BiggerDB's Journey to Big Hard Erections

[jibeyx]

Nice routine! I've been reading up on these to get a feel for the routine i want. Quick question, is x1 repetition of a Jelq 1 hand each, or is it just 1 hand. I try to aim for like 12 minutes of jelq's (probably like around 125) & i count 1 jelq as a completion with each hand. Not sure if i am really doing double or if x1 jelq is really considered a milk with each hand.

 

[BiggerDB]

Nice routine! I've been reading up on these to get a feel for the routine i want. Quick question, is x1 repetition of a Jelq 1 hand each, or is it just 1 hand. I try to aim for like 12 minutes of jelq's (probably like around 125) & i count 1 jelq as a completion with each hand. Not sure if i am really doing double or if x1 jelq is really considered a milk with each hand.

Typically people count 1 jelq as 1 stroke with one hand. Sounds like you are doing double, but if you are tolerating the volume then its probably ok!

 

[BiggerDB]

4/9/21

My PIs are not great today, maybe a bit of fatigue again from yesterdays workout. Any time I increase volume I really seem to feel it. Still had morning erections and I'm not super turtled but my flaccid definitely isn't as big as normal. I'll work out today and then have 2 off days over the weekend.

Warmup:
10 minute hot pad
150 quick kegels

Workout:
Directional stretches - 5 x 20 2 second kegel/RK holds
Jelq x 175
Edge x 20 minutes

Workout went great, EQ was mostly good during edging ~8.5-9 for most of the session with a few dips down to about a 6-6.5. My penis definitely feels fatigued after this workout. I think jumping my kegel holds from 1 second to 2 second might be the culprit in my fatigue as those were pretty challenging on the 2nd day in a row today.

 

[BiggerDB]

4/12/21:
Warmup: 5 minute hot pad
Quick Kegels/RKs x 150

Directional Stretch - 20 x 2 second kegel/RK hold each direction
Jelq x 175

I did not edge today due to time constraints. PIs were fine yesterday, had morning wood this AM but my unit was very turtled prior to PE. I have been smoking daily for at least a month and its taking a toll on me mentally; I feel very anxious and stressed when it isn't in my system.

This morning I got super insecure on my way home from work thinking about how my partner told me last week she'll rarely want to suck my dick after we have been having sex. I know she has a very gory sexual history, so when she tells me she doesn't want things sometimes it just makes me feel bad like she doesn't want to please me and all I can think is how I know that she's done whatever act with her partners in the past and it makes me feel insecure. This resulted in me being moody and angry and her getting mad at me because I wasn't being my normal nice self.

I think that if we were having more frequent sex then I wouldn't feel this way, but when I smoke weed I never feel motivated to initiate sex so I can't complain, its my own fault. I know in reality that she is very excited to please me but it falls on me to be assertive and turn her on in the first place and teach her how I want to be pleased. I will stop smoking weed today and I'm sure I'll be super anxious but it's definitely the right thing for my mental health and our sexual health as well.

 

[BiggerDB]

4/13/21

Warmup:
10 minute hot pad
150 quick kegels/RKs

Routine:
Directional stretches: 20 2 second kegel holds in each direction (only 10 reps the last 2 directions)
Jelq x 175
Edge x 20 mins (didn't finish)

My PIs coming into today were mediocre, I had morning wood but it wasnt particularly rock hard. I wasn't totally turtled after I ate breakfast but it definitely wasnt hanging low. Despite this my penis just felt good so I decided to proceed. I am working my way towards consistently longer warmups (want to get 10 mins each time) and longer edging (would like to go 20-30 minutes each time). I did not finish today, instead I am going to try and have sex with my partner today (we almost did in the shower after my routine but she was in a hurry).

I think I am going to cut down on my kegel holds, I think 20 2 second holds in each direction is too much for me. I will cut this down to 10 each direction and will instead focusing on lengthening the holds (will go to 3 seconds next week).

My EQ was excellent during edging, it was easily a 9+ for most of it. May have decreased to ~ a 7 for a couple minutes in the middle (my mind gets distracted, I blame the weed I smoked last night). Definitely as good an erection as I ever get, so I know that my penis is recovering fine despite the mediocre MIs. My cock is starting to look pretty big when I'm edging, I have a feeling I've gained more already but I'm going to wait until next month before measuring anyways.

Its worth noting that I completed a 36 hour fast (didn't eat any food at all yesterday, fasted from dinner the night before until breakfast this morning). That could have contributed to my mediocre PIs.

 

[Starting_Somewhere]

Hi Bigger DB. Good journal. Looks like you have had good gains. I noticed you were writing about quitting weed. I got into smoking weed in college and eventually had to quit. It was difficult to quit but eventually I was able to. Now I haven't done any weed since 2013. I was really into weed but when I look back I am glad I quit. I smoked to try to feel good, but I feel better now than I did when I was smoking. So I wish you luck with that and the continued PE gains. If you'd like to talk about quitting weed then I can talk about it with you.

 

[BiggerDB]

Thanks so much man, I appreciate you offering your support. I have quit weed multiple times, most recently for > 1 month and unfortunately when I decided to start back up I went full on smoking every day rather than smoking once or twice a week like I intended. Moderation is really challenging for me which is why I had to give up alcohol a couple years ago. With weed it is so easy to convince myself that it is ok because the side effects are so minimal, but over time I think it messes with my confidence.

 

[BiggerDB]

Today is an off day but I wanted to track my thoughts/progress. I didnt have sex with my partner yesterday (despite us trying, my body was just wiped from a long fast, intense exercise, and lack of sleep). Today I woke up with a raging hard on, EQ was excellent probably a 9 and the erection lasted probably at least 5 minutes after I got up, which doesn't happen often. I may do some quick kegels or something but otherwise just going to take the PE easy

 

[BiggerDB]

Had some quiet time this morning after my coffee and breakfast and I was reading through some old posts and stumbled on MinuteMan's post "Read and Reflect". In this post he talks about how so much of our lives and our bodies reaction to things, including sex, is habit. He also talks about getting hard for 20 minutes frequently and just doing different things to stay hard without ejaculating, and how eventually it will become more and more natural to get/stay hard over time (ok he doesn't flat out say this but that's my extrapolation). It makes perfect sense to me that the more I am hard and not worried about cumming or anything that the more natural it will become for me. So I decided that maybe I should keep edging on my days off if my fatigue level allows.

I ended up doing 50 quick/RKs and 3 10 second kegel/RK holds, and then edged for 20 minutes. By the end of it my pelvic floor muscles were very tired and, while I stayed fully erect the whole time, it was starting to get softer towards the end maybe down to a 7.5 but it was still big. It may have been a bit too much but I feel like if I can do this every day as much as possible that it can only help me get more comfortable with my sexuality again. Hopefully I didnt overdue it today but only time will tell!

 

[NumberSix]

Hey BiggerDB, I just caught up on your log. Great progress so far. I also appreciate your honestly regarding everything else -- relationship, sex, weed, etc.

I'm definitely interested to hear how the Kegels/RKs and edging impact your sex life. For me, the biggest factor impacting my EQ and ejaculation control is anxiety. If I've had a stressful day and I'm still wound up, or I've got some unresolved issues with my partner, or I'm stuck in my own head thinking about if/how I'm going to perform in bed, nothing can help me -- not breathing exercises, Kegels, nothing.

I'm all about the Kegels/RKs, edging, etc, but the best thing I can do is to just not give a f---. Not about what happened during the day, not about whether or not I'm going to perform in bed. On the rare occasion that I can do that, I manage to actually enjoy sex and (usually) my EQ and control are solid. Like, I'll have several experiences in a row where my EQ or control are sub-optimal and then when the next time rolls around, I just think to myself, "Well, f--- it. What happens happens." And then suddenly everything magically starts working again.

Anyways, didn't mean to hijack your log or anything. Best of luck man. Looking forward to future posts.

 

[BiggerDB]

I appreciate you reading my log! I'm hoping by being candid it will help function like a journal and help me sort my thoughts out, but if other people can learn from my experience then thats great too. I will say that after edging yesterday my cock was getting super hard super easy. Every time my girl touched me last night and this morning I got raging hard ons. Unfortunately my mental state is really bad at the moment and I don't have any confidence to act even with my girl holding my hard dick in her hands. It's pretty sad but my confidence has never been lower, which is crazy because last week my confidence was really growing again.

I dont know if weed is actually causing my problem like I've hypothesized in the past but I do know that nearly every aspect of my life is positive and going great right now. The only negative habit I have is smoking weed and the only thing I'm unhappy about in life right now is my sex life. I also know that in the past weed has given me confidence issues in other areas of my life. I've made every other change that I can think of and my confidence is still dropping, it seems obvious to me that the only thing to do now is cut out the weed for good.

 

[Starting_Somewhere]

Thanks so much man, I appreciate you offering your support. I have quit weed multiple times, most recently for > 1 month and unfortunately when I decided to start back up I went full on smoking every day rather than smoking once or twice a week like I intended. Moderation is really challenging for me which is why I had to give up alcohol a couple years ago. With weed it is so easy to convince myself that it is ok because the side effects are so minimal, but over time I think it messes with my confidence.

I had trouble controlling my usage too. When I tried to quit, then started again, I did end up smoking more than I intended too. Once I quit for a few months, then started again, and kept it to 1 day a week for like 2-3 weeks, so I thought I had it. But then it got back to every day, starting in the mornings, before work, etc.

Everyone's different, I may be more prone to dependency than others, so I don't think what happened to me applies to everyone. But for me like you said with alcohol I decided to quit entirely, and not to try to use it again, because I figured it would not turn out how I planned. (i.e. I'd plan to control my usage but turn out more out of control than before)

Everything I used weed for, I don't need it for any more. For example I used weed to try to enhance food, music, or a visual experience like a sunset. But now I can enjoy those things without feeling like anything's missing or it could be enhanced. Or I used weed to try to get new thoughts and feelings, or to have insights or creativity. But now I always have new thoughts and feelings, I have insights, and I have creativity, I don't feel lacking in any of those areas. Or I used weed as a kind of medicine for my anxiety or other issues. But now I actually am not overwhelmed with anxiety, or the other issues, although that took some work, and its something I still work on, I am able to feel okay without weed.

I hope some of that's helpful in some way, just some of my thoughts on it

 

[NumberSix]

BiggerDB, I hear you. I used to smoke weed every day. I remember that (for me) the part that felt most depressing was that I wanted to stop but didn't, and that made me feel like I wasn't in control of my own life. Maybe it's the same for you or maybe not, but I hope you're able quit if that's your goal. When I got better at controlling my own choices, it felt great.

Again, we're all different, but here are a couple ideas that you can totally ignore if you want...

Guilt and shame may feel like tools you can harness to force yourself to do better, but they are actually facets of your superego (your internal judge). They are vestiges of your childhood. In order to become an adult and gain control over your life, you have to leave them behind.

Whenever you're getting ready to smoke, tell yourself, "I'm make a decision" and then go ahead and do it without a shred of guilt. Actually enjoy it without any internal conflict. Really savor it. It's an experiment now, you're the subject, and you're assignment is to observe as closely as possible how it feels before, during and after. Observe yourself, reflect on it, and see what happens.

Anyways, blah blah blah. More unsolicited advice from me. Take it or leave it. I'll shut up now. Good luck and keep posting!

 

[BiggerDB]

4/16/21:
My PIs are still good, hang is average and I continue having solid morning wood. My mental state cleared up a lot yesterday, it seems like my anxiety was building and confidence was dropping daily for the last 2 weeks, but yesterday I finally got to the breaking point where I was able to say "fuck this, why am I worrying about literally nothing" and I feel a lot better (but still low libido in general).

Warmup:
10 minute hot pad
150 quick kegels/RKs.

Routine:
Directional stretches - 10 x 2 second Kegel/RK holds each direction
Jelq x 175
Edge/Balloon x 20 mins

EQ was very good in general during edging but I got distracted a few times and let my EQ drop to a 7 or so. I was actually able to incorporate ballooning successfully for the last ~ 6 minutes while maintaining a full maybe 8.5-9 erection the whole time and god damn that is intense. I would love to get to the point where I can just start from flaccid and just balloon up to PONR, because I feel like if I could get rock hard from ballooning then I should get rock hard from just a slight breeze. I did not finish and still haven't ejaculated all week because I keep thinking I'm going to have sex that day but I haven't. I think this is day 5 without finishing and I don't think I want to go any longer than that, although I will say that I feel pretty horny now after ballooning and not finishing.

 

[BiggerDB]

I had trouble controlling my usage too. When I tried to quit, then started again, I did end up smoking more than I intended too. Once I quit for a few months, then started again, and kept it to 1 day a week for like 2-3 weeks, so I thought I had it. But then it got back to every day, starting in the mornings, before work, etc.

Everyone's different, I may be more prone to dependency than others, so I don't think what happened to me applies to everyone. But for me like you said with alcohol I decided to quit entirely, and not to try to use it again, because I figured it would not turn out how I planned. (i.e. I'd plan to control my usage but turn out more out of control than before)

Everything I used weed for, I don't need it for any more. For example I used weed to try to enhance food, music, or a visual experience like a sunset. But now I can enjoy those things without feeling like anything's missing or it could be enhanced. Or I used weed to try to get new thoughts and feelings, or to have insights or creativity. But now I always have new thoughts and feelings, I have insights, and I have creativity, I don't feel lacking in any of those areas. Or I used weed as a kind of medicine for my anxiety or other issues. But now I actually am not overwhelmed with anxiety, or the other issues, although that took some work, and its something I still work on, I am able to feel okay without weed.

I hope some of that's helpful in some way, just some of my thoughts on it

BiggerDB, I hear you. I used to smoke weed every day. I remember that (for me) the part that felt most depressing was that I wanted to stop but didn't, and that made me feel like I wasn't in control of my own life. Maybe it's the same for you or maybe not, but I hope you're able quit if that's your goal. When I got better at controlling my own choices, it felt great.

Again, we're all different, but here are a couple ideas that you can totally ignore if you want...

Guilt and shame may feel like tools you can harness to force yourself to do better, but they are actually facets of your superego (your internal judge). They are vestiges of your childhood. In order to become an adult and gain control over your life, you have to leave them behind.

Whenever you're getting ready to smoke, tell yourself, "I'm make a decision" and then go ahead and do it without a shred of guilt. Actually enjoy it without any internal conflict. Really savor it. It's an experiment now, you're the subject, and you're assignment is to observe as closely as possible how it feels before, during and after. Observe yourself, reflect on it, and see what happens.

Anyways, blah blah blah. More unsolicited advice from me. Take it or leave it. I'll shut up now. Good luck and keep posting!

I appreciate you guys reading and offering your advice/experiences. I've definitely decided I am quitting. I wanted to not smoke yesterday but my GF (who doesn't normally smoke) wants to smoke on 4/20 with me so I am going to smoke on that day and then be completely done for 3 months. I didn't even want to smoke yesterday but I convinced myself to do it since I'll smoke tomorrow anyways, but I definitely am regretting it today. Last night my girl was sitting on the couch with my wearing a sexy new skirt with no panties, took my pants off, and was playing with my cock and calling me daddy and I didn't even barely get hard because I was really high it's pretty fucking stupid and obviously not what I want out of life. I think it's been a week and a half or two weeks since we've had sex now and I am 100% convinced it's because of how much I've been smoking. It's hard because my GF doesn't think weed causes impotence/ED but it's pretty fucking obvious to me. I also haven't finished for at least a week now so I definitely need to do that today.

 

[BiggerDB]

4/19/21:
Warmup:
10 minute hot pad
200 quick kegels/RKs

Workout:
Directional stretches - 10 3 second kegel/RK holds each direction
30 second kegel hold
Jelq x 200
Edge x 21 minutes, finished

My workout went great today. PIs have been great, woke up with great morning wood, had a great flaccid hang. My penis felt super thick in my hands today for really the first time especially during my jelqs. It was just so big and heavy and full, maybe partially from abstaining from ejaculation for a week. Edging was great as well I was at a 9+ EQ the whole time except for a couple minutes where my mind got distracted. My penis just looked bigger than it has in I dont even know how long. Its a great feeling and makes me pretty confident that I'm gaining.

My plan is to continue this same routine M,T,Th,Fri this week and next and then I will re-measure and re-evaluate my routine. At that point I may consider adding pumping. It depends on where my measurements and EQ are. If I am still gaining both length and girth and my EQ stays great I may stick with the same routine for another month. If I gain length but my girth stalls then I will definitely incorporate the pump. If my EQ declines I probably will cut back on volume a little bit.

 

[BiggerDB]

4/20/21:

Warmup:
Hot pad x 15 minutes
200 quick kegel/RKs
1 x 30 second kegel/RK hold

Routine:
Directional stretches - 10 x 3 second kegel/RK holds x 5 directions
Jelq x 200
Edge x 21 minutes

Edging was a total failure today. I started off trying to balloon and got straight to the PONR at ~ 90% erect. I stopped and my erection dropped to probably 30-40%. From that point off every time I edged up to ~ 75% erection I was instantly at PONR and had to stop and dropped back to 30% erect or so. So basically then the whole 21 mins I was bouncing between 30-75% erect and couldnt get harder because I was at PONR each time. Not sure why I was reaching PONR so quickly but I think the reason I wasnt able to get/stay hard was because I had monkey mind and I couldn't focus at all. My mind was just jumping around to all kinds of other thoughts the whole time.

Other than that my PIs are still very positive, still having morning wood, my hang was maybe slightly less that normal but nothing to worry about. Today is my last day smoking thank god and then tomorrow is a day off so it will be a good reset day for me.

 

[BiggerDB]

I had an opportunity to edge yesterday again in the afternoon, went for 15 minutes before getting interrupted (didn't finish). Today is an off day from PE but I did balloon/edge again. I started off ballooning while soft and fantasizing about my girlfriend and I was able to get pretty hard very quickly just from ballooning which was a nice surprise! I ballooned for maybe 5-10 minutes and then switched to edging. EQ was quite good, I wasn't raging but maintained a 7.5-9 the whole time with ease. I edged for 25 minutes and finished afterwards.

Yesterday my girl and I smoked all day for 4/20 (after my work was done). I was sedated and not sexual of course. Today is day 1 of not smoking and I will go 90 days to really try and reset my brain away from my default of expecting/wanting mind-altering substances. The longest I've been completely sober after stopping drinking was 1 month and I felt amazing the couple of times I've done it, but then I slip back into daily smoking. I'm hoping that a longer break will allow my mind to just get my default state to be NOT expecting/wanting drugs in my system.

 

[Starting_Somewhere]

Good luck with quitting BiggerDB. How's the first day going? My only experience with sex while smoking weed, I had premature ejaculation. I didn't really notice it coming on. I think it was the weed because I hadn't had premature ejaculation like that before with her. During my heavier smoking times, I wasn't in any relationships.

 

[BiggerDB]

4/22/21

Warmup:
Hot pad x 10 minutes
Quick Kegel/RK x 200
Kegel/RK Holds - 2 x 30 seconds

Workout:
Directional Stretches x 60 seconds each way
Jelq x 200
Edge x 21 minutes

I decided to get rid of kegel holds during stretches as I just feel like it makes it harder to maintain grip without adding any benefit. I'll be doing some longer kegel holds during my warmup instead. My EQ was pretty good during edging, probably a 8-9 the majority of time with a couple quick dips to 6 when I got distracted but I was easily able to get back up. I ballooned for part and edged for part. I also am practicing edging in different positions, I was standing the whole time today and it was definitely harder for me to stay engaged.