This is all so confusing and messed up I really don t know where to start. I started sleeping with this guy a while ago. The first time we did not have actual sex. We were both naked and he was on top if me but he never penetrated me. We were kissing and I was really into it but aver a while I realized something was wrong and it got kinda weird. I asked him if everything was ok and he everything was fine. I thought he had decided he really wasn t attracted to me after all so we goofed off a little while still in bed naked. At one point we were wrestling and he ended up back on top of me. He kissed me and I felt him enter me. He stayed there a minute (no movement) pulled back out and rolled off. I was crushed. I felt unattractive and wondered if there was something wrong with me since he was unable to get an erection at first then got in then immediately got out. I text him on the way home no answer. Called a couple of days later no answer. After 2 weeks I hear from him again. We start the what I now call the cycle. We talk and text. Always very sexy/dirty stuff. We meet up and have a very weird version of sex. Then he ignores me for days sometimes weeks. I m not sure what s going on. A few times he s had no erection at all, once he had a great one touched me, got inside me, no movement and came. I had all my hair waxed because I thought it might turn him on. He looked at it, touched it, I know he had an erection but never entered me. I have no idea what is going on and if I try to talk to him about it he completely shuts down. this last time he barely had an erection but I decided to get in top and see if I could encourage things. I got him inside me reached up took my bra off , touched my nipples and he came. No facial expression to indicate it felt nice. Nothing. I m so frustrated. This time I got so mad I told him to grow up. If there is a problem lets talk about it and work thru it. I m tired of feeling like crap, like my body isn't attractive or doesn't feel nice. He s so cold after we see each other. I don t get it. Why does he still call and text me if he s not into me? I hate it cause I am super attracted to him. I can hear his voice and I get wet. I see a text from him and I get butterflies. I love the way he smells. So guys what s the deal? Erectile dysfunction? Premature ejaculation? Asshole? Do these things we do even feel nice to him? Should I leave him alone or keep trying?
lots of questions
- Thread starter hisgirl
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First off how old are you guys?
Next why is it that women always feel they're the problem? Look there are many guys on here that will be here to help you. Don't feel bad youself and we'll all figure out what can be done. Oh welcome to the gym; I always forget that!
Next why is it that women always feel they're the problem? Look there are many guys on here that will be here to help you. Don't feel bad youself and we'll all figure out what can be done. Oh welcome to the gym; I always forget that!
We re both 35. He s my 3rd partner and I m uncertain about his past experience. This is just so different than the sex I ve had for the last 15 years. I can t help but think it has something to do with me. I know I have some self esteem issues because I think most women would of wrote him off after the 2nd encounter and following blow off. I just can t help myself. He makes my knees weak.
Probably just knows he's got premature ejaculation. This is why people fight with each other. Lack of communication.
If he's 35, he's probably super embarrassed. girls have probably wrecked his confidence throughout his life and he doesn't want to open himself up to that ridicule again. his orgasm probably was him trying to hold back, then completely disgusted with himself. Getting mad at him only makes the situation worse... Step out of your own mind for a minute.
There's a LOT of stuff going through someone's head when they're trying to perform. Guys aren't a light switch... we can't just look at a woman and instantly have a hardon. we have to feel attractive ourselves. Putting a lot of pressure on him to perform will do exactly the opposite. Cause him to be incapable of performing, as as you're painfully aware now... men are the SOLE responsibility carrier of the sexual act. Without an erection proper penetrative sex can not occur. If a woman had to have that kind of pressure on her she'd be screwed!
He doesn't want to disappoint, possibly, and that's why he leaves you hanging. You really have to tell him it's not about how fast he cums. Actually encourage him to cum fast. Genuinely make him feel like you want him to cum fast and he'll feel more comfortable... He may even open up about how embarrassed he is by his premature ejaculation...
whatever you do, DO NOT approach this as a problem. Do not approach him as if it is an intervention or to make it seem like it's an issue. Tell him you enjoy watching him orgasm and you want to see it more often, or something to that effect.
We as men are bombarded with horror stories of women making fun of guys who don't last very long, who don't have large endowments (both financially and penile), and many such other issues. Being that the man is the primary functioning party in intercourse, it should be that we are made to feel more than a workhorse to please. make it your duty to make him feel sexy and appreciated. Make him feel like his time frame from Flaccid to Orgasm is absolutely acceptable. Then work with him... make him not feel like a failure because I'm quite sure that's what he feels like everytime he leaves.
If he's 35, he's probably super embarrassed. girls have probably wrecked his confidence throughout his life and he doesn't want to open himself up to that ridicule again. his orgasm probably was him trying to hold back, then completely disgusted with himself. Getting mad at him only makes the situation worse... Step out of your own mind for a minute.
There's a LOT of stuff going through someone's head when they're trying to perform. Guys aren't a light switch... we can't just look at a woman and instantly have a hardon. we have to feel attractive ourselves. Putting a lot of pressure on him to perform will do exactly the opposite. Cause him to be incapable of performing, as as you're painfully aware now... men are the SOLE responsibility carrier of the sexual act. Without an erection proper penetrative sex can not occur. If a woman had to have that kind of pressure on her she'd be screwed!
He doesn't want to disappoint, possibly, and that's why he leaves you hanging. You really have to tell him it's not about how fast he cums. Actually encourage him to cum fast. Genuinely make him feel like you want him to cum fast and he'll feel more comfortable... He may even open up about how embarrassed he is by his premature ejaculation...
whatever you do, DO NOT approach this as a problem. Do not approach him as if it is an intervention or to make it seem like it's an issue. Tell him you enjoy watching him orgasm and you want to see it more often, or something to that effect.
We as men are bombarded with horror stories of women making fun of guys who don't last very long, who don't have large endowments (both financially and penile), and many such other issues. Being that the man is the primary functioning party in intercourse, it should be that we are made to feel more than a workhorse to please. make it your duty to make him feel sexy and appreciated. Make him feel like his time frame from Flaccid to Orgasm is absolutely acceptable. Then work with him... make him not feel like a failure because I'm quite sure that's what he feels like everytime he leaves.
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This is going to be very difficult without him opening up and talking to you about it. It is very obvious that he has severe performance anxiety which causes him to not be able to get it up and then cum instantly once he does. Then he feels like a piece of sh*t afterwards because as a guy there is almost no worse feeling ever than not being able to perform for your woman. He obviously is very into you and wants to please you, he is not trying to hurt you.
somebodyelse gives you great advice. The more you can relax him, encourage him that you don't care how he performs, how much you love having him inside of you and all of that the better he will start to do.. But you can't do it all on your own probably, if he won't work with you the effort you put in might not work. Try having a bottle of wine first to take the edge off, kiss him all over his body, turn him on so much! Then go down on him. If he cums instantly let him know how much you loved it, how amazing his dick is, how great he tastes and all of that. Just do everything that you can to help him.
And you have a right to upset with him for his lack of communication, but make sure he clearly knows that that is all you are frustrated about. If he thinks you are upset about his performance it will ruin him and I wouldn't be surprised if he got rid of all contact with you in that situation.
somebodyelse gives you great advice. The more you can relax him, encourage him that you don't care how he performs, how much you love having him inside of you and all of that the better he will start to do.. But you can't do it all on your own probably, if he won't work with you the effort you put in might not work. Try having a bottle of wine first to take the edge off, kiss him all over his body, turn him on so much! Then go down on him. If he cums instantly let him know how much you loved it, how amazing his dick is, how great he tastes and all of that. Just do everything that you can to help him.
And you have a right to upset with him for his lack of communication, but make sure he clearly knows that that is all you are frustrated about. If he thinks you are upset about his performance it will ruin him and I wouldn't be surprised if he got rid of all contact with you in that situation.
I have told him how much he turns me on over and over again. Once after I wasn t even allowed to touch his dick and he had pleased me a couple of times in different ways I text him and said "baby, you can not f*ck me like that any time" This whole problem is just something we do not talk about. I haven t said anything about how fast he cums. I guess I ll try telling him how much I love it. I just seriously wish he would talk to me. We saw each other Thursday and I haven t heard a word from him. I hate this part of our dance.
I wouldn't tell him you love how fast he cums, just tell him you love when he cums. All of this is going to be very difficult if he won't cooperate and won't even talk to you about it. Things will never get better if he refuses to make himself vulnerable I think. Don't try to force him into a conversation about it though. Tough situation :/
I agree I'm afraid. Good luck with it though hisgirl and welcome to the forums. Sorry I don't have any particular advice of my own.
This
I guess I didn't make it as clear as BTBrian.
the time frame of his orgasm should not be brought up at all...
I also think that if he's that well shut down, he's got a lot of hurt in him from being tossed aside from other women. He'd rather not talk about it than to allow himself to be hurt again. It's up to you if you want to be involved in that.
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Sorry it isnt working out, welcome to the gym. We would love for you to stay and be a part of the Gym.
sorry it went down like that. Your female perspective could be invaluable to the forum.
That said, next time, in an intimate setting, never... EVER get frustrated and PLEASE don't direct it at the man. "Grow Up" was probably the worst thing you could have said.
He's under enough stress as it is, and chances are whatever nasty thing you're thinking but won't say because you're too nice... a childish vindictive "girl" will have said it to him in a much meaner, spiteful, way than you can ever dream of saying it.
A good man will always build up his woman. A good woman should always return in like kind.
That said, next time, in an intimate setting, never... EVER get frustrated and PLEASE don't direct it at the man. "Grow Up" was probably the worst thing you could have said.
He's under enough stress as it is, and chances are whatever nasty thing you're thinking but won't say because you're too nice... a childish vindictive "girl" will have said it to him in a much meaner, spiteful, way than you can ever dream of saying it.
A good man will always build up his woman. A good woman should always return in like kind.
I didn't get angry while we were in bed. I got angry after the 10th? 12th? time he had done this and by this i mean not speaking to me for days after I get out of his bed. It s been 8 days. The last I heard from was a hug and hollar at me later. I think I was way more understanding than most women would of been. I feel like I let him get away with too much. I know this assholeish behavior comes from being hurt himself but it really is time for him to grow up. I would of done anything I could of to help him with this but I refuse to be his doormat anymore. I do not deserve to be treated like this. I really feel like sh*t and every time I get asked out I m wondering ok is this guy going to see me naked then not call for days and ignore me. If he and I were just having sex it would of been different but my feelings were/are involved. I m having a hard time functioning at work and I m in a position where I have to make important decisions concerning the welfare of others.. I don t want to even look at myself.I m not sleeping well. I can t believe I m letting this effect me like it is. Want to know the fucked up part? I say I m done but the minute he text/ calls I ll probably get right back up for another round. Because I m just that stupid.
It sounds like you really like this guy and would be more than willing to work through his problem with him. I dont know how he feels about you but I think you are just what he needs if you can get him to open his eyes. I dont think Id give up just yet he may just feel like a failure and be sulking in his own depression. I would try to have a fun date with him again if you can and if sex comes up try and get yours others ways and go slow and easy with him. Getting on top may not be the best idea in this situation because it puts more pressure on him to be aroused and his body may not be ready which will increase his anxiety. I dont like my wife to get on top until im fully erect personally. Once im there no problem otherwise I worry too much. Plus with you on top he has no control over his orgasm which he needs right now. Maybe lying down face to face kissing passionately and touching each other, talk to him and tell him how bad you want him inside you but never comment about "how hard" he is or "when will he get hard" or "maybe your not ready" until he does get hard when he does say all the praise you want about how good he feels. When he does become very erect you can get on top briefly but try to get back on the bottom before he cums so he can take control for a while. all my opinion so....
