last one? I dunno, I don't have the money to go get the paperwork that would prove it. I've taken ritalin for most of my adolescent and adult life for "ADD" but that was just while in high school and college classes to help me pay attention, and it worked brilliantly by the way, it's like 50 cans of mountain dew without the going crazy from a sugar rush part, just intense focus ability. And the only proof I have that it's not a misdiagnosis is I'm told if I didn't have ADD the ritalin would get me high instead of working like it's suppose to. So there's that I guess. I don't take ritalin now that I'm out of school though...

 

[amiok]

Shambok: Thanks for the advice. I am so used to seeing asshole guys get the women. And I've been told how nice I am and all that stuff, always pretty much like the girl saying "we're such good friends but I have no interest in you what so ever". Hell, in high school a girl told me I'd make a great husband some day, that's exactly what a 17 year old guy wants to hear when the girls are talking about all the guys they bang lol. But yea i need to gain some experience sometime and let go of my past.

Tom: Good to hear I'm not alone. But dude at least you have a big dick, I'm at 4.5 inches now. I was a pathetic 3.5 back in high school because I was so fat. There is something to be proud of haha.

TTBB: Yea you're right I need to learn to like myself and gain some balls lol.

 

[phallic1]

Well, think of it this way amiok, you could be one of the guys or girls that started having sex at a younger age who now have children that they don't know and pay for monthly.

I've often heard said that the most attractable feature of a man is his self confidence, which means becoming comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Flanker6]

Shambok: Thanks for the advice. I am so used to seeing asshole guys get the women. And I've been told how nice I am and all that stuff, always pretty much like the girl saying "we're such good friends but I have no interest in you what so ever". Hell, in high school a girl told me I'd make a great husband some day, that's exactly what a 17 year old guy wants to hear when the girls are talking about all the guys they bang lol. But yea i need to gain some experience sometime and let go of my past.

Tom: Good to hear I'm not alone. But dude at least you have a big dick, I'm at 4.5 inches now. I was a pathetic 3.5 back in high school because I was so fat. There is something to be proud of haha.

TTBB: Yea you're right I need to learn to like myself and gain some balls lol.

Do you have any hobbies, amiok? Any skills you particularly enjoy.

 

[vankush]

Everyone here has given better advice than I could, I just wanna say, don't focus on getting laid. 99% of guys that lose their virginity to a random slut end up regretting it, I'm one of them. The only good thing that will come of it is you won't have the pressure of the "tag" anymore. You'll still have the same insecurities around girls, there won't be a light-switch that goes on (this only if its not to someone meaningful). My first time was completely underwhelming cause the girl meant nothing to me. Maybe others will disagree, but from talking to my other friends who lost it later than most we all pretty much have the same feeling. Getting to know girls personally is much more meaningful, and is also a much better confidence booster once you realize that girls dig you, even if its just as friends.

But yeah just to add to what everyone else said, don't be afraid to just start random conversations with girls if you can find something to start talking about. Girls are social creatures, they love meeting new people, especially ones in their early 20s.

 

[Shambok]

True vankush and phallic1.

It's a pleasure amiok. I also want to add there is the matter of how men and women mature over time amidst all of this. Many young women are similarly as shallow and short sighted as many young men, albeit on the feminine side. A great deal of men and women alike are also not very intelligent in how they live their lives and their examples are not necessarily right or what you need to follow despite peer pressure and media circles. It's about you becoming stronger for yourself essentially, not for them.

I'm also going to be a bit nasty now in respect of some women I've known and admit that I am extremely disappointed in a lot of the girls from my high school days (as well as guys) as while I did indeed want to sleep with some them on one level back then I wouldn't now because they don't meet my personal standards. I had a huge crush on one girl in high school who seemed to have everything going for her and rejected me but is now a deadbeat single mom and I wonder if it it would be more insulting to her to admit I feel genuine pity for her - something you as a guy actually must never actively seek from women and men alike.

One interesting irony is that the 'geek girls' have also done far better in their lives. There are two who I never gave a look at back at high school but would be sexually interested in with if I wasn't potentially entering a relationship now. I think the same is ultimately true for 'geek guys', like I was myself, who worked on themselves.

What I am saying does admittedly sounds snobbish, elitist and might run up some people's skin, but I've supplied it to note that's how it's turned around over the years by going through the good and bad experiences in life I had, and as many others do successfully. That's again why you have travel along that sometimes thorny path.

TTBB, I agree that physical appearance and traits alone does not ensure confidence but I do tend to believe that paying attention to it can help a guys confidence by acting as a bit of a springboard onto improving the emotional/psychological more easily. It isn't about a guy trying to look like Tom Cruise or male pornstar, but rather aspects that make him comfortable in his body at the right moment.

In my case I believe the endorphins and testosterone from exercising gives a boost while being well groomed allows me at least know there isn't something potentially as simple as having food stuck inbetween my teeth at the critical moment when I smile (although one can recover from that). I also genuinely believe that by dressing and carrying myself well I do get given a longer time period from a woman when she is sizing me up as compared to the other guy...for want of a better phrase.

 

[amiok]

phallic1: Yea, I definitely need to feel comfortable with myself. Don't know how that will come about but I need to.

Flanker6: Not really, the only real hobby I have is playing guitar. But I haven't played in a while, and I wasn't that good to begin with lol.

vankush: Thanks. Yea, I'm pretty scared of actually getting laid haha. The whole slut thing wouldn't really work for me anyway. Cause I am sure some drunk girl who has seen more dicks than a doctor would make me feel like sh*t for not packing much and being a virgin.

Shambok: Believe me I know all about girls being shallow. I mean it's one thing for a hot girl not to want me, but when girls who are worse looking than me have to talk sh*t about how ugly I am, how fat I am, and whatnot that is just messed up. That was pretty much high school for me. Also, like you said, men need confidence. Whether it be to attract women or to have the confidence in yourself to go up to a woman. I mean I used to look at myself and see a guy who was average at best looking, fat, and had a small dick. There is nothing to have confidence in there, ya know. So that's why I'm trying to get myself in better shape, and that is also why I am here. I need something to have confidence in, whether they be shallow or not.

 

[Flanker6]

phallic1: Yea, I definitely need to feel comfortable with myself. Don't know how that will come about but I need to.

Flanker6: Not really, the only real hobby I have is playing guitar. But I haven't played in a while, and I wasn't that good to begin with lol.

vankush: Thanks. Yea, I'm pretty scared of actually getting laid haha. The whole slut thing wouldn't really work for me anyway. Cause I am sure some drunk girl who has seen more dicks than a doctor would make me feel like sh*t for not packing much and being a virgin.

Shambok: Believe me I know all about girls being shallow. I mean it's one thing for a hot girl not to want me, but when girls who are worse looking than me have to talk sh*t about how ugly I am, how fat I am, and whatnot that is just messed up. That was pretty much high school for me. Also, like you said, men need confidence. Whether it be to attract women or to have the confidence in yourself to go up to a woman. I mean I used to look at myself and see a guy who was average at best looking, fat, and had a small dick. There is nothing to have confidence in there, ya know. So that's why I'm trying to get myself in better shape, and that is also why I am here. I need something to have confidence in, whether they be shallow or not.

Focus on that then. Get back into the swing of it. I promise you'll notice a difference in your composure if you start focusing on other things. Get good at it, set goals. No body is good when they first start out. I'm a firm believer that everyone needs extracurricular activities. Drinking and partying is not an extracurricular activity .

 

[phallic1]

Here's a guy who is not "Hollywood good looking", he's overweight and kinda greasy.

YouTube - JT singing Tiny dancer

What he does have is self confidence. Is he comfortable in his own skin, yes he is. Can he make a girl laugh, you bet. Do other guys envy him, for sure they do. Does he get the women, guaranteed.

My point with this example is that you don't have to be the best looking guy or the best built guy. You don't have to have the best job or the best bank account. You don't need to be the best guitar player or the best singer.

What you need is to be the best YOU.